I was going to say, "Where's the child rape from various Brothers Grimm stories?" but that would be X-Rated stories, not R-Rated.

This pic is the best part of the article:



Smack her until she makes that sammich!

Tater1337: i was thinking of the Arabian nights, another set of x-rated stories.


Speaking of that:

(Aladdin - 1992)

In the original recording for the opening song "Arabian Nights", part of the song originally went "where they cut off your ear, if they don't like your face". After the movies release Arabic Americans took offense so the line was changed to "where it's flat and immense, and the heat is intense". If you listen closely, you can hear a distinct vocal change when he sings, "it's barbaric, but hey, it's home!"

Link (new window)

/Disney should have never changed it.
//At least I was able to see the un-PC version in a theater.

8.5 tailed fox: Hercules: The original story features x-rated gay sex, Hercules gets fisted by his half-brother Achilles, then they kick women in the wombs.

I think I've seen that one.

EconKheldar: Repost for the worker bees, if you please.

Merry Christmas:

7. Jungle Book-Mowgli tries to live in the human village but the villagers don't want him and they kill the family that "adopted" him as sorcerers. So he gets Hathi the elephant and Bagheera and some wolves to destroy the village and kill everybody.

6. Little Mermaid-prince is a dick because the sea-witch's contract basically splits in two and that's her "legs" and he makes her dance for his amusement while she bleeds everywhere. The prince marries another woman and the witch tells Ariel that she can still stay human if she kills Eric. She decides not to and turns into a little puddle of sea foam. Since mermaids don't have souls, she must do 300 years of penance (plus an extra day for each child's teardrop) to earn one.
Since I assume most children are like mine and go through a stage where not getting a sock on exactly right will induce tears...she's screwed.

5. Pinnochio-As a donkey he is sold to a dude who wants a donkey-skin drum head. So the dude throws him into the sea to drown him and fish eat his flesh and he's left a wooden skeleton.

4. Fox and the Hound-The hound basically acts like a hound and helps the master kill the fox. Then the master kills the hound. It all seems kind of existential to me.

And, liked a Cracked article, you must wait for the next post to load before you can see the rest.

Excen: The fundie-christian/gun-toter/Sarah-Palin-voter set all have primarily Disney movies as their favorite films on their FaceSpace profiles, and do so as physically-mature women. If you have ANY Disney cartoon as your favorite film and are older than, say, NINE, you are too insane to be breeding. End of discussion.


Back in 2006 I dated a girl who was really into Disney movies....her profile on match.com even mentioned it.

/Only went out once....that was enough.
//I like Disney movies, but they're not even in my top 20.

I've come to believe that Walt Disney hated his mother, and likes to take out his frustrations on step-mothers. Apparently, his father was a bumbling saint, though.

They forgot Pocahontas. When John Smith met her, she was only around 10 years old. After Smith had to go back to England due to a gunshot wound, Pocahontas was captured by another English settlement & held for ransom. Even though the Powhatans paid up, the English still kept her & mentioned that she was "most courteously used" (read into that what you will). After 2 years, the man in charge of the colony converted her to Christianity & married her. After that, he took her back to England and paraded her around English society. She was propped up as a symbol that Native Americans could be "trained" to be civil, so it was okay to invest or even live in the American settlements.

3. Hercules-murders Megara (his wife) and children.

2. Tarzan-Jane marries Clayton for money, even though she loves Tarzan. Tarzan learns the he is the rightful owner of Clayton's money, but keeps silent thinking Jane is happy with Clayton. Everyone lives miserably ever after.

1. Hunchback of Notre Dame-Frollo kills Phoebus and pins it on Esmerelda. He burns her at the stake then Quasimodo kills him afterward. Quasimodo goes to her grade and lays down with her corpse until he starves to death. I can only assume he did some pretty kinky things with it because, unlike when she was alive, she couldn't say no.

Lollipop165: It always bothered me that 1990s Disney movies were so unapologetically light and happy (with the slight exception of Simba's father dying). When I was growing up, we had The Last Unicorn (she dies), Anderson's The Little Mermaid (she dies, Flounder is kind of a badass and kills the witch), Secret of Nimh (Jenner, Sullivan, Nicodemus killed)... hell, even Bambi and Dumbo and all those early Disney films had some very emotional and dark parts.

IMHO, the best children's movies deal with a range of emotions. I also think that Pixar doesn't forget that, and that's what makes most of their movies so great.

Sure, Mr. Potato Head gets a mate, but if Toy Story were based on Grimm tale, Buzz Lightyear would have sacrificed Woody to the collector, and in shame killed all of the other toys who knew he'd done it...and then slept with Bo Peep's sheep, while she watched.

EconKheldar: Repost for the worker bees, if you please.

I'll pick up the 2nd page:

#3: Hercules: In the movie, Meg pushes him out of the way of a falling column and is killed, which restores Hercules' powers just in time for him to save the world and bring her back to life. As opposed to the Greek myth where Hera drives Heracles insane and he kills his wife & children. This is why he has to perform the 12 Tasks in the first place, but people forget to mention that part.

#2: Tarzan: In the movie, Jane jumps ship & swims back to Tarzan & they live happily ever after. In the books, she can't bring herself to admit she actually loves Tarzan & leaves for America. Tarzan follows her, but by the time he finds her, she's already engaged to Clayton and, this being Victorian England, can't break it off. So Tarzan slinks back to the jungle. Once there, he finds that he's the rightful heir to the Clayton estate (which of course includes Jane), not Clayton himself. But instead of claiming his birthright, he stays in the jungle because he thinks Jane is happier where she is w/Clayton. Maybe it's best he never knows that Jane is completely miserable.

#1: The Hunchback of Notre Dame: I'm glad to see this one here. As we know, in the movie, Quasimodo rescues Esmerelda, the evil Frollo is killed, Esmerelda falls in love with Phoebus. Quasimodo is celebrated throughout the Paris & everyone lives happily ever after. As opposed to Victor Hugo's ending where everybody's life is just pure misery. Quasimodo is hated & reviled by the general populace, Esmerelda thinks he's a freak, Phoebus rapes her, & Frollo finally hangs Esmerelda. After Quasimodo throws Frollo off the cathedral, he crawls into Esmerelda's grave & eventually starves to death. The end.

Arxane: rogue_L_chick: That list could have been a lot longer, just for the what Hans Christian Andersen sanitized...Cinderella, Beauty and the Beast, Sleeping Beauty, etc.

Hans Christen Andersen sanitized? Since when? All those stories are classic folk tales that Andersen had nothing to do with. They were sanitized over the years by people who recognized their appeal to children - the Brothers Grimm themselves cleaned up their collections to make them more appropriate for children.

Andersen, on the other hand, is a magnificent bastard. His stories have been bowdlerized to hell and back these days, not just "The Little Mermaid". He has two - not one, but two - stories in which little girls are tortured for being brats. He also has a story about storks that, as revenge against a young boy bullying them, bring him a dead baby brother. And let's not forget the story about a proud hen that decapitates a bird for daring to criticize it.

The best way to understand Andersen is that Andersen wrote children's stories for a living but hated children. It explains all of the farked up things in his stories. If you read the original versions, it's clear he's trying to make the kids cry. It's the only way to explain the shiatty things that happen to his protagonists.