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(Life.com)   You know how you're trying real hard to blend in on your trip to New York? Well, it isn't working   (life.com) divider line 436
    More: Amusing, common mistakes, corncob, New York, tourists, Big Apple  
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26379 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Jul 2010 at 12:22 PM (3 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2010-07-27 12:54:39 PM
latimes.image2.trb.com

Do not gawk when the NYPD arrests Spider-Man, or any other superhero.
 
2010-07-27 12:54:52 PM
"This ain't Boston. If you mean the 1 and the 9, say so"

The 9 hasn't existed since 2005. Whomever wrote this ... not a New Yorker.
 
2010-07-27 12:54:57 PM
I've never been to New York City and don't see a reason I ever will, and I'm ok with that.
 
2010-07-27 12:55:22 PM
And if they can tell you're a tourist, so the fark what?

Are the locals going to shake ya down for your nickels or will the cops poke fun at your out of fashion trousers?
 
2010-07-27 12:55:31 PM
StreetlightInTheGhetto: ///who the f--k designed the DC street layout? Ugh.

A Frenchman.
 
2010-07-27 12:55:52 PM
Yulian: Do not gawk when the NYPD arrests Spider-Man, or any other superhero.

Since when did NYC get a Walk of Stars?
 
2010-07-27 12:56:04 PM
You Can't Get the Metrocard Swipe Down

Sympathies all around here -- even New Yorkers sometimes have trouble with the farecards, which you're frequently admonished not to swipe too fast or too slow. If you've taken more than three or four swipes and still can't get that satisfying clicking "Go" sound, just step aside and let the people behind you go through before you try again.


Funny, that sounds more typically Canadian. I would have figured to blend in with New Yorkers you'd tell people they can wait their goddamn turn while you get it to work.
 
2010-07-27 12:56:24 PM
got a kick out of the one about asking directions to the Empire State building... I used to work at a starbucks at 33rd and 5th avenue, and people would ask me this all the time. I would tell them to take 3 steps out the front door, and look up. (for those who don't know, the ESB stretches from 33rd st to 34th st on 5th ave)
 
2010-07-27 12:56:43 PM
i177.photobucket.com
Black is always in style for blending in.
 
2010-07-27 12:57:05 PM
Image #21: You Assume Everything to See Is in Manhattan

New Yorkers refer to Manhattan as "New York" or "The city".

They never refer to the boroughs unless they are talking about their embarrassing family members or drunken misadventures on the subway.

I once made the mistake of pointing out that for a bunch of people that make a point of not noticing others, New Yorkers sure seem to be worried about if other people are really from New York. The wife didn't appreciate that at all.
 
2010-07-27 12:57:17 PM
Efferus X: I don't know much about New York, but this is what I like to wear if I'm taking a friendly stroll through the neighborhood in L.A.:

/Am I doing it right?


Tie-dye? By no means. All Angelenos loathe hippies. San Francisco, Seattle and Portland are way north of here, Moonbeam.
 
2010-07-27 12:57:19 PM
Thanks, I'll just stay home. Besides, if you're a tourist what's wrong with acting like a tourist? I've been before anyway - had a good time. Frankly I don't get all the angst about going to New York. They seemed like regular people to me. If you want to stress about going on a trip, save the worry for Central Africa or something.
 
2010-07-27 12:57:29 PM
Yulian: Do not gawk when the NYPD arrests Spider-Man, or any other superhero.

It's about time they got those clowns off the street.
 
2010-07-27 12:57:42 PM
KatjaMouse: Yulian: Do not gawk when the NYPD arrests Spider-Man, or any other superhero.

Since when did NYC get a Walk of Stars?


Shhh!

Just hush and blame Tony Stark like everyone else.
 
2010-07-27 12:57:44 PM
BigNumber12: StreetlightInTheGhetto: ///who the f--k designed the DC street layout? Ugh.

A Frenchman.


But it only got messed up in the later portion of the 20th century with all the construction projects and road works. Now it ranges from only difficult to being a pain in the ass for us natives to drive into the city. It's damn near impossible to get around for out of towners. That's why I take the train as much as I can.
 
2010-07-27 12:57:52 PM
Having been to Seoul, Tokyo...I think New Yorkers should be proud of their cute little city.

*pats New Yorkers on the head, those little scamps!*
 
2010-07-27 12:57:52 PM
When the FARK did 15% become an insult? How about you bring me my damn food, quickly, and without spit or wang sauce on it. If I like the meal, you get 15%. If your really nice or have big tits, you get an extra 5%.

"It's a service industry! We don't get paid like most people!"

Well, I'm a Civil Engineer. If your bridge doesn't fall down or you have water for your shower, give me more money!

FU! You get nothing! GOOD DAY!
 
2010-07-27 12:58:04 PM
R.A.Danny: Genju: We have more than enough beige, dented Towncars and LeSabres.

Those are from New Jersey. Trust me, there is something about NJ that keeps people from ever getting bodywork.


Actually I think they are from Boston more than anywhere. Seriously is it a standard there to use "bumping into the car in front of you" as an indicator to stop moving forward? I see it quite often at grocery stores so I usually park outside of their walking distance.
 
2010-07-27 12:58:29 PM
jackiepaper: Invisible Pedestrian: scraping_fetus_off_the_wheel: jackiepaper: as someone who's takin his first trip to NY in Sept, i'm getting a kick....

/going to a wedding on Fire Island on the 11th....who the fark gets married in New York on september 11?

You should pass out little balsa-wood gliders. Then, while the bride groom and groom walk back down the isle together, everyone jumps up, screams "ALLAHU AKBAR" and chucks airplanes at them. Then they fall over.

It'll be great.

FTFY.

/NTTAWWT

Fire Island is full of teh gheys, eh?


Actually, no. I'm just playing the stereotype found for it in the media (like the one for NYC).

Anyone who grew up on Long Island didn't really consider it a "gay place" but there are a few areas focused on alternative lifestyles. Majority of it is just another beach hangout, some family friendly, some just party central. For all.
 
2010-07-27 12:58:32 PM
I think the tourists in DC are the worst because its SO goddamn easy to spot them.

DC only seems to have three types of people:
1. suburban (or rich who live in Dupont, etc). These people are wearing suits, and/or dresses, skirts with heels.
2. College Students/Interns. They look like the above, only with cheaper clothing.
3. tourists.
 
2010-07-27 12:58:41 PM
missmez: Efferus X: I don't know much about New York, but this is what I like to wear if I'm taking a friendly stroll through the neighborhood in L.A.:

/Am I doing it right?

Tie-dye? By no means. All Angelenos loathe hippies. San Francisco, Seattle and Portland are way north of here, Moonbeam.


contrary to popular belief, most decent folks here hate em too.

/only tourists call it "haight ashbury" - its either "the haight" or "the upper haight"
 
2010-07-27 12:59:13 PM
When I go to NYC I have an actual reason to be there. I never understood why people tourist visit NYC.
 
2010-07-27 12:59:25 PM
tofoomeister: Treygreen13:

If you're such a cockbag of a waiter that a 15% gratuity is insulting then you need to get a different job.

If you're such a broke cheapass that an extra 5% gratuity is going to break the bank then you need to stop eating out in NYC.


So in the magical city of New York, it is more difficult for a waiter to walk my order over to the chefs? Please. My default tip is 20% much of the time, sometimes up to 50% if the service is great. But putting in the article that the "standard tip" is "insulting" makes me laugh.
 
2010-07-27 01:00:17 PM
Treygreen13: "No, it's a great city man. It's a once in a lifetime experience. The city is so alive with humanity. Walking to work was so great, the subway was such an experience. It was magical."
"So why did you leave?"
"That place is a crowded, expensive shiathole."


It can be - and is - both.

New York is often a fantastic city deserving of every good thing said about it. And it's just as often the crowded, pain-in-the-ass hemorrhoid you'd never want to live in deserving of all the insults it gets. Those two statements may sound contradictory, but I don't think they are.

New York is the utterly gorgeous girlfriend you loved to fark and whose body you can't forget, but who was so batshiat crazy that the thought of spending a weekend away with her was enough to have you considering suicide. You had to break up with her before you strangled her, but you'd still consider a booty call because damn was it a nice booty.

/crime part of the slideshow is true. NY is very safe
 
2010-07-27 01:00:27 PM
KatjaMouse: Tax Boy: Pocket Ninja: Besides, everybody knows that the worst tourists in the nation are found in Washington, DC.

STAND ON THE RIGHT, YOU FATASS !

This can't be stressed enough. I can't think of how many connections I've missed because of people screwing around on the escalators or not familiar with universal escalator etiquette. I also dislike the fact that, even during rush hour, families will let their kids wander around the cars. No, they're not native children, only tourists are up before 8 am and on the trains with their kids so that they can get to their appointed Capitol tour nice and early.



I can't stand the morons who jump on the train and stand in the doorway as the door closing announcement is happening. It's like tourists forget their brains while on vacation. Also, they insist on going downtown during rush hour, tha jerks!
 
2010-07-27 01:00:49 PM
Cake Hunter: This is like the time I was walking to work in Philly and someone asked me if I knew where they could get a real "philly cheesesteak" so i shanked the little parrot face and stood over their body shouting "WE'RE OUT OF THEM WE'RE OUT OF THEM."

Not really. I usually just point them to a lunch truck because tourists=money, so I probably shouldn't screw with them.


Just as long as you don't point them to Pat's or Geno's. Yeesh. They may have done it first, but it sure got away from them.
 
2010-07-27 01:00:53 PM
KatjaMouse: This can't be stressed enough. I can't think of how many connections I've missed because of people screwing around on the escalators or not familiar with universal escalator etiquette.

The worst incident I ever had was in Chicago, at the Drake, for the 4th of July. When the elevator came down the bottom floor, there was a group of women on board. My girlfriend and I got on, they stayed on, and there were no buttons lit. We both knew it was odd, but looked at each other and decided not to say anything.

When we hit the 7th floor, they get off with us, huffing and puffing. "FINALLY! That's that mentality, people thinkin' they have to get there first."

At first we thought it was a slight against us for getting off first (being in the front of the elevator), and that they just didn't understand elevator etiquette.

It took us a few minutes to realize that it was much worse than that: they apparently thought the elevator, by default, visited every floor, and didn't know that they have to push a button for the actual floor they want. They were mad at everyone else for pushing buttons, making it 'skip' their floor, and had been riding it up and down the hotel for God knows how long.
 
2010-07-27 01:01:03 PM
Pair-o-Dice: Nashville is a tourist nightmare. If you're wearing a cowboy hat and cowboy boots, guess what? 9 times out of 10, you're a tourist.

I loved Nashville. I didn't see anyone wearing those things when I went.
 
2010-07-27 01:01:15 PM
DaveNukem: Pocket Ninja: You know how you're trying real hard to blend in on your trip to Boston? Well, it isn't working.

You know how you're trying real hard to blend in on your trip to Miami? Well, it isn't working.

You know how you're trying real hard to blend in on your trip to Chicago? Well, it isn't working.

You know how you're trying real hard to blend in on your trip to Seattle? Well, it isn't working.

It's almost like people who've never been to a city before and are visiting it for fun don't automatically know all the stuff that full-time residents know.

Besides, everybody knows that the worst tourists in the nation are found in Washington, DC.

I'm visiting DC with the kids next month. Anybody have advice on where to stay that doesn't suck?

/getting a kick...blah..blah..


The George Washington University Inn. Can walk to the Mall, the Foggy Bottom Metro Station which is blue or orange line which can get you to Arlington Cemetery, Pentagon City or the Smithsonian without having to change trains.

Can walk over to Georgetown from there as well.


Besides
 
2010-07-27 01:01:25 PM
missmez: Efferus X: I don't know much about New York, but this is what I like to wear if I'm taking a friendly stroll through the neighborhood in L.A.:

/Am I doing it right?

Tie-dye? By no means. All Angelenos loathe hippies. San Francisco, Seattle and Portland are way north of here, Moonbeam.


I'm thinking the shirt was selected for the colors, not the style.
 
2010-07-27 01:02:31 PM
shoegaze99: Treygreen13: "No, it's a great city man. It's a once in a lifetime experience. The city is so alive with humanity. Walking to work was so great, the subway was such an experience. It was magical."
"So why did you leave?"
"That place is a crowded, expensive shiathole."

It can be - and is - both.

New York is often a fantastic city deserving of every good thing said about it. And it's just as often the crowded, pain-in-the-ass hemorrhoid you'd never want to live in deserving of all the insults it gets. Those two statements may sound contradictory, but I don't think they are.

New York is the utterly gorgeous girlfriend you loved to fark and whose body you can't forget, but who was so batshiat crazy that the thought of spending a weekend away with her was enough to have you considering suicide. You had to break up with her before you strangled her, but you'd still consider a booty call because damn was it a nice booty.

/crime part of the slideshow is true. NY is very safe


That was my experience when I was there. It felt really safe, felt like a place you'd want to live in for a couple of years and then come back later to visit.
 
2010-07-27 01:02:36 PM
Sarah Palin Bukkake Party: If they think I'm going to tip 20% in a town full of rich Jews, they got another thing coming.

"... another think coming." Think about it.

/phet pheeve.

//It's also, "present OR accounted for. It they're present, of course they're accounted for. It's those who aren't present but are accounted for that you're vouching for. They aren't present, but they're also not missing.
 
2010-07-27 01:02:36 PM
Gonad the Ballbarian: DaveNukem: Pocket Ninja: You know how you're trying real hard to blend in on your trip to Boston? Well, it isn't working.

You know how you're trying real hard to blend in on your trip to Miami? Well, it isn't working.

You know how you're trying real hard to blend in on your trip to Chicago? Well, it isn't working.

You know how you're trying real hard to blend in on your trip to Seattle? Well, it isn't working.

It's almost like people who've never been to a city before and are visiting it for fun don't automatically know all the stuff that full-time residents know.

Besides, everybody knows that the worst tourists in the nation are found in Washington, DC.

I'm visiting DC with the kids next month. Anybody have advice on where to stay that doesn't suck?

/getting a kick...blah..blah..

The George Washington University Inn. Can walk to the Mall, the Foggy Bottom Metro Station which is blue or orange line which can get you to Arlington Cemetery, Pentagon City or the Smithsonian without having to change trains.

Can walk over to Georgetown from there as well.


Besides


woops, meant "Besides, you can walk over to..."
 
2010-07-27 01:03:06 PM
freewill: The worst incident I ever had was in Chicago, at the Drake, for the 4th of July. When the elevator came down the bottom floor, there was a group of women on board. My girlfriend and I got on, they stayed on, and there were no buttons lit. We both knew it was odd, but looked at each other and decided not to say anything.When we hit the 7th floor, they get off with us, huffing and puffing. "FINALLY! That's that mentality, people thinkin' they have to get there first."At first we thought it was a slight against us for getting off first (being in the front of the elevator), and that they just didn't understand elevator etiquette.It took us a few minutes to realize that it was much worse than that: they apparently thought the elevator, by default, visited every floor, and didn't know that they have to push a button for the actual floor they want. They were mad at everyone else for pushing buttons, making it 'skip' their floor, and had been riding it up and down the hotel for God knows how long.

what flat burb where they from where they've never seen an elevator?
 
2010-07-27 01:03:44 PM
tofoomeister: Treygreen13:

If you're such a cockbag of a waiter that a 15% gratuity is insulting then you need to get a different job.

If you're such a broke cheapass that an extra 5% gratuity is going to break the bank then you need to stop eating out in NYC.


Fark the fark off. Most places are already priced up in NY as it is, so that 15% is netting you servers more money than other servers get. You think it's somehow harder to serve in NYC than in other places? Bull-farking-shiat. You don't get a bigger tip just because you say you should.

/Fark hasn't had a tip thread in a while
//We need one
 
2010-07-27 01:04:29 PM
New York's just another city. We just live here. Kevin Phillips BONG: Having been to Seoul, Tokyo...I think New Yorkers should be proud of their cute little city.

*pats New Yorkers on the head, those little scamps!*


Yeah, I've always wanted to know what having to worry about "the last train" feels like too.
 
2010-07-27 01:04:46 PM
Katie98_KT: I think the tourists in DC are the worst because its SO goddamn easy to spot them.

DC only seems to have three types of people:
1. suburban (or rich who live in Dupont, etc). These people are wearing suits, and/or dresses, skirts with heels.
2. College Students/Interns. They look like the above, only with cheaper clothing.
3. tourists.


I'm throwing the brakes on this one. The "rich" people who wear suits and skirts range from the young professional who would be sharing a town house with 2-3 roommates to a top Government contractor. What you want to look for is the quality and make of suit. Now, on weekends you will see a greater variety of preppies (the Georgetown types or Arlington people coming up to party) or Hipsters who populate U Street. However, by Monday morning, they're all wearing the same gray suit and sitting next to one another on the Yellow Line trying to get to work.

As for tourists, they almost always wear matching clothing, jorts and crocks. Ugh... taking a walk at the Mall in the summertime is like seeing a rainbow of that obnoxious footwear on whole families.
 
2010-07-27 01:04:54 PM
They left out the third option on the cabbie lights system...if they are all on (i.e. Off Duty and Medalion light) then the cabby is heading off-duty but still will take a fare that is going in his general direction.

The fourth option is yank a tourist out of the fookin' cab at a red light if you are in a hurry. But that has been frowned on since the heydays of crack and heroin. Stupid NYC.
 
2010-07-27 01:04:55 PM
Oh man the subway map thing is so true, basically everywhere you go that has a métro system.

I live in Paris, and I can totally understand how a tourist would find it confusing enough to break out a map - especially if you don't have any knowledge of the streets, neighborhoods, and landmarks above ground. Whereas I've basically memorized the métro map and the cityscape to the point where if you plopped me down on any random corner I could find a station within 10 minutes of walking, to an outsider the network just looks like a large bowl of multicolored spaghetti:

mappery.com

/my place is on the blue line :-)
 
2010-07-27 01:05:30 PM
Confabulat: Live in someplace cool and offbeat like Birmingham

That's the first time I've heard the West Midlands described as 'cool and offbeat'

/may have misunderstood
 
2010-07-27 01:07:04 PM
KatjaMouse: I'm throwing the brakes on this one. The "rich" people who wear suits and skirts range from the young professional who would be sharing a town house with 2-3 roommates to a top Government contractor. What you want to look for is the quality and make of suit. Now, on weekends you will see a greater variety of preppies (the Georgetown types or Arlington people coming up to party) or Hipsters who populate U Street. However, by Monday morning, they're all wearing the same gray suit and sitting next to one another on the Yellow Line trying to get to work.

As for tourists, they almost always wear matching clothing, jorts and crocks. Ugh... taking a walk at the Mall in the summertime is like seeing a rainbow of that obnoxious footwear on whole families.


fair enough. I'm suburban young professional. I was just generalizing. Just trying to point out how farking easy it is to spot the tourists in DC.
 
2010-07-27 01:07:32 PM
DuPuma: The walking-slowly-while-taking-up-the-whole-damned-sidewalk thing really pisses me off.

/Chicago
//That one still applies


This. Move your ass out of the way. Many of us have someplace to be other than "stuck behind some dipshiat on the sidewalk."
 
2010-07-27 01:08:06 PM
"You Take Up the Whole Sidewalk Yet Walk Very Slowly" This is annoying EVERYWHERE. Pisses me off when I'm at Disneyland and there's a group of a dozen tourists, all lined up shoulder to shoulder so nobody can get by and walking.... very.... slowly...
 
2010-07-27 01:08:18 PM
shoegaze99: tofoomeister: Treygreen13:

If you're such a cockbag of a waiter that a 15% gratuity is insulting then you need to get a different job.

If you're such a broke cheapass that an extra 5% gratuity is going to break the bank then you need to stop eating out in NYC.

Fark the fark off. Most places are already priced up in NY as it is, so that 15% is netting you servers more money than other servers get. You think it's somehow harder to serve in NYC than in other places? Bull-farking-shiat. You don't get a bigger tip just because you say you should.

/Fark hasn't had a tip thread in a while
//We need one


This ain't it.

It isn't the Chicago vs. New York thread, or the DC is worse than anyplace thread either.

This is the nasty New Yorkers vs. brain-dead tourists thread.
 
2010-07-27 01:08:50 PM
shoegaze99: tofoomeister: Treygreen13:

If you're such a cockbag of a waiter that a 15% gratuity is insulting then you need to get a different job.

If you're such a broke cheapass that an extra 5% gratuity is going to break the bank then you need to stop eating out in NYC.

Fark the fark off. Most places are already priced up in NY as it is, so that 15% is netting you servers more money than other servers get. You think it's somehow harder to serve in NYC than in other places? Bull-farking-shiat. You don't get a bigger tip just because you say you should.

/Fark hasn't had a tip thread in a while
//We need one


The guy sounds like he is actually a waiter. I've never had a more infuriating conversation than discussing tipping with a group of servers. Towards the end they were saying, "30% is the bare minimum I think is acceptable. You have to consider how some people don't tip us at all and how sometimes we get scheduled for lunch and nobody shows up so we get paid less than minimum wage."

Tough shiat. It's not my responsibility to make up for the table of canadians who stiffed you.
 
2010-07-27 01:09:12 PM
Katie98_KT: I think the tourists in DC are the worst because its SO goddamn easy to spot them.

DC only seems to have three types of people:
1. suburban (or rich who live in Dupont, etc). These people are wearing suits, and/or dresses, skirts with heels.
2. College Students/Interns. They look like the above, only with cheaper clothing.
3. tourists.

4. Homeless
 
2010-07-27 01:10:11 PM
Genju: Katie98_KT: I think the tourists in DC are the worst because its SO goddamn easy to spot them.

DC only seems to have three types of people:
1. suburban (or rich who live in Dupont, etc). These people are wearing suits, and/or dresses, skirts with heels.
2. College Students/Interns. They look like the above, only with cheaper clothing.
3. tourists.
4. Homeless


That's just part of the backdrop.
 
2010-07-27 01:10:26 PM
Treygreen13: tofoomeister: Treygreen13:

If you're such a cockbag of a waiter that a 15% gratuity is insulting then you need to get a different job.

If you're such a broke cheapass that an extra 5% gratuity is going to break the bank then you need to stop eating out in NYC.

So in the magical city of New York, it is more difficult for a waiter to walk my order over to the chefs? Please. My default tip is 20% much of the time, sometimes up to 50% if the service is great. But putting in the article that the "standard tip" is "insulting" makes me laugh.


I got hit with this in Hasbrouck Heights, NJ. Visible range of NYC so I figure it's the same caliber. The waitress brought me a steak that was well done when I ordered medium rare. She asks how the food is and I tell her nicely but honestly. She says, "Yeah well, sometimes he leaves it on too long when he has a lot of orders," and walks away. So I ate it, with an empty drink the whole night, made worse that she was watching WoF/Jeopardy on the tv behind me, so I was practically in her field of vision the whole time I was in there.

Regardless of it all things mentioned and other issues not mentioned, I still left 15% on the credit receipt because I know what it's like. She catches me in the parking lot to complain. I very calmly told her that a bigger tip is earned, not deserved. She called me an asshole. *sigh*

So I went back in and grabbed the other copy of the credit slip off the table while she watched me. I'm not normally paranoid of people just punching in whatever tip they feel like, but I was that day.
 
2010-07-27 01:10:50 PM
WrestlerManager: shoegaze99: tofoomeister: Treygreen13:

If you're such a cockbag of a waiter that a 15% gratuity is insulting then you need to get a different job.

If you're such a broke cheapass that an extra 5% gratuity is going to break the bank then you need to stop eating out in NYC.

Fark the fark off. Most places are already priced up in NY as it is, so that 15% is netting you servers more money than other servers get. You think it's somehow harder to serve in NYC than in other places? Bull-farking-shiat. You don't get a bigger tip just because you say you should.

/Fark hasn't had a tip thread in a while
//We need one

This ain't it.

It isn't the Chicago vs. New York thread, or the DC is worse than anyplace thread either.

This is the nasty New Yorkers vs. brain-dead tourists thread.


I'll go ahead and say it, I like the pizza in both towns. Vive la différence
 
2010-07-27 01:11:04 PM
if NYers are so friendly then why are their transplants to everywhere else the most obnoxious, rude and pushy people to grace the planet?

seriously. i live in south florida, its FULL of NYers and they are a people i could do without. their accent is horrendous and they argue about every goddamn thing even if they have no clue about it. they think that they can barter or negotiate everything they buy, and they end up looking like asses when they do this. their mannerisms are absolutely horrible. there is not one redeeming quality about them.

/end rant
 
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