You know how you're trying real hard to blend in on your trip to Boston? Well, it isn't working.

You know how you're trying real hard to blend in on your trip to Miami? Well, it isn't working.

You know how you're trying real hard to blend in on your trip to Chicago? Well, it isn't working.

You know how you're trying real hard to blend in on your trip to Seattle? Well, it isn't working.

It's almost like people who've never been to a city before and are visiting it for fun don't automatically know all the stuff that full-time residents know.

Besides, everybody knows that the worst tourists in the nation are found in Washington, DC.

God, New York sounds like a pain in the ass.

I can never keep straight who's the Duke of New York, and if he's A-Number One or Number One-A.

FTFA:

You Ask If It's Safe to Go to Harlem, Etc.
Yes, and the subways, Central Park, and almost every other part of New York are perfectly safe, too -- as long as you're not an idiot. Remember: New York is the safest big city in America. New Yorkers are the ones who are afraid when they visit someplace else.


*Face Palm*

Yeesh....the article has a smug attitude, but that's taking it to a whole new level.

This is like the time I was walking to work in Philly and someone asked me if I knew where they could get a real "philly cheesesteak" so i shanked the little parrot face and stood over their body shouting "WE'RE OUT OF THEM WE'RE OUT OF THEM."

Not really. I usually just point them to a lunch truck because tourists=money, so I probably shouldn't screw with them.

If that article is even halfway true, then they left off :

#22: You're not a pretentious douchebag who thinks he lives in a secret civilization.

Do New Yorkers REALLY think they are that special? There's only been a million movies and TV shows about their cliched overpriced noisy lives that no one in their right mind envies.

I mean, if you want to be unique and interesting, why do you live there? Live in someplace cool and offbeat like Birmingham or Flagstaff. Speaking fluent NYC doesn't impress anyone but New Yorkers.

Pocket Ninja: You know how you're trying real hard to blend in on your trip to Miami? Well, it isn't working.


The best way to blend in:

Drive like a f*cking maniac.

#24 - you make a 23 page slideshow. Real New Yorkers don't put up with that kind of sh*t.

as someone who's takin his first trip to NY in Sept, i'm getting a kick....

/going to a wedding on Fire Island on the 11th....who the fark gets married in New York on september 11?

I've lived here for 20 years and have promised myself to leave when I stop feeling like a tourist. Just when you think you have it figured out some neighborhood has completely changed.

Apparently I was blending in after all.

Confabulat: If that article is even halfway true, then they left off :

#22: You're not a pretentious douchebag who thinks he lives in a secret civilization.

Ok, I laughed. Seriously.

The one on the list that cracked me up is the "a 15% tip is insulting here in New York". Tough shiat. If you're such a cockbag of a waiter that a 15% gratuity is insulting then you need to get a different job.

Pocket Ninja: You know how you're trying real hard to blend in on your trip to Boston? Well, it isn't working.

You know how you're trying real hard to blend in on your trip to Miami? Well, it isn't working.

You know how you're trying real hard to blend in on your trip to Chicago? Well, it isn't working.

You know how you're trying real hard to blend in on your trip to Seattle? Well, it isn't working.

It's almost like people who've never been to a city before and are visiting it for fun don't automatically know all the stuff that full-time residents know.

Besides, everybody knows that the worst tourists in the nation are found in Washington, DC.

So true. Walk on the left, stand on the right! Our Metro system's escalators are among the longest in the western hemisphere. We don't want to be stuck behind you the whole ride when we're late for work.

Confabulat: Do New Yorkers REALLY think they are that special?

No, just the people that have just moved there/are there for college.

99.9% of New Yorkers live lives nothing like the TV or movies.

/they also know that the "1 & 9" is no longer, and hasn't been for years.

best way to blend in: wear a PR-flag tshirt with your PR-flag pants.

Confabulat: Do New Yorkers REALLY think they are that special?

Yes.

/married to one, has to knock the chip off her shoulder once in a while.

TFA: You Refer to the Subway Lines by Their Color
This ain't Boston. If you mean the 1 and the 9, say so -- not "the Red Line," which is not only less precise but also so ... Bostonian.

In other news, one of the worst ways to blend in if you're a time traveler visiting 2010 is to get a job as a writer for LIFE Magazine and make references to "the 1 and the 9" in your puff piece on NYC tourists.

People in New Orleans buy dinner every night by betting all the visiting New Yorkers where they got dem shoes.

R.A.Danny: Confabulat: Do New Yorkers REALLY think they are that special?

Yes.

/married to one, has to knock the chip off her shoulder once in a while.

The ones that used to live in NY here in Texas have so many great stories to tell about it until you ask them why they left.

"No, it's a great city man. It's a once in a lifetime experience. The city is so alive with humanity. Walking to work was so great, the subway was such an experience. It was magical."
"So why did you leave?"
"That place is a crowded, expensive shiathole."

No offense to New Yorkers. The transplants just don't talk kindly about it when explaining why they're not there anymore.

FTA: If you insist on taking up the entire sidewalk with your phalanx of tourism, at least keep up a quick pace, please.

"Phalanx of Tourism". That would make a great band name.

Cake Hunter: This is like the time I was walking to work in Philly and someone asked me if I knew where they could get a real "philly cheesesteak" so i shanked the little parrot face and stood over their body shouting "WE'RE OUT OF THEM WE'RE OUT OF THEM."

Yep, that's pretty much what I saw in Philly. November '07, right?

jackiepaper: as someone who's takin his first trip to NY in Sept, i'm getting a kick....

/going to a wedding on Fire Island on the 11th....who the fark gets married in New York on september 11?

Lots of people this year. There are only four Saturdays in September, and one of them's a Jewish holiday this year, which whittles down the number even further, for some people. Most 9/11s were already booked at the venues I checked out earlier this year.



As someone who's headed to NYC in two days and goes there often, with a native, I must say that locals sometimes DO look at subway maps. Though generally the ones printed on the wall, not the paper ones. And slow sidewalk walking is a moral crime rampant in any tourist town, often accompanied by its close friend, the three-across-on-the-escalator trick.

Genju: Well, in her defense, you did move her to Chicago.

Or "Podunk" as she calls it. She made it very clear that she moved out of her beloved city for one reason and one reason only. Some asshole made her do it.

I think you might be a tourist if you say anything even remotely close to this-

It's the most hectic, nerve-racking city. Imagine having to take the 7 Train to the ballpark looking like you're riding through Beirut next to some kid with purple hair, next to some queer with AIDS, right next to some dude who just got out of jail for the fourth time, right next to some 20-year-old mom with four kids. It's depressing... The biggest thing I don't like about New York are the foreigners. You can walk an entire block in Times Square and not hear anybody speaking English. Asians and Koreans and Vietnamese and Indians and Russians and Spanish people and everything up there. How the hell did they get in this country?

Transplants are far worse than tourists in my book. Tourists spend their money and go home. Transplants clog up the freeways and have douchey preconceived notions about life in "Hollyweird."

We once had some douche on Hollywood Blvd. ask us if we were tourists, presumably because we were wearing shorts and tennis shoes. Yeah asshole, we must be tourists...with two dogs on leashes and no camera, purse or bag of any kind.

Forgive me if I leave the eyeliner and ripped fishnets at home when walking the dogs.

They forgot the clock at Grand Central. Real New Yorkers know which clock to meet at when "meeting by the clock".

Confabulat: If that article is even halfway true, then they left off :

#22: You're not a pretentious douchebag who thinks he lives in a secret civilization.

That's probably the most valuable trick to trying to disguise yourself as a New Yorker.

But really, why do people try to hide the fact that they're tourists? You will most likely fail in your endeavor, so just stop worrying about it and go enjoy yourself.