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(Nerve)   Sex advice from Juggalos - the face-painted fans of ICP   (nerve.com) divider line 243
    More: Interesting, Oh Shit, tattoos, vaginas  
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20717 clicks; posted to Main » on 25 Jun 2010 at 12:19 PM (3 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2010-06-25 01:17:39 PM
rattchett: asmodeus224: I think that article gave me AIDS

Gave me a bad case of the cancer-aids.


Cancer-aids sounds like a breakfast cereal.

/"Cancer-AIDS! Part of a balanced breakfast."
 
2010-06-25 01:17:54 PM
Defiance_: The only way I can imagine getting useful advice about sex from a Juggalo is if you and your girlfriend are too fat to fark. There have got to be secret Juggalo positions for exactly this.

It involves magnets.
 
2010-06-25 01:18:35 PM
MDGeist: Let's see, ICP fan writes an article and is nice and respectable.

Fark, makes fun of said fan using race and dead babies.

Yea I'll take the ICP fan over you guys any day.


No one is stopping you...go on Juggaloo...git yer FAygo on and hit the smoke, ninja...life is all up in this shiat!
 
2010-06-25 01:19:00 PM
killahgrag: madcan34: killahgrag: Keigh: as a former juggalette, i'm getting a kick out of this thread

But... You're pretty... and not 500 pounds.

/does not compute

She said 'former'

True, but I believe there would be some kind of residual "jugginess" that would brand her a juggette for the rest of her life.

Not that I would complain, if I were her. She looks like rehab was great for her.


Well, I haven't lost any weight or even had rehab (for quitters). I never was a hardcore juggalette though, never painted my face or even wore the hoodies.

And the truth is, I still enjoy ICP. Comes up on my ipod fairly frequently. This pleases me a lot when I'm at work and I can imagine slashing my boss's head off with a hatchet.

Maybe i'm a GWAR fan, but of ICP. I realize it's a joke. It always has been. I thought everyone knew that, but recently i've seen that I was wrong. But I'm still entertained by it, and still manage to be a normal (?) member of society.

/thanks for calling me pretty! :D
 
2010-06-25 01:19:49 PM
rattchett: asmodeus224: I think that article gave me AIDS

Gave me a bad case of the cancer-aids.


I see you read past the third paragraph. You poor poor bastard
 
2010-06-25 01:21:25 PM
MDGeist: Let's see, ICP fan writes an article and is nice and respectable.

Fark, makes fun of said fan using race and dead babies.

Yea I'll take the ICP fan over you guys any day.


We accept you, one of us! Gooble, Gobble, One of us!
 
2010-06-25 01:21:50 PM
Keigh: and still manage to be a normal (?) member of society.

I think at some level we are all not normal. I don't know if I'd want to meet anyone who *was* 100% normal. That would be no fun.

/wife and I are both bi-polar
//now *that's* fun!!
 
2010-06-25 01:25:13 PM
juggalo news was pretty darn funny. thanks for that link
 
2010-06-25 01:26:10 PM
Inibrius: I've got my eye on a Juggalo, but I'm not a Juggalette. Should I just give up?
If you have boobs then they'll be interested.

What's the best way to pick up a Juggalo?
Try a winch.

What's the craziest thing you've seen at a Juggalo event?
Your mom in face paint.

Wait, what's a neden hole?
That's what we called your mom in face paint.

Do Juggalos have sex in clown makeup?
Yep. That way they don't know which guy they're ass-farking.

I've been getting serious with a guy. The more I get to know him, the more I realize he's super Christian. I'm not even a little bit. Should I end it?
Yes. Get your whole head in front of the shotgun.


I was really into this girl. Recently, I looked through her iPod and noticed it was nothing but Ke$ha and Lady Gaga. Is "terrible taste" an okay reason to break things off?
Start with a pinky and work your way up.

My girlfriend hooked up with one of her girlfriends and I got mad. She said it didn't count as cheating, but I'm pissed. Isn't it cheating no matter who it's with?
You're a homo.


/You sir, are a genius
//insert golf clap here
 
2010-06-25 01:26:59 PM
"Sex advice from Juggalos"


That makes me very unhappy in my pants.
 
2010-06-25 01:28:29 PM
The "is my girlfriend cheating if she has lesbian sex?" advice was interesting
 
2010-06-25 01:35:41 PM
Ashtrey: Holy crap, most of what they said seemed very sensible and open-minded about respecting other people's choices and not judging them for things that you aren't into.

Shame about the shiatty taste in music.


This. Color me surprised. Guess there's a lot I don't know about juggalos.
 
2010-06-25 01:35:51 PM
There are a lot of things I don't get... One of those things is "Juggalos" and their obsession with ICP.
 
2010-06-25 01:37:04 PM
MDGeist: Let's see, ICP fan writes an article and is nice and respectable.

Fark, makes fun of said fan using race and dead babies.

Yea I'll take the ICP fan over you guys any day.


You don't see the magic up in this biatch?
 
2010-06-25 01:38:19 PM
This thread is worthless without voting.
 
2010-06-25 01:39:03 PM
Mudflap: MDGeist: Let's see, ICP fan writes an article and is nice and respectable.

Fark, makes fun of said fan using race and dead babies.

Yea I'll take the ICP fan over you guys any day.

You don't see the magic up in this biatch?


Farking rainbows.
 
2010-06-25 01:40:41 PM
Juggalos: always a comedy killer.

4.bp.blogspot.com
 
2010-06-25 01:41:51 PM
I've got my eye on a Juggalo, but I'm not a Juggalette. Should I just give up?

Don't think of it as giving up so much as it is dodging a bullet. Also you should consider some very deep soul-searching to understand why you have such atrocious taste in men.

What's the best way to pick up a Juggalo?

Giant fishhook through the chest cavity.

What's the craziest thing you've seen at a Juggalo event?

If I actually went to one, it would surely be the sight of myself caught at a Juggalo event and not even having the dignity to at least be caught dead.

Wait, what's a neden hole?

If I am guessing the context properly, it is Juggalo-speak for "a hole that your penis goes into."

A neden hole is your hand lubed with greasepaint.

Do Juggalos have sex in clown makeup?

Sorry, you lost me at the thought of Juggalos having sex. I don't want to do this any more. Next question.

I've been getting serious with a guy. The more I get to know him, the more I realize he's super Christian. I'm not even a little bit. Should I end it?

No, go for it. Be sure to raise the kids half Christian and half Juggalo. Fark always needs new stories.

I was really into this girl. Recently, I looked through her iPod and noticed it was nothing but Ke$ha and Lady Gaga. Is "terrible taste" an okay reason to break things off?

I'm sorry, I was too preoccupied basking in the sweet, sweet irony of your question to answer it properly. Next.

My girlfriend hooked up with one of her girlfriends and I got mad. She said it didn't count as cheating, but I'm pissed. Isn't it cheating no matter who it's with?

Yes it is. She should have shared with you. Hook up with one of your guy friends in front of her as revenge. Or whatever it takes to prevent you two from reproducing.
 
2010-06-25 01:43:05 PM
Defiance_: The only way I can imagine getting useful advice about sex from a Juggalo is if you and your girlfriend are too fat to fark. There have got to be secret Juggalo positions for exactly this.

i257.photobucket.com
 
2010-06-25 01:46:31 PM
I remember when ICP got big around the late 90's. It wasn't bad at the time -maybe because we were high as fark- they sold a shiatload of albums producing the stuff they do. I didn't know anyone still listened to them and they they were all fat.
 
2010-06-25 01:46:48 PM
Keigh: This pleases me a lot when I'm at work and I can imagine slashing my boss's head off with a hatchet.

How YOU doing?
 
2010-06-25 01:48:11 PM
Azlefty:
I was really into this girl. Recently, I looked through her iPod and noticed it was nothing but Ke$ha and Lady Gaga. Is "terrible taste" an okay reason to break things off?
Why don't you just deflate her?


LOL +1
 
2010-06-25 01:50:16 PM
rattchett: asmodeus224: I think that article gave me AIDS

Gave me a bad case of the cancer-aids.


www.vello42.com
 
2010-06-25 01:50:22 PM
The-Brain: Farking farking, how does it work?

came to post this. Glad it was gotten to already.
 
2010-06-25 01:56:01 PM
Good answers, shiatty music. Answers are far nearer my own than what I'd imagine from fans of mainstream black rap with its gay bashing, worship of consumer culture and objectification of women being preached to the choir.
 
2010-06-25 01:56:08 PM
I'm just a Juggalo
And everywhere I go
People know the pig I'm layin'
 
2010-06-25 01:56:42 PM
not with your **** and someone else pushing.
img.youtube.com
 
2010-06-25 01:57:56 PM
When I was in college I worked the night shift at the Kinko's across the street from a small concert venue. That venue would sometimes host ICP concerts.
For some reason these "Juggalo" idiots would come into Kinko's before/after the show & fark up my shiat. they'd break copiers, steal supplies, trash the place, etc. I'd always have to chase them out.
The next time there was an ICP show (I swear, they played that venue like twice a year) I just closed the place down & hung a sign on the door that read:
"Closed due to Juggalos"


/those people are complete tools, not one redeeming quality amongst any of them.
//CSB!
 
2010-06-25 01:59:28 PM
I win.

I've got my eye on a Juggalo, but I'm not a Juggalette. Should I just give up?

Yes.

What's the best way to pick up a Juggalo?

Don't

What's the craziest thing you've seen at a Juggalo event?

Phil Collins.

Wait, what's a neden hole?

...

Do Juggalos have sex in clown makeup?

Yes, but so did John Wayne Gacy.

I've been getting serious with a guy. The more I get to know him, the more I realize he's super Christian. I'm not even a little bit. Should I end it?

Tie your belt from a ceiling fan and kick a chair out from under your legs.


I was really into this girl. Recently, I looked through her iPod and noticed it was nothing but Ke$ha and Lady Gaga. Is "terrible taste" an okay reason to break things off?

The only thing you're ever going to break off is a Kit-Kat bar.

My girlfriend hooked up with one of her girlfriends and I got mad. She said it didn't count as cheating, but I'm pissed. Isn't it cheating no matter who it's with?

You're mom cheated on your dad and shat you out, ask him how he feels.
 
2010-06-25 02:01:36 PM
fta:Oh, we call vaginas nedens.

And were done
 
2010-06-25 02:03:32 PM
MDGeist: Let's see, ICP fan writes an article and is nice and respectable.

Fark, makes fun of said fan using race and dead babies.

Yea I'll take the ICP fan over you guys any day.


Someone's butthurt.
 
2010-06-25 02:04:44 PM
FunkOut: Why are so many of them obese?

Faygo.
 
2010-06-25 02:06:59 PM
Phil Clinton:

I've been getting serious with a guy. The more I get to know him, the more I realize he's super Christian. I'm not even a little bit. Should I end it?

Tie your belt from a ceiling fan and kick a chair out from under your legs.


I don't think that most ceiling fans are rated for the weight of your average Juggalo.
 
2010-06-25 02:12:44 PM
jagec:


I don't think that most ceiling fans beams are rated for the weight of your average Juggalo.


ftfy
 
2010-06-25 02:14:57 PM
loonatic112358: jagec:


I don't think that most ceiling fans steal beams are rated for the weight of your average Juggalo.

ftfy


embiggened for us all
 
2010-06-25 02:15:19 PM
FunkOut: Why are so many of them obese?

500 grams a day of HFCS from that soda they drink and bathe in ought to do the trick.

/farking calories
//how do they work?
 
2010-06-25 02:17:37 PM
i was buying a bottle of Faygo cream soda at the convienence store and got threatened by these two fat little gothy kids for purchasing that beverage without being part of "the family"

/little bastards.
 
2010-06-25 02:19:56 PM
What's the best way to pick up a Juggalo?
The best way to catch a 'lo or a 'lette's eye is to be yourself. We don't like players or liars. Be confident. Face paint helps, too.

Be so confident that you need face paint?
 
2010-06-25 02:21:16 PM
skybreaker: i was buying a bottle of Faygo cream soda at the convienence store and got threatened by these two fat little gothy kids for purchasing that beverage without being part of "the family"

/little bastards.


did you kick them in their baby nuts?
 
2010-06-25 02:27:34 PM
I actually had to look up Faygo, had never heard of it before. Is it good soda?
 
2010-06-25 02:31:22 PM
Inhalien 2010-06-25 12:59:07 PM
I am blocked from reading this article and I'm okay with that.

Inibrius 2010-06-25 01:10:58 PM
[buncha awesome Juggalo-hate jokes]



You have such similar usernames, in both form and meaning ... are you twins?
 
2010-06-25 02:31:46 PM
hairywoogit: I actually had to look up Faygo, had never heard of it before. Is it good soda?

it's good for 2/$1 stuff.
 
2010-06-25 02:31:57 PM
hairywoogit: I actually had to look up Faygo, had never heard of it before. Is it good soda?


It was until ICP claimed it.
Now you can't buy it without being associated with their retarded fanbase.
 
2010-06-25 02:34:07 PM
hairywoogit: I actually had to look up Faygo, had never heard of it before. Is it good soda?

Faygo is from Detroit, so is ICP. It is good stuff, comes in a jillion flavors.
 
2010-06-25 02:36:09 PM
dontforgettobringatowel: ">
...then I will paint your face. There will also be ranch dressing.


Ok, that was awesome. I haven't seen Smoove B. in years.

There will be three kinds of juice. Then I will rock you doggy style.
 
2010-06-25 02:40:06 PM
i257.photobucket.com
 
2010-06-25 02:41:14 PM
hairywoogit Quote 2010-06-25 02:27:34 PM
I actually had to look up Faygo, had never heard of it before. Is it good soda?


If your parents let you drink soda so much that Mountain Dew tastes like water, and you're concerned enough about heart damage to avoid battery acid energy drinks, then Faygo may be just the very Methadone you are looking for.
 
2010-06-25 02:42:26 PM
Some people "get it" and some don't. Many don't have to.

Brillance is often dismissed as folly. ICP posess a rare gift and it's probably best the vast majority of the population remain ignorant of the true talent.
 
2010-06-25 02:42:33 PM
Keigh: killahgrag: madcan34: killahgrag: Keigh: as a former juggalette, i'm getting a kick out of this thread

But... You're pretty... and not 500 pounds.

/does not compute

She said 'former'

True, but I believe there would be some kind of residual "jugginess" that would brand her a juggette for the rest of her life.

Not that I would complain, if I were her. She looks like rehab was great for her.

Well, I haven't lost any weight or even had rehab (for quitters). I never was a hardcore juggalette though, never painted my face or even wore the hoodies.

And the truth is, I still enjoy ICP. Comes up on my ipod fairly frequently. This pleases me a lot when I'm at work and I can imagine slashing my boss's head off with a hatchet.

Maybe i'm a GWAR fan, but of ICP. I realize it's a joke. It always has been. I thought everyone knew that, but recently i've seen that I was wrong. But I'm still entertained by it, and still manage to be a normal (?) member of society.

/thanks for calling me pretty! :D


I think that is the problem. Obviously the person who wrote this article isn't completely brain dead.

However, I have run into juggalos who didn't get the memo about the joke. People in juggalo groups have murdered and raped and excused it in their minds due to juggalo culture.

It's one thing if you treat it like a Church of the Subgenius kind of thing. It's another if that really is your world.
 
2010-06-25 02:43:06 PM
MrStarbuck Quote 2010-06-25 02:34:07 PM
hairywoogit: I actually had to look up Faygo, had never heard of it before. Is it good soda?

Faygo is from Detroit, so is ICP. It is good stuff, comes in a jillion flavors.


Yes, this ... there is an unsafe ghetto corner store I frequent specifically for those flavors ... the best of which are sadly non-carbonated
 
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