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(Daily Sparks Tribune)   It's like the Antiques Roadshow, but instead of bringing your heirlooms, you bring your demon-possessed relatives needing exorcism   ( divider line
    More: Weird  
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4307 clicks; posted to Main » on 30 May 2003 at 5:50 PM (14 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

42 Comments     (+0 »)
2003-05-30 05:55:29 PM  
Maybe he's possessed by that John Edward guy.
2003-05-30 06:00:01 PM  
I'd attend, but the voices in my head warned me away.
2003-05-30 06:01:58 PM  
I'm always getting accused of being possessed by that mother demon alki-hall.

I better watch my relatives, they might try to trick me into going to one of these things.

"Yo Drunk, c'mere man, go with us....They have beer!"

*gets in truck*
2003-05-30 06:03:04 PM  
"Now, we were very excited to hear your daughter chanting 'shoggoth' and we even thought we'd heard a reference to the 'ur-quan', which, well, I don't need to tell you, posessions by Ancient Ones are extremely rare and very collectible. But you see here, if you shine a light into her eye, you see how they both contract together? Well, that means that what you have here is a counterfeit, probably just a bad mushroom or a bit of underdone potato."

/late Friday, time to go
2003-05-30 06:03:43 PM  
I've often wondered... If I call my local Catholic Priest for an exorcism, is there a charge? They charge for weddings, right? Can they, in good concience, charge to rid my soul of a demon? And if they don't, do they have to show up at the door of every crackpot who claims they're possessed?

And afterwords, do you tip? Anyone know proper etiquette on this?
2003-05-30 06:03:54 PM  
i love the scary movie opening scene.... the parody of the exorcist...
2003-05-30 06:07:21 PM  
are multiple personalities considered demons? not that i'm asking for myself... shh...
2003-05-30 06:09:06 PM  
Well, there's no set charge, but tipping is strongly encouraged. You don't want the priest to slip the exercised demon into your cat on the way out.

/more than likely, the cat is already full
2003-05-30 06:09:26 PM  
The power of Christ Compells you!!!
2003-05-30 06:10:12 PM  
BillDarryl, that's not the way it works. Where they get you is in the confessional. Either pay the pennance, or don't get your sins forgiven and spend eternity in hell.
2003-05-30 06:16:09 PM  
Recently there was a family from somewhere in the South Pacific or from South America or something (irrelevant anyways) that now lives in Canada, and being ultra-religious they were obviously horrified when their son started listening to "rap music, some of which has lyrics that disrespect parents or other authority" (actual quote). So this kid (16 years old, by the way) starts arguing about doing his chores which angers his parents immensely, then finally it all comes to a head with the boy trying to run away from his parent's home, his father and uncle chasing him, and the kid getting so angry he punches his dad in the face...

Now the craaaazy part.
Father and uncle subdue son. Carry son home. Tie son to a chair. Put duct tape over son's mouth. Pray to exorcise the evil demons controlling son. Even bring priest of their church to pray for him. This continues for 6 days. Through it all they neglect to give him anything to eat or drink resulting in subsequent death of their son. Now facing manslaughter charges and have had their two other children taken away by Child Services.

Doesn't a story like this make you want to run out to Church and praise the Lord? I mean, jesus fark.
2003-05-30 06:17:26 PM  
"The ruler of Hell is back aaaaand he's growing bold; he speaks to me from inside my head, and soon he'll eat my soul..."
2003-05-30 06:19:52 PM  
"Exorcisms aren't totally out of the realm of mainstream religion."
No, but they are outside the realm of mainstream sanity.

Nice scam though - wish I would have thought it up first - and it's all completely legal and non-taxable... excellent.
2003-05-30 06:21:56 PM  
I am so going to be first in line!
2003-05-30 06:23:19 PM  
I dunno about this... for my exorcisms, I go to the friendly man on the street corner.
2003-05-30 06:27:14 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

Fark You!
2003-05-30 06:28:39 PM  
On another "religion is the opiate of the ignorant" note, I went to the funeral of a friend of mine a few weeks ago. Personally I haven't been in a church other than when they hold AA meetings inside. So it was a bit of a shock to me when the percentage of names mentioned in the service were about:
God: 27%
Jesus: 49%
Other Religious Celebrities: 17%
Mike: 7%

I mean, they take this wonderful man's death and turned it in to an advertisement for their religion. I was actually angry when I left.
Please feel free to discuss.
2003-05-30 06:34:45 PM  
This one's intriguing, I guess.
I just don't see it on PBS.
A kid puking pea soup
While her head loops the loop
Is bound to make one hellish mess.
2003-05-30 06:38:37 PM  
Bob Larson's an absolute nutcase. You can catch him on TBN sometimes for laughs.
2003-05-30 06:41:40 PM  
While in Montreal a few years ago, I and friends of mine were lucky enough to get to go see one of those evangelists at a hockey arena.


Nothing beats it for pure entertainment value.

The kids speaking in tongues made me kinda sad, tho. Their friend was ill or something but didn't 'feel' the power of the lord and was thus left unhealed.

(Which, of course, the fine pastor blamed on faith or lack thereof.)
2003-05-30 06:42:32 PM  
BOB LARSON! OMG that's who it was I saw. He's a freaking kook alright.
2003-05-30 06:44:18 PM  
The really sad part is that people will go and shell out the cash to be cleansed.
2003-05-30 06:53:11 PM  
There is no fad of fashion that this repugnant retard won't latch onto in his never-ending quest for cash. He will repeat any absurdity and reject all reasoned inquiry.

Long after Multiple Personality Disorders have been shown to be therapist induced, this swindler tries to use them as a medical justification for his hocus-pocus. Tarot card, Dungeons and Dragons, Rock and Roll, and Nostradamus are all his bogey men.

He is the consummate religious parasite.
2003-05-30 06:57:36 PM  
The really sad part is that people will go and shell out the cash to be cleansed.

Sure, otherwise you're repossesed.
2003-05-30 07:05:11 PM  

And it seems to be true- Larson offers on his website personal counseling for 12 weeks at $199 per week. For that you get, each week, one 30 minute phone call from this asswipe. I wouldn't pay $199 for a 30 minute blowjob from Pam Anderson, much less just to listen to this shiat-spinner.
2003-05-30 07:06:24 PM  
Oh, Peter, tell us what you really think of Bob.
2003-05-30 07:11:37 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

/GIS for Bob Larson
2003-05-30 07:11:44 PM  
OK gang, this should have been a religious flamewar within a miniumum of 20 posts. WTF? You guys are slipping today.

Now GET TO WORK farkers! :P
2003-05-30 07:15:24 PM  
I think even the religious farkers on here can recognize a swindler when they see one, Little Rodent. Nonetheless, out of curiosity...any Bob Larson disciples out there?
2003-05-30 07:15:27 PM  
Demons be gone...
2003-05-30 07:31:53 PM  
*opens can of NAPALM*

WTF! I can't believe these religious Kooks, how Farking stupid do you have to be to go and have your *DEMONS* exorcised?

Are you that blatantly stupid, to want to blame your lame, ignorant, lazy ass on something the devil made you do?

How'd I do?
2003-05-30 07:59:08 PM  
Will somebody out there please defend Bob Larson so that the rest of us can attack? We smell blood in the air and we need a body.
2003-05-30 08:06:15 PM  
I exorcise on a regular basis. Along with a good diet, principled living, and an honest nine-to-five job, it keeps the demons at bay. No doubt about it.
2003-05-30 08:14:25 PM  
BOB LARSON could use his own exorcism! He is one of the most hateful Christians I have ever heard!!!

Anyone else remember his radio show??
2003-05-30 08:34:05 PM  

Not bad...

Now once again, but this time with more enthuiasm. You might consider bringing up the whole "priest/ alter boy" thing.
2003-05-30 08:37:18 PM  
Bob Larson will suck socks in hell one day. The only thing he will "exorcise" is your wallet.
2003-05-30 08:47:07 PM  
Bob Larson is a guy who separates religious rubes from their money?

2003-05-30 09:05:31 PM  
One phrase that come up quite a bit in abortion discussions is "sanctity of life." What about that? Do you think there's a thing as sanctity of life? Personally,, I think it's a bunch of shiat. Who says life is sacred? .....god? Great, but if you read your history you know that god is one of the leading causes of death and has been for thousands of years. Hindus, Moslems, Christians, Jews, all taking turns killing one another, because god told them it was a good idea. The sword of god, the blood of the lamb, Vengeance is mine, onward Christian soldiers. Millions of dead people. All because they gave the wrong answer to the god Question: Do you believe in god?


BAM! Dead.

How about you? Do you believe in god?


Do you believe in MY god?


BAM! Dead!

My god has a bigger dick than your god.

For thousands of years all the bloodiest and most brutal wars have been based on religious hatred. Which of course, is fine with me; anytime "holy" people are killing one another, I'm a happy guy......but please, don't kill each other and give me that shiat about sanctity of life."

-George Carlin
2003-05-30 10:08:11 PM  
Can he help Bill?
[image from too old to be available]
2003-05-30 10:12:28 PM  
Bob Larson is nuts. And unintentionally funny. He has been debunked time and time again - turns out the people that show up at his shows for the really dramatic exorcisims are just actors.

The Bob Larson Fun Page
2003-05-30 11:58:55 PM  
I got a better idea. Instead of bringing relatives, you bring your own amateur porn, old pics of girlfriends, or just soiled panties...

/boobies,boobies,...wherefore art thou, boobies???
2003-05-31 01:08:16 AM  
I'm an exorcist as well, except...i awaken the guardians that protect many. its up to the host whether they want to keep it or not
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