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(Telegraph)   Shopping could make men impotent, claim scientists who've obviously been forced to sit outside fitting rooms holding a purse   (telegraph.co.uk) divider line 30
    More: Obvious, hazardous substances, mood disorders, baby bottles, rogue states, BPA, chemical compounds, estrogens, metabolism  
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2023 clicks; posted to Geek » on 29 Jun 2010 at 9:45 PM (4 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2010-06-29 10:00:57 PM
I imagine womenz be shopinz on your dime will shrivel up your nads better than cold water.

/ladies make the bread these days now with manufacturing and construction dead.
 
2010-06-29 10:02:19 PM
My ex, 6 years ago, took me with her as she went shopping. She needed work pants. She was a D cup, five foot tall and had an ass that Sir Mix a Lot sang about. Each time she stepped out of the fitting room she'd ask "Does my butt look big in these?" And "Do you like these better than the previous pair?"

Finally, after an hour of this, I snapped and said "I have seen a one woman parade of you in a series of one pair of black slacks after another. Honestly, I can't tell the difference. Honestly, I don't give a damn, and yes, you ass looks big in those slacks. You have a big ass and unless you get some doctor to suck the fat out of that ass, your ass will look big in any pair of pants you put on."

After we broke up (a little over a year from that shopping trip), I told that story to later girlfriends. Not as an amusing story, but as to why I don't want to go clothes shopping. I told the woman that I later married (married Oct of 2009) that I will go clothes shopping with her the day she arranges a threesome with me, her and her hot friend of my choice. We've been together over three years and have yet to be dragged clothes shopping.
 
2010-06-29 10:02:28 PM
I think I enjoy clothes shopping more than my wife. In fact, I just bought some seriously snazzy shirts. It was pricey, but they look pretty sweet.

//Cue "You know how I know you're gay"
 
2010-06-29 10:06:01 PM
I hate going shopping with my wife, mainly because I hate shopping but otherwise because I have to entertain our two highly active girls in a very small area around the fitting room.
 
2010-06-29 10:10:37 PM
Oh, now I've TFAed. BPA again? And seriously- the amount you might get off a receipt? Considering the potentially harmful dosages of BPA are measured in micrograms/kilogram/day, over an extended period of time: no. Just, no.

Infants may be at risk from BPA exposure. It can damage the environment. It isn't terribly dangerous to adult humans.

I work for a company that was one of the first to market with non-BPA containers. Their logic was, "Look, there's limited evidence as to the actual dangers of BPA. But it's not worth fighting that battle. We'll keep our BPA container on the market and sell this brand new non-BPA container at a much higher profit margin. Everybody wins!"
 
2010-06-29 10:13:12 PM
Damn. That's probably why none of my guy friends like to shop. They don't want me to hinder their development.
 
2010-06-29 10:44:53 PM
I don't mind going shopping with women when it's at a mall with a bar. I guess it's not really "shopping with" when I sit in a bar and get hammered for two hours while she shops, but I feel like it should count.
 
2010-06-29 10:48:00 PM
Yeah, Clothes Shopping with your girlfriend/wife/sister/mother/grandmother/female cousin will always be hell.

Don't do it.
 
2010-06-29 10:49:19 PM
profile.ak.fbcdn.net

My wife will never cook or clean,
She still the money spends.
Who knew when I first chose my mate
That she would put on that much weight.
Or sex we like for sure,
If it only worked with her.
Please K-I-L-L, K-I-L-L me, me, me.
 
2010-06-29 10:53:45 PM
NuttierThanEver: My wife will never cook or clean,
She still the money spends.
Who knew when I first chose my mate
That she would put on that much weight.
Or sex we like for sure,
If it only worked with her.
Please K-I-L-L, K-I-L-L me, me, me.


What's That? BUY MORE, BUY MORE? MWAHAHAHAHA. I love Peg Bundy.
 
2010-06-29 11:25:09 PM
I'll go shopping with a woman when we're strictly buying stuff for me and it's a situation where I don't think my tastes in clothes will be good enough of a judge for whatever I'm buying. They can be quite helpful.

But a GF wanting me to go shopping with them? Hells to the no. Go find another girl or a gay dude to go with you.
 
2010-06-29 11:36:07 PM
I find the best way to enjoy time with someone is to first make sure they're miserable. Then it's fun for everyone!
 
2010-06-29 11:36:09 PM
Yeah, going shopping with a woman (when she's buying anything at all) is a bad move.

I swear, I spent less time planning my last international vacation than she spends choosing a new purse.
 
2010-06-29 11:39:47 PM
t3knomanser: I work for a company that was one of the first to market with non-BPA containers. Their logic was, "Look, there's limited evidence as to the actual dangers of BPA. But it's not worth fighting that battle. We'll keep our BPA container on the market and sell this brand new non-BPA container at a much higher profit margin. Everybody wins!"

So you don't understand science but you managed to bumblefark your way to good decisions anyhow. Good for you! I honestly wish things worked out this way more often.
 
2010-06-29 11:41:41 PM
I hear ya, subby.
 
2010-06-30 12:13:30 AM
I have no problem clothes shopping with my wife. All the chicks that come out of the dressing rooms half dressed is a big plus. A lot of them are pretty hot too.
 
2010-06-30 12:18:49 AM
I enjoy clothes shopping with my wife. Of course, I tell her the truth when something looks awful on her, and I've gotten her to buy some very nice (read sexy) clothes she might not have bought otherwise.

Shoe shopping... can be a nightmare.

The record is 8 stores in two days to find a single pair of casual shoes, with two kids in tow the whole time.

//But this is about chemically reactive receipts, not the actual shopping experience.
 
2010-06-30 12:30:57 AM
-1 subby, for gender binary assumptions
 
2010-06-30 12:48:16 AM
Of course shoppin make men impotent. Who you thinks carries da wallet?
 
2010-06-30 07:30:07 AM
Klasik: -1 subby, for gender binary assumptions

You've obviously never been in a relationship. If I had a son today I'd tell him this :

Boy, you're probably going to want to be in a long-term relationship with a woman someday. I know that day's a long,long way off right now, but It means you need to start practicing three things: Judgement, having a spine and self-defense.

Firstly, you need to be able to defend yourself against people who want to hurt you.

Second, you need to make good decisions that are in line with your vision of who you want to be as a person and the moral world you want to live in.

Thirdly, you need a spine. Lots of people will try to get you to go what they want when they want, and they will offer you lots of things - from vag to unlimited misery. You must be able to know how and when to resist these forces when they are corrupting. You must also know how to be gracious and kind when you have been wrong or just plain stupid.

How does this have to do with a long-term relationship? There are going to times in your relationship when your wife or GF has an opinion, or wants to do something, or says she needs something, When in fact SHE IS WRONG. She may even know that she is wrong at the time. It may seem like you might just let it go and give in, but this pattern of behavior is fraught with troubles.

The fact is - most women don't know what they want or what they should do most of the time. Even brilliant, educated, wise women can fall into a number of situations where their judgement is compromised. In a relationship, your role is to be the protector, and sometimes the enemy of your relationship is her. Build trust, but always be ready to stand up for her, and yourself and those you care about. Not out of pride or arrogance, but out of trust, love, duty and honor.
 
2010-06-30 08:14:26 AM
www.reelingreviews.com

rubi_con_man: Boy, you're probably going to want to be in a long-term relationship with a woman someday. I know that day's a long,long way off right now, but It means you need to start practicing three things: Judgement, having a spine and self-defense.

...
 
2010-06-30 09:29:52 AM
See, I did the opposite. When I went shopping with my wife, I actually tried to make constructive suggestions. She shot down every one. Then, because I realized my presence was totally pointless, I switched to making outlandish (but sexy) suggestions for outfits. No matter what, she's going to come back with the same hoodie-over-frumpy-blouse-and-Gaucho-pants look that screams "I have utterly given up on my body".

So I make her loathe me enough while shopping that she no longer desires to shop with me.

It's win/win!
 
2010-06-30 09:40:14 AM
This: When I went shopping with my wife, I actually tried to make constructive suggestions. She shot down every one.

pretty much the same here. she asks for my opinion between two things, and i don't have an opinion because i don't care which she buys, but i'll pick one. then she chooses the opposite.

her:"the blue shoes or red shoes?"
me:"uh, the blue shoes"
her:"i like the red shoes better"
then we get home and she's mad i don't like her red shoes, even though i probably do. yay.
but i do try to be honest with her when i do have an opinion. we went shopping recently and she bought these ugly pants. she asked afterwards when we got home if i liked the pants, and i said no. she said she'd take them back and i told her if she liked them to keep them. she took them back.

/that story was so boring i almost fell asleep typing it. sorry
 
2010-06-30 11:17:28 AM
ajt167
pretty much the same here. she asks for my opinion between two things, and i don't have an opinion because i don't care which she buys, but i'll pick one. then she chooses the opposite.

her:"the blue shoes or red shoes?"
me:"uh, the blue shoes"
her:"i like the red shoes better"
then we get home and she's mad i don't like her red shoes, even though i probably do. yay.
but i do try to be honest with her when i do have an opinion. we went shopping recently and she bought these ugly pants. she asked afterwards when we got home if i liked the pants, and i said no. she said she'd take them back and i told her if she liked them to keep them. she took them back.


This. Why do you even have me along if you're going to ignore my opinion? And don't shriek at me when I've wandered off five steps out of sheer boredom after you've been in there for 15 minutes.

/that story was so boring i almost fell asleep typing it. sorry

It wasn't boring, it was a Shared Bonding Moment or some International Brotherhood of Henpecked Dudes meeting or something.
 
2010-06-30 11:39:31 AM
I grew up with two sisters, and had mostly hot female friends. While not actually being gay, I unfortunately fulfilled the role of gay friend disturbingly often. The trick, like with all set backs in life, is to use that to your advantage.

Here's what you're going to need:

1) Patience. This is going to take time. Entertaining yourself while shopping is a marathon, not sprint.
2) A significant other, friend, or other female companion that you enjoy looking at. This part is critical. While I started on the path to enlightenment with family members, they don't provide any value in that context, and aren't worth the effort, except as practice.
3) Finally, a basic acceptance from the person in #2 that you are mostly "safe", mostly "harmless", and some significant portion of dirty perv. This is critical because without some level of the girl saying, "Mr Guy is just being pervy, he's harmless" you won't be able to achieve advanced levels in this sport.


Basic Shopping Technique For Beginners

Rules:
1. You aren't allowed to not have an opinion.
2. Good taste is option, not required. Fake good taste can be found by watching your female companion's head, and commenting on whatever she's ABOUT to pick up. The actual comment is generally unimportant.
3. As in all life, your goal is to get the female companion to dress like a slut for you, personally, in things she'd never wear otherwise. Her goal is presumably to purchase clothing, but from years of study, her goal seems relatively unimportant to her, so why should it be important to you?
4. The game ends in three possible ways:
A) You get laid, and you win.
B) She determines you're not actually being helpful, and shopping is over, and you win.
C) You earn brownie points which can be redeemed in future shopping trips or sexual experiences, and you win.

Beginner Strategy Tips

1. Stop lying. Admit you do care when your female companion looks hot. It doesn't matter if only a specific part of you cares.
2. Pick a feature on the first outfit you vaguely like her in. It doesn't matter what it is. If you are confident in your taste, pick your own feature. Otherwise seize on the first feature that she either strongly expresses a like or dislike for. From then on, refer to this feature.
Protip: Listen for positive or negative words associated with the following foreign language made up girl words -- pleat, ruffle, hemline, collar, fit, pockets, waist, beads, pattern, print, style. Use these phrases against her as follows, "Sure, that one is nice, but it doesn't have the [animal print/cinched waist/great bust line] as the [COLOR][TYPE OF CLOTHING] that looked so good on you".
3. State an opinion that encourages her to keep shopping. This is about stamina. Before very long, she'll feel like she owes you, and will toss you a bone or two in the form of something very appealing to look at. You want to encourage her to think barter system. She's exchanging shallow visual stimulation for your companionship and opinions, so make sure you have some, and stay positive about the shopping experience. Plus, she'll remember that you're "usually such a good shopper" on those times when you just don't feel like dealing with it.
4. Finally, be honest, and gradual. Give her something slutty to wear, talk her into trying it on "just for you", and then agree yes she looks like a total whore in that, how silly of you for having suggested it.


Comments for beginners to memorize

1. Wow, [intimate nickname], you just look WOW in that.
2. Ok, that was a terrible idea, you're right. You look really skanky in that. Maybe try it with a different [top/skirt/jeans/color]?
3. That's not the best for you, you know how this place only designs clothes for [DEROGATORY COMMENT ON FEATURE NOT MATCHING HER (fat girls/skinny biatches/old ladies/tiny teen girls/girls with no curves)
4. I love the [FEATURE] on that [ARTICLE], it makes your [FEATURE SHE'S SENSITIVE ABOUT] look GREAT
5. That's pretty too, but I really liked the [ARBITRARILY PICKED ARTICLE YOU LIKED]. It had [RANDOM FEATURE SHE MENTIONED] and this one doesn't.
6. Nah, I didn't see anything that I thought would look good on you anyway, let's try [NEARBY STORE]



Quitters go home and watch ESPN Ocho on the couch. Winners have their girlfriends and their girlfriend's girlfriends compare bras from Victoria Secret for you, so you can FINALLY understand the difference between styles, cause they all look the same to you. Silly man, can't even tell the difference between a 34 C and a 36 B no matter how many times we show you the difference...
 
2010-06-30 11:59:43 AM
Mr Guy: I grew up with two sisters, and had mostly hot female friends. While not actually being gay, I unfortunately fulfilled the role of gay friend disturbingly often. The trick, like with all set backs in life, is to use that to your advantage.

Here's what you're going to need:


Jeebus, dude. I have to say, being a full on manly man who never even gave a moment's thought to sitting through clothes shopping is the better deal. I get to see and handle the goods without all that BS.
 
2010-06-30 12:11:46 PM
You guys pretending to be big men who refuse to go shopping with your wife/girl are far from big men.

What are you 5 years old? You can't spend an afternoon doing what somebody else wants to do?

Big deal, you have a boring day while she finds some clothes. Big deal, she asks your opinion but doesn't always agree with it.

Get over yourself. Take some precious hours out of your day to make your girl happy. She just wants to spend time with you.

Maybe she'll do something you want to do next week.
 
2010-06-30 12:13:24 PM
ajt167: then we get home and she's mad i don't like her red shoes, even though i probably do. yay.

My boss did that to me when I said I don't care for red so much when he was looking at phones. He's like my car is red. And? Why does he care if I like the color of his damn phone?
 
2010-06-30 12:21:25 PM
Mr Guy: Blah blah blah

Wow. All that would have sounded great when I was 14.

MugzyBrown: Maybe she'll do something you want to do next week.

img1.fark.net
 
2010-06-30 12:31:20 PM
cdn3.knowyourmeme.com
 
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