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(Some Guy)   It takes a special breed of drunk to attempt to rob a taco joint with a hammer. Especially when your cunning plan is foiled by your own underwear   (lacrossetribune.com) divider line 59
    More: Dumbass, hammer, tacos, south side, pants, pregnancy, robbery  
•       •       •

6067 clicks; posted to Main » on 04 Aug 2010 at 3:15 PM (3 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2010-08-04 01:31:54 PM
That had an Onion feel to it, or an In Living Color skit that never aired.
 
2010-08-04 01:34:11 PM
www.theblogblog.net
 
2010-08-04 01:49:02 PM
In his defense, Tacos ARE delicious.
 
2010-08-04 03:17:34 PM
That's why I go comando...
 
2010-08-04 03:17:41 PM
This is the reason why pregnant women aren't supposed to be drinking.
 
2010-08-04 03:17:51 PM
After a drunken night at the Taco joint, most men's underwear is soiled.

Oh, you said Foiled...
 
2010-08-04 03:19:39 PM
Under where?
 
2010-08-04 03:19:59 PM
A Taco John's cashier told investigators a heavy-set woman wearing an oversized floral shirt and shorts approached the counter

Julie Bailey, 38, of 934 Jackson St., was arrested a few minutes later with a wooden hammer in her hand after a short foot pursuit.


Good thing they caught her after that grueling "short foot pursuit". From the description given the police would be looking for Marlon Brando.
 
2010-08-04 03:20:28 PM
gameinformer.com

But I NEED tacos. I need them or I will explode.

/That happens to me sometimes
 
2010-08-04 03:20:54 PM
It's NOT hammer time
 
2010-08-04 03:21:37 PM
What men will go through to get a hold of a pink taco!
 
2010-08-04 03:21:39 PM
It takes a special inbreed

There. Fixed it for me.
 
2010-08-04 03:22:36 PM
"I want a soft shell, and this is a stickup."

Think she practiced that in the mirror? And then pulled out the hammer with a menacing look on her face?
 
2010-08-04 03:23:02 PM
Taco John's at 1211 Jackson St.

Julie Bailey, 38, of 934 Jackson St.


3 blocks from your house. That's some nice criminaling there, Jule.
 
2010-08-04 03:23:12 PM
i am so thankful to all the gods whom I do not worship that there isn't a mugshot after reading the article
 
2010-08-04 03:23:39 PM
Probably just a customer who was working on doing some carpentry. They are idiots there.

On my way home from work, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat. In my billfold are a $50 bill and a $2 bill. I figure that with a $2 bill, I can get something to eat and not have to worry about anyone getting irritated at me for trying to break a $50 bill.

Me: "Hi, I'd like one seven-layer burrito please, to go."

Server: "That'll be $1.04. Eat in?"

Me: "No, it's to go." At this point, I open my billfold and hand him the $2 bill. He looks at it kind of funny.

Server: "Uh, hang on a sec, I'll be right back."

He goes to talk to his manager, who is still within my earshot. The following conversation occurs between the two of them:

Server: "Hey, you ever see a $2 bill?"

Manager: "No. A what?"

Server: "A $2 bill. This guy just gave it to me."

Manager: "Ask for something else. There's no such thing as a $2 bill."

Server: "Yeah, thought so."

He comes back to me and says, "We don't take these Do you have anything else?"

Me: "Just this fifty. You don't take $2 bills? Why?"

Server: "I don't know."

Me: "See here where it says legal tender?"

Server: "Yeah."

Me: "So, why won't you take it?"

Server: "Well, hang on a sec."

He goes back to his manager, who has been watching me like I'm a shoplifter, and says to him, "He says I have to take it."

Manager: "Doesn't he have anything else?"

Server: "Yeah, a fifty. I'll get it and you can open the safe and get change "

Manager: "I'm not opening the safe with him in here."
Server: "What should I do?"

Manager: "Tell him to come back later when he has real money."

Server: "I can't tell him that! You tell him."

Manager: "Just tell him."

Server: "No way! This is weird. I'm going in back."

The manager approaches me and says, "I'm sorry, but we don't take big bills this time of night."

Me: "It's only seven o'clock! Well then, here's a two dollar bill."

Manager: "We don't take those, either."

Me: "Why not?"

Manager: "I think you know why."

Me: "No really, tell me why."

Manager: "Please leave before I call mall security."

Me: "Excuse me?"

Manager: "Please leave before I call mall security."

Me: "What on earth for?"

Manager: "Please, sir."

Me: "Uh, go ahead, call them."

Manager: "Would you please just leave?"

Me: "No."

Manager: "Fine -- have it your way then."

Me: "Hey, that's Burger King, isn't it?"

At this point, he backs away from me and calls mall security on the phone around the corner. I have two people staring at me from the dining area, and I begin laughing out loud, just for effect. A few minutes later this 45-year-oldish guy
Comes in.

Guard: "Yeah, Mike, what's up?"

Manager (whispering): "This guy is trying to give me some (pause) funny money."


Guard: "No kidding! What?"

Manager: "Get this .. A two dollar bill."

Guard (incredulous): "Why would a guy fake a two dollar bill?"

Manager: "I don't know. He's kinda weird. He says the only other thing he has is a fifty."

Guard: "Oh, so the fifty's fake!"

Manager: "No, the two dollar bill is."

Guard: "Why would he fake a two dollar bill?"

Manager: "I don't know! Can you talk to him, and get him out of here?"

Guard: "Yeah."

Security Guard walks over to me and......

Guard: "Mike here tells me you have some fake bills you're trying to use."

Me: "Uh, no."

Guard: "Lemme see 'em."

Me: "Why?"

Guard: "Do you want me to get the cops in here?"

At this point I am ready to say, "Sure, please!" but I want to eat, so I say "I'm just trying to buy a burrito and pay for it with this two dollar bill.

I put the bill up near his face, and he flinches like I'm taking a swing at him. He takes the bill, turns it over a few times in his hands, and says, "Hey, Mike, what's wrong with this bill?"

Manager: "It's fake."

Guard: "It doesn't look fake to me."

Manager: "But it's a two dollar bill."

Guard: "Yeah?"

Manager: "Well, there's no such thing, is there?"

The security guard and I both look at him like he's an idiot, and it dawns on the guy that he has no clue.

So, it turns out that my burrito was free, and he threw in a small drink and some of those cinnamon thingies, too.

Made me want to get a whole stack of two dollar bills just to see what happens when I try to buy stuff. If I got the right group of people, I could probably end up in jail. You get free food there, too.
 
2010-08-04 03:24:58 PM
MaxxLarge: In his defense

he was also pregnant.
 
2010-08-04 03:28:08 PM
tonesskin: Probably just a customer who was working on doing some carpentry. They are idiots there.

On my way home from work, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat. In my billfold are a $50 bill and a $2 bill. I figure that with a $2 bill, I can get something to eat and not have to worry about anyone getting irritated at me for trying to break a $50 bill.

Me: "Hi, I'd like one seven-layer burrito please, to go."

Server: "That'll be $1.04. Eat in?"

Me: "No, it's to go." At this point, I open my billfold and hand him the $2 bill. He looks at it kind of funny.

Server: "Uh, hang on a sec, I'll be right back."

He goes to talk to his manager, who is still within my earshot. The following conversation occurs between the two of them:

Server: "Hey, you ever see a $2 bill?"

Manager: "No. A what?"

Server: "A $2 bill. This guy just gave it to me."

Manager: "Ask for something else. There's no such thing as a $2 bill."

Server: "Yeah, thought so."

He comes back to me and says, "We don't take these Do you have anything else?"

Me: "Just this fifty. You don't take $2 bills? Why?"

Server: "I don't know."

Me: "See here where it says legal tender?"

Server: "Yeah."

Me: "So, why won't you take it?"

Server: "Well, hang on a sec."

He goes back to his manager, who has been watching me like I'm a shoplifter, and says to him, "He says I have to take it."

Manager: "Doesn't he have anything else?"

Server: "Yeah, a fifty. I'll get it and you can open the safe and get change "

Manager: "I'm not opening the safe with him in here."
Server: "What should I do?"

Manager: "Tell him to come back later when he has real money."

Server: "I can't tell him that! You tell him."

Manager: "Just tell him."

Server: "No way! This is weird. I'm going in back."

The manager approaches me and says, "I'm sorry, but we don't take big bills this time of night."

Me: "It's only seven o'clock! Well then, here's a two dollar bill."

Manager: "We don't take those, either."

Me: "Why not?"

Manager: "I think you know why."

Me: "No really, tell me why."

Manager: "Please leave before I call mall security."

Me: "Excuse me?"

Manager: "Please leave before I call mall security."

Me: "What on earth for?"

Manager: "Please, sir."

Me: "Uh, go ahead, call them."

Manager: "Would you please just leave?"

Me: "No."

Manager: "Fine -- have it your way then."

Me: "Hey, that's Burger King, isn't it?"

At this point, he backs away from me and calls mall security on the phone around the corner. I have two people staring at me from the dining area, and I begin laughing out loud, just for effect. A few minutes later this 45-year-oldish guy
Comes in.

Guard: "Yeah, Mike, what's up?"

Manager (whispering): "This guy is trying to give me some (pause) funny money."


Guard: "No kidding! What?"

Manager: "Get this .. A two dollar bill."

Guard (incredulous): "Why would a guy fake a two dollar bill?"

Manager: "I don't know. He's kinda weird. He says the only other thing he has is a fifty."

Guard: "Oh, so the fifty's fake!"

Manager: "No, the two dollar bill is."

Guard: "Why would he fake a two dollar bill?"

Manager: "I don't know! Can you talk to him, and get him out of here?"

Guard: "Yeah."

Security Guard walks over to me and......

Guard: "Mike here tells me you have some fake bills you're trying to use."

Me: "Uh, no."

Guard: "Lemme see 'em."

Me: "Why?"

Guard: "Do you want me to get the cops in here?"

At this point I am ready to say, "Sure, please!" but I want to eat, so I say "I'm just trying to buy a burrito and pay for it with this two dollar bill.

I put the bill up near his face, and he flinches like I'm taking a swing at him. He takes the bill, turns it over a few times in his hands, and says, "Hey, Mike, what's wrong with this bill?"

Manager: "It's fake."

Guard: "It doesn't look fake to me."

Manager: "But it's a two dollar bill."

Guard: "Yeah?"

Manager: "Well, there's no such thing, is there?"

The security guard ...


Who the hell carries a $2 bill?
 
2010-08-04 03:28:44 PM
The Tooth Fairy gave my snowflakes each a $2 bill for their first tooth. I tucked them away, thinking the girls would enjoy the novelty of them when they were older.

I think I'ma go swipe them and gets me some Taco Hell. For the lulz.
 
2010-08-04 03:30:14 PM
tonesskin: Probably just a customer who was working on doing some carpentry. They are idiots there.

On my way home from work, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat. In my billfold are a $50 bill and a $2 bill. I figure that with a $2 bill, I can get something to eat and not have to worry about anyone getting irritated at me for trying to break a $50 bill.

Me: "Hi, I'd like one seven-layer burrito please, to go."

Server: "That'll be $1.04. Eat in?"

Me: "No, it's to go." At this point, I open my billfold and hand him the $2 bill. He looks at it kind of funny.

Server: "Uh, hang on a sec, I'll be right back."

He goes to talk to his manager, who is still within my earshot. The following conversation occurs between the two of them:

Server: "Hey, you ever see a $2 bill?"

Manager: "No. A what?"

Server: "A $2 bill. This guy just gave it to me."

Manager: "Ask for something else. There's no such thing as a $2 bill."

Server: "Yeah, thought so."

He comes back to me and says, "We don't take these Do you have anything else?"

Me: "Just this fifty. You don't take $2 bills? Why?"

Server: "I don't know."

Me: "See here where it says legal tender?"

Server: "Yeah."

Me: "So, why won't you take it?"

Server: "Well, hang on a sec."

He goes back to his manager, who has been watching me like I'm a shoplifter, and says to him, "He says I have to take it."

Manager: "Doesn't he have anything else?"

Server: "Yeah, a fifty. I'll get it and you can open the safe and get change "

Manager: "I'm not opening the safe with him in here."
Server: "What should I do?"

Manager: "Tell him to come back later when he has real money."

Server: "I can't tell him that! You tell him."

Manager: "Just tell him."

Server: "No way! This is weird. I'm going in back."

The manager approaches me and says, "I'm sorry, but we don't take big bills this time of night."

Me: "It's only seven o'clock! Well then, here's a two dollar bill."

Manager: "We don't take those, either."

Me: "Why not?"

Manager: "I think you know why."

Me: "No really, tell me why."

Manager: "Please leave before I call mall security."

Me: "Excuse me?"

Manager: "Please leave before I call mall security."

Me: "What on earth for?"

Manager: "Please, sir."

Me: "Uh, go ahead, call them."

Manager: "Would you please just leave?"

Me: "No."

Manager: "Fine -- have it your way then."

Me: "Hey, that's Burger King, isn't it?"

At this point, he backs away from me and calls mall security on the phone around the corner. I have two people staring at me from the dining area, and I begin laughing out loud, just for effect. A few minutes later this 45-year-oldish guy
Comes in.

Guard: "Yeah, Mike, what's up?"

Manager (whispering): "This guy is trying to give me some (pause) funny money."


Guard: "No kidding! What?"

Manager: "Get this .. A two dollar bill."

Guard (incredulous): "Why would a guy fake a two dollar bill?"

Manager: "I don't know. He's kinda weird. He says the only other thing he has is a fifty."

Guard: "Oh, so the fifty's fake!"

Manager: "No, the two dollar bill is."

Guard: "Why would he fake a two dollar bill?"

Manager: "I don't know! Can you talk to him, and get him out of here?"

Guard: "Yeah."

Security Guard walks over to me and......

Guard: "Mike here tells me you have some fake bills you're trying to use."

Me: "Uh, no."

Guard: "Lemme see 'em."

Me: "Why?"

Guard: "Do you want me to get the cops in here?"

At this point I am ready to say, "Sure, please!" but I want to eat, so I say "I'm just trying to buy a burrito and pay for it with this two dollar bill.

I put the bill up near his face, and he flinches like I'm taking a swing at him. He takes the bill, turns it over a few times in his hands, and says, "Hey, Mike, what's wrong with this bill?"

Manager: "It's fake."

Guard: "It doesn't look fake to me."

Manager: "But it's a two dollar bill."

Guard: "Yeah?"

Manager: "Well, there's no such thing, is there?"

The security guard and I both look at him like he's an idiot, and it dawns on the guy that he has no clue.

So, it turns out that my burrito was ...


cdn1.knowyourmeme.com
 
2010-08-04 03:30:54 PM
Still not as dumb as a guy I grew up with....but similar situation.

Step 1: ordered a pizza to be delivered to his house
Step 2: clobbered delivery guy over the head with a hammer
Step 3: PROFIT

step 4: jailarity
 
2010-08-04 03:31:31 PM
SlothB77: MaxxLarge: In his defense

he was also pregnant.


www.hypocriticalmass.org

Wanted for questioning?
 
2010-08-04 03:33:04 PM
sboyle1020:

Who the hell carries a $2 bill?


Obviously anyone but dumb farks like you, for instance.
 
2010-08-04 03:33:48 PM
img827.imageshack.us

What the perp might have looked like:

'Taaaaacoooooooossssssss'
 
2010-08-04 03:34:31 PM
Linkster: sboyle1020:

Who the hell carries a $2 bill?

Obviously anyone but dumb farks like you, for instance.


I was going to say, anyone who's recently been to a strip club. But your answer works too...
 
2010-08-04 03:38:38 PM
tonesskin: Me: "Hi, I'd like one seven-layer burrito please, to go."

cool story, bro.
 
2010-08-04 03:39:01 PM
Lt. Cheese Weasel: What the perp might have looked like:

'Taaaaacoooooooossssssss'



And I'll raise you...

poorlydressed.files.wordpress.com

From my new favorite site:

Link (new window)
 
2010-08-04 03:40:02 PM
2KanZam: Still not as dumb as a guy I grew up with....but similar situation.

Step 1: ordered a pizza to be delivered to his house
Step 2: clobbered delivery guy over the head with a hammer
Step 3: PROFIT

step 4: jailarity



Hey, that happeed to me!!

//only it was a pipe.
/still have cool bump on my head.
 
2010-08-04 03:40:06 PM
Enjoys cunning plans.

1.bp.blogspot.com

/hot as a rotten turnip
 
2010-08-04 03:41:53 PM
GungFu: Lt. Cheese Weasel: What the perp might have looked like:

'Taaaaacoooooooossssssss'


And I'll raise you...



From my new favorite site:

Link (new window)


lmao!!

/literally shedding tears from laughing so hard
 
2010-08-04 03:43:56 PM
Number 216: i am so thankful to all the gods whom I do not worship that there isn't a mugshot after reading the article

Here you go:
i1028.photobucket.com
 
2010-08-04 03:45:28 PM
Noobian Noob: GungFu: Lt. Cheese Weasel: What the perp might have looked like:

'Taaaaacoooooooossssssss'


And I'll raise you...



From my new favorite site:

Link (new window)

lmao!!

/literally shedding tears from laughing so hard


Ditto. I also love how the other people in the Starbucks aren't even nonplussed by him. Must be a regular occurance there...
 
2010-08-04 03:46:16 PM
Fat, drunk, pregnant and stupid is no way to go through life, son ... err ... lady.
 
2010-08-04 03:46:25 PM
doktorinjh: Number 216: i am so thankful to all the gods whom I do not worship that there isn't a mugshot after reading the article

Here you go:


She looks old enough to be someone's grandmother....*shudder*
 
2010-08-04 03:51:31 PM
Were she pregnant and robbing them for the tacos, I'd have some sympathy. There were a few months there where I HAD to have some chicken fajita nachos with extra guacamole RIGHT FARKING NOW and woe betide you for getting in between me and them.
 
2010-08-04 03:55:10 PM
"It takes a special breed of drunk to attempt to rob a taco joint with a hammer."

....and of course that drunk is in the process of breeding, so I am sure her brood will also be special

/and she was after drug money
//kid's destined to win a race against a tree and a potato
 
2010-08-04 03:57:41 PM
doktorinjh: Number 216: i am so thankful to all the gods whom I do not worship that there isn't a mugshot after reading the article

Here you go:


Ack! my eyes!! they burn!
 
2010-08-04 03:59:18 PM
Linkster: sboyle1020:

Who the hell carries a $2 bill?

Obviously anyone but dumb farks like you, for instance.


Listen ass...stop 100 people on the street and I can guarantee 0 of them will have a $2 bill on them.
 
2010-08-04 04:00:42 PM
img.photobucket.com
 
2010-08-04 04:04:16 PM
namegoeshere: Were she pregnant and robbing them for the tacos, I'd have some sympathy. There were a few months there where I HAD to have some chicken fajita nachos with extra guacamole RIGHT FARKING NOW and woe betide you for getting in between me and them.

Amen sister.

thought about opening up an all hours diner spot catered to pregnant cravings.

used to have serious pangs for bubble tea at 3am. ended up just buying my own tapioca pearls and making it myself.
 
2010-08-04 04:06:26 PM
Klim Rous: Linkster: sboyle1020:

Who the hell carries a $2 bill?

Obviously anyone but dumb farks like you, for instance.

I was going to say, anyone who's recently been to a strip club. But your answer works too...


Like the titty club angle too.
 
2010-08-04 04:17:43 PM
Mmm, tacos.

/Might grab a few once I leave work
//Asada, al pastor, or maybe some taco fish
 
2010-08-04 04:19:21 PM
Lucky me, I live 10 blocks away from such a fine individual. And when I used to work at the other Taco Johns in town I picked up a few shifts there, so I may have met her. I'm gonna go puke now.
 
2010-08-04 04:24:08 PM
>>but failing when her weapon became jammed in her shorts.
Reallly? Jammed?

The farkin morans that get paid to write "articles"...
 
2010-08-04 04:25:06 PM
"Officers recovered pink and white slippers believed used during the crime near 10th and Jackson streets."

WTF, useless info, why was that last sentence even added to the article?
 
2010-08-04 04:27:07 PM
namegoeshere: Were she pregnant and robbing them for the tacos, I'd have some sympathy. There were a few months there where I HAD to have some chicken fajita nachos with extra guacamole RIGHT FARKING NOW and woe betide you for getting in between me and them.

And the only thing I'd ask is "just how much guacamole do you need, ma'am?".

Seriously, women are very capable to scaring men, even the toughest of men, into crying little babies. Seriously, when there used to be an order of insane, drunken priestesses running around with a stick, and they were just as likely to fark your brains out and/or remove your still-bleeding innards with their bare hands and eat them (new window), you have to admire, respect, and sometimes be scared of, women.
 
2010-08-04 04:29:57 PM
Noobian Noob: GungFu: Lt. Cheese Weasel: What the perp might have looked like:

'Taaaaacoooooooossssssss'


And I'll raise you...



From my new favorite site:

Link (new window)

lmao!!

/literally shedding tears from laughing so hard


Yup, good site I'm loving the comments.
poorlydressed.files.wordpress.com
/!
 
2010-08-04 04:48:09 PM
CygnusDarius: Seriously, women are very capable to scaring men, even the toughest of men, into crying little babies. Seriously, when there used to be an order of insane, drunken priestesses running around with a stick, and they were just as likely to fark your brains out and/or remove your still-bleeding innards with their bare hands and eat them (new window), you have to admire, respect, and sometimes be scared of, women.

God dammit. I wish dangerously insane women didn't turn me on.
 
2010-08-04 04:50:22 PM
Linkster: Klim Rous: Linkster: sboyle1020:

Who the hell carries a $2 bill?

Obviously anyone but dumb farks like you, for instance.

I was going to say, anyone who's recently been to a strip club. But your answer works too...

Like the titty club angle too.


Who doesn't?!

Every time I am at the grocery store and see a woman paying with $2 I can't help but think she's a stripper.
 
2010-08-04 04:56:46 PM
GungFu: Lt. Cheese Weasel: What the perp might have looked like:

'Taaaaacoooooooossssssss'


And I'll raise you...



From my new favorite site:

Link (new window)


but not all of them are fails... this for one... is just- amazing. full of sexy pale gay guy amazing
poorlydressed.files.wordpress.com
 
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