I'm busy that day. Sorry.

Sorry, got a wedding that day. Have fun though!! Post pics on FB plz!!

Considering the source of TFA, will Jesus be looking for things to do in Denver when he's undead (again)?

I'm emceeing a farting contest in Albert Lea, Minnesota on that day.

Oh boy. A religious nut, a regular nut, an unemployed nut, with her information available online. GOOD LORD NO ONE TELL THE INTERNET.

I'll be washing my hair. Sorry.

Look busy.

This gets greenlit? I think every day from today till 2012 has every day covered as to predicting the end of the world.

/can't wait till 2012
//goona grab me a shiatload of loot during the riots

Ok, here's the plan. On that day, we all hide. And Jesus will come down from the skies and pronounce his reign of peace. And Jesus will look around go "Hey..where is everybody?" And that's when he'll find the note we left him.

Dear Jesus, sorry to leave you hanging this way but we've been doing some thinking. When we first started talking, we were younger and weren't sure what we wanted. We have to thank you for helping us learn about ourselves. We now know what we need to do with our lives. We know it's cold comfort, but we do appreciate the time we shared. It's time for us to move on. It's time for you to move on. Signed, mankind.

And Jesus will get that look on his face. The camera pans in real close. You can almost see his heart break through his eyes. And he's going to get back on his white horse and gallop back to Heaven. And God will go "So how'd it go down there?" and Jesus will go "I don't want to talk about it." And he'll go to his room and listen to Dashboard Confessional. And we'll come back out of hiding and we will farking party because we thought that asshole would never leave.

If he did come back, would anyone believe him?

Adjective Bird Whiskey: And he'll go to his room and listen to Dashboard Confessional. And we'll come back out of hiding and we will farking party because we thought that asshole would never leave.

Made me laugh at work, great comment.

The power of Christ compels you!

Next year? Why stick your dick out like that? Well it's a chick but you know what I mean. Make it a date past any of our lifetimes so it can't be disproven.

Jesus: But of that day and hour knoweth no man, no, not the angels of heaven, but my Father only.

Yet this woman knows!? You're full of shiat, Jesus.

UNC_Samurai: On the way back through Virginia in March, we saw a car at a gas station decked out with stickers for this site. How long have they been fermenting this particular strain of DERP?

I can't believe they figured out how to use stickers let alone the web.

"There are things I felt I always wanted to do - get married, have a kid, travel more," she said. "But it's not about what I want out of life. It's about what God wants."

God wants you to be an idiot, evidently.

FireBreathingLiberal: Wait'll he sees His welcoming committee.

Assuming there is a Jesus, I'm sure he'd be rejected by most of his followers.

patrick767: She's kind of hot. Batshiat crazy, but kind of hot...

Those are the best kind. Until they pull the knife on you. Even then they're pretty great.

Adjective Bird Whiskey: Ok, here's the plan.... And we'll come back out of hiding and we will farking party because we thought that asshole would never leave.

Best. Reality Show. Ever.

About farking time. Let's fark these heathens up!!

May 21, 2011...

So did he come???

Goddammit.

Called Ticketmaster.

Already sold out.

What's the appropriate planet warming gift for such an occasion?

Unfortunately, it will be Creepy Jesus...

Sorry, Tebow's first home game is September 19th, 2010. Unless you count the preseason. But, like the Old Testament, I only count it when it serves my purposes.

Thanks for the tip. I've scheduled my visit to the confessional for May 20th. I'm going to make that one count!

This is all predicated on the teachings of Harold Camping (wikipedia) who has previously a return of Jess on Sept 6, 1994. Well we all know how that went and I can pretty confidently predict this new date will pass the same way.

/ My mother listens to his show and is convinced of the same thing.
// Hopefully this guys christian radio empire will collapse after he is proven wrong yet again
/// Probably not as most christians eat this kind of shiat up

Adjective Bird Whiskey: Dear Jesus, sorry to leave you hanging this way

might not have been intentional, but that was the line that made me laugh the hardest.

I used to belong to the Church of Protestocatholohindujainicbaptoanglojudeomormonism. But one day the wind blew the sign down off the top of the church, and it killed 43 people. So I switched to apathetic handwavism.