Do you have adblock enabled?
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Rolling Stone)   Caption the meeting between President Obama and General McChrystal   ( divider line
    More: Caption, Contests  
•       •       •

14378 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Jun 2010 at 7:45 AM (7 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Voting Results (Votes)
View Voting Results: Votes

2010-06-22 06:44:18 PM  
37 votes:
"Son, I am dissapoint"
2010-06-22 06:51:42 PM  
29 votes:
"And THIS little piggy...Do you know what happened to him, General McChrystal? THIS LITTLE PIGGY GOT TURNED INTO F*ING BACON! Are you hip to my jive, General This Little Piggy?"
2010-06-22 07:12:09 PM  
23 votes:
"Stanley, do you like movies about gladiators?"
2010-06-23 08:13:20 AM  
22 votes:
All due respect, Mr President, but you should pay attention. I'm a professional soldier, you are an amateur politician. I've been a soldier since before you heard of Chicago thuggery. I'll be a soldier long after you are impeached. I act, you talk.

People follow me into combat, and possibly to their deaths...look around and see how many people are throwing you under a bus right now. Now, who should be leading, and who should be following, Mr. President?
2010-06-23 08:10:17 AM  
20 votes:
"I'm not sure if you know this, so I'll come right out and say it. Your camouflage isn't working. I can totally see you!"
2010-06-22 09:07:09 PM  
20 votes:
My wife is crying upstairs. I hear cars coming to the house. General of mine, I think it's time you told your President what everyone seems to know.
2010-06-22 07:14:20 PM  
20 votes:
"General, I'm not proud of it and I certainly don't exploit it, but this pimp hand is strong. Don't make me me use it on you."
2010-06-22 07:17:27 PM  
19 votes:
DO... I... LOOK... LIKE... A BIATCH??
2010-06-23 08:26:50 AM  
18 votes:
"General, I am all out of bubble gum."
2010-06-23 10:08:05 AM  
14 votes:

McChrystal: "Colored".
Obama: "Redneck".
McChrystal: "Junglebunny".
Obama: "Peckerwood!"
McChrystal: "Burrhead".
Obama: "Cracker!"
McChrystal: "Spearchucker".
Obama: "White trash!"
McChrystal: "Jungle Bunny!"
Obama: "Honky!"
McChrystal: "Spade!
Obama: "Honky Honky!"
McChrystal: "N*gger!"
Obama: "Dead honky!"
2010-06-22 10:20:07 PM  
14 votes:
"I do not avoid women, McChrystal"

"No, Mr. President."

"But... I do deny them my essence."
2010-06-22 06:57:55 PM  
14 votes:
does obama have to slap a biatch?
2010-06-22 06:53:25 PM  
14 votes:
"This is my hand. Do you need a closer look?"
2010-06-22 06:45:04 PM  
14 votes:
I got 99 problems and a biatch ass McChrystal ain't one.
2010-06-23 08:09:50 AM  
13 votes:
I'm not hurt about what you said in Rolling Stone. I did, however, visit your Facebook page. You know you friended me back when I took this job so you know I'd see those comments.
2010-06-23 07:52:41 AM  
13 votes:
Hell, I like you General McChrystal. You can come over to my house and fark my sister.
2010-06-22 06:45:08 PM  
13 votes:
You're telling me if my hand is as big as my face I have cancer?
2010-06-23 08:29:45 AM  
12 votes:
Wireline - you are a neocon toolbag.

My entry:

Obama: Everybody knows you never go full retard.
McChrystal: What do you mean?
Obama: Check it out. Dan Quayle, 'p-o-t-a-t-o-e,' look retarded, act retarded, not retarded. Counted toothpicks, cheated cards. Autistic, sho'. Not retarded. You know George W. Bush, 'I am the decider.' Slow, yes. Retarded, maybe. Pretzels in his mouth. But he charmed the pants off rednecks and won a fixed election. That ain't retarded. Dick Cheney, "not part of the executive branch." Infantile, yes. Retarded, no. You went full retard, man. Never go full retard. You don't buy that? Ask Sarah Palin, 2008, "Drill baby, drill." Remember? Went full retard, went home empty handed...
2010-06-23 08:09:59 AM  
12 votes:
"So, see, first I pushed through a health care bill that only people who would rather suck off the government teat wanted. Then I appointed a bunch of czars that are answer only to me. Now I just need to do something about that pesky Freedom of Speech. And that's where you come in..."
2010-06-23 08:02:41 AM  
12 votes:
"One minute while the teleprompter in my hand boots up....."
2010-06-23 07:53:57 AM  
12 votes:
"There's a reason why we have a civilian Commander in Chief. It's so farkheads with guns don't get any bright ideas."
2010-06-23 07:51:27 AM  
12 votes:
One, I'm your boss.
Two, you're my biatch.
There is no three, four, or five
2010-06-22 07:36:59 PM  
12 votes:
I'm not really sure how to say this. So I'm just going to be honest .... I have a VD, and I think you should probably get yourself checked. It's not a definite that you contracted it, but better safe than sorry.
2010-06-23 08:07:17 AM  
11 votes:
"You're fired!"

"You can't fire me! I'm the President!"
2010-06-23 07:46:50 AM  
11 votes:
"You ever watch The Apprentice?"
2010-06-22 09:15:41 PM  
11 votes:
"It's deal time, Stan. If you agree not to hire Karl Rove for your campaign, I'll promise not to bring up Pat Tillman."
2010-06-23 08:08:28 AM  
10 votes:
"No, see it's this whole East Coast/ West Coast thing. Let me start from the beginning. There's Dr. Dre, NWA, Ice-T..."
2010-06-22 08:42:03 PM  
10 votes:
You've performed superbly as a general and as an American soldier. But, you mouthed off about your commanders and our allies for the second time. I'm relieving you of command at this time.
2010-06-22 07:16:41 PM  
10 votes:
"What did the five fingers say to the face?"
2010-06-22 07:05:11 PM  
10 votes:
and then I will take your still beating heart in this hand and show it to you right before you die
2010-06-22 07:04:05 PM  
10 votes:
"Cracker, why you gotta go all Palin on me?"
2010-06-22 10:37:36 PM  
9 votes:
"I don't know if I've shown this to you. You see, it's my pimp hand. Considering your remarks, I am sure you haven't seen it yet."
2010-06-23 09:19:33 AM  
8 votes:
When I said "launch critical attacks against the enemy". I was refering to the Taliban, not my administration.
2010-06-23 09:19:22 AM  
8 votes:
"General... you are clearly racist."
2010-06-23 08:38:05 AM  
8 votes:
"Screw Afghanistan, you got any ideas for how to deal with this oil spill?"
2010-06-23 08:38:00 AM  
8 votes:

no, this won't be a beer summit. you have to play the race card for that.
2010-06-23 08:13:43 AM  
8 votes:
You will report to the Sergeant Major at 1630 hours for additional duties. I will expect you to complete every task he gives you before you are released from duty today. Do I make myself clear?

If this happens again, we'll be talking about an Article 15, maybe losing a star or two and I'll be taking some of your paycheck.

Now the First Sergeant needs you in the motor pool to perform a police call. Go report to him ASAP.

/Flashback Theater for Harry
2010-06-23 08:05:19 AM  
8 votes:
"But General, if we just apologize to the Taliban, they'll stop blowing shiat up and stuff and will settle down nicely with an elected government, treat women with kindness and educate young girls in schools."
2010-06-23 08:04:07 AM  
8 votes:
O: Yes, you see, a lot of us are like that; mostly dark but in some places, like the palm of my hand, lighter.
M: Hmmm.
2010-06-22 07:28:32 PM  
8 votes:
"yeeeaah. we're going to need you to turn in your TPA reports. And your security clearance"
2010-06-22 06:45:11 PM  
8 votes:
Did you really have to call me "Commander-in-Poopiepants"?
2010-06-23 09:31:05 AM  
7 votes:
Do you know what the chain of command is, general? It's the chain I go get and beat you with until you understand who's in farking command here. Get the picture?
2010-06-23 09:31:03 AM  
7 votes:

"I find your lack of faith...disturbing."

2010-06-23 09:29:35 AM  
7 votes:
Okay General, I gotta be honest here. I was supposed to have the polling data on whether I should fire you or not 15 minutes ago. So, we need sit here looking serious a little while longer. In the meantime...General, do you play golf?
2010-06-23 08:40:42 AM  
7 votes:
"My base at will caption this in my favor."
2010-06-23 08:05:25 AM  
7 votes:
"General, there are a number points I want to make during this photo-op and... Ooooo, there's a star! And another star!"
2010-06-22 07:54:01 PM  
7 votes:
So what is a Tally-bon again and why aren't they nicer?

Anywho, did I ever tell you that my dad nailed a chick in Pakistan once. This guy could get pussy long as the chick was a bit of a whore, it you know what I'm sayin'.....
2010-06-23 09:51:05 AM  
6 votes:
"How do you really pronounce this word?
2010-06-23 09:48:53 AM  
6 votes:

"Mr. President, we live in a world that has walls, and those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Whose gonna do it? You? You, Mr. Biden? I have a greater responsibility than you could possibly fathom. You weep for Rolling Stone, and you curse the marines. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know. That the Rolling Stone article, while tragic, probably saved lives. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives. You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that wall, you need me on that wall. We use words like honor, code, loyalty. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said thank you, and went on your way, Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon, and stand a post. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to."

2010-06-23 08:46:49 AM  
6 votes:
"At ease"

"Thank you General"
2010-06-23 08:39:33 AM  
6 votes:
Where is my teleprompter? Is it here on the floor? On my hand? Damnit I don't know what to say without my teleprompter!!!

another forgotten vote..
2010-06-23 07:51:41 AM  
6 votes:
"I can't look you straight in the eyes, because I am not worthy."
2010-06-23 09:53:44 AM  
5 votes:
"Yes, General, you are right.....I and my administration is incompetent when it comes to WAR. Really I can care less if my administrations stupid plans get young United States soldiers killed. I and the democratic party are only worried about re-election and my second term. So go FARK yourself."

/Now with voting goodness
2010-06-23 09:24:53 AM  
5 votes:
"I shined my shoes, so they wouldn't stick when I shove my foot up your ass."
2010-06-23 09:16:39 AM  
5 votes:

General, all I've ever asked of my soldiers is that they obey my orders as they would the word of God. We are here to help the Afghanis, because inside every raghead there is an American trying to get out. It's a hardball world, Stan. We've gotta keep our heads until this peace craze blows over.
2010-06-23 09:15:25 AM  
5 votes:
"No seriously general, if you ever go to fark you can always tell who my bots are because they whine like little girls if anyone says "boo" about me"
2010-06-23 08:34:33 AM  
5 votes:
G M: I'm turning in my retirement papers.

P O: Accepted!

G M: $89,676!

P O: $89,676?

G M: My yearly retirement pay. For life.

P O: [Starts counting on fingers]... Aw hells no!!!
2010-06-23 08:18:34 AM  
5 votes:
O- Heres the deal. have to stroke it like so, and then I would appreciate perform some sort of gratification with your mouth region to my...ahh...male parts.

M- I sit like this cause of the size of my balls. Go fark yourself, sir.
2010-06-23 08:09:19 AM  
5 votes:
Wyoming's not a country sir.
2010-06-23 07:52:01 AM  
5 votes:

The hell's the matter with you? Stupid! We're all very different people. We're not Watusi. We're not Spartans. We're Americans, with a capital 'A', huh? You know what that means? Do ya? That means that our forefathers were kicked out of every decent country in the world. We are the wretched refuse. We're the underdog. We're mutts!

2010-06-23 07:50:50 AM  
5 votes:
"General, you know what my favorite sport is? Baseball!"
2010-06-22 08:19:50 PM  
5 votes:

"Get to the position of attention, you sonofabiatch! Half-right, FACE! Front leaning rest position, MOVE. IN CADENCE! "attention to detail, teamwork is key...attention to detail, teamwork is key... attention to detail, teamwork is key...attention to detail, teamwork is key... attention to detail, teamwork is key...attention to detail, teamwork is key... attention to detail, teamwork is key...attention to detail, teamwork is key... attention to detail, teamwork is key...attention to detail, teamwork is key... attention to detail, teamwork is key...attention to detail, teamwork is key... attention to detail, teamwork is key...attention to detail, teamwork is key... attention to detail, teamwork is key...attention to detail, teamwork is key... attention to detail, teamwork is key...attention to detail, teamwork is key... attention to detail, teamwork is key...attention to detail, teamwork is key... attention to detail, teamwork is key...attention to detail, teamwork is key..."

2010-06-22 06:48:07 PM  
5 votes:
"Those boots ARE made for walking!"
2010-06-23 11:08:10 AM  
4 votes:
Do you know what your sin is?
2010-06-23 09:51:40 AM  
4 votes:
M: T_T
M: T_T
2010-06-23 09:38:06 AM  
4 votes:
Obama: About this oath you swore to defend the Constitution. What's it going to take to get a reversal on that?

McChrystal: GFY.
2010-06-23 09:36:11 AM  
4 votes:
"General Chrystal?"

"McChrystal, Mr. President"

"We've never met. Where are you stationed?"
2010-06-23 09:30:33 AM  
4 votes:
General, I can't begin to tell you how disappointed I was in, in, in, ummm, LINE?
2010-06-23 09:13:51 AM  
4 votes:

Are you quitting on me? Well, are you? Then quit, you slimy farking walrus-looking piece of shiat! Get the fark out of my Oval Office! Get the fark out of my Oval Office! NOW! MOVE IT! Or I'm going to rip your balls off, so you cannot contaminate the rest of the world! I will motivate you, General McChrystal, IF IT SHORT-DICKS EVERY CANNIBAL ON THE CONGO!
2010-06-23 09:07:23 AM  
4 votes:
"Bud Light Lime? Seriously?"
2010-06-23 08:52:49 AM  
4 votes:
Let's talk turkey here, general. If you do a 180 on your attitude problem and support me in public there is a place on the joint chiefs for you..........but if not I will use all the power of the presidency to blackball you.
2010-06-23 08:43:31 AM  
4 votes:
"Charming to the last. You don't know how hard I found it, signing the order to terminate your life."
2010-06-23 08:41:36 AM  
4 votes:
ok, so if i show you my birth certificate will you stfu?
2010-06-23 08:37:15 AM  
4 votes:
"Great job General.. now the media has something else to biatch about while I continue to do nothing"

forgot da vote\\ just like the election comission did with my vote last election
2010-06-23 08:15:51 AM  
4 votes:

2010-06-22 06:52:15 PM  
4 votes:
"Are those boots comfortable? These shoes are killing me."
2010-06-22 06:48:15 PM  
4 votes:
"Yes Sir, I said it, was I not supposed to do that?"
2010-06-22 06:47:43 PM  
4 votes:
"...and I want two more Iraqi biatches. Just stuff 'em on Air Force One. Give them some liquor, some sandwiches, some perfume, some..."
2010-06-23 11:35:50 AM  
3 votes:
"Son, I was kicking ass and taking names back when you were still playing with acorns."
2010-06-23 10:56:44 AM  
3 votes:
You know, I could be out golfing at a Paul McCartney concert right now.
2010-06-23 09:59:07 AM  
3 votes:
"... and then you make the cannon thingies and the helicopters work TOGETHER. And that's just the FIRST part of my new plan!"
2010-06-23 09:55:13 AM  
3 votes:
"This new learning amazes me, Mr. President. Explain again how sheeps' bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes."
2010-06-23 09:48:21 AM  
3 votes:
I hear you were, um, disappointed with my lack of engagement the first time we met, that I didn't seem to know who you were. Well, I guaranfarkingtee that you won't leave feeling that way this time.
2010-06-23 09:47:45 AM  
3 votes:

Oh shiat!! I forgot to pick up tampons. Michelle is going to be pissed..

Where were we?
2010-06-23 09:42:02 AM  
3 votes:

OK, what's going on here. I do seem to remember a process where you people ask me questions and I give you answers, and then I ask you questions and you give me answers, and that's the way we find out things. I think I read that in a manual somewhere.
2010-06-23 09:40:27 AM  
3 votes:
"The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he...."

2010-06-23 09:07:57 AM  
3 votes:

Herunar: Funny how all the people here insulting Obama can't seem to comprehend how to click that "Enable voting" button.

Funnier how butt hurt people get when Obama is given a hard time.
2010-06-23 08:59:29 AM  
3 votes:
"Please stop fighting. This is the War Room!"
2010-06-23 08:58:42 AM  
3 votes:
Let me get this straight: If I agree not to fire you, then you will take care of that pesky Kenyan birth records building?
2010-06-23 08:44:21 AM  
3 votes:

Herunar: Funny how all the people here insulting Obama can't seem to comprehend how to click that "Enable voting" button.

They really don't believe in voting. Too messy.
2010-06-23 08:10:39 AM  
3 votes:
"I resign"

"I accept your resignation"

/hahaha, I kill me!
2010-06-22 09:49:26 PM  
3 votes:
"General, you're tracking MUD all over the White House carpet. I know it's an ugly-ass carpet, but come on, show some respect!"
2010-06-23 03:34:56 PM  
2 votes:

"Okay, General, this is the way this works: You're not The Man. I'm the Man. And you don't f*ck with The Man."

2010-06-23 12:15:47 PM  
2 votes:
"And, that's how you change FNORD to FIRED in one easy step."
2010-06-23 11:59:16 AM  
2 votes:
2010-06-23 11:49:12 AM  
2 votes:
"So lemmie get this straight. You covered up a friendly fire death and got promoted for it in the previous administration. You sold me a bill of goods with this bullshiat COIN theory you had. It's not working. You're pissed at your own failure and incompetence. Instead of taking it like a man, like an actual General, you lash out at me? fark you. I don't accept your resignation. You're fired, and you'll be court martialed and dishonorably discharged for your insubordination and gross dereliction of duty. Get off my plane."

/not funny. Maybe the last line
2010-06-23 11:03:40 AM  
2 votes:
Let's start with something we can agree on. Predator drone strike on that Mali official from the Slovenia game. Right?
2010-06-23 10:37:27 AM  
2 votes:
"When you walk out of here, there'll be people out there, perhaps a great many, who will think of you as a hero. I just don't for a moment want you thinking I'll be one of them."
2010-06-23 10:29:34 AM  
2 votes:
Mr President have you even read the Rolling Stone article?
2010-06-23 10:28:58 AM  
2 votes:
For the third time, general. Hawaii is not a city in Kenya.
2010-06-23 09:44:27 AM  
2 votes:
You know who else was criticized by their generals?
2010-06-23 09:33:34 AM  
2 votes:

Well, well, well, well. I'm here to tell you that life as you knew it has ended. You all may as well go into town tonight. You may as well laugh and make a fool out of yourself. Rub your pathetic little pecker against your honey or stick it in a knothole in the fence but whatever it is, get rid of it. Because at 0600 tomorrow your ass is mine.
2010-06-23 09:25:29 AM  
2 votes:
I assure you sir, I wasn't Subby, but even if I was you had no right to opine that my mother sucks cawks in hell.
2010-06-23 09:05:22 AM  
2 votes:
My Momma used to say "Stupid is as stupid does"
2010-06-23 08:49:16 AM  
2 votes:
So tell me Private, How do you feel about latrine duty until the end of the war?
2010-06-23 08:15:24 AM  
2 votes:
"Now, let me make one thing perfectly clear. The itsy bitsy spider is definitely going up that water spout. It doesn't matter how much rain is scheduled to come down, and I am well aware that the spider could get washed out. But maybe it won't. "

/not quite sure where I was going with this...
2010-06-23 08:13:19 AM  
2 votes:
Listen McChrystal

I Inherited This Mess
I called for action
I pushed for quick action
I'm a better political director than my political director
I think that I'm a better speechwriter than my speechwriters
I know more about policies on any particular issue than my policy directors.
I have a GMC truck you might be interested in purchasing.
2010-06-23 08:12:12 AM  
2 votes:
As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a gangster.
2010-06-23 07:56:30 AM  
2 votes:
"I drink your milkshake!"
2010-06-22 07:56:23 PM  
2 votes:
I'm B.O., and you're gonna be... unconscious!
2010-06-22 06:47:48 PM  
2 votes:
I need a predator. There's this biatch in England I need to off.
2010-06-23 08:15:16 PM  
1 vote:
"Yeah, I know I'm basically a blubbering vagina who can dish out criticism but can't take it, and am not fit to carry your jock, but George Soros bought me the presidency and most of the press are my fawning sycophants, so I can pretty much do whatever I want. Including firing a key general during wartime because I'm butthurt over minor criticism printed in a druggy magazine.

The old America you fought to preserve doesn't exist anymore, welcome to the new Amerika."
2010-06-23 05:36:46 PM  
1 vote:
Brett: [to Jules] Look, I'm sorry, I-I didn't get your name. I got yours, uh, Vincent, right? But-But I-I never got your...
Jules: My name is Pitt, and your ass ain't talking your way outta this shiat.
Brett: [rising] No, no, no. I just want you to know how - [Jules motions him to sit down] I just want you to know how sorry we are that-that things got so farked up with us and-and Mr. Wallace. I-I-It, we-we got into this thing with the best intentions. Really. I never inte-
[Jules shoots Flock-of-Seagulls, Brett recoils in horror]
Jules: Oh, I'm sorry. Did I break your concentration? I didn't mean to do that. Please, continue. You were sayin' something about "best intentions"? [silence] What's the matter? Oh, y-you were finished? Oh, well, allow me to retort!
[Jules looks very upset]
Jules: What does Marsellus Wallace look like?
Brett: What?
Jules: [overturns the small table in the room] What country are you from?
Brett: What?
Jules: "What" ain't no country I ever heard of! They speak English in "What"?!
Brett: What?
Jules: English, motherfarker! Do you speak it?!
Brett: Yes!
Jules: Then you know what I'm saying.
Brett: [gasping] Yes...
Jules:Describe what Marsellus Wallace looks like!
Brett: What?
Jules: [points gun directly in Brett's face] Say "what" again. Say "what" again! I dare you! I double-dare you, motherfarker! Say "what" one more goddamn time!
Brett: He-he's black.
Jules: Go on!
Brett: He's bald.
Jules: Does he look like a biatch?
Brett: What?!
Jules: [shoots Brett in the shoulder, Brett screams] Does he look ... like ... a biatch?!
Brett: [in pain] No-o!
Jules: Then why'd you try to fark him like a biatch, Brett?
Brett: [faintly] I didn't!
Jules: Yes, you did! Yes, you did, Brett! You tried to fark him. And Marsellus Wallace don't like to be farked by anybody except Mrs. Wallace. You read the Bible, Brett?
Brett: [gasping for breath] Yes.
Jules: Well, there's this passage I've got memorized, sort'a fits the occasion. Ezekiel 25:17? "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who in the name of charity and good will shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. [begins pacing about the room] And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers! And you will know my name is the Lord [pulls out his gun and aims it at Brett] when I lay my vengeance upon thee!"
[Brett shrieks in horror as Jules and Vincent shoot him repeatedly]
2010-06-23 02:05:57 PM  
1 vote:
I'm going to leave you alone now. In the top drawer of the desk is a handgun. I expect you'll do the honorable thing. That's how the Clintons handled Boorda, and that's how we're going to resolve this.
2010-06-23 01:18:46 PM  
1 vote:

You're ghostin' me McChrystal. I don't care who you are back in The 'Gan, you go against my position one more time, I'll bleed you, real quiet, and leave you here. Dig?
2010-06-23 01:14:03 PM  
1 vote:

Call me Captain KICKASS!
2010-06-23 12:43:28 PM  
1 vote:

"Here I stand, I can do no other!"
2010-06-23 12:20:27 PM  
1 vote:

bongmiester: there's this place in michigan right about here ...

//now with votey thingie
2010-06-23 12:11:44 PM  
1 vote:

"Oh, this one? Yeah it hurt like hell. I was moving some old shipping pallets out back the white house that had been stacking up and this freakin rat looking thing darted from between the slats! I dropped the pallet on my foot and that hurt but then i noticed how deep this splinter got. I ran in to tell Michelle but I could barely stop sobbing long enough to tell her what happened. She got me some iced tea and sat down on the couch with me. I calmed down and told her what happened so she went and got the tweezers but it hurt so much when she started digging at it! The hurty was almost too much and it started to get red so she just told me to soak it for a while so the skin would soften up. I was thinking I should just wait for it to come out naturally but Michelle said she wanted to try again so I let her if she PROMISED to be careful. She did and wouldn't you know it, she got it out! I was so relieved! Then she drew a smiley face on my band-aid."
2010-06-23 11:52:54 AM  
1 vote:
O: Let me be clear.

I said a hip hop,
Hippie to the hippie,
The hip, hip a hop, and you don't stop, a rock it
To the bang bang boogie, say, up jump the boogie,
To the rhythm of the boogie, the beat.
Now, what you hear is not a test - I'm rappin' to the beat,
And me, the groove, and my friends are gonna try to move your feet.
See, I am POTUS O, and I'd like to say hello,
To the black, to the white, the red and the brown,
The purple and yellow. But first, I gotta
Bang bang, the boogie to the boogie,
Say up jump the boogie to the bang bang boogie,
Let's rock, you don't stop,
Rock the rhythm that'll make your body rock.
Well so far you've heard my voice but I brought a friend along,
And the next on the mic is my general man,
C'mon, gneral, sing that song!

M: Well, it's on'n'n'on'n'on on'n'on,
The beat don't stop until the break of dawn.
I said GENERAL M, with a Double C,
I said I go by the unforgettable name
Of the man they call GMC.
Well, my name is known all over the world
By all the foxy ladies and the pretty girls.
I'm goin' down in history
As the baddest Gerneral there ever could be.
2010-06-23 11:50:31 AM  
1 vote:
Missah General, I be so sorry for failing you and the rest of the country.
2010-06-23 11:36:27 AM  
1 vote:
"What we've got here is failure to communicate."
2010-06-23 11:17:17 AM  
1 vote:
"Now whats going to happen is these men here are going to take a picture, and then we're going to turn you over to Secretary Clinton for the actual conversation.
2010-06-23 11:10:41 AM  
1 vote:
"A pledge pin? On your uniform? Just tell me, mister, what fraternity would pledge a man like you?"
2010-06-23 10:14:47 AM  
1 vote:
"These pretzels are making me thirsty"
2010-06-23 09:58:34 AM  
1 vote:
2010-06-23 09:58:22 AM  
1 vote:
You see, General, when a man and a woman love each other very much...
2010-06-23 09:48:44 AM  
1 vote:
That's the last time, McChrystal. That the last time you ever make me look bad in front of those kids, you hear me? I make $31,000 a year and I have a home and I'm not about to throw it all away on some punk like you. But someday when you're outta here and you've forgotten all about this place and they've forgotten all about you, and you're wrapped up in your own pathetic life, I'm gonna be there. That's right. And I'm gonna kick the living shiat out of you. I'm gonna knock your dick in the dirt.
2010-06-23 09:46:11 AM  
1 vote:
Say 'what' again. Say 'what' again, I dare you, I double dare you motherf#$ker, say what one more Goddamn time!
2010-06-23 09:45:50 AM  
1 vote:

You knew the job was dangerous when you took it.
2010-06-23 09:45:00 AM  
1 vote:
BO: I hear FDR got this lamp at ikea. It's ugly isn't it.
GM: You know what... i think you're right.
2010-06-23 09:38:44 AM  
1 vote:

Don't mess with the bull, young man. You'll get the horns.
2010-06-23 09:30:31 AM  
1 vote:
There was this kid I grew up with; he was younger than me. Sorta looked up to me, you know. We did our first work together, worked our way out of the street. Things were good, we made the most of it. During Prohibition, we ran molasses into Canada... made a fortune, your father, too. As much as anyone, I loved him and trusted him. Later on he had an idea to build a city out of a desert stop-over for GI's on the way to the West Coast. That kid's name was Moe Greene, and the city he invented was Las Vegas. This was a great man, a man of vision and guts. And there isn't even a plaque, or a signpost or a statue of him in that town! Someone put a bullet through his eye. No one knows who gave the order. When I heard it, I wasn't angry; I knew Moe, I knew he was head-strong, talking loud, saying stupid things. So when he turned up dead, I let it go. And I said to myself, this is the business we've chosen; I didn't ask who gave the order, because it had nothing to do with business!
2010-06-23 09:10:20 AM  
1 vote:
What's you talking about, Mr. Drummond?
2010-06-23 09:08:17 AM  
1 vote:

"General, why would I want to ride in your Jeep Rubicon for a salad? Now stop interrupting, and let me be clear...."
2010-06-23 09:04:32 AM  
1 vote:
look, I like you. I think you are doing a good job.
The problem is my daughter. She keeps asking me "daddy, did you fire the mean general who said bad things about you?". I let her down by not stopping the oil spill yet, so I got to do something.
2010-06-23 07:58:11 AM  
1 vote:
"Let's see what we got. These boots you're wearing are the top of the line. Scientifically engineered and all that crap. Guaranteed by some Sierra Club asshole not to hurt a chipmunk IF you step on it! Personally, I think they're for pussies."
2010-06-22 08:27:07 PM  
1 vote:
"You're balls are showing."
2010-06-22 07:14:33 PM  
1 vote:
"So i held the little baby alien like this.."

-or -

"There comes a time in every young boy's life when he starts to grow hair..down there..."
Displayed 139 of 139 comments

View Voting Results: Votes

This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
On Twitter

Top Commented
Javascript is required to view headlines in widget.

In Other Media
  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.