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(Huffington Post)   Christian Broadcasting Network warns that most of the candy sold during this Halloween season has been dedicated and prayed over by witches. Silver Shamrock unavailable for comment   (huffingtonpost.com) divider line 271
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9593 clicks; posted to Main » on 25 Aug 2010 at 3:50 PM (4 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2010-08-25 05:23:37 PM  
Zamboro: It's generally meant to refer to the entanglement of evangelical Christianity and right wing politics. Simply being huge assholes is within their rights. Also keep in mind that from their perspective, we're the assholes for resisting their ambitions.

Yeah, ok. Just trying to add a little levity while turning a phrase.
 
2010-08-25 05:25:06 PM  
I fed a witch blessed chocolate bar to my dog last year and it DIED.

/Stupit witches
 
2010-08-25 05:25:10 PM  
ChrisSuperstar: Or something like that.

Similar to the "you might not like their music but you have to respect their_____" BS people use when defending bands like Nickelback.
 
2010-08-25 05:27:31 PM  
thamike: Long Haired FM Type: Anyway, you were saying something about Islam being a "race" earlier, weren't you professor?

Actually, I think he was only calling you a racist.


This moron's lucky to have you covering up for his inadequacies like this.
 
2010-08-25 05:29:30 PM  
clownyclownzomby: Kazan: thamike:
Depends on if they wax. If not, going down on them is like making out with Jake Gyllenhal.


do you expect chicks to go down on you?
do you wax?

/i'm not much for double standards.. i don't really care how a girl has done her hair.

I sure hope that this turns into a hairy bush thread before it gets Godwined (sp?).


Too late, Long Haired FM troll already godwined.
 
2010-08-25 05:33:37 PM  
Long Haired FM Type: This moron's lucky to have you covering up for his inadequacies like this.

Not covering up, just commenting on what I notice. From what I read, he called you a racist. I could be wrong, but I didn't see anything about Islam being a race. So far, all I can see was that you're implying that was what was meant, in order to deflect a direct personal insult.
 
2010-08-25 05:33:48 PM  
That makes it more authentic! The local Dollar General has already had some 'ween candy out for a month, and I've been getting the "Cookies and Scream" skulls as part of my nutritious lunch.

And here I thought that the Church co-opted tha Autumn festivals and turned into the Feast of All Saints (part of which helped forge American Hallowe'en) to show that we are stronger than the forces of the dark, so much so that we can dress up as witches and ghosts, even Death itself, without fear. Certainly the Creator made us from far stronger stuff then that?!

Or, am I mistaken because I don't have scores of people hanging on every word? The Bible actually warns about putting too much faith in another human being, too big a risk of a letdown. Besides, I believe that God is Quantum, which covers everbody else's beliefs, and we can't have that, can we?
 
2010-08-25 05:35:19 PM  
Sun Worshiping Dog Launcher: LS1Bird, tell the truth. That popcorn has been cursed by witches hasn't it?

Dang.

Was it the look on his face that gave it away?
 
2010-08-25 05:35:49 PM  
thamike: Long Haired FM Type: This moron's lucky to have you covering up for his inadequacies like this.

Not covering up, just commenting on what I notice. From what I read, he called you a racist. I could be wrong, but I didn't see anything about Islam being a race. So far, all I can see was that you're implying that was what was meant, in order to deflect a direct personal insult.


Oh I get it. I forgot I was on Fark for a moment.

Well then, you're a poopoohead.
 
2010-08-25 05:36:39 PM  
Rapmaster2000: "Curses are sent through the tricks and treats of the innocent whether they get it by going door to door or by purchasing it from the local grocery store. The demons cannot tell the difference."

It's "anti-Grac"e. Neutralizes that magic pixie dust that is "GAWD'S GRACE".

PRAYEEEZ TH' LAWD!!!!
 
2010-08-25 05:37:12 PM  
Long Haired FM Type: Oh I get it. I forgot I was on Fark for a moment.

Well then, you're a poopoohead.


Careful, I'm praying over a shipment of Reese's right now.
 
2010-08-25 05:40:00 PM  
oldernell: Butterfingers are the work of the devil. Send them to me and I will see that they are properly disposed of. It's the least I can to save the precious snowflakes.

Even the fire doesn't want them
 
2010-08-25 05:41:53 PM  
Quasar: Candy corn, on the other hand, is still made with the devil's hemorrhoids.

This NSFW image disagrees.
 
2010-08-25 05:42:45 PM  
I like to use a traditional recipie for my halloween candy.

First I start with cocoa harvested by child solders in west africa. the closer to death they are worked, the better.

Next, I mix in sugar harvested by illegal immigrants on a south American drug/sugar plantation.

I draw the milk from milking shorthorns, the most Evil breed of cattle.

I mix them with a whisk made from the surgical steel pins torn from the still living bodies of cripple sacrifices, and mixed by a certified witch in a cauldron, and heated by coals taken from the very bowels of hell itself.

The mixture is poured into molds carved from human bone, and later wrapped in plastic made from recycled AOL disks.

Kids love it, and hey, it keeps the local dentists employed.
 
2010-08-25 05:43:11 PM  
thamike: Long Haired FM Type: Oh I get it. I forgot I was on Fark for a moment.

Well then, you're a poopoohead.

Careful, I'm praying over a shipment of Reese's right now.


Meh.

Twix would be the best bet if you're trying to cast my soul into the depths of Hades.

Come to think of it, they do look like two "L"s, as in He"ll".

Oh dear.
 
2010-08-25 05:43:18 PM  
Practicing the dark arts with dark chocolate? Sign me up satan!
 
2010-08-25 05:45:22 PM  
Demonic ribbon candy. Tastes like shiat, too. More synthetic
than orange circus marshmallow peanuts.

www.worldofstock.com
 
2010-08-25 05:48:12 PM  
Optimal_Illusion: I believe that God is Quantum

QUANTUM PHYSICS DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY

ordable.com
 
2010-08-25 05:50:13 PM  
Kazan: Ed Grubermann:...


Long Haired FM Type is also oen of the (very few.. 2?) farkers i have tagged as "mentally unstable".

so.. take anything he says through the filter of "nutjob".


After this thread, it's much easier. Everything he says is squelched by the filter of "ignore list".
 
2010-08-25 05:50:15 PM  
I like what the other poster, lost track of who, said. Why just curse Halloween candy? Surely, if one wanted to curse Good Christians, it would be easier to say mean prayers over Easy Mac, and Spam, and Kool-Aid, and all the other weird stuff the kinds of people who believe this nonsense are prone to eat. If the curses are that powerful, why not just curse the drinking water and get the whole population? It seems that whoever made this story up didn't think things through enough.

Moving on, I'm surprised that they didn't make it "GAY witches!" who were cursing the candy. Since the fundies never seem to tire of hating on the gays, surely making the witches gay would have been even more lucrative. Perhaps if this spook story doesn't fill the collection plate (and nothing says "open the pocketbooks!" like good old fashioned fear)they'll "discover" something along these lines. "It's not just WITCHES castin' spells, it's homoSEXshuls too!"
 
2010-08-25 05:50:33 PM  
Antimatter: I like to use a traditional recipie for my halloween candy.

First I start with cocoa harvested by child solders in west africa. the closer to death they are worked, the better.

Next, I mix in sugar harvested by illegal immigrants on a south American drug/sugar plantation.

I draw the milk from milking shorthorns, the most Evil breed of cattle.

I mix them with a whisk made from the surgical steel pins torn from the still living bodies of cripple sacrifices, and mixed by a certified witch in a cauldron, and heated by coals taken from the very bowels of hell itself.

The mixture is poured into molds carved from human bone, and later wrapped in plastic made from recycled AOL disks.

Kids love it, and hey, it keeps the local dentists employed.


I bet those would go down great after ingesting the Broodwich.
 
2010-08-25 05:52:15 PM  
Xenomech: Even if that were true...

"So, what about eating meat that has been offered to idols? Well, we all know that an idol is not really a god and that there is only one God. There may be so-called gods both in heaven and on earth, and some people actually worship many gods and many lords. But we know that there is only one God, the Father, who created everything, and we live for him. And there is only one Lord, Jesus Christ, through whom God made everything and through whom we have been given life.

However, not all believers know this. Some are accustomed to thinking of idols as being real, so when they eat food that has been offered to idols, they think of it as the worship of real gods, and their weak consciences are violated. It's true that we can't win God's approval by what we eat. We don't lose anything if we don't eat it, and we don't gain anything if we do."

1 Corinthians 8:4-8

I swear...if you're going to claim to follow the teachings written in a book, at least read the damn book.

/And these people are broadcasting their ignorance...


What kind of POS translation is that?
 
2010-08-25 05:53:32 PM  
Gordon Bennett: Chocolate is nice.


Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker.
 
2010-08-25 05:56:21 PM  
WATCH OUT FOR YOUR CRAYONS TOO!

www.the-night.net
 
2010-08-25 05:57:48 PM  
ChrisSuperstar: I like what the other poster, lost track of who, said. Why just curse Halloween candy? Surely, if one wanted to curse Good Christians, it would be easier to say mean prayers over Easy Mac, and Spam, and Kool-Aid, and all the other weird stuff the kinds of people who believe this nonsense are prone to eat. If the curses are that powerful, why not just curse the drinking water and get the whole population? It seems that whoever made this story up didn't think things through enough.

Moving on, I'm surprised that they didn't make it "GAY witches!" who were cursing the candy. Since the fundies never seem to tire of hating on the gays, surely making the witches gay would have been even more lucrative. Perhaps if this spook story doesn't fill the collection plate (and nothing says "open the pocketbooks!" like good old fashioned fear)they'll "discover" something along these lines. "It's not just WITCHES castin' spells, it's homoSEXshuls too!"


Funny you should mention that we should tell Pat really get him excited. Lots of gay and bisexual Pagans.
 
2010-08-25 06:00:06 PM  
Antimatter: I like to use a traditional recipie for my halloween candy.

First I start with cocoa harvested by child solders in west africa. the closer to death they are worked, the better.

Next, I mix in sugar harvested by illegal immigrants on a south American drug/sugar plantation.

I draw the milk from milking shorthorns, the most Evil breed of cattle.

I mix them with a whisk made from the surgical steel pins torn from the still living bodies of cripple sacrifices, and mixed by a certified witch in a cauldron, and heated by coals taken from the very bowels of hell itself.

The mixture is poured into molds carved from human bone, and later wrapped in plastic made from recycled AOL disks.


Can I get that with almonds?
 
2010-08-25 06:11:18 PM  
The Christian Broadcasting Network does not appreciate your snickers.
 
2010-08-25 06:11:25 PM  
They believe it so much they took it down.

/more devil's candy for me
//too old to get acne from eating too much chocolate
///just get fat now
 
2010-08-25 06:18:31 PM  
malaktaus: clownyclownzomby: Kazan: thamike:
Depends on if they wax. If not, going down on them is like making out with Jake Gyllenhal.


do you expect chicks to go down on you?
do you wax?

/i'm not much for double standards.. i don't really care how a girl has done her hair.

I sure hope that this turns into a hairy bush thread before it gets Godwined (sp?).

Too late, Long Haired FM troll already godwined.


fffffuuuuuuuuhhhh!!!!

/born in Hobbs
 
2010-08-25 06:23:15 PM  
tinyarena: Antimatter: I like to use a traditional recipie for my halloween candy.

First I start with cocoa harvested by child solders in west africa. the closer to death they are worked, the better.

Next, I mix in sugar harvested by illegal immigrants on a south American drug/sugar plantation.

I draw the milk from milking shorthorns, the most Evil breed of cattle.

I mix them with a whisk made from the surgical steel pins torn from the still living bodies of cripple sacrifices, and mixed by a certified witch in a cauldron, and heated by coals taken from the very bowels of hell itself.

The mixture is poured into molds carved from human bone, and later wrapped in plastic made from recycled AOL disks.

Can I get that with almonds?


Oh absolutely. I just use Planters. Let me tell you, Mr. Peanut makes Nero look like a girlscout.
 
2010-08-25 06:26:58 PM  
The candy is prayed over by witches.

The prices are raised by Jews.
 
2010-08-25 06:28:04 PM  
Long Haired FM Type: Come to think of it, they do look like two "L"s, as in He"ll".

Or the two "L"s in Bu"ll"

www.nndb.com

Ohh-Kayy...
 
2010-08-25 06:29:05 PM  
chachi88: The candy is prayed over by witches.

The prices are raised by Jews.


And the Buddhists think you are wasting your eternity with it.
 
2010-08-25 06:36:26 PM  
Christian fundies are always good for a laugh unlike the atheist fundies who NEVER laugh.
 
2010-08-25 06:40:09 PM  
Evil "candy":

Necco wafers.
Those sh*tty peanut butter things wrapped in either black or orange wax paper.
Any candy with coconut in it. F*ck you Mars Bars!
Wax lips.
Any kind of gum.

/I've never understood all the candy corn hate out there. It's totally enjoyable in moderation.
 
2010-08-25 06:44:57 PM  
NewportBarGuy: Chick

Marcie ate some Halloween candy:

www.bay-of-fundie.com
 
2010-08-25 06:56:14 PM  
timujin: I love that chocolate candy with the creamy demon nougat.

That's not nougat....
 
2010-08-25 06:59:50 PM  
deciusmaximus: "Christian fundies are always good for a laugh unlike the atheist fundies who NEVER laugh."

Sure we do. At you, though.
 
2010-08-25 07:02:04 PM  
wingnutx: NewportBarGuy: Chick

Marcie ate some Halloween candy:

www.bay-of-fundie.com

Is that a glass dragon on her bed?
 
2010-08-25 07:31:33 PM  
The_Sponge: Gordon Bennett: Chocolate is nice.


Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker.


and sex won't rot your teeth.
 
2010-08-25 07:37:17 PM  
How did Faux News miss this?
 
2010-08-25 07:37:24 PM  
DarthBrooks: And I'm buying only Mars candies this Halloween.

Sure, buy candy from a company named for a pagan god of war. That's not un-christian, or anything.
 
2010-08-25 07:47:24 PM  
I'll not going to mess with the Bible crowd, I'll just play it safe and give out ass-pennies.
 
2010-08-25 07:47:33 PM  
Kimberly Daniels seems to be alone in her beliefs. CBN took the blog down.
 
2010-08-25 07:49:37 PM  
Gordon Bennett: wingnutx: NewportBarGuy: Chick

Marcie ate some Halloween candy:


Is that a glass dragon on her bed?


That's probably a figurine for Dungeons and Dragons. Clearly Marcie was very disturbed. Halloween candy and Dungeons and Dragons! Heaven forfend!
 
2010-08-25 07:50:30 PM  
img689.imageshack.us

You'll get over it.
 
2010-08-25 08:16:35 PM  
Bucky_Flavor: thamike: Musikslayer: I really, really have a craving for some candy now, dag nabit. Mounds bar maybe, or a Kit-Kat bar.

Or the more traditional:

Anybody who handed out Whatchamacallit, or anything by Nestle or Mars got extra protection from marauding neighborhood assholes on Halloween.

How about handing out a candy bar called "Witch-amacallit"?


Well played.
 
2010-08-25 08:28:11 PM  
Jubeebee: When I get a place that is trick-or-treatable I'm going to exclusively give out black licorice. If one of the kids LIKES black licorice, they can have all they want plus a full size snickers bar. Plus they get all of their friends' licorice too and will have the best Halloween ever.

I love black licorice.

While there are some Christians who think Halloween is evil, most are too excited about free candy. At my conservative Christian college, Halloween was celebrated.
 
2010-08-25 08:31:17 PM  
My new band will be called "Cursed Frogurt Sprinkles" !
 
2010-08-25 08:38:05 PM  
Isn't the Huffington Post the new source that believes vaccines are a "Big Pharma Conspiracy", and endorses Homeopathic medicine, and stupid shiat like that? Didn't Jenny McCarthy actually write an article for the Huffington Post?

Look, I am all for laughing at the stupid Fundies... but lets not pretend that the Huffies aren't drooling morons themselves.
 
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