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(Some Guy)   Guy's lovely night of drinking vodka cranberries at the Mermaid Lounge ruined after he crapped himself during a DUI test   (wtsp.com) divider line 70
    More: Florida  
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10470 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Aug 2010 at 10:58 AM (4 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2010-08-05 12:39:25 PM  
I sometimes get Rum and OJ at the bar if I want to get hammered quicker.. I dont like doing shots anymore, hate tonic, and I always thought it made the drink a little healthier..

\also have never crapped my pants since childhood
\\does not count a wet fart i had tailgaiting before a game. thank FSM I had tissues/paper towels in the car.
 
2010-08-05 12:48:03 PM  
He agreed to cooperate in a DUI investigation and during said exercises, "I did observe that Brian did defecate his pants," the arrest report read...

At that point I LOLD!!

Oh and by the way..

static.tvfanatic.com
What a dumbass!!
 
2010-08-05 12:48:15 PM  
LeroyBourne: ahhh, I love it when someone tells a funny story about someone they know crapping themselves; everyone gets a good laugh then there's always that awkward silence after wards when we think about the time it happened to ourselves.

Go on...
 
2010-08-05 12:51:00 PM  
Derek Force: I sometimes get Rum and OJ at the bar if I want to get hammered quicker.. I dont like doing shots anymore, hate tonic, and I always thought it made the drink a little healthier..

\also have never crapped my pants since childhood
\\does not count a wet fart i had tailgaiting before a game. thank FSM I had tissues/paper towels in the car.


If you had to wipe up, it counts.
 
2010-08-05 12:57:30 PM  
I don't crap myself until I am over .25 at least.
 
2010-08-05 01:04:03 PM  
SevenYearHawk: True story.

Taking a good friend home after a concert ... he's gotten completely plastered and couldn't drive his very nice luxury car.

As we're cruising down the highway, he rolls down the window and declares:

I'M GONNA BE SICK!

There wasn't enough time to pull over and he leans his head out the window and proceeds to puke all over the side of said luxury vehicle ...

Needless to say, his wife was seriously p!ssed the next morning!

LOL


See, here's the thing I don't understand; no guy should ever not be able to get to a bathroom, the side of the road, whatever. I'm not faulting you. If the driver doesn't have any warning, there's nothing they can do. I figured out a LONG time ago the warning signs of imminent barfing and usually can call it within ten minutes which is plenty of time to get pulled over and release the demons from my belly.

That being said, a couple of schmucks who are my friends STILL haven't figured that out. At least once every three months, the side of one of their cars or the interior is getting hosed out.
 
2010-08-05 01:27:49 PM  
I remember hearing some captured audio of a baseball coach/player telling a similarly themed tale about a trip to Vegas and some crab legs. Apparently the poor guy was walking out of a casino when "IT" hit him - the wave... cramping and clenching he waddled a bit to try and get to his room, but with every step he'd purge a plethora of dirty dishwater. The tale is one thing, but the way the guy told it was priceless.
 
2010-08-05 01:31:09 PM  
I realize there's probably an evolutionary rational for evacuating during times of stress - perhaps to throw an attacker off your trail or something... but I will admit that I too have been ambushed by the unexpected digestive wave. It is truely an unstoppable force...
 
2010-08-05 01:43:48 PM  
yert: Vodak people. come on. get with the prograhm

Wait, memes can actually die?

/who knew
 
2010-08-05 02:00:51 PM  
fappomatic: I'd love to see the look on the cop's face during transport.

Tie him to the back bumper and see if he can run fast enough.
 
2010-08-05 02:29:54 PM  
Oh, Crappy Day (new window)
 
2010-08-05 02:34:32 PM  
bump: I realize there's probably an evolutionary rational for evacuating during times of stress - perhaps to throw an attacker off your trail or something... but I will admit that I too have been ambushed by the unexpected digestive wave. It is truely an unstoppable force...

As I mentioned earlier, drinking, never! Stress ... eh, let's just say I do have a nervous stomach, but have yet to throw a pair of shorts into someone else's trashcan.

Probably one of the worst set of circumstances was a trip to New Orleans for a friend's wedding. I wasn't planning on going because I didn't really have the vacation time to spend, had just come back from a trip to New Orleans, and there was at least one person there that hated me with a passion. The wife was persistent though, so I hopped a plane, called in sick, and decided to suck it up.

I was doing okay until the last night when it all hit me at once; could lose my job, couldn't really afford the ticket and hotel room, and that biatch had been staring daggers in my back for 48 hours at this point. Standing on Bourbon Street, I got the cold sweats, cramps, and the feeling of impending doom that comes from the chunder down under. There was no way I'd make it back to the hotel in time, but the prospect of trying to find a bathroom in the French Quarter that wasn't violently disgusting filled me with terror. Luckily for me there was a small local chain close by that looked somewhat quiet, I made a nominal purchase that went right in the trash, bolted for the men's room, did a quick cleaning job, and destroyed a poor toilet that had never done me a bit of harm.

So to recap, I've never had an accident, but if you do want to see some firework put me under serious stress and duck.
 
2010-08-05 02:44:26 PM  
Just exactly how do you observe someone shiatting their pants?
 
2010-08-05 02:56:45 PM  
He was framed.
 
2010-08-05 03:10:30 PM  
nopokerface: He was framed.

I could see how a drunk guy would let some one else shiat in his pants.
 
2010-08-05 03:22:51 PM  
CruJones: Damn it people, there are rules for things like this. Such as, a man may only drink clear or brownish drinks in a bar.

There are 86 Rules. (new window)
 
2010-08-05 04:32:13 PM  
Guy goes drinking and gets so drunk he pukes on himself. He has a great idea of putting a $20 in his shirt pocket and tells his wife that another guy puked on him and gave him the $20.00 for the shirt cleaning, thinking the wife won't be so mad. Wife then asks why he smells like crap. The guy says "He crapped my pants too".
 
2010-08-05 04:32:57 PM  
SevenYearHawk 2010-08-05 12:37:47 PM
Pyynk: CheddarPants: What's so difficult about dropping the kids off at the pool before you start drinking?

Same here. I've also managed to avoid yakking on myself or in my car, which seems to be beyond other people's ability to manage. I can't say the same for numerous gas station bushes though.

True story.

Taking a good friend home after a concert ... he's gotten completely plastered and couldn't drive his very nice luxury car.

As we're cruising down the highway, he rolls down the window and declares:

I'M GONNA BE SICK!

There wasn't enough time to pull over and he leans his head out the window and proceeds to puke all over the side of said luxury vehicle ...

Needless to say, his wife was seriously p!ssed the next morning!

LOL


My best friend puked on the best man after my buddies bachelor party. We were driving home and he was in the back seat in the middle. We were going over a bridge and there was nowhere to pull over. The driver rolled the window down but it was to late. As my friend was leaning over to stick his head out the window he chundered all over the dude.

I have never crapped my pants while drunk but I came damn close on the way to work once. I lived in Brooklyn and worked in Manhattan a couple of years back. I had a stomach ailment and wasn't feeling great on the subway to work. When I got to the station I knew it was going to be a race to the finish. I shuffled up the stairs out of the station and shuffled down the sidewalk for 4 blocks though it seemed like an eternity. I finally made it to the Starbucks and blew their bathroom up. Afterward I didnt even buy any coffee. Needless to say if I hadn't made it, I would have been throwing that suit away.

/csb
 
2010-08-05 06:09:35 PM  
Pyynk: SevenYearHawk: True story.

Taking a good friend home after a concert ... he's gotten completely plastered and couldn't drive his very nice luxury car.

As we're cruising down the highway, he rolls down the window and declares:

I'M GONNA BE SICK!

There wasn't enough time to pull over and he leans his head out the window and proceeds to puke all over the side of said luxury vehicle ...

Needless to say, his wife was seriously p!ssed the next morning!

LOL

See, here's the thing I don't understand; no guy should ever not be able to get to a bathroom, the side of the road, whatever. I'm not faulting you. If the driver doesn't have any warning, there's nothing they can do. I figured out a LONG time ago the warning signs of imminent barfing and usually can call it within ten minutes which is plenty of time to get pulled over and release the demons from my belly.

That being said, a couple of schmucks who are my friends STILL haven't figured that out. At least once every three months, the side of one of their cars or the interior is getting hosed out.


Once did a road trip with a Mormon coworker. I, of course, stayed up way too late drinking. The next day, I was choking back puke the entire 3.5 hr drive. Was afraid to let on, but I'm sure he must've noticed. Towards the end, he asked if I was getting sick. I said I thought so. Blew chunks at every stop along the way, and was the worst ride of my life. Even worse than the 6 hr drive with my mom where I puked into a bag the entire trip. At least then I didn't have to hold it in.
 
2010-08-05 07:23:46 PM  
.186 and .195

Sounds like Gerald Laird and Alex Avilla before the All-Star Break.
 
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