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(Boston Herald)   Marinating meat until it falls off the bone may be good cooking, but it is bad elder care   (bostonherald.com) divider line 45
    More: Sick, elder abuse  
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8112 clicks; posted to Main » on 28 Jul 2010 at 11:05 AM (3 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



45 Comments   (+0 »)
   

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2010-07-28 11:07:55 AM
4.bp.blogspot.com

/only read first line
 
2010-07-28 11:08:13 AM
Headline is in really bad taste, even for Fark.com
 
2010-07-28 11:09:14 AM
hoaxblog.s3.amazonaws.com

Stick a fork in it.
 
2010-07-28 11:11:17 AM
No amount of marinating would make that old bird tender. Go for the young ones. Twins are the best, you get to keep your kid and still have Christmas dinner!

Or two Christmas dinners....
 
2010-07-28 11:11:51 AM
www.eamel.net
 
2010-07-28 11:12:28 AM
a big F-U goes out to the Boston Herald for the stupid "click here to read the rest of article" junk.

/I hate that
 
2010-07-28 11:15:38 AM
As good a use for the "sick" tag as I've ever seen.
You'd think that among the five family members who were there, at least one of them would've had the decency to get her out of there.

/hope I die before... well, this happens, anyway.
 
2010-07-28 11:16:35 AM
Burn the bastards. It takes a special kind of wanton, reckless, and disgusting disregard to do such a thing.

There's a special place in hell for these people.
 
2010-07-28 11:18:16 AM
wow. just wow.
 
2010-07-28 11:18:40 AM
junket89: No amount of marinating would make that old bird tender. Go for the young ones. Twins are the best, you get to keep your kid and still have Christmas dinner!

Or two Christmas dinners....


I have twins, and one tends to get all weepy when something happens to the other. The obvious solution is to enjoy one at Thanksgiving and the other at Christmas. Bonus: Less expensive holiday all around.

/aisle seat
 
2010-07-28 11:19:04 AM
i bet they were cashing her SS checks too.
 
2010-07-28 11:19:26 AM
ArtosRC: a special kind of wanton

rasamalaysia.com
 
2010-07-28 11:19:35 AM
ArtosRC: Burn the bastards. It takes a special kind of wanton, reckless, and disgusting disregard to do such a thing.

There's a special place in hell for these people


I don't like old people, either, but jeez, burning them? That's a bit harsh.
 
2010-07-28 11:22:18 AM
stuhayes2010: Headline is in really bad taste, even for Fark.com

i'm pretty much in agreement on this
 
2010-07-28 11:25:57 AM
lovelycarly: a big F-U goes out to the Boston Herald for the stupid "click here to read the rest of article" junk.

/I hate that


I clicked, and it went to a whole different site's main page. Nothing about granny, just some other news. So I would like to extend a joint F-U to the Boston Herald along with yours.
 
2010-07-28 11:28:35 AM
stuhayes2010: Headline is in really bad taste, even for Fark.com


But marinating is supposed to HELP the taste?!?!

Amirite?
 
2010-07-28 11:29:57 AM
Has anyone told the Boston Herald to fark off yet?

If not, I would like the opportunity.
 
2010-07-28 11:33:57 AM
That headline made me gag. So... well done.
 
2010-07-28 11:34:43 AM
2KanZam: stuhayes2010: Headline is in really bad taste, even for Fark.com


But marinating is supposed to HELP the taste?!?!

Amirite?


I think it just made her bitter.
 
2010-07-28 11:37:10 AM
ultraholland: [ foodstuffs ]

Delicious.

Why Would I Read the Article: I don't like old people, either, but jeez, burning them? That's a bit harsh.

Touché.
 
2010-07-28 11:38:15 AM
stuhayes2010: Headline is in really bad taste, even for Fark.com

While I agree, the severity of the abuse almost warrants a gut-wrenching shocker of a callous headline to really bring home how bad this lady's situation was.
 
2010-07-28 11:41:13 AM
The full story:
Link (new window)

Feanturi - the story is currently under the local news box on the main page of that website. In The Boston Herald's defence, I am sure there are guidelines for using another source's content. I am more annoyed with the original poster not using an original/complete article.

/these family members are seriously depraved
 
2010-07-28 11:50:19 AM
kbronsito: i bet they were cashing her SS checks too.

FTFA:

Authorities said the relatives were the woman's main caretakers. Karen Cabral reportedly told police the family used the victim's monthly $1,100 Social Security check to pay house bills and used the leftover money to take care of her needs.
 
2010-07-28 11:52:25 AM
sonicko.com

Chronic meat baster.

/anyone else listen to TWIT?
 
2010-07-28 12:27:52 PM
This happens quite regularly. Once you seen the whole butt slide off someone and the puss pour down the sides of the bed, as the bones of the hips can clearly be seen, you seen enough.
 
2010-07-28 12:46:35 PM
limeyfellow: This happens quite regularly. Once you seen the whole butt slide off someone and the puss pour down the sides of the bed, as the bones of the hips can clearly be seen, you seen enough.

...
 
2010-07-28 12:49:56 PM
I read fark for the pics: kbronsito: i bet they were cashing her SS checks too.

FTFA:

Authorities said the relatives were the woman's main caretakers. Karen Cabral reportedly told police the family used the victim's monthly $1,100 Social Security check to pay house bills and used the leftover money to take care of her needs.


i didn't "click here" to continue reading.
 
2010-07-28 01:00:31 PM
limeyfellow: This happens quite regularly. Once you seen the whole butt slide off someone and the puss pour down the sides of the bed, as the bones of the hips can clearly be seen, you seen enough.

....I hate you
 
2010-07-28 01:04:47 PM
There's no excuse for such behavior, especially in a situation where there are multiple family members able to help living right on the premises.

I'm the sole caregiver/care tender for my elderly Mom. It is not an easy thing. She's unable to walk due to an injured leg, she has COPD and requires an oxygen machine at night, has mild Alzheimer's, diabetes, had a mini-stroke, loss of memory, needs to wear adult diapers, is hard of hearing and has depression.

At her worst, I spent about a year getting maybe 5 hours sleep a night, having to check on her a lot, especially when she was out of her head and hallucinating. I'm a bipolar depressive and on disability so you can imagine what this did for my own personal condition.

I've rigged her with a personal pager and it's got a range of about 100 feet so she can buzz me when she needs me, but even now, with her better, I do the majority of everything.

I have two brothers and a sister. Only one brother helps out when I directly asked. He has an 18 yr old daughter who no longer will visit my Mother, even though my Mom dearly loves seeing her.

My sister doesn't communicate with me or my Mom and my other brother, retired, is traveling the US in a $70,000 motorhome with his wife, having just bought a home in Georgia. He calls, sends her post cards, letters and has given her some money.

His suggestion when I told him her home needs repairs she can't afford was to sell the house she's lived in for 50 years and buy a condo.

The care can be vastly time consuming, often somewhat disgusting, (like helping her take a bath or dumping her diaper pail, changing her bed when she pees in it, keeping an eye on any bruise or bump she gets due to her fragile skin) and pretty well has wiped out any form of social life I might have had.

However, it has to be done. After all, she's my Mom.

I live there in one part of the house. I've upped my own rent a couple of times as her finances grew tight thanks to the economy and the government deciding that Social Security recipients do not need the usual COL raise since there is no increase in COL. (HA!)

For a time, we were nearly on first name basis with the hospital ER staff and they nearly had a room on reserve for her on the floors.

I called the local elder care for assistance and found none for folks in her shape but some that I might have to pay for out of our diminishing family finances. I have scoured the Internet for elder grants and assistance to find that all of these ads on TV are basically a big f**king joke, usually offered by folks wanting to charge you for services you might be able to find for free in that awful, complex, confusing and hard to navigate Government website.

Other family members suddenly crop up with a host of problems when I start thinking of getting their help for things I can't do. (I've not been able to get anyone to take her out to lunch, for a drive or shopping for years now.)

My aunt lives in an assisted living facility, which one of my brothers oversees (the one somewhere in the northeastern US) but he's able to do it by phone and mail.

I take my Mom to visit her, plus during holidays and family events, I usually go and pick her up and bring her to them. She's unable to walk. Weighs in at about 275 lbs and is senile. Recently, I had to tell one brother to take her home after such gatherings, since I was both bringing her to them and transporting her back afterwards.

I'm 58. This is a BIG THING. It consumes most of my time, meaning even if I wanted to get away for a few days, I couldn't since no one can stay with her -- and I can't afford a professional sitter nor, these days, would I trust one.

This is a common thing that happens to folks like me who care for an infirm parent, especially those with siblings.

However, there's no f**king way I'd let her be neglected to the point of possible death. I got her a wheelchair, a walker and later, made the arrangements to get her a scooter -- which because our home was built unfriendly to the handicapped, she tends to use to bash holes in the walls. (There are reportedly government grants for home repair and improvement for the elderly, but I've not found any yet. I have found tons and tons of minority educational grants.)

Luckily, she has good insurance, though the co-pay on her many medications has become ridiculous.

While all of this is hard, I would not let her sit in a chair and fester, slowly dying and the very concept of doing so is hard for me to even consider.

I will not place her in a nursing home either, since not only would they promptly take all of her funds, plus her Social Security, but the house and she hates nursing homes, which means she'd go completely crazy and shortly after, die.

I don't want that to happen.

She was there for me in my hard times, as well as for every member of the family, and I'll be there for hers.

The folks in the article need to be taken out and shot. Social Security will pay for a limited amount of in-house care as needed. I know. I've had agencies here from time to time with a doctors prescription and they've been a blessing!

Currently my Mom is watching TV, now able to get up and use the scooter to take minimal care of herself. Her memory is bad, but she no longer acts crazy. I'll fix her meals since she can't use the kitchen anymore and now, after 5 years, I'll not need to check on her constantly. She'll use her pager if she needs me.

Then I'll take care of the house, do the dishes, the laundry, feed the pets and worry about the lawn and outside repairs since I can't tolerate the intense Florida summer heat anymore. The grass is about knee high and I have to cut it but after about 15 minutes in the heat, I start feeling bad.

My family has problems of their own to contend with so they can't help me out with these home oriented chores.

Then, I'll go over the bills and pound my head against my desk at the ever increasing amounts.

Still, she's 83. When she dies, it will be preferably in her own home and she will be loved. Hopefully, that will not happen for a long time.

It's the least I can do.
 
2010-07-28 01:19:39 PM
Rik01: Horrible story

Wow, that is basically word for word what my family is going through with two elderly relatives. Kudos to you for caring for her, I know how difficult it is.
 
2010-07-28 01:23:13 PM
Rik01:
However, it has to be done. After all, she's my Mom.


You are a beautiful and wonderful person to take care of your mom. I've got a similar story with my dad. Fortunately, not to the extreme extent of your mother, but still with the mini-stroke, out of his mind behavior, lost and lonely, can't cook for himself. He scared away all of the in-home care I got for him, won't let me live with him and I can't get him into a nursing home because the wait list is over a year long.
People who don't take care of the elderly or infirm can never understand what folks like us go through.
Being a primary care giver is the toughest job I've ever done. I held my mothers hand when she took her last breath in her own home. I'll be go to hell if I won't do the same for my dad.
I have 5 siblings, none of which are near, none of which have spoken to my dad since my mom died 2 years ago.
I feel for you, my heart breaks for you, I weep for you. I also relate to you and can understand most of what you're going through. You are strong and brave and an amazing person for what you do.
My very, very best wishes to you and your mother.
 
2010-07-28 01:34:30 PM
why did i get the image of turkey legs after reading that?

*desperately trying to get that image out of my head*
 
2010-07-28 01:35:18 PM
My mother is the oldest of 6 children and when her mother fell ill, my mom and I were the only ones who took care of her. The others couldn't have given a rats ass about her (well, a couple would occasionally call us to ask for an update but whenever we would ask for help, all we got is "You guys can handle it"). But when she did pass away, you bet they were there with their hands held out, waiting for inheritance money. Then, some of them had the audacity to say that we didn't take good care of her and that my mom shouldn't get her share of the inheritance. It actually went to court, where it was proven that she had excellent care.

So, as you might imagine, don't have much use for extended family members in general. Just because we share some kind of small genetic link doesn't mean I owe you anything!

(Sorry, a little bitter here since the lawsuit nearly killed my mother and now I have to be her caregiver as she has never fully recovered)
 
2010-07-28 02:01:19 PM
Headline was disgusting and sickening.

Article was even worse.

People suck.
 
2010-07-28 02:13:01 PM
Whole-granny bread?
 
2010-07-28 03:10:07 PM
Um, if the granny was "left to rot" in a chair...

Five Fall River family members face charges of neglecting an 80-year-old grandmother, who for more than a month was left alone on a recliner, painfully soaking in her own bodily fluids, prosecutors said.

...how was she fed? Unless she was a 1-ton woman, most people die after not being fed for 30 days unless they have lots of roaming cats to devour or a huge bag of dog foot nearby within reach and "Was she drinking rainwater funneled in through the window?" because most humans die from dehydration after 2 days.

That's not even considering the poop factor, but intestinal blockages are less of a time-limit to death than the 2 day water loss mark.

// Calling many claimed aspects of this story to be logically bogus.
 
2010-07-28 03:50:20 PM
Gridlock: Um, if the granny was "left to rot" in a chair...

Five Fall River family members face charges of neglecting an 80-year-old grandmother, who for more than a month was left alone on a recliner, painfully soaking in her own bodily fluids, prosecutors said.

...how was she fed? Unless she was a 1-ton woman, most people die after not being fed for 30 days unless they have lots of roaming cats to devour or a huge bag of dog foot nearby within reach and "Was she drinking rainwater funneled in through the window?" because most humans die from dehydration after 2 days.

That's not even considering the poop factor, but intestinal blockages are less of a time-limit to death than the 2 day water loss mark.

// Calling many claimed aspects of this story to be logically bogus.


She could have been brought food. nobody said she wasn't given food while sitting in her recliner.

My grandfather has a recliner, it has a small table next to it, and food and water is within reach provided that he, or someone else, puts it there.

Granted, I'm inclined to agree with you that this plot seems to be full of holes. If they were feeding her, why didn't they wonder why she didn't have to go to the bathroom? Even if she was in a diaper, why didn't they react the first time to the stench of 80-year-old-woman-shiat?

I think we're not getting the whole story here.
 
2010-07-28 04:02:39 PM
Nobody puts Granny in the corner.
 
2010-07-28 04:26:40 PM
IronJelly: Gridlock: Um, if the granny was "left to rot" in a chair...

Five Fall River family members face charges of neglecting an 80-year-old grandmother, who for more than a month was left alone on a recliner, painfully soaking in her own bodily fluids, prosecutors said.

...how was she fed? Unless she was a 1-ton woman, most people die after not being fed for 30 days unless they have lots of roaming cats to devour or a huge bag of dog foot nearby within reach and "Was she drinking rainwater funneled in through the window?" because most humans die from dehydration after 2 days.

That's not even considering the poop factor, but intestinal blockages are less of a time-limit to death than the 2 day water loss mark.

// Calling many claimed aspects of this story to be logically bogus.

She could have been brought food. nobody said she wasn't given food while sitting in her recliner.

My grandfather has a recliner, it has a small table next to it, and food and water is within reach provided that he, or someone else, puts it there.

Granted, I'm inclined to agree with you that this plot seems to be full of holes. If they were feeding her, why didn't they wonder why she didn't have to go to the bathroom? Even if she was in a diaper, why didn't they react the first time to the stench of 80-year-old-woman-shiat?

I think we're not getting the whole story here.


until you have seen elder abuse and it's aftermath first hand, this story does seem illogical. But I had to take acre of patients who were left in a bed or chair for months, had pressue ulcers extending to their bones, and who were left in adult diapers for days. The smell is horrendous, and yet their family left them that way. It does happen and it is awful and inconceivable to most people.

what a stage IV ulcer may look like: WARNING NSFW
Link

Link

Link

PLEASE DON'T Click if you are squemish
 
2010-07-28 04:27:15 PM
care*
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2010-07-28 04:57:00 PM
KnowEyeInnTeem

The Standard-Times web site, southcoasttoday, gets all obnoxious if you don't have javascript enabled. So choose between the short version on the Herald that everybody can read and the long original version that not everybody can read.
 
2010-07-28 05:02:43 PM
That's why I don't want to live to be that feeble. If I start to slip into needing constant care, I'll stock pile the pain meds and take one last shot.

To me, it comes down to quality of life. Rik01, your mom has none. I admire your love for family. You're a great person to do what you do. I will choose a different path.
 
2010-07-28 06:35:28 PM
Rik01 My mother was in the same position with my Great Grandmother who recently passed away from cancer and my Grandfather who is currently not doing so well.

Their own son who lived right next door couldn't do anything for them, nobody came to visit her before she passed away.

My mom has had almost no life for years now taking care of them to the best of her ability, and yet their son is pissed because they gave mom the house.

No one helped us financially with their care, or came to help when it was needed.

I regret every day that I was not there to help her, or to say goodbye to my Grandma before she passed. It makes me wish that I had never joined the military. I wouldn't have had anything growing up if it wasn't for them and it hurts me to know that I couldn't be there for her when she needed me, or be there now to help my Grandfather who is dealing with severe depression.

What you have done for your mother is wonderful and you are an amazing human being. I wish you and your mother the best of luck. I hope the a$$holes in this article who left her like that die horrible painful deaths.

//Sorry for the wall of text
///my not so cool story
 
2010-07-28 11:17:06 PM
Horrid story - it takes a special kind of person to be this callous and uncaring as to let another human being rot away in their own filth. By special kind of person, I mean people who should spend the rest of their lives chained down to a prison bed.

What's even more distressing, is the report that these were members of her own family who allowed this to happen? Wow. Pretty sad when even the state run nursing home probably would have met her needs better than what her own flesh and blood provided. Who called 911 I wonder too.

Accolades to the Farkers actually taking care of their elders as best they can, in a loving manner. YOU people need a hero tag.
 
2010-07-29 02:49:11 AM
Big weepy hugs to everyone who's cared for their ailing parents/grandparent in this thread.
My mom went nuts just as I entered high school, so I moved in with my grandparents over the summer. And only a few weeks later my grandmother who'd given me everything in life (piano, guitar, flute, ballet lessons, 2 ponies, and so much love and kindness) had a stroke. She went from being the last over 80 asskicker at her church run thrift shop, to losing function in half her body.
I went from being the kid to the adult in about a week. Now it was my turn to cook breakfast, lunch and dinner for my equally ailing granddad (amazing dude in his own right). It was my turn to make sure the bills got paid on time. My turn to keep the house in order, the dogs fed, the cars gassed up, 15 years old and head of the household basically.
But boy, it was worth it to keep my grandparents safe and happy and close at home.
And the rest of my family still doesn't get it why I give them the stinkeye....
 
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