Wow! That thing was really farking quick.

It most definitely would have got me.

Because I'm an idiot! Happy?

in fairness to the reporter ill admit to having a few snappers up near my face on occasion

Snapping turtles have a really long neck. Never fark with one.

If by "up by his face" you mean "at partial arm's length and facing squarely away from him" ...

Good thing turtles are so slow O^0

Answer: Because TV reporters are the dumbest human beings on the planet.

I'll never forget that one reporter who was showing how a bullet-proof vest worked and, while wearing one, had his coworker shoot him in the chest at point blank with a handgun. Cracked several of his ribs.

Youtube is an infinite mine of reporters shooting for Darwin Awards.

NephilimNexus: Answer: Because TV reporters are the dumbest human beings on the planet.

I'll never forget that one reporter who was showing how a bullet-proof vest worked and, while wearing one, had his coworker shoot him in the chest at point blank with a handgun. Cracked several of his ribs.

Youtube is an infinite mine of reporters shooting for Darwin Awards.

Link?

If anyone ever runs across a baby snapping turtle I wholeheartedly endorse farking with them. They're so tiny and vicious in an adorable way. Like pinchy little kittens.

Man, he almost lost his nose. Good reflexes.

ps: When he said "Oh my God" he sounded a lot like William Shatner. Or, gay William Shatner.

Defiance_: If anyone ever runs across a baby snapping turtle I wholeheartedly endorse farking with them. They're so tiny and vicious in an adorable way. Like pinchy little kittens.

I had a baby snapping turtle as a kid. I got it out of a pond near my cottage. I kept it for ten months and then returned it to the pond. But I felt kinda guilty, cuz it didn't really grow at all in the small tank I had it in, so I hope it didn't get eaten when it was back in the wild.

danielscissorhands: I had a baby snapping turtle as a kid. I got it out of a pond near my cottage. I kept it for ten months and then returned it to the pond. But I felt kinda guilty, cuz it didn't really grow at all in the small tank I had it in, so I hope it didn't get eaten when it was back in the wild.

I don't know a lot about turtles, but I do know it takes a lot longer than that for them to grow up. You can probably sleep with a clear conscience.

Defiance_: danielscissorhands: I had a baby snapping turtle as a kid. I got it out of a pond near my cottage. I kept it for ten months and then returned it to the pond. But I felt kinda guilty, cuz it didn't really grow at all in the small tank I had it in, so I hope it didn't get eaten when it was back in the wild.

I don't know a lot about turtles, but I do know it takes a lot longer than that for them to grow up. You can probably sleep with a clear conscience.

Aww, thanks. :)

Snapping Turtle snaps. Film at eleven.

I have three freshwater North American turtles, all are very cute and the Red Ear Slider and Painted turtle love to snap at the cats. Sooooo cute to watch them try and take a bite and come back with fur.

Cats live in fear of the little wet devils.

NephilimNexus: Answer: Because TV reporters are the dumbest human beings on the planet.

I'll never forget that one reporter who was showing how a bullet-proof vest worked and, while wearing one, had his coworker shoot him in the chest at point blank with a handgun. Cracked several of his ribs.

Youtube is an infinite mine of reporters shooting for Darwin Awards.

The better one is when they couldn't get a pistol.

So he has someone stab him with a knife instead.

Ric Romero later reported that "Knives are not Bullets. Also tonight, a special report: knives slice through bullet resistant vests like butter."

Heard just prior to nose removal:

"How can this thing snap? It has no thumbs."

/Turtle expert: hold it closer to your face so you can hear it snapping. try giving it a rap beat. they like to snap to that.

I do recall seeing that they're also armed with sharp claws, and that really the only possible way to grip one would be one hand on the shell behind the head and one in the back of the shell, the idea being it couldn't reach around to get your hand if it's right there in back. But you'll still have to hold it away from you to avoid getting clawed and the big ones are REALLY heavy.

A snapping turtle WILL take off fingers if it gets the chance. Potentially through leather gloves, too. And it's your own damn fault. Yeah, he could have lost a nose there.

The side grip's just asking for trouble. That turtle can snap that far AND claw you there.

They live a long time in the wild and get HUGE, because no predator has ever figured out how to eat one.

SuperCatBarf: Chimperror2: NephilimNexus: Answer: Because TV reporters are the dumbest human beings on the planet.

I'll never forget that one reporter who was showing how a bullet-proof vest worked and, while wearing one, had his coworker shoot him in the chest at point blank with a handgun. Cracked several of his ribs.

Youtube is an infinite mine of reporters shooting for Darwin Awards.

The better one is when they couldn't get a pistol.

So he has someone stab him with a knife instead.

Ric Romero later reported that "Knives are not Bullets. Also tonight, a special report: knives slice through bullet resistant vests like butter."

Thanks for the YouTube link to the better one.

Google "Gabriel Aranda knife" no video though :(.

/not even reporter. Still funny, though. And smarter than Romero.

WHOOOO BOY!

I bet that'll learn ya!

how 'bout walking down a crowded city street carrying one and coming up behind a random person, let's say some *jerkoff dressed in hiphop clothes. tap on shoulder, hiphop guy turns head and blammo! snapping turtle rite in the face.
my idea of a fun day.

*any kinda jerkoff will do. republican campaign worker, catholic priest, cellphone loud-talker, etc..

Maybe he thought it was just brittle.

Oznog: I do recall seeing that they're also armed with sharp claws, and that really the only possible way to grip one would be one hand on the shell behind the head and one in the back of the shell, the idea being it couldn't reach around to get your hand if it's right there in back. But you'll still have to hold it away from you to avoid getting clawed and the big ones are REALLY heavy.

A snapping turtle WILL take off fingers if it gets the chance. Potentially through leather gloves, too. And it's your own damn fault. Yeah, he could have lost a nose there.

The side grip's just asking for trouble. That turtle can snap that far AND claw you there.

They live a long time in the wild and get HUGE, because no predator has ever figured out how to eat one.

Finally a topic I know something about! The best way to handle/hold/move a snapper is to grab it by the tail and hold it so the bottom of the turtle is facing you. As you can see, they can move their necks upward, but really can't do much downward. You still have to hold it away from your body because it will be trying to claw you, but this is still a pretty safe way to carry them.

My dad used to trap these things all the time, then he'd butcher them and we'd have turtle stew. Once you chop off their heads, the head will still snap for hours afterwards. Kind of weird - it just sits there (obviously) and if you put a stuck or anything near its snout, it will snap. Meanwhile, the headless body will just keep trying to run away. Gotta hang that up by the tail to drain it.

/good times...

Oznog: I do recall seeing that they're also armed with sharp claws, and that really the only possible way to grip one would be one hand on the shell behind the head and one in the back of the shell, the idea being it couldn't reach around to get your hand if it's right there in back. But you'll still have to hold it away from you to avoid getting clawed and the big ones are REALLY heavy.

A snapping turtle WILL take off fingers if it gets the chance. Potentially through leather gloves, too. And it's your own damn fault. Yeah, he could have lost a nose there.

The side grip's just asking for trouble. That turtle can snap that far AND claw you there.

They live a long time in the wild and get HUGE, because no predator has ever figured out how to eat one.

Spazmojack:Finally a topic I know something about! The best way to handle/hold/move a snapper is to grab it by the tail and hold it so the bottom of the turtle is facing you. As you can see, they can move their necks upward, but really can't do much downward. You still have to hold it away from your body because it will be trying to claw you, but this is still a pretty safe way to carry them.

My dad used to trap these things all the time, then he'd butcher them and we'd have turtle stew. Once you chop off their heads, the head will still snap for hours afterwards. Kind of weird - it just sits there (obviously) and if you put a stuck or anything near its snout, it will snap. Meanwhile, the headless body will just keep trying to run away. Gotta hang that up by the tail to drain it.

/good times...

IF you're going to make turtle soup.

Handling a snapper by the tail can break their tailbones. If you're gonna eat it then that's not a problem. But not a turtle you intend to release.

HOW CAN SHE SNAP??

Let's skip Caturday and make this Turtleday instead. It's time for LOLturts!

Once while swimming cross turtle creek
Man them snappers right at my feet
Sure was hard swimming cross that thing
with both hands holding my ding-aling-aling

OH MY

DING-A-LING

MY

DING-A-LING

I want to play with MY

DING-A-LING!

The Turtle Man of Kentucky (new window) should have been brought in as a consultant that day.

Snapping turtle hearts, when placed in a saucer full of water, will continue beating for up to two days.

A snapping turtle rectum, when removed from the body and blown on gently, will continue to form a water-tight pucker for 3 weeks.

I once saw a snapping turtle put on a white tie and tails and walk his cobra through the park on a leash. He named the cobra Beverly, and he taught it how to fetch and dial a phone. But then one day it bit the maid. So with tears in his eyes, the snapping turtle had to shoot the maid.

We always used to catch the things in local streams and the only place it couldn't ge to you was at the end of it's tail. It's still pretty close though. If you want to save one on the road, don't get any closer than a shell and a half from it's head. It CAN reach you! Pull it by it's tail. Or better yet, leave it alone. There are a ton of snapping turtles in the world and only 10 of your fingers.

That said, as above, baby snappers are adorable! You can keep them in a terarium and feed them lunch meat. The're so cute and mean.

Also, look up aligator snapping turtles some time. Some of the bigger aquariums have them. But aquarium ones are only 3-4 feet long. I used to hang out with some Kansas herpetologists. They'd tagged a few in the Kansas river with rf beacons but they could never find them. They were 5 feet ish shell size and would burry themselves so deep in the riverbead the biologists knew they were right above a turtle the size of a short man but could never dig them out.

Yes, snapping turtles grow their entire lives. There used to be one at the Tennessee Freshwater Aquarium in Chattanooga that weighed over 800 pounds. The TVA dredged it up out of the Tennessee River one day and thought it was a boulder, then it stuck its legs out and started crawling across the barge.

It was the biggest damn turtle I've ever seen; the head was the size of a human adult's and could have decapitated you with a single bite. The curators said a snapper grows roughly 1 pound per year, so it would be nearly 8 centuries old!

/looked like a boulder
//until it looked at you

Lest we forget that we saw a turtle.

Saw one take a guy's finger off on the Sabine river years ago. The guy didn't know what happened at first.

Defiance_: A snapping turtle rectum, when removed from the body and blown on gently, will continue to form a water-tight pucker for 3 weeks.

Dear Mythbusters.....

They be some mean mofos, mmmhmm