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(The Consumerist)   Confessions of an evil Subway "Sandwich Artist"   (consumerist.com) divider line 267
    More: Silly, confessions, sandwich artist, latter, evils  
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31166 clicks; posted to Main » on 06 Jul 2010 at 12:51 PM (4 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2010-07-06 01:34:44 PM
Jaws_Victim: See, if you did that people would complain and make your life worse. This way, it's a minor inconvenience and people will just sit their miserably eating their sad sandwich

This sounds suspiciously like the beginning of Good Omens.
 
2010-07-06 01:35:12 PM
Jeebus Cripes YOU PEOPLE,,,not a SINGLE Chuch the Evil Sandwich Making Guy reference...I hate you all
 
2010-07-06 01:35:37 PM
Noobian Noob: yeah right. only east asians work at subways.


Really? At the ones in the Seattle area, most of the employees are girls in high school.
 
2010-07-06 01:35:54 PM
Dambit! That should have said CHUCK
 
2010-07-06 01:36:09 PM
Nexzus: If you're ever in Vancouver, make a point to visit La Charcuterie Delicatessen (new window) in Surrey. The owner is a mix of Borat and the Soup Nazi, and $6.50 gets you this:

You're lucky, I really miss him. He used to have a place at Boundary and Kingsway, now replaced with a Starbucks. He was a character and a half.

However, the Euro Deli that opened up in the next storefront is almost as good. Not "dear god, I'm going to explode" huge, but still some of the best subs you can get.
 
2010-07-06 01:36:31 PM
The one on Queens Blvd. between the 33rd/40th St. stops off the 7 Train is a real peach. The women working there will come out of the back with a diapered baby on their hip to make your sandwich, sometimes placing the baby's diapered butt on the prep counter, sliding it down the service with your sammich.

Fecal coliform bacteria sauce to go please!
 
2010-07-06 01:37:09 PM
I haven't eaten at Subway in probably 4 years now. Coincidentally, that's about how long I've been working at a grocery store in the deli. I don't remember just why I stopped going, but I think it was after I ate actual deli meat that I realized just how shiatty Subway's prepacked crap is.

I now actually make sandwiches. I'm the sandwich guy at the grocery store. I hate the job and the place and I've been looking elsewhere, but damned if I'm going to make a sandwich that I'm not proud of. Even the lady who came in on the Fourth fifteen minutes before my shift ended and wanted four sandwiches made, all different stuff on 'em. I grumbled and griped and tried to get out of doing it but I did it anyways and I did it well.

I honestly don't understand why someone would want to intentionally fark up making something out of passive-aggressive spite or whatever. I mean, I get that there's people who do it and it probably makes sense, and here ya are, and it's a beautiful day, but I just don't understand it.
 
2010-07-06 01:37:43 PM
Why would you ever trust a sandwich you got while on mass transit? Are there really so many people making sandwiches in subway stations? Guess it's an East Coast thing.
 
2010-07-06 01:38:39 PM
CygnusDarius: Bah. I'll eat the same, you ass-jockey. You might piss off subway snobs, but unless you put salmonella on my sandwich, or spit on it, I won't mind.

Did someone order Salmonella on a Subway Sandwich?

Link (new window)
 
2010-07-06 01:38:45 PM
As a former Subway employee, I gave a shiat. I just wish the company that owned us did. I listened to people, did what they asked, did the assistant manager's job for nearly 2 years at $6/hour, had to work the gas station and the restaurant at the same time but couldn't get any help, etc. etc. etc. I gave a shiat, I don't see how you couldn't unless the person is a total dickhead.

/Subway does not need a goddamned drive through
 
2010-07-06 01:39:08 PM
Rev. Skarekroe: I find sandwich makers at grocery store deli counters make way better sandwiches than the people at Subway.

On the eighth day, God was pretty damn hungry so he created Safeway and caused them to bring forth The Lumberjack. It's a wide 12 inch loaf of crusty french bread stuffed with different cold cuts, cheeses, lettuce, tomato, etc. It costs $10, and I slice off about a quarter of it at a time, re-wrap the rest for later. If I can ever eat a whole one in one sitting that will be the sign that I need to re-evaluate my life. You have to press it down a bit and open wide to get your teeth around it.
 
2010-07-06 01:39:37 PM
Magook: My Subway pet peeve: when they cut my sandwich (sauceless) with the same unwiped knife that they just cut the previous customer's mustard/chipotle sauce/whatever with. I hate mustard with a vengeance and if any of that shiat gets on my sub, you're making it again.

Ugh, I hate dealing with this. It happens everywhere, not just Subway.

I used to go to the cafe in my office building. I would pray not to get the old lady who never wipes the knife, but it was a 50/50 shot on most days. On one instance the knife was so bad that I asked her to wipe it off, and she said "Oh yes of course I always wipe the knife, I just forgot this one time." I have never seen her wipe off the knife before or since.

Another time I asked sometime to wipe the knife and they actually argued with me, saying that it was clean.

Most of the time I just deal with eating mayo on a sandwich that shouldn't have mayo on it.

/cool stories bro etc
 
2010-07-06 01:40:16 PM
I worked at a Dairy Queen , and then a small pizza shop though high school and college. Honestly, the owners being douche bags about portion control made me ramp it up. Evrything went out the way I would want it, unless you were being a prick, or if you order something messy at closing time.
 
2010-07-06 01:41:21 PM
jrshull: The one on Queens Blvd. between the 33rd/40th St. stops off the 7 Train is a real peach. The women working there will come out of the back with a diapered baby on their hip to make your sandwich, sometimes placing the baby's diapered butt on the prep counter, sliding it down the service with your sammich.

Fecal coliform bacteria sauce to go please!


Not bad. Have to remember to skip that one.

For a good show with your lunch, try the one on 7th Ave @ 38th Street. The manager lady is already yelling at you to place your order before you even get in the door, even with 20 people on line ahead of you. Psycho biatch.
 
2010-07-06 01:41:29 PM
KatjaMouse: Spade: Yeah, crazy vegans would make all sorts of demands at the on campus restaurant I worked at during undergrad. It's awesome when you have a giant line and Miss Princess Vegan is demanding you clean everything that might possibly have a single bit of meat on it so that it cannot pass by her precious lips before you make her food. And you're getting paid minimum wage to listen to them rant about the fact you dare to serve meat.

We stored the lettuce next to the ham salad. It was a quick move to get some ham stuck up in the ball of lettuce. None of them ever complained.

My vegetarian roommate went out with us to dinner one night. This was during the period where a lot of us couldn't stand the sight of her and were secretly tolerating her because we all thought that everyone else still liked her. One of her annoyances was that she made a big deal anytime I would cook meat in the apartment, "Eww, it smells like death in here... blah blah blah..."

So we're ordering and it takes her almost 5 minutes to order the soup of the day. It was a lentil soup and she wanted the waiter to find out if it was 100% vegetarian. She wouldn't order until he went to the kitchen and talked to the chef. I think he must have seen the rest of us roll our eyes and huff as she went on a tangent about how she would get ill if she consumed meat broth because he came out and said "Why yes, it's totally cool." Well, fast forward to the end of the meal, she's scraping the bottom of the bowl and there are hunks of pork at the bottom. Funniest look on her face ever as she tried to induce vomiting there.

/No, I'm not kidding about the vomiting
//it's uncool, however, if you did something like to a religious person who are adhering to their dietary restrictions rather than being annoying do-gooders


Vegetarianism, if it's not for religious or medical purposes, it's for the most part a useless trend enforced by first-world precious snowflakes. What would you say if someone in another country offers you a tamale, or a piping hot bowl of goulash, or some roasted guinea pig? .
 
2010-07-06 01:42:08 PM
hungry now

won't someone make me a sammich
 
2010-07-06 01:43:37 PM
Bunnyhat: I'm going to make the same amount of money an hour at Subway if I make the best looking sub in the world compared to if I make a crappy looking sub.

Believe me, this is just a hypothetical, but what if you were offered some kind of stock option or equity sharing program?
 
2010-07-06 01:43:58 PM
A Consumerist "reporter" writing about somebody who does a poor job? Oh, the irony.
 
2010-07-06 01:44:11 PM
dangerdoug: CygnusDarius: Bah. I'll eat the same, you ass-jockey. You might piss off subway snobs, but unless you put salmonella on my sandwich, or spit on it, I won't mind.

Did someone order Salmonella on a Subway Sandwich?

Link (new window)


See, that pisses me off. Of course, I'll be to busy puking and wishing for a quick death to think "gee, maybe I'll kill the idiot that did this to me".
 
2010-07-06 01:44:40 PM
As if you could taste their paper-thin cheese in the first place, tessellated or not...
 
2010-07-06 01:46:05 PM
That is a sad story -- I wasn't expecting to feel pity today.
 
2010-07-06 01:46:10 PM
the sandwich monkeys artists at the subway near my office always make my sandwich perfectly... cheese properly arranged, good overlap with the meat slices, good amounts of lettuce, tomatoes, pickles, etc.
 
2010-07-06 01:47:34 PM
Sergeant Grumbles: At the majority of fast food restaurants, workers will never, ever get paid beyond a dollar above minimum wage

There are valid reasons for this.
 
2010-07-06 01:47:59 PM
You know how I know Chris has Erectile Dysfunction and/or a pencil dick?
 
2010-07-06 01:50:44 PM
kumanoki: Knucklepopper: I only came in here to mock Fark for posting stupid Consumerist articles but after seeing all the expelled rage in this thread against old Chris, I have determined that we have failed as a species.

Who the fark is this in the picture? I've figured out many of the memes here over the last couple of years, but not this one.

/Thanks.
 
2010-07-06 01:51:16 PM
booger42: You know how I know Chris has Erectile Dysfunction and/or a pencil dick?

He's your ex?
 
2010-07-06 01:51:39 PM
KatjaMouse: //it's uncool, however, if you did something like to a religious person who are adhering to their dietary restrictions rather than being annoying do-gooders

Hah -- so if you decide to be obnoxious yourself, that deserves derision, but if you an old book of fairy-tails tells you to be obnoxious, that's somehow better?

/always amused while watching my "Jewish" friends eat ribs & shrimp
//so far, none have been struck-dead
 
2010-07-06 01:52:47 PM
Bunnyhat: make me some tea: Pet peeve: sloppy sandwich preparers.

Seriously, how f*cking hard is it to arrange presliced meat and cheese on top of bread so that it doesn't fall out all over the place as soon as you unwrap it?

I stopped going to those awful sandwich chains in large part because of the idiots who don't give a rat's ass about the food they're preparing.


I'm going to make the same amount of money an hour at Subway if I make the best looking sub in the world compared to if I make a crappy looking sub.


That's why there is a tip jar, and why it's usually empty.
 
2010-07-06 01:54:12 PM
Abox: I used to go to a Subway in Austin where they'd cut a divot lengthwise out of the top of the bread, lay in the ingredients, then place the divot on top. I don't know if they were going for a breadbowl thing but it didn't work...the cut was never quite wide or deep enough so the net effect was like simply plopping the meat and veggies on top of an uncut roll then balancing another piece of bread on top. Thundercloud was much better if you could manage not to look at the employees.

Everybody always told me that, and when I finally went to Thundercloud I was disappoint. Didn't like the bread. As for the divot thing, they started making all Subways do that for some reason. Never could figure out why.

as for the rest, I worked at a Subway in NC for almost 2 yrs while going to school so I am really getting a kick......

While I never engaged in any tom foolery with the foodstuffs, I did find that it was the ultimate slacker job. I could do that job so farked up I could barely see straight and still make a killer sandwich.
 
2010-07-06 01:54:20 PM
I stopped going to subway because of the divot in the bread cutting method. About 15 years ago, I guess.
 
2010-07-06 01:54:25 PM
CygnusDarius [TotalFark] Quote 2010-07-06 01:41:29 PM

Vegetarianism, if it's not for religious or medical purposes, it's for the most part a useless trend enforced by first-world precious snowflakes. What would you say if someone in another country offers you a tamale, or a piping hot bowl of goulash, or some roasted guinea pig? .

>>>

go to India with that attitude, moran
 
2010-07-06 01:54:50 PM
shivashakti: make me some tea:
I stopped going to those awful sandwich chains in large part because of the idiots who don't give a rat's ass about the food they're preparing.

It's fast food. You expect them to care? They're working their asses off for crappy pay and sh*tty benefits. Granted, you should have pride in the things you do. However, if you work in a Subway, you've already given up on concepts like pride and do what you have to do in order to get by.


Getting a better job after Subway will be harder if you are fired from Subway because you can't even make a dang sandwich.
 
2010-07-06 01:57:22 PM
jshine: KatjaMouse: //it's uncool, however, if you did something like to a religious person who are adhering to their dietary restrictions rather than being annoying do-gooders

Hah -- so if you decide to be obnoxious yourself, that deserves derision, but if you an old book of fairy-tails tells you to be obnoxious, that's somehow better?

/always amused while watching my "Jewish" friends eat ribs & shrimp
//so far, none have been struck-dead


There is a story of a Russian Jew, conscripted into the Soviet Army during World War Two. He notes that the mess hall has pork every night of the week for a lengthy stretch, and being Jewish, has a conundrum. He goes to his rabbi. Should he eat it and violate Jewish law, or not eat it, and at worst starve, at best be a poor soldier for his homeland?

The rabbi said "Eat it, but don't suck on the bone."

Hospitality is one area where Jewish law seems to have some flex. If all you had were ribs (say, you didn't know your friends were Jews), hospitality allows them to eat it.
 
2010-07-06 01:57:26 PM
The Angry Hand of God: Is it possible to make a sandwich from Subway good? I have never left there without feeling disappointed.

I love Subway sandwiches. First of all, it's a sandwich, if all the ingredients are in there, then how can it be made bad? Seriously, I don't care if there are "cheeseless bites" or whatever. You don't need to even have to have graduated from kindergarten to make a sandwich.

Meatball sub = good
BMT = good (I asked the owned what BMT meant, he had no idea)
Spicy Italian = good

Actually, it's all good because sandwiches are good.
 
2010-07-06 01:57:27 PM
LemSkroob: For a good show with your lunch, try the one on 7th Ave @ 38th Street. The manager lady is already yelling at you to place your order before you even get in the door, even with 20 people on line ahead of you. Psycho biatch.

I didn't eat at the one I described, thankfully I saw that display before ordering. I was only in there due to moron co-workers. We left and that was the last time I ever stepped foot in a Subway. I have never liked their product, the par-baked bread they use smells like yeast-gone-bad, even when walking past.

I may have to check the one you describe out for entertainment purposes. People like her are what keep NYC fun. They are fun to f*ck with, or to watch being f*cked with.
 
2010-07-06 01:57:52 PM
jshine: KatjaMouse: //it's uncool, however, if you did something like to a religious person who are adhering to their dietary restrictions rather than being annoying do-gooders

Hah -- so if you decide to be obnoxious yourself, that deserves derision, but if you an old book of fairy-tails tells you to be obnoxious, that's somehow better?

/always amused while watching my "Jewish" friends eat ribs & shrimp
//so far, none have been struck-dead


Hey, I baked two separate cakes for a birthday because we had one Mormon friend. He's not annoying about it but either way I'm not the kind of person to be a b*tch towards someone's religious inclinations. Even if they're weirdo Martian Mormons.

/I realize that the rum bakes out
//my rum cake glaze, however, will f*ck you up
///another recipe dad gave me
 
2010-07-06 01:58:02 PM
My only problem with Subway is that they often ignore words other than those that name the toppings.

They don't hear "a little lettuce" or "lots of oil"; they just hear "lettuce" and "oil".

Oh, and what's with the attitude when I ask you to toast it after putting the veggies on? It doesn't sate the desire for a hot sandwich when you pile ice-cold vegetables on it.

Seriously, I'd leave a tip if they'd let me make my own sandwich.
 
2010-07-06 01:58:39 PM
you_idiot: Spicy Italian = good

Man, those are good.
 
2010-07-06 01:59:00 PM
Bunnyhat: make me some tea: Pet peeve: sloppy sandwich preparers.

Seriously, how f*cking hard is it to arrange presliced meat and cheese on top of bread so that it doesn't fall out all over the place as soon as you unwrap it?

I stopped going to those awful sandwich chains in large part because of the idiots who don't give a rat's ass about the food they're preparing.


I'm going to make the same amount of money an hour at Subway if I make the best looking sub in the world compared to if I make a crappy looking sub.



So now we know what kind of employee and person you are.
You can use that rationale about any job. Even a CEO can say "well I get my $250,000 bonus whether I meet with these stockbrokers or not". Except anyone in his position wouldn't say that because it takes work, not slobby laziness to become a CEO.

Take pride in what you do. Doesn't matter if you're cleaning toilets. You might be getting minimum wage, but at least you can say I did this work, and did it to the best of my ability.

Have fun falling wherever you land in life, cause with that attitude, you won't be "going" anywhere. At least not on purpose.
 
2010-07-06 01:59:52 PM
Why does Subway pull a profit every year?

Two words...

Jared.

That former fat ass lost weight because he walked 500 miles a day and happened to be too damn lazy to make his own food, so he ate a subway sandwich for lunch and dinner. Now he makes 6 or 7 figures saying.. HEY FAT ASSES, come to subway and lose weight. Look how big my pants were, and look at me now! Just eat Subway sandwiches all day and you can be like me. (Never mentioning on the commercials that he walked miles and miles a day to lose the weight.)
Subway takes advantage of an relatively untapped market... Dieters. There really isn't a good place for people who are dieting (Especially weight watchers) to go and pretty much know what they are getting. A few other places have dabbled into it, but have not went full out like Subway has. The beauty of it was that they didn't have to change anything, they actually MAKE more money on the dieters because it is always "No cheese, no mayo, light on this, light on that". The price of the initial sandwich is figured with cheese and condiments already added in.

/Yes, I sound fat.
//I'm workin' on it, shut up or I'll eat you.
 
2010-07-06 02:03:54 PM
Prank Call of Cthulhu: Meh. Chris is an underachiever. He'd tremble at the sheer deviousness of my local sandwich artist who somehow manages to coat each yellow pepper slice with mustard, then springload them so that upon attempting to each the sandwich my shirt gets divebombed with fluorescent yellow flying pepper slices.

Helpful hint... lean forward over your plate when eating, instead of leaning backwards away from it.
 
2010-07-06 02:04:13 PM
Sword and Shield: Hospitality is one area where Jewish law seems to have some flex. If all you had were ribs (say, you didn't know your friends were Jews), hospitality allows them to eat it.

Heh -- I've got some friends who love BBQ and preferentially order ribs at restaurants (why I put Jewish in quotes). It's not by necessity -- it's by choice.
 
2010-07-06 02:06:24 PM
Big Al: CygnusDarius [TotalFark] Quote 2010-07-06 01:41:29 PM

Vegetarianism, if it's not for religious or medical purposes, it's for the most part a useless trend enforced by first-world precious snowflakes. What would you say if someone in another country offers you a tamale, or a piping hot bowl of goulash, or some roasted guinea pig? .

>>>

go to India with that attitude, moran


Where cows are sacred?.
 
2010-07-06 02:07:56 PM
dangerdoug: I'm workin' on it, shut up or I'll eat you.

gotta catch me first, fatboy. ;)
 
2010-07-06 02:08:22 PM
You can just take that brown lettuce and green/white tomatoes back the fark of my sammich. kthx.
 
2010-07-06 02:10:06 PM
Bunnyhat: I'm going to make the same amount of money an hour at Subway if I make the best looking sub in the world compared to if I make a crappy looking sub.

But you'll move up faster as you would clearly possess and display the attributes required to actually be allowed to wield more responsibility, pay.

Your logic is the problem. It's lazy and selfish. Enjoy making shiatty sandwiches for the rest of your life.
 
2010-07-06 02:10:29 PM
My small town doesn't know what a deli sandwich is. I have to go to a larger city like Portland to get one. Of course, the only reason to open a deli around here is because you actually want to put in lottery machines and need to serve something, anything, to be legal about it.
 
2010-07-06 02:12:01 PM
Screwing with people who are being unreasonable pricks is one thing, but just dicking people around because you hate your shiatty job is just pathetic.
 
2010-07-06 02:12:34 PM
CygnusDarius: some roasted guinea pig? .

Depends. Is it tessalated?
/Worked 12 years making sandwiches.
//Bought a house and brand new truck doing that.
///I was a farking ledgend at that shop. (the college kids told me)
 
2010-07-06 02:16:58 PM
KatjaMouse: jshine: KatjaMouse: //it's uncool, however, if you did something like to a religious person who are adhering to their dietary restrictions rather than being annoying do-gooders

Hah -- so if you decide to be obnoxious yourself, that deserves derision, but if you an old book of fairy-tails tells you to be obnoxious, that's somehow better?

/always amused while watching my "Jewish" friends eat ribs & shrimp
//so far, none have been struck-dead

Hey, I baked two separate cakes for a birthday because we had one Mormon friend. He's not annoying about it but either way I'm not the kind of person to be a b*tch towards someone's religious inclinations. Even if they're weirdo Martian Mormons.

/I realize that the rum bakes out
//my rum cake glaze, however, will f*ck you up
///another recipe dad gave me


Actually, it doesn't!

Link (new window)
 
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