From Unfreakable:

Since Drew had a long blog posting earlier today, this is just headlines.

For those of you who missed it last week, we had an early nominations thread for Headline of the Year for the months of January-June and I got a lot of good links from that, so thanks to everybody who participated.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2010-08-08 to Sat 2010-08-14:

   Study finds Australians among world's worst abusers of alcohol, which Fosters an attitude of tolerance    

   Rare white elephant given party. Gifts received: Thigh Master, Salad Shooter, and Scrabble with missing letter tiles    

   Man impaled on fence. Worst... post... EVER    

   Mexican Supreme Court rules all states must recognize Juan on Juan marriages    

   Scientists discover secret of what makes something funny, will next try to explain it to modmins    

   "Same sex bridal magazine fills void." Well, maybe if you rolled it up    

   85-year-old man stung by 500 bees, cancellation of "Matlock"    

   Four-month-old Dylan is the first baby born in Hawaii from frozen eggs, although there's no proof of that unless he produces a long-form birth certificate    

   British man builds barbecue capable of dealing with 1,000 sausages at once. Your mom sues for trademark infringement    

   New monkey species found in Amazon. [ Ħ Add to Cart]    

   Eight people shot, four get wings at Buffalo restaurant    


Sports:

   Last place Pirates fired Kerrigan. WHY? WHY? WHY?    

   Patriots to win this season's Super Bowl according to this just released Madden 2011 simulation. Looks like the cheat codes have been released as well    

   Milton Bradley to have knee surgery. Don't touch the sides...... BUZZZZZZZZ    


Geek:

   Meet the first robot to act like a human. No, it's not Hayden Christensen    

   Study shows that Spinal Tap is almost 11/11 in predicting Alzheimer's disease in patients    

   A Cincinnati-area father took bad parenting to a new depth by selling his son's console and videogames for drug money, leaving son inconsolable    


Showbiz:

   Tila Tequila decides to bolster her career by doing lesbian porn and you're still reading this aren't you? Yeah, I didn't think you'd be that interested either, I was just hoping for a greenlight    

   Paris Hilton involved in hair extension lawsuit. I WANT TO BE WEAVED    

   Snooki: "I would like to trademark my name." US Patent Office: "Funny you should ask that. Do you know what my favorite Mexican holiday is?" Snooki: "What's that?" US Patent Office: "CINCO DENIED-O"    


Politics:

   Obama eliminates his Transparency Czar. We think. At least, that's what sources are telling us    

   Obama approves bill to provide 1,500 new border patrol agents. They will supposedly hand out bottles of water and maps to incoming unregistered democrats    

   Sarah Palin is the most popular Republican...amongst Republicans who say they've smoked pot. Suddenly, this starts making sense    


Music:

   The Sex Pistols to launch their own fragrance, tentatively called Eau De Vicious, which is said to contain hints of malt liquor, pepper spray and restraining order    

   Funk legend who played with James Brown, Parliament-Funkadelic and the The Rubber Band, Phelps "Catfish" Collins passes away, further reducing our nation's already critically endangered supply of music legends with cool nicknames    

   Stone Temple Pilots' first show in Colorado started with Scott Weiland coughing and wheezing his way through their first song. He wasn't used to being so high    


Business:

   "99ers", people who have been unemployed for more than 99 weeks plan rally on Wall St. to demand extension of uemployment benefits. Rally organizers expect large turnout if there's nothing good on Oprah    

   Expedia, Delta, and Bank of America team up, form bad customer service Voltron    

   *Spins wheel* Oracle is suing *throws dart* Google over *rolls dice* Java    
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