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White elephant parties, Juan-on-Juan marriages and Cinco Denied-O: Headlines of the Week for 8/8 - 8/14 
Posted by Drew at 2010-08-17 1:02:19 PM (15 comments) | Permalink
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3267 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 Aug 2010 at 2:02 PM (4 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



From Unfreakable:

Since Drew had a long blog posting earlier today, this is just headlines.

For those of you who missed it last week, we had an early nominations thread for Headline of the Year for the months of January-June and I got a lot of good links from that, so thanks to everybody who participated.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2010-08-08 to Sat 2010-08-14:

   Study finds Australians among world's worst abusers of alcohol, which Fosters an attitude of tolerance    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

   Rare white elephant given party. Gifts received: Thigh Master, Salad Shooter, and Scrabble with missing letter tiles    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

   Man impaled on fence. Worst... post... EVER    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

   Mexican Supreme Court rules all states must recognize Juan on Juan marriages    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

   Scientists discover secret of what makes something funny, will next try to explain it to modmins    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

   "Same sex bridal magazine fills void." Well, maybe if you rolled it up    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

   85-year-old man stung by 500 bees, cancellation of "Matlock"    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

   Four-month-old Dylan is the first baby born in Hawaii from frozen eggs, although there's no proof of that unless he produces a long-form birth certificate    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

   British man builds barbecue capable of dealing with 1,000 sausages at once. Your mom sues for trademark infringement    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

   New monkey species found in Amazon. [ Ħ Add to Cart]    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

   Eight people shot, four get wings at Buffalo restaurant    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]


Sports:

   Last place Pirates fired Kerrigan. WHY? WHY? WHY?    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

   Patriots to win this season's Super Bowl according to this just released Madden 2011 simulation. Looks like the cheat codes have been released as well    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

   Milton Bradley to have knee surgery. Don't touch the sides...... BUZZZZZZZZ    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]


Geek:

   Meet the first robot to act like a human. No, it's not Hayden Christensen    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

   Study shows that Spinal Tap is almost 11/11 in predicting Alzheimer's disease in patients    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

   A Cincinnati-area father took bad parenting to a new depth by selling his son's console and videogames for drug money, leaving son inconsolable    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]


Showbiz:

   Tila Tequila decides to bolster her career by doing lesbian porn and you're still reading this aren't you? Yeah, I didn't think you'd be that interested either, I was just hoping for a greenlight    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

   Paris Hilton involved in hair extension lawsuit. I WANT TO BE WEAVED    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

   Snooki: "I would like to trademark my name." US Patent Office: "Funny you should ask that. Do you know what my favorite Mexican holiday is?" Snooki: "What's that?" US Patent Office: "CINCO DENIED-O"    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]


Politics:

   Obama eliminates his Transparency Czar. We think. At least, that's what sources are telling us    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

   Obama approves bill to provide 1,500 new border patrol agents. They will supposedly hand out bottles of water and maps to incoming unregistered democrats    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

   Sarah Palin is the most popular Republican...amongst Republicans who say they've smoked pot. Suddenly, this starts making sense    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]


Music:

   The Sex Pistols to launch their own fragrance, tentatively called Eau De Vicious, which is said to contain hints of malt liquor, pepper spray and restraining order    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

   Funk legend who played with James Brown, Parliament-Funkadelic and the The Rubber Band, Phelps "Catfish" Collins passes away, further reducing our nation's already critically endangered supply of music legends with cool nicknames    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

   Stone Temple Pilots' first show in Colorado started with Scott Weiland coughing and wheezing his way through their first song. He wasn't used to being so high    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]


Business:

   "99ers", people who have been unemployed for more than 99 weeks plan rally on Wall St. to demand extension of uemployment benefits. Rally organizers expect large turnout if there's nothing good on Oprah    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

   Expedia, Delta, and Bank of America team up, form bad customer service Voltron    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

   *Spins wheel* Oracle is suing *throws dart* Google over *rolls dice* Java    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]
· · ·
(view entire blog)


15 Comments   (+0 »)
   
 
2010-08-17 02:10:36 PM  
Some good ones this week.

"CINCO DENIED-O" made me lol hard ...
 
2010-08-17 02:14:37 PM  
Man impaled on fence. Worst... post... EVER
 
2010-08-17 02:27:04 PM  
The same-sex bridal magazine headline was excellent. Big ups to the subby.
 
2010-08-17 03:02:47 PM  
Yay! I got my first headline of the week.
 
2010-08-17 03:03:34 PM  
the snooki one was a repost, wasn't it?
 
2010-08-17 03:04:52 PM  
A good week. The bridal magazine and Spinal tap ones made me laugh the most.
 
2010-08-17 03:25:14 PM  
...ok i don't get the Amazon headline. Someone? Please? I'm lost here
 
2010-08-17 03:37:14 PM  
DesertEagle: ...ok i don't get the Amazon headline. Someone? Please? I'm lost here

i76.photobucket.com
 
2010-08-17 03:45:47 PM  
weee... i has a headline of the week!

/Juan on Juan
 
2010-08-17 04:46:31 PM  
"CINCO DENIED-O" ?

Really?

That has to be one of the most contrived and irrelevent-to-the-story headlines of the bunch.
 
2010-08-17 04:58:19 PM  
Me too! First headline of the week.
/Not inconsolable.
//dances
 
2010-08-17 09:04:55 PM  
demonfaerie: Yay! I got my first headline of the week.

sushovande: Me too! First headline of the week.

Congrats you two! What were they?

/had the STP one
 
2010-08-17 09:11:43 PM  
Roger_the_Shrubber: "CINCO DENIED-O" ?

Really?

That has to be one of the most contrived and irrelevent-to-the-story headlines of the bunch.


And yet, for some inexplicable reason, I laughed harder at that headline than I have at any in a long time.
 
2010-08-17 10:49:31 PM  
The English Major: demonfaerie: Yay! I got my first headline of the week.

sushovande: Me too! First headline of the week.

Congrats you two! What were they?

/had the STP one


Thanks! White elephant was mine.
 
2010-08-17 11:26:34 PM  
demonfaerie: Thanks! White elephant was mine.

That one had me rolling. HOTY material right there.
 
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