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(AFP)   Most men don't need XXL condom size but think they do   (story.news.yahoo.com) divider line 234
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17972 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 May 2003 at 9:03 PM (11 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2003-05-26 11:37:41 PM
I'm surprised this hasn't been done already.

BTW...NSFW
 
2003-05-26 11:37:48 PM
to store clerk...

"...I'll take a box of the XXL Condoms and that box of rubber bands..."
 
2003-05-26 11:42:00 PM
Let's try this one instead:

 
2003-05-26 11:42:24 PM
Covergirl: Ha! You look just like a close friend of mine who, coincidentally, ALSO attends Baylor. But still you're not her! Ha!
 
2003-05-26 11:42:46 PM
 
2003-05-26 11:49:11 PM
OK, lets clear up one thing here..

There is no such male problem called Premature Ejaculation. Thats a FEMALE PROBLEM. I think it should be called Delayed Orgasim.

Nufff said
 
2003-05-26 11:49:42 PM
She said "Give me 8 inches and make it hurt."

So I farked her twice and slapped her.

/measures mine by displacement
 
2003-05-26 11:57:45 PM
Drew Carey's Big Dick Jokes

My dick is so big, there's still snow on it in the summertime.

My dick is so big, I went to The Viper Room and my dick got right in. I had to stand and argue with the doorman.

My dick is so big, I have to call it Mr. Dick in front of company.

My dick is so big, it won't return Spielberg's calls.

My dick is so big, it graduated a year ahead of me from high school.

My dick has an elevator and a lobby.

My dick has better credit than I do.

My dick is so big, clowns climb out of it when I cum.

My dick is so big, it was overthrown by a military coup. It's now known as the Democratic Republic of My Dick.

My dick is so big, it has casters.

My dick is so big, I'm already farking a girl tomorrow.

My dick is so big, ships use it to find their way into the harbor.

My dick is so big, there was once a movie called Godzilla vs. My Dick.

My dick is so big, it lives next door.

My dick is so big, I entered it in a big-dick contest and it came in first, second, and third.

My dick is so big, it votes.

My dick is a better dresser than I am.

My dick is so big, it has a three-picture deal.

My dick is so big that the head of it has only seen my balls in pictures.

My dick is so big, Henry Aaron used it to hit his 750th home run.

My dick is the Walrus, koo koo ga joob.

No matter where I go, my dick always gets there first.

My dick takes longer lunches than I do.

My dick contributed fifty thousand dollars to the Democratic National Committee.

My dick was once the ambassador to China.

My dick is so big, it's gone condo.

My dick was almost drafted by the Cleveland Browns, but Art Modell didn't want a bigger dick than himself.

My dick is so big, I use the Eiffel Tower as a French tickler.

It's so big, when it rains the head of my dick doesn't get wet.

My dick is so big, I could wear it as a tie if I wasn't so afraid of getting a hard-on and killing myself.

My dick is so big, I have to use an elastic zipper.

My dick is so big, it has feet.

My dick is so big, a homeless family lives underneath it.

My dick is so big, it takes four fat women and a team of Clydesdales to jack me off.

My dick is so big, my mother was in labor for three extra days.

My dick is so big, they use the bullet train to test my condoms.

My dick is so big, it has investors.

My dick is so big, it seats six.

My dick is so big, I use a hula hoop as a cock ring.

My dick is so big, we use it at parties as a limbo pole.

My dick is so big, King Kong is going to crawl up it in the next remake.

My dick is so big, it has an opening act.

My dick is so big I can fark an elevator shaft.

My dick is so big, it has its own Wheaties box.

My dick is so big, I have to cook it breakfast in the mornings.

My dick is so big, the city had to carve a hole in the middle of it so cars could get through.

My dick is so big, every time I get hard I cause a solar eclipse.

My dick is so big, it only plays arenas.

If you cut my dick in two, you can tell how old I am.

My dick was once set on fire for a Dino DiLaurentis movie.

My dick is so big, it needs an airplane warning light.

My dick is so big, Trump owns it.

My dick is so big that we're all a part of it, and it's all a part of us.

My dick is so big, I can never sit in the front row.

My dick is so big, it has its own dick. And even my dick's dick is bigger than your dick.

My dick is so big, you can't blow me without a ladder.

My dick is so big, it only does one show a night.

My dick is so big, you can ski down it.

My dick is so big, it has elbows.

My dick is so big, I have to check it as luggage when I fly.

My dick is so big, it has a personal trainer.

My dick is so big, that right now it's in the other room fixing us drinks.

My dick is so big, it has a retractable dome.

My dick is so big, it has stairs up the center like the Statue of Liberty.

My dick is so big, it's against the law to fark me without protective headgear.

My dick is so big, I could fark a tuba.

My dick is so big, Stephen Hawking has a theory about it.

My dick is so big, it has its own gravity

NASA once launched a space probe to search for the tip of my dick.

My dick is so big, it's impossible to see all of it without a satellite.

The inside of my dick contains billions and billions of stars.

My dick is so big, it has a spine.

My dick is so big, it has a basement.

My dick is so big, movie theaters now serve popcorn in small, medium, large, and My Dick.

My dick is more muscular than I am.

My dick is so big it has cable.

My dick is so big, it violates seventeen zoning laws.

My dick is so big, it has its own page in the Sierra Club calendar.

My dick is so big, it has a fifty-yard line.

My dick is so big, I was once in Ohio and got a blow job in Tennessee.

My dick is so big, Las Vegas casinos fly it into town for free.

My dick is so big, I can braid it.

My dick is so big, that when it's Eastern Standard Time at the tip, it's Central Mountain Time at my balls.

My dick is so big, I painted the foreskin red, white, and blue and used it as a flag.

My dick is so big, I can sit on it.

My dick is so big, it can chew gum.

My dick is so big, it only tips with hundreds.

My dick is so big, the Carnegie Deli named a sandwich after it. Actually, two sandwiches.

My dick is so big, the city was going to build a statue of it but they ran out of cement.

My dick is so big, Michael Jackson wants to build an amusement park on it.

My dick is so big, when I get hard my eyebrows get pulled down to my neck.

My dick is so big, you're standing on it.

My dick is so big, it only comes into work when it feels like it.

My dick is so big, it plays golf with the president.

My dick is so big, it charges money for its autograph.

My dick is so big, it has an agent. My dick's people will call your people. Let's have lunch with my dick.

My dick is so big, it's right behind you.
 
2003-05-26 11:58:53 PM
It has been a while since I laughed so hard.

05-26-03 10:40:34 PM Rob4127
05-26-03 09:26:00 PM Peter_hook
"...Women have 2 pleasure spots..."


I can name 10 off the top of my head :
1. The palm of the hand, lightly touched with a finger tip or tongue.
2. The lower back, massaged with a firm grip.
3. The neck, nibbled on.
4. The shoulder and neck area, once again massaged with a firm grip.
5. The inner thigh, bite a little more firm than you think she might enjoy. She will.
6. The back (inside) of her knee, touched with a gentle touch.
 
2003-05-27 12:00:32 AM
9+ but wants more girth
 
2003-05-27 12:02:39 AM
Glonoin:
6<10 except for exceptionally large values of 6.
 
2003-05-27 12:02:49 AM
Personally, all this talk about dicks makes me miss mine. I can't wait for my husband to come home from his deployment. :P
 
2003-05-27 12:03:41 AM
Biggest cock on the internet(SFW)

Most people won't get this :)
 
2003-05-27 12:04:47 AM
Typical male behavior. Bigger does not always mean better. If it is an XXL, I think it's time for me to leave. Sometimes there is such a thing as too much. An average woman can handle up to but not necessarily 9 inches. I know a guy that is a little bit bigger than that and most women he meets won't have sex with him because of it's size. He has only has sex twice in his life and he is 24 years old now. Poor guy.
 
2003-05-27 12:06:19 AM
Phoxxy:

What? Can't take it out of the dresser drawer?

;-)
 
2003-05-27 12:08:16 AM
bah. . . who cares. . . I judge my sexual prowess not in inches, but in the depth of the claw marks on my back.
 
2003-05-27 12:09:12 AM
Roxy: Right on.
Also: Mercedes tech in Arizona? I want your job!
 
2003-05-27 12:13:20 AM
DickDarlington: Sorry... nothing beats the real thing. :)
 
2003-05-27 12:13:32 AM
Leaning Tower of Pisa? Tower of Babel? Amateurs. How about a SPACE ELEVATOR!
 
2003-05-27 12:14:49 AM
05-26-03 10:37:15 PM Sir_Spanksalot
You measure from underside. Maxim magazine hasnt failed me yet for useful information.

That can't possibly be right. I mean, how would you measure? Okay, from the tip, but to WHERE? As someone above commented, you might as well hook the edge of the tape measure in your ass and go from there. Absurd.
 
2003-05-27 12:14:52 AM
Leaning Tower of Pisa? Tower of Babel? Amateurs. How about a SPACE ELEVATOR!

 
2003-05-27 12:15:27 AM
Roxy, do you hate people that can spell?
 
2003-05-27 12:16:06 AM
Lewis that's why I've always heard that average 5 3/4" measured at the top to where you hit the pelvis.
 
2003-05-27 12:18:08 AM
I consider mine to be average size. However, I have to use Magnums because the others are too uncomfortable. Especially Lifestyles. I can still feel it like a rubberband around my man-pole for days afterwards.

I don't care if you believe me or not.
 
2003-05-27 12:20:24 AM
A blonde 20 year old female that fixes Mercedes! If there were any of those in PA, my 190D would be running right now.
 
2003-05-27 12:25:49 AM
"05-26-03 09:26:00 PM Peter_hook
"...Women have 2 pleasure spots..."

I can name 10 off the top of my head :
1. The palm of the hand, lightly touched with a finger tip or tongue.
2. The lower back, massaged with a firm grip.
3. The neck, nibbled on.
4. The shoulder and neck area, once again massaged with a firm grip.
5. The inner thigh, bite a little more firm than you think she might enjoy. She will.
6. The back (inside) of her knee, touched with a gentle touch."

Damn I thought the two spots were just "pink and stink"
This is why you don't take sex or any advice from Peter_hook!
 
2003-05-27 12:27:30 AM
FarkingUpTheWrongTree, that second picture was at Georgia Tech, whoo-hoo. The Shaft.

And to add to the stupidity here's a redneck nursery rhyme I remember from back in the day:
Well, here I stand on my two feet,
twenty-five miles of swinging meat,
two ten pound balls of joy,
and you've got the nerve to call me a boy?

/sorry
 
2003-05-27 12:31:12 AM
There must be something wrong with me, Cke-gt, because all your rhyme could make me think of is "man the proportions on that would be all wrong."

A 10 pound ball would only be something like 12" across (people are roughly the same density of water, or close enough for a guesstimate)...which would be ridiculously small compared to a dick 25 miles long.
 
2003-05-27 12:33:50 AM
Sidi, it didn't make sense to me when I first heard it either. The first thing I thought was if your penis was 25 miles long, I imagine it would get ran over all the time.
 
2003-05-27 12:34:32 AM
Click on "Glonoin" , discuss...




/sharin' the pain...
 
2003-05-27 12:34:55 AM
05-27-03 12:15:27 AM Tarvuz
Roxy, do you hate people that can spell?



I'm not going to take that personally. I know I have spelling problems sometimes. I just don't always catch them.
 
2003-05-27 12:36:45 AM
Well, I'm not so proud that I can't admit I don't need a condom that is even remotely XXL. Any Farkin' babes need a date this weekend?
 
2003-05-27 12:42:40 AM
Well, according to kinkiness, women could have a million pleasure spots. And as I said before, there are women who can achieve orgasm from methods that don't involve direct clitoral stimulation.

However, don't split hairs. These aforementioned women still have some sort of clitoral release...some people say it's not an orgasm because it's just a short, sharp tingle. Other women say that does constitute an orgasm. You can go further and say that women who have several, short clitoral orgasms "don't know how to cum hard" and women who have a big intense single orgasm "are just wasting it because they are becoming numb." Either or, it doesn't matter. It's pretty obvious that I was referring to the clitoral and vaginal gspot orgasm.

So even if kissing on the neck or whatever "tickles your fancy" is a pleasure spot, I've never heard of a complex system of nerve endings rivaling the clitoris in someone's ear where you have eargasms.

Please. The next thing you'll you be telling me is that Linda Lovelace really did have her clitoris in her esophagus and Deep Throat is real because women have secret clits all over their body.
 
2003-05-27 12:49:08 AM
Roxy - Woohoo.. another Arizonian (is that a word?)
 
2003-05-27 12:53:39 AM
So.. they determine penis size by just asking people. Boy, that sounds accurate. Makes me wonder how they National Standard people got their stats. Same way?
The only reasonably accurate way is getting a large sample of men picked randomly who must be measured the same way by the same people whether they like it or not.
I am yet to find a penis size standard that seems to be determined pretty fairly. Even sizesurvey.com is comprised all of the kind of dude who would measure his penis at length (hah) and upload the stats. The most reasonable I've heard was outside a nightclub in Mexico (during spring breka) that had nurses measuring and had dudes coming in based on peer pressure.
It averaged out at something like 5.5 inches.

/not sure why I care so much
 
2003-05-27 12:58:01 AM
05-27-03 12:02:39 AM TwistedIvory
Glonoin:
6<10 except for exceptionally large values of 6.

Whoops, yea. A female friend called and I had to finish that one pretty quick.

I lost score in here, not sure exactly where things were heading. We have already been through this discussion before a few times and I still don't remember, given all the schlongs I have measured (ie. one, mine) average is roughly the same size around as your wrist (the thumb should touch the middle finger, but not be able to reach the index finger) and when laying on one's back, fully engorged it should just reach the belly button, but not extend beyond the belly button because that would imply 'large, possibly uncomfortably so.'

I still owe you guys four more erog zones, so
7. Using warm oil, massaging the feet.
8. Boobies.
9. Cunning linguistics.
10. Her mind. Actually this one should have been number 1, but I did it in the wrong order. You get in good with her mind, and her body will surely follow.
 
2003-05-27 01:00:30 AM
 
2003-05-27 01:01:24 AM
05-27-03 12:34:32 AM FlaminFilly
Click on "Glonoin" , discuss...


Woah crap, I forgot those were up there. Wonder if I can figure out how to clean that up a little with three glasses of Glenlivet 18 year old single malt scotch in me. Arg.

Bah! I'm a weasle, if I can't change it I might as well be happy with who I am, find someone who can be happy with me as I am too.
 
2003-05-27 01:08:13 AM
05-27-03 12:42:40 AM Peter_hook
Well, according to kinkiness, women could have a million pleasure spots. And as I said before, there are women who can achieve orgasm from methods that don't involve direct clitoral stimulation.


Whoops, my bad. I was talking erogenous zones (ie, places they will get 'aroused' when you engage them there) and you were talking about the two primary 'continue to touch me there and I will thrash about in orgasmic throws of passion while unable to put together coherent English sentences.' Big difference, and a valid point. Women will moan when you lightly lick their palm, but it isn't going to set them off.

That said, anybody that doesn't know about Dr Graftenberg's (sp?) studies, find out. It is really, really worth it :)
 
2003-05-27 01:10:06 AM
05-27-03 12:49:08 AM Nolimitbodnar
Roxy - Woohoo.. another Arizonian (is that a word?)
It is if you are from here!!! Glad to meet another person that bakes in the AZ sun on fark. AZ people are a rare breed on here. Are you on AIM?
 
2003-05-27 01:11:46 AM
I'll admit I'm not huge.
 
2003-05-27 01:15:45 AM
ACK! This thread reminded me, I may have some sort of date with someone I have never met before this week, been a while since I have been in this situation.

Who is supposed to provide these 'things'? He? She?
Any recommendation on brand? I hear they are out in flavors now?
If you are going to be sleeping with someone that wants you to wear one, ie. 'safe sex' - what is allowed and what isn't allowed? Open mouth kissing? Oral sex on her? On him? Pulling out just before hand if he is wearing, or is he expected to finish inside and stay there for a little while, then hope it doesn't come off as he withdrawing?

Holy crap, these are honest questions - I was married for 8 years (am divorced now) and didn't have to fuss with these and now I don't even know the answers ... for someone that has the answers to a lot of other questions, I am feeling pretty much like a goober right now.
 
2003-05-27 01:22:42 AM
Amen Kyosuke! They need to address girth more. Its not really long.. but wide... lol.. sigh...(hangs head in shame)
 
2003-05-27 01:31:36 AM
I'll admit I'm not huge.

I admire you candor, Joshua, and I will also confront my shortcomings, as it were.

I too, admit I'm not huge; I am merely freakishly enormous.



I know a guy that is a little bit bigger than that and most women he meets won't have sex with him because of it's size. He has only has sex twice in his life and he is 24 years old now. Poor guy.

I had a friend that used to always talk about how he never got any because he was so big. Incredibly annoying. We didn't much care for his tales of woe, as we weren't getting any strange either, but you didn't hear us blaming it on our size (although like I said, I'm merely freakishly enormous).

It was like "it ain't the weekend until Andy starts talking about his giant cock".
 
2003-05-27 01:39:47 AM
Glonoin,

I'd have to recommend Durex.

As far as the rest of it, discuss it with your partner :)
 
2003-05-27 01:41:04 AM
ummmm...
so what am I hearing? that if I had an 8.5 incher that would be a "bad" thing, but not that bad?
yeah felgraf, 17 year old geeky virgins, we should start a club!
or maybe I should just be quiet and leave hanging my heads in shame...
 
2003-05-27 01:42:36 AM
I see it's 10:41PM on Memorial Day in MST, there's a thread about penis length, I'm drunk and having some sort of allergy attack to my nose... let me just tell you, I have a hard time keeping tidy with only 6 used kleenix about.

/ Ow... my nose.
 
2003-05-27 01:54:23 AM
Askheaves: Don't be shy, you can go ahead and use spooge rags to wipe your nose too (as long as they're yours). I'm sure spooge is more sanitary than snot anyway.

*ducks and runs away*
 
2003-05-27 01:55:21 AM
Boldot: Can I join the club?? I'm 21 but I meet the other two criteria :oP
 
2003-05-27 01:56:15 AM
Christ, I think the desert flowers and cactii are consipiring against my face.

And this Bacardi is consipiring against my sensibiliities.
 
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