Corporate integrity at its finest, yes sirree folks.

Those dirty rotten, mickeyfickies!

fark them

Swearing. Screwing customers.

One of these things is profitable and one is not.

Which do we keep?

Gob dram those cork pluckers

They just don't give a shiv.

Who are you calling a cooty queen you lint licker?!

Basically this is "act like a professional at work". Wow, eh?

Wait, it's bad to talk dirty to whores?

That's what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps!

Al_Ed: NADAFINGA!!

BUMPESSES!!!

Ya well you and your whole fam damily can go buck a fuffalo see if I sive a ghit.

/that is all

From the article..

And last year, J.P. Morgan had to briefly override its automated profanity detectors so it could write a press release that mentioned a charity called Feel Your Boobies Foundation. That is the name of a Pennsylvania breast-cancer prevention group, which got a grant from the bank.

Keeping it classy in Pennsylvania!

Totally screwing your customers out of their money is okay, as long as people don't say any naughty woids!

WTF?

Sounds like corporate America to me.

They completely missing the main point (screwing over customers) in favor of a much less important point (use professional language in your work emails) then patting themselves on the back because it took 8 managers 4 weeks of 2 hour meetings (with catered lunches) to come up with the new policy.

Then they call the whole problem fixed, give their top managers a huge bonus, slash their workforce by 20%, give their top managers another huge bonus, ship those jobs overseas, and give their top managers yet another huge bonus.

/Why yes I am at work, how did you know?

"Hey, I just thought of an amazing way to screw the sh*t out of our customers, right up the a**, and they'll never even know!"

"Whoa! What on earth is wrong with you? Are you some kind of monster"

"Sorry. I just thought of a great way to take money from our customers in a way that they'll never even know about."

"That's better."

I mishiat the abuttment in the cockpit

Just doin' God's Work.

Oekss: Who are you calling a cooty queen you lint licker?!

Pickle you, kumquat!

Excellent use of the [Asinine] tag.

Years ago I was on the board of an animal rescue. One of our board members used his work email for correspondence. We were discussing the adoption of a guinea pig and the piggy's medical issues. The email was returned due to the use of a racial slur, guinea.

I found it all rather comical.

/csb

"I'm servicing this account...
[pelvic thrust!]
"This customer...
[thrust]
"needs...
[thrust!]
"service!"
[thrust, thrust, thrust!]

Lukewarm tale, brother:

At one of my old jobs I was turned in and reprimanded for "yelling" at a coworker in an email. What I was actually doing was replying to an email where said worker, having CC'd the boss, called me out for doing something wrong and screwing up. I replied to let her know that I hadn't screwed up, but was in fact doing things correctly (she didn't do my job, and had no idea what our procedures were. Why she felt like stirring shiat, I don't know.) Anyway, in the course of my very cordial reply, I capitalized the word "NOT" for emphasis when clarifying a point about my job.

Thus I was reprimanded for yelling at a coworker. No penalties for being a snitchy, wrong little dick, apparently, but three capital letters was an offense.

That'll show 'em good!

I sofa king hate Goldman-Sachs and everything they excrement.

I hope they typed the memo correctly.

Dan2ine: Sounds like corporate America to me.

They completely missing the main point (screwing over customers) in favor of a much less important point (use professional language in your work emails) then patting themselves on the back because it took 8 managers 4 weeks of 2 hour meetings (with catered lunches) to come up with the new policy.

Then they call the whole problem fixed, give their top managers a huge bonus, slash their workforce by 20%, give their top managers another huge bonus, ship those jobs overseas, and give their top managers yet another huge bonus.

/Why yes I am at work, how did you know?

I love the smell of enhanced shareholder value in the morning.

thelordofcheese: They sure are being nubianrdly with their allowance of personal expression.

*golf clap*

I've had it with these monkey-fighting executives in this Monday-to-Friday company!

Too farking big to fail, motherfarkers.

All communication should be profanity-laden.

Poor Deutche Bank could still be taken advantage of then. Cool.

Gorram socktuckers.

I went to a pretty highly ranked business school, and a LOT of my classmates are in finance (investment banking, private equity etc. etc.), and I can assure you that chuckling with one another about screwing over clients/how much clients suck/etc. is an accepted (nay, embraced) part of the culture. That isn't going to change anytime soon.

"Have a nice day - may it be the last in you miserable short life, you irritatingly incompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of twats."

Oh, and "gold man-sacks" with no picture of brass truck-nuts?

Eh. Just as well. Can't stand those things.

Hypothetical Imperative: Swearing. Screwing customers.

One of these things is profitable and one is not.

Which do we keep?

Well when they get sued for screwing customers the plaintiffs will use the curse words to find the documents through ediscovery where they talk about screwing customers, so.... Yeah. Either curse in all documents or in none.

And last year, J.P. Morgan had to briefly override its automated profanity detectors so it could write a press release that mentioned a charity called Feel Your Boobies Foundation.

Funny thing, just this morning I was thinking I should do some charity work...

Meet our new CEO.

/slashy

I once was writing for a community newspaper about a fundraiser. A couple high school *boys* had gotten involved in raising thousands of dollars for a breast cancer research fund or some such. But the editors wouldn't let me run the name of their group, which was Teens For Titties.. Tough to write around that.

"Send this a-hole the bedbug letter."

Um, GS should be slowly resting on a wooden spit through his/her entrails which slowly rots, yo.

How can any re-realistic not get this?

How can we still be doing this?

Have we lost our freaking minds?

;)