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(The New York Times)   Colleges are beginning to hold separation ceremonies to pry overprotective parents off students' backs   (nytimes.com) divider line 343
    More: Scary  
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15737 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Aug 2010 at 12:01 PM (4 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2010-08-23 08:42:02 AM  
Oh, for fark's sake.

I've got one of these coming up for my son next month, except he's 4 and going into kindergarten.
 
2010-08-23 09:08:33 AM  
Gulper Eel: Oh, for fark's sake.

I've got one of these coming up for my son next month, except he's 4 and going into kindergarten.


Are they really all that different? For both college freshmen and your son, their priorities will be meeting new people, devouring cafeteria pizza, avoiding actual schoolwork, sleeping in public and trying to not piss themselves.
 
2010-08-23 09:13:21 AM  
Kyro: Are they really all that different? For both college freshmen and your son, their priorities will be meeting new people, devouring cafeteria pizza, avoiding actual schoolwork, sleeping in public and trying to not piss themselves.

Thanks. I'll try to recall this wisdom in 2024, assuming the Alzheimer's doesn't get me first, I'll try to recall this wisdom in 2024, assuming the Alzheimer's doesn't get me first.
 
2010-08-23 09:32:41 AM  
Jesus. My parents barely slowed down the car enough for me to get out of it at a full run. The house party they had when they got back home lasted two weeks. By the time I came home for my first visit, maybe a month later, I had to sleep on the couch because they'd already converted my room into one of those sitting rooms where you press a hidden button and everything spins around and folds into hidden compartments and is replaced by a fully stocked sex dungeon. That was a disturbing find, let me tell you.
 
2010-08-23 09:59:05 AM  
dear non-college attending subby: please read this (new window)
 
2010-08-23 10:21:40 AM  
calbert: dear non-college attending subby: please read this (new window)

I was thinking of A Seperate Piece.
 
2010-08-23 10:27:53 AM  
Yeah, they had a kind-of one of those on grounds yesterday. Yawn. But then, most of these incoming freshmen were in elementary school when I was getting the shiat kicked out of me at Great Mistakes; figures they need people to wipe their noses.

Though it'll be interesting to find out if the new female '92 model years will live up to the hype...
 
2010-08-23 10:28:52 AM  
Pocket Ninja: Jesus. My parents barely slowed down the car enough for me to get out of it at a full run. The house party they had when they got back home lasted two weeks. By the time I came home for my first visit, maybe a month later, I had to sleep on the couch because they'd already converted my room into one of those sitting rooms where you press a hidden button and everything spins around and folds into hidden compartments and is replaced by a fully stocked sex dungeon. That was a disturbing find, let me tell you.

at least your parents waited until you moved out to install the sex dungeon.
 
2010-08-23 11:04:31 AM  
I do not like it when my students have their daddy call me to "negotiate" their grade. No sir. Unfortunately, "bugger off, you pathetic rotor-equipped meatsack" is probably not considered an appropriate response.
 
2010-08-23 11:12:34 AM  
wow. what a bunch of pussies.
 
2010-08-23 11:16:25 AM  
FTA: "Velcro parents."

I hadn't heard that one before, but I like it. It rolls off the tongue much more nicely than "helicopter mom."
 
2010-08-23 11:28:43 AM  
Does this involve cramming them in a sleeping back and 'rebirthing' them?
 
2010-08-23 11:40:27 AM  
Please don't let me turn into one of these people. Please don't let me turn into one of these people. Please don't let me turn into one of these people. Please don't let me turn into one of these people.

just had kids and greatest fear is becoming a helicopter parent (or velcro parent or whatever the fark they call them now)
 
2010-08-23 11:45:12 AM  
Infamous Dr. X: Please don't let me turn into one of these people. Please don't let me turn into one of these people. Please don't let me turn into one of these people. Please don't let me turn into one of these people.

Here's the key: keep having fun and living a life without your kids. Get babysitters, drop em off at the grandparents', whatever you need to do. The moment that your offspring become your sole source of validation and belonging is the moment that you've doomed them to living as a snowflake.
 
2010-08-23 12:03:29 PM  
Subby misspelled.

It's "ceramonies".
 
2010-08-23 12:04:45 PM  
Pocket Ninja: Jesus. My parents barely slowed down the car enough for me to get out of it at a full run. The house party they had when they got back home lasted two weeks. By the time I came home for my first visit, maybe a month later, I had to sleep on the couch because they'd already converted my room into one of those sitting rooms where you press a hidden button and everything spins around and folds into hidden compartments and is replaced by a fully stocked sex dungeon. That was a disturbing find, let me tell you.

Was that wrong...should we not have done that?

But to be brutally honest, we did try to include you when we were designing it hoping that you would join in.

JC
 
2010-08-23 12:04:55 PM  
I should be in college now but I want to learn through life experience. College is overrated for 50% that are there.
 
2010-08-23 12:05:42 PM  
You know, I just had an epiphany. You remember those 2-3 kids in kindergarten that cried when mommy dropped them off in class the first few days of school (if you don't, it might be because you were the crier)? Well, now when the kid goes off to college it's the parents that are crying. It's like cosmic revenge: the young kid felt abandoned in that hellhole that is school, and the parents feel abandoned in that dark, lonely house with nothing but retirement and Alzheimer's to look forward to.
 
2010-08-23 12:07:00 PM  
At my school this year there are more parents around than I've ever noticed. And they've been issued with badges hung around their necks on lanyards that say "parent." Useful because it helps me distinguish the hot cougar moms from their jailbait-student daughters.
 
2010-08-23 12:07:55 PM  
I was the last of three kids to go away to college, all of us a matter of hours away by car from home. Thankfully, my parents seemed to get the visiting thing out of their system after the first two. They came down for Parents Weekend my first year, and I didn't see them in Charlottesville again until the day I graduated. It was great.
 
2010-08-23 12:08:43 PM  
Colleges should begin to hold spelling lessons, separately from the seperation(sic) ceremonies.
 
2010-08-23 12:09:06 PM  
thomps: Pocket Ninja: Jesus. My parents barely slowed down the car enough for me to get out of it at a full run. The house party they had when they got back home lasted two weeks. By the time I came home for my first visit, maybe a month later, I had to sleep on the couch because they'd already converted my room into one of those sitting rooms where you press a hidden button and everything spins around and folds into hidden compartments and is replaced by a fully stocked sex dungeon. That was a disturbing find, let me tell you.

at least your parents waited until you moved out to install the sex dungeon.


Yeah, it's really upsetting when they just walk into your room while you sleep and press the hidden button, thus rotating you into the wall for three hours.


Pathetic is the proper word for these families. Speaking as someone who moved out at 16, families just slow you down. Kids should be lone wolves, like me. Who needs all that validation and support? Travel light, travel fast.
 
2010-08-23 12:09:15 PM  
If only it truly were a separation event!

Unless your kid is a science or finance major, keep that room in the basement warm.
 
2010-08-23 12:12:26 PM  
lunchinlewis: I was the last of three kids to go away to college, all of us a matter of hours away by car from home. Thankfully, my parents seemed to get the visiting thing out of their system after the first two. They came down for Parents Weekend my first year, and I didn't see them in Charlottesville again until the day I graduated. It was great.

Hell, I was the oldest and my parents stopped coming down after the first Parent's Weekend. It's not like those discount football tickets were a big draw, I was at Maryland for God's sake, and we sucked.

"See ya at Thanksgiving" was a move-in day tradition.
 
2010-08-23 12:12:31 PM  
Heh science majors getting jobs

Dream on H31N0US.
 
2010-08-23 12:12:40 PM  
Kyro: Gulper Eel: Oh, for fark's sake.

I've got one of these coming up for my son next month, except he's 4 and going into kindergarten.

Are they really all that different? For both college freshmen and your son, their priorities will be meeting new people, devouring cafeteria pizza, avoiding actual schoolwork, sleeping in public and trying to not piss themselves.


Win.
 
2010-08-23 12:14:29 PM  
I love it when underclassmen parents walk around campus with their kids especially if they are girls. Makes for a hilarious opportunity to make the parents uncomfortable by obviously flirting with new Freshmen bait. Once one of the frat houses put up a huge poster on move in day that said "PARENTS: THANK YOU FOR YOUR DAUGHTERS"
 
2010-08-23 12:14:54 PM  
I would guess "misspell" is the second most mispelled word

/that was intentional
 
2010-08-23 12:15:38 PM  
graphics8.nytimes.com

But there's still no cure for derp-hand!
 
2010-08-23 12:15:52 PM  
PirateKing: Who needs all that validation and support? Travel light, travel fast.

photogallery.filmofilia.com

Approves.
 
2010-08-23 12:16:29 PM  
Stereolab: I would guess "misspell" is the second most mispelled word

/that was intentional



Which one?
 
2010-08-23 12:17:44 PM  
Some of these parents are sort of crazy.

However, if you really want to return to the good old days when parents sensibly let their children go when they got to college, how about we return to the good old days when parents didn't have to mortgage their life to send their kids to college.

/parents remain invested in their kids' $20K to $50K per year college experience?
//really??
 
2010-08-23 12:18:29 PM  
misanthropologist: At my school this year there are more parents around than I've ever noticed. And they've been issued with badges hung around their necks on lanyards that say "parent." Useful because it helps me distinguish the hot cougar moms from their jailbait-student daughters.

College students are jailbait? Are they like the kid from Real Genius or the Lambda Lambda Lambda that's just 3 feet tall?
 
2010-08-23 12:18:43 PM  
RedEmily: College is overrated for 50% that are there.

I think it's probably 'overrated' for 100% that are there - but that doesn't negate the fact that you'll get a better job with a college education than without, in more than 75% of cases.
 
2010-08-23 12:19:45 PM  
FTFA Ms. Hayman corrected her husband: "I think the pressure starts when the umbilical cord falls off," she said. "I'm not the only mom here who's been dreading this since that day."

Eighteen years later, and she's still focusing on the moment they cut the crotchspawn loose from her uterus. Somebody needs to get over it.
 
2010-08-23 12:21:08 PM  
lunchinlewis: I was the last of three kids to go away to college, all of us a matter of hours away by car from home. Thankfully, my parents seemed to get the visiting thing out of their system after the first two. They came down for Parents Weekend my first year, and I didn't see them in Charlottesville again until the day I graduated. It was great.

Funny, I just got done wandering around The Lawn- they've got an activity fair going on right now- with a young lady being led around by her mom from booth to booth finding about the activities; mom was taking notes, asking questions, and this poor broad looked embarrassed as hell.
 
2010-08-23 12:21:17 PM  
if you have a son - your only mission as a father is to get your wife to let go.

let your son fail now rather than later

/I blame NOW
// just kidding - maybe - biatches.
 
MBK [TotalFark]
2010-08-23 12:21:57 PM  
When I left for college, I had everything packed up in a van (I was bringing the mini fridge and air conditioner), said goodbye to my parents, and left.

My dad told me 3 things:

1. Don't drop out or I'll kick your ass.
2. Don't fail or I'll kick your ass.
3. Don't bring home a pregnant girl or I'll kick your ass.
 
2010-08-23 12:22:24 PM  
I had a Velcro mom (LOVE that term!!) march into my office last week b*tching and moaning about FERPA. I explained to her that I couldn't speak about her child with her without the kid's permission. "So, what, I'm not even allowed to talk to my own (kid)?!" I told her I had no authority over their conversations, only mine. She left my office huffy (even though I offered to get a release for said kid to sign), then wrote a four page letter to my boss dictating how rude I was, how FERPA pissed her off, her confidence in our office was nill, etc.

Oh, and the kid had been homeschooled. Should be a fun year. Yay.
 
2010-08-23 12:24:56 PM  
I don't remember what my parents said to me when they left me in the dorm.

I know that later on they told me they had a good cry on the drive home.
 
2010-08-23 12:25:23 PM  
And this is why I support mandatory military service. That'll break the parents off REAL quick.

You ain't seen helicopter separation tears until you've been to a MEPS.
 
2010-08-23 12:27:29 PM  
Kyro: Are they really all that different? For both college freshmen and your son, their priorities will be meeting new people, devouring cafeteria pizza, avoiding actual schoolwork, sleeping in public and trying to not piss themselves.

And don't forget shiatting a lot. A LOT.
 
2010-08-23 12:27:30 PM  
Hyppy: And this is why I support mandatory military service. That'll break the parents off REAL quick.

You ain't seen helicopter separation tears until you've been to a MEPS.


You realize how many "PTSD" lawsuits that would cause in this country? Not just for the snowflakes either. Thank lawyers.
 
2010-08-23 12:27:34 PM  
Good. Parents don't need to be at orientation.

Now work on convincing them that just because they pay the tuition it doesn't mean they can get their child's grades.
 
2010-08-23 12:28:21 PM  
Utterly hilarious article - especially the mea culpa from the college president at the end, when he dropped off his own kid.

My freshman roommate took a plane from New Jersey to Ohio; two suitcases and no parents. That's the way it's supposed to be.
 
2010-08-23 12:28:22 PM  
As a transfer junior I participated in a convocare ceremony this weekend with a bunch of freshman. The ceremony was supposed to have been solemn and in silence except for the Dean reading the names of the incoming students. It quickly denigrated into a bunch of whooping and hollering (half of which was done by the parents that should have known better.) As I sat in the theatre and watched as 200 some cocky freshman acted like they were the BMOC's I wondered how many of them would still be here at the end of the semester. I hope the freshmen who stay will get the chance of having the rough edges smoothed off of them by the college experience.
 
2010-08-23 12:28:52 PM  
If you dad jumped on your back, would you beat him off?
 
2010-08-23 12:29:16 PM  
The_Sponge: I'm reminded of my first day of Kindergarten....I was looking around and wondering why a bunch of the kids were crying. They were still going to see their parents later that day. Yeesh.

So you probably started counseling them, right? And then did your teacher's taxes.
 
2010-08-23 12:29:31 PM  
dahmers love zombie: I do not like it when my students have their daddy call me to "negotiate" their grade. No sir. Unfortunately, "bugger off, you pathetic rotor-equipped meatsack" is probably not considered an appropriate response.

"I demand little johnny get an A+ instead of an A."
"He didn't get an A anymore. it's a A- now.
"WHAT?!?"
"B+ now"
"You cant do this! He's supposed to go to harvard!"
"B. I can do this all day"
"This is extortion!"
"B-. Yes it is. Now stop calling me on the phone you motherfarker before he fails his final."
 
2010-08-23 12:29:35 PM  
Better shot than a lit major, Bored.

Anyway, I'll probably be on the road out of town by the time that separation ceremony starts. If I wasted my time sitting in a gym only to have some schoolmaster to whom I've committed a couple hundred thousand over the next four years TURN HIS farkING BACK ON ME I would probably wait around just to tell him what a douche bag he is (wasting even more time that I could have been at the bar celebrating one down).

I want my kid(s) to go to school on the coast opposite from me anyway. If I'm still NYC Metro (god I hope not), Berkley or Stanford it is. If I'm out west, we'll shoot for Ivy or Poison Ivy (NYU etc). GTFO and see the world, kiddo. Don't fritter and waste your hours in an offhand way.
 
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