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(Shore Line Times)   When at first you don't succeed at public masturbation, get arrested for third time   ( ) divider line 76
    More: Dumbass  
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10052 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Jun 2003 at 12:10 PM (12 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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2003-06-11 12:12:41 PM  
I prefer syrup.
2003-06-11 12:12:42 PM  
There's too many of these on fark
2003-06-11 12:13:29 PM  
When I'm that bored, I check out Fark.
2003-06-11 12:13:47 PM  
Poor George Michael.
2003-06-11 12:14:02 PM  
The Human Torch Too many what on Fark? Stories about masturbating or too many mastubators on Fark?
2003-06-11 12:14:26 PM  
By: Lisa Carter , Staff Writer back to journalism school for you!

/painful to read
2003-06-11 12:14:53 PM  
No "O" face I guess.
2003-06-11 12:14:53 PM  

" He was released after posting a $35,000 court-set bond and is scheduled to appear at New Haven Superior Court June 17."

I'm surprised ! They've must've turned down his request to cover the bail amount with a pearl necklace.

2003-06-11 12:15:57 PM  
fap, rinse, repeat
2003-06-11 12:17:20 PM  
Steelbeak Why don't you just have him give you oral sex?
2003-06-11 12:17:55 PM  
The Human Torch
Is it just me, or has quality of FARK links gone down recently? I blame too many TotalFarkers going for the flashiest headline without reading the dumb article.
2003-06-11 12:19:15 PM  
Umm.. public masturbation? Yet more proof that Fark mods don't read articles.
The guy was naked on his own property and someone saw him. The article mentions nothing about masturbation. It could be as simple as the guy walking past his bedroom window in the buff, we don't know and the article doesn't say. But hey, Fark never really has given a fark about things like libel...
2003-06-11 12:19:22 PM  
Ahh .... so many kittens ... so little time ... fap fap fap fap
2003-06-11 12:19:43 PM  
i knew a guy in the military that had knee surgery and went on some pain killers. welp, the doc never told him not to mix with alcohol.. and he was a redneck drinking boy.. he did.
then, while hopped up on budweiser and these painkillers he exposed his 'tallwacker' to some girls outside of a club on base. we told him about it the next day... so:
in a week or so the girls filed a complaint.. he heard about it through the base paper i think.. anyways, being a good guy when not hammered, he turned himself in and explained the whole "drugs/beer" thingy.. (which the prescription had warnings, but none said alcohol)
anyways.. they busted him bad, were going to send him to jail for 2 yrs.. this guy JUST had a baby girl, his first..
welp, he shot himself. point blank, 12 gauge.
the air force didnt care about his mixing the two items.. although the docs admitted that would be the reason to act that way..

there, i changed this otherwise boring repeated topic to something more.. oh sh!t.. somber? my bad, move along people.
2003-06-11 12:20:36 PM  
2003-06-11 12:23:23 PM  
"When in doubt, whip it out"

-The Dalai Lama
2003-06-11 12:23:35 PM  
We know, we know, he's a move along to other news.
2003-06-11 12:24:00 PM  
Crampton was arrested May 14 on two counts of public indecency and two counts of injury or risk of injury to or impairing the morals of a child. On May 6 he was charged with three counts of public indecency and three counts of injury or risk of injury to or impairing the morals of a child based on the testimony of another complainant.

FlipChurn: I agree. This is just painful.
Couldn't the second sentence just read: "The incident occured one week after he was arrested on three counts of the same charges in a seperate incident."

But then again, it's the Shore Sun Times and it's about masturbation, so there you go...

/all together now: I got nuffin'
2003-06-11 12:24:31 PM  
2003-06-11 12:26:02 PM  
Dr.KnockBoots, after my surgery I spent about 2 1/2 weeks kicking it on a combo of vicodin, beer, and weed. Got plenty done, but I'm afraid I was never compelled to show off my wang to random folks. Sad that he shot himself, sad that he was going to get 12 years in prison for something that would be a fine in most civilian courts, but I don't buy the "drugs made me do it!" argument.
2003-06-11 12:26:12 PM  
There used to be a lady in my neighborhood who sunbathed naked in her backyard. All of us young boys would peek through the fence and watch her we did'nt see anything wrong with it. Now that I'm older I realize that this may have had an adverse effect. We should have called the cops.

Oh yea, she was one hot farking MILF.
2003-06-11 12:27:20 PM  
If the guy was masturbating, he should get a web cam he could reach more kids that way.
2003-06-11 12:27:51 PM  
To the submitter: "Public indecency" doesn't always mean "masturbation". And his third arrest is for an incident that predates his first two arrests. Other than that, great headline!
2003-06-11 12:27:55 PM  
GIS for flasher

[image from too old to be available]

An angler huh Al? What are ya fishin for perv?
2003-06-11 12:28:22 PM  
... cue patriotic music ...

You know, this should have had a [image from too old to be available] tag.

Not for the fact that the guy's a weirdo, but for his tenacity in wanting to whip it out and wank one off, despite previous arrests.

Isn't that what the United States was built on?

... end patriotic music and daft silly comment ...
2003-06-11 12:28:32 PM  
Man, this guy is wracking up convictions hand over fist.
2003-06-11 12:29:27 PM  
*hurling noises*
2003-06-11 12:32:22 PM  
2003-06-11 12:33:29 PM  
Public Sex With A Partner = Cool and exciting

Public Sex With Yourself = Sad and pathetic
2003-06-11 12:34:20 PM  
For all we know, this guy was just repeatedly trying to blow himself on his Craftmatic Adjustable bed.

"When you get that 'V' going, its decision time..."
-Dennis Miller
2003-06-11 12:35:31 PM  
A serial public masturbator by the name of Roger Crampton? That's pretty good. Not as good as Richard Chapped or Pete Mangler, but good nonetheless.
2003-06-11 12:41:09 PM  
according to the smoking gun: "Crampton testified that he did not have sexual relations with his hand".
2003-06-11 12:41:10 PM  
Masterbating in your car while driving is one thing, but out in public?! That's just plain wierd.
2003-06-11 12:45:19 PM  

just outta curiosity, was your military friend circumcised?
2003-06-11 12:45:38 PM  
Public nudity is OK (Anyone know of a good nudist colony?) but choking ur chicken is no so kosher

/solo mi/
2003-06-11 12:46:38 PM  
Free Willy!
2003-06-11 12:47:42 PM  
It's hard to comment on this until I have a better understanding of what is meant by "succeeding" when it comes to public masturbation.
2003-06-11 12:50:43 PM  
wow Uncleassclown has joined us from the future!
2003-06-11 12:51:48 PM  
don't want to be mean LawTalkingGuy, but in my book its fairly obvious when a man has "suceeded" while masterbating.
2003-06-11 12:58:58 PM  
Apeman12 I think that maybe it should be:
He's wracking up convictions head inside fist.
2003-06-11 01:04:43 PM  
is it just me, or has this type of activity been happening at least every third or fourth article? I'd hate to be at the support group meetings this week.
2003-06-11 01:09:39 PM  
Anyone else think that lechatus


is a hottie? She's got 3 pics on her personal ad. She's no butteredasian, granted, but I would most enthusiatically hit that shiat!!!!
2003-06-11 01:10:36 PM  
Thought I was going to see......

[image from too old to be available]

2003-06-11 01:14:09 PM  
Sol, She looks like an Asian Tiffani-Amber Theissen.....Very hittable
2003-06-11 01:14:59 PM  
What a psycho. What is wrong with some people? What, Do they just wake up one morning and say, "Hey...I think I'll stand naked on my lawn today"?????
2003-06-11 01:15:28 PM  
Candypants: I agree with you somewhat but it was masturbation.. so sex by oneself is sorta a prerequisite. Wanting to do it in a public place would be akin to wanting to have sex in a public place. There's not really a lot of difference. Either way you are trying to enhance it by the "thrill of getting caught"

Ever notice how there is no female public masturbaters... why is that?
2003-06-11 01:15:32 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
2003-06-11 01:15:58 PM  
ClothedSexualTouching I see where you're going with that. So if he "completes the act" but gets caught by the cops as he's zipping up, that's still successful?
2003-06-11 01:16:48 PM  

/even more obvious
2003-06-11 01:17:06 PM  
Guess he was off to a pretty important meeting with that briefcase. Just needed to take the edge off.
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