Lord-Fark-Wad: Could it possibly be that oh, say the predatory bugs that eat the grass-eating bugs evolved to associate the odors that the plants are releasing with the presence of food?

No! No, don't be a fool! Its the PLANTS that are sentient! Not the creatures evolving.

Nincompoop.

Caretake some plants. Maybe you'll feel a little different. Maybe you won't. But something IS happening there, that isn't when 'caretaking' the plastic variety.

Death is painful. Why should anyone and anything except for those in extreme pain already, want to die? And why isn't successfully defending yourself against predators generation after generation a plant evolving?

austin_millbarge: You know who else liked nicely manicured lawns?

Suburban Republicans?

Hroom, hm, come, my friends. The Ents are going to war. It is likely that we go to our doom. The last march of the Ents.

bongmiester: He tried to warn us

And the angel of the lord came unto me, snatching me up from my place of slumber. And took me on high, and higher still until we moved to the spaces betwixt the air itself. And he brought me into a vast farmlands of our own midwest. And as we descended, cries of impending doom rose from the soil.

One thousand, nay a million voices full of fear. And terror possessed me then. And I begged, "Angel of the Lord, what are these tortured screams?"

And the angel said unto me, "These are the cries of the carrots, the cries of the carrots! You see, Reverend Maynard, tomorrow is harvest day and to them it is the holocaust."

Ennuipoet: Why do these cruel, heartless vegans thoughtlessly butcher innocent plant to consume their flesh? Do they not hear the screams, cannot they not smell the blood! I call upon all good people of conscience to stop this senseless slaughter of plants merely to provide sustenance for human beings! NO VEGETATION! VEG IS MURDER!
VEG IS MURDER.

THIS!!! So much THIS!!!

Farking arrogant vegans, thinking their life form is superior to others. I'm serious about this. It is downright arrogant to NOT eat a life form because you cast your own human attributes on it, and then COMPLETELY disregard other life forms and cram them down your craw without a thought, and then criticize others for eating life forms that more closely resemble our own. Life is Life and all life eats life to live...ALL LIFE DOES. Hakuna Matada Biatches.

GungFu: Grass is ubiquitous; it never stops growing, and it really should be edible.

The fact that it is not to humans means that we have failed as an evolutionary species. I welcome our soon-to-be bovine and other grass munching overlords.

Grass grows everywhere and constantly because it is shiatTY FOOD

Nutrition; weak

Calories; weak

Digestion; tough, needs complicated micro fauna assistance

Collection; time consuming, requires a lot of attention to the ground = get eaten by other stuff.

Meat man, meat is where it's at. Meat, cooked meat BBQ equals big brains to be on top. Grass eaters, you ain't never gonna be nothin but bottoms.

neglogon: If my allergies are any indication, yes, they are trying to kill us.

This and That (new window)

NeoApathetic: A distress signal? I doubt that. I'm sure that the bugs that eat the caterpillars just associate the smell of the plants innards as the smell of dinner and follow the scent.

They're basically the same thing, the plants and caterpillars coevolved in a way that benefits both of them. It's not an intentional signal of distress, but it has a similar effect. Plants can't actually do anything intentionally.

Alphakronik: What a pile of fresh cut grass might look like.

And of course, changing the amount of light so they think they're going to die soon distresses them to produce extra resin so they have an increased chance to reproduce before they die. Gotta love what can happen when you fark with nature. ;)

I like coconuts, you break them open, they smell like ladies lying in the sun.

satanorsanta: Cataholic: "Angel of the Lord, what are these tortured screams?" And the angel said unto me, "These are the cries of the carrots, the cries of the carrots!"

This is necessary.

Nice Tool reference

BigNumber12: jafiwam: Grass grows everywhere and constantly because it is shiatTY FOOD

Nutrition; weak

Calories; weak

Digestion; tough, needs complicated micro fauna assistance

Collection; time consuming, requires a lot of attention to the ground = get eaten by other stuff.

Meat man, meat is where it's at. Meat, cooked meat BBQ equals big brains to be on top. Grass eaters, you ain't never gonna be nothin but bottoms.



It's why cows eat all damned day long. They're concentrating energy for us.

And they're making the energy more tasty. Mmmmm BBQed energy.

I have one like this:



And I plan to cause grass mayhem Saturday morning.
/good workout too.
/hot

Marquis De Sod seems appropriate, here

Dubai Vol: God on Lawns
Imagine the conversation The Creator might have had with St. Francis on the subject of lawns:

hehe, I think God might actually LIKE our thinking. Yes we mow our lawn, but we bag it, and spread the grass throughout our yard, mainly our back, to get rid of the weeds, and bring in soft grass (no stickers). SO far it's working, though part of the back has a lot of trees.

/personally prefers trees, cuts down on the 2-4 hours mowing.

This is why we should all be fruitarians.

/No, not really.

I shall ponder the implications of this as I commit mass grass mutilation tonight.

Very cool, but not surprising. I remember reading something awhile back about a test in which the scientist(s?) did a similar study. They had plants in a room separated into 2 groups, and they would have 1 person come in and talk gently, sing to & gently stroke/pet 1 group of the plants, while another person would come in and yell, tear leaves off of & shred the plants in the other group. They did this over a period of a few weeks and at the end of the study, the group that received positive treatment had grown very tall and healthy, while the group that received the negative treatment basically shriveled up and the tiny amount they DID grow was in the opposite direction of the door in which the angry person came through. I thought it was pretty fascinating. Guess there's some merit to crazy people who sing to their houseplants while watering them!

KayakDude: I have one like this:



And I plan to cause grass mayhem Saturday morning.
/good workout too.
/hot

so you just like trampling most of the grass?

/our push mower sucks ass.

Distress call for whom?

Cowkitchen2: This is why we should all be fruitarians.

/No, not really.

While plants want their fruits eaten, they also want the eaten seeds crapped out in a nice, ready to germinate pile of pooh out in the woods.
So unless you're a fruitarian who shiats in the woods you might as well kill cows and eat them.

feanturi: Alphakronik: What a pile of fresh cut grass might look like.

And of course, changing the amount of light so they think they're going to die soon distresses them to produce extra resin so they have an increased chance to reproduce before they die. Gotta love what can happen when you fark with nature. ;)

Actually, replicating nature and the shorter autumn days will do that just fine. It's farking with the temperatures to make them turn purple that gets most people confused.

acereraser: I like coconuts, you break them open, they smell like ladies lying in the sun.

And you can eat them too!

The bacteria in your mouth "talk" to one another using chemical signals also. Not kidding.

Ok, vegans, vegetarians, PETArds, the corn has feelings. Will you just shut the f**k up and eat the damn hamburger already?

bronyaur1: A new moral quandary for vegans...

Just off yourselves, its the only way to be sure.

Oldiron_79: bronyaur1: A new moral quandary for vegans...

Just off yourselves, its the only way to be sure.

What about all the bacteria in your body? The average healthy human body has ten times more bacteria in it than it has actual human cells. If you kill yourself, you also doom most of the symbionts inside you. Can you justify causing death on such a massive scale?

GurneyHalleck: Most trees are doing more for you than most humans you'll meet.

fark yeah!

Suck it vegetarians/vegans!

/dnrft

syzygy whizz: Adjective Bird Whiskey: Plant distress smells great on a nice summer evening.

I've often wondered if plants and trees and grass and other such beings that photosynthesize find the scent (or however they would perceive it) of fresh blood as pleasant and intoxicating as we find the smell of freshly cut grass.

/ No, seriously, I have.

They love it. Bone Meal and bud blood are two things plants love most.

Even Cannabis is considered Proto-Carnivorous, as it's trichomes are designed to trap prey, not get humans high. The plant then drops the carcass of the insect to the ground, and based on a symbiotic relationship they have with the fungus systems below the ground, they wait for the nutrient rich liquid to flow.

"There's going to be a sap bath, I just know it!"

/obscure?

SilentStrider: But will the trees all be kept equal, by hatchet, axe, and saw? (new window)

Thank you, SilentStrider, At least someone's on the ball around here.

Nature sucks balls

I blame Bush!

HAHA..Get it..Bush...its a plant...oh never mind.

This is why I'm a meatatarian.

syzygy whizz: Adjective Bird Whiskey: Plant distress smells great on a nice summer evening.

I've often wondered if plants and trees and grass and other such beings that photosynthesize find the scent (or however they would perceive it) of fresh blood as pleasant and intoxicating as we find the smell of freshly cut grass.

/ No, seriously, I have.

In a similar vein (ha ha) I've wondered if that fresh cut grass smell meant we liked the smell of grass blood.

IF the apocalypse is as boring as that movie was, were all gonna die before the wind kills us.

Look at your man, now back to me. The grass is now sentient!

Then there is the vital juice moisture being exposed and evaporating into the air, thing.

Reminds me that turds can't fly. Then again if you divide them up fine enough and say fart them their freedom they may reach someones pleasure zone.