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(Salon)   "Scientists" strapped super-hyper monkeys to a chair and got them high   (salon.com) divider line 51
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3327 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 Oct 2001 at 4:15 PM (12 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2001-10-03 04:23:21 PM
the statue got me high

b00bies
 
2001-10-03 04:25:56 PM
thought the article would be uh.
well i didnt know what this article would be but it turned out exactly as i would have liked.

monkeys arent people
 
2001-10-03 04:26:44 PM
wheres that bull shiat flag when we need it.
 
2001-10-03 04:26:55 PM
"this finding suggests that marijuana has as much potential for abuse as other drugs of abuse, such as cocaine and heroin."

and alcohol and tobacco
 
2001-10-03 04:29:01 PM
This happened to me once in college.
 
2001-10-03 04:33:24 PM
great. the everfarking dea will have a field day with this one. so long NORML, we hardly knew ye....
 
2001-10-03 04:35:31 PM
Research is such a broad term, I like to think of what I do as "MonkeyTorture".
 
2001-10-03 04:42:41 PM
They would torture monkeys to keep me from smoking grass. That is farking evil.
 
2001-10-03 04:44:39 PM
And this quote was one of the best of the article:
"Squirrel monkeys are easily bored. (No squirrel monkey would have read this far, for instance. A squirrel monkey would have skimmed the headline, shrieked in derision and started biting the keyboard by now.)"

Sounds like they were doing these monkeys a favor.
 
2001-10-03 04:44:46 PM
The article says that this particular brand of monkey is exciteable and easily bored, and the author took a course that involved cataloging their activity... and apparently their main activity was whacking off.

So we can conclude that exciteable, easily bored males, who whack off all the time, when strapped to a chair and offered some weed, will gladly accept it.

All I can think is... who's going to strap me to the chair?
 
2001-10-03 04:47:09 PM
Next thing you know, heroin will lead to coffee.

smack-a-cino?

Dave Barry needs to read this...
 
2001-10-03 04:48:19 PM
harveyfish:
that is how i feel when i haven't had any for a while

read into that what you will
;)
 
2001-10-03 04:55:47 PM
Slippy, no Mountain Dew leads to coffee.

Anybody besides me have cravings for THC injected cheesecake?
 
2001-10-03 04:57:30 PM
That takes me back...
Reminds me of a night when I got kidnapped in college during pledge period.
 
2001-10-03 05:01:23 PM
I wonder how much weed made it to the monkies and how much was skimmed for the researchers as well? Wasting the gonge on apes is obviously abuse!
 
2001-10-03 05:04:21 PM
Reefer Monkey Madness


The headline says it all.

 
2001-10-03 05:09:27 PM
oh like the hot bamboo shoots under the fingernails, things like that?

no no its more of a.. more of a psychological torture.

like for instance i have this monkey named bongo.
sometimes i like to pretend that bongo is dead.
i'll sit there and bongo will be right in front of me and i'll say 'oh i wish bongo was still here, i really miss him'
they HATE it. ::]
 
fb-
2001-10-03 05:13:49 PM
I know if somebody tried to take my coffee away from me, I'd probably kill them.
 
2001-10-03 05:17:36 PM
Yet another classic example of "scientists" with obvious agendas doing anything they can to make sure that the results are what they want them to be. Come on, they had to get the monkeys hooked on COCAINE before they would even touch the marijuana! Give me a break.
Unfortunately these days, there's way, WAY too much politics involved in "research" to lend any credence to their conclusions. How frustrating and sad.
 
2001-10-03 05:18:11 PM
I hope they didn't forget their towels.
 
2001-10-03 05:22:01 PM
I'm surprised the oral self-gratification didn't make the headline...
 
2001-10-03 05:25:01 PM
Hey, FARK you! I can quit anytime!

What's a bakehead monkey?
 
2001-10-03 05:28:07 PM
Unhappy people doing unhappy things

what a bunch of ignorant farking morons.

they should say fark the monkeys and test the goddamn scientists that have so much spare time they can do this kind of shiat.

i can only hope that they are smoking those monkeys out with some white widow.
 
2001-10-03 05:37:57 PM
The truth is where the sculptor's chisel chipped away the lie.
 
2001-10-03 05:39:00 PM
I tooold you all about the stoned super monkeys. . .BUT DID YOU LISTEN TO ME! NOOOOO!!!!!! JUST RAVING ON THE CORNER, MAD AS ALWAYS, TALKIN ABOUT HIS STONED SUPER MONKEYS, YOU SAID!!!
 
2001-10-03 05:39:11 PM
Those nutty scientists never stopped to think that maybe these monkeys were expecting cocaine. Sheesh, how were they supposed to know there was no caine in there anymore? Maybe it was like "Dammit!! I hit that button 30 times and I still haven't got that stuff I like! I'm hungry......What?"
Silly scientists.
 
2001-10-03 05:39:23 PM
how can I get hold of an injectable form of THC?

sounds grooovy.
 
2001-10-03 05:45:32 PM
I wanna be a pot smokin' monkey, oh wait.... huh-huh-huh.
Prime!
 
2001-10-03 05:46:41 PM
I wish someone would hook me to that machine while I am at work. Strapped to a desk forced to look at computer screens.
This needs to be added to that "ultimate cubicle" Can we have a Farker's ultimate cubicle?
 
2001-10-03 05:48:08 PM
Marihuana is harmless, yadda yadda.
Drug laws are wrong, yadda yadda.
Come on people, stop whining!
Join NORML, write a witty article (like the one we just read), put a bumber sticker on your car, plant pot in your local police station's flowerbed, WHATEVER!
Just do something, ok?

If pot is still illegal in 10 years I'll woop your ass.
 
2001-10-03 05:50:23 PM
ya, maybe later spazzm, i got the munchies
 
2001-10-03 05:58:07 PM
Is that article almost a year old? It's the only stuff still available from Salon I guess....
 
2001-10-03 05:58:54 PM
I'm addicted to smoking monkeys
 
2001-10-03 06:11:12 PM
After the beasts got high, the scientists stood around and slapped their monkeys.
 
2001-10-03 06:29:01 PM
The monument of granite shot (sent?) a beam into my eye.
 
2001-10-03 06:29:47 PM
Gosh that was a good read. When's Salon gonna start charging for this great shiat?
 
2001-10-03 06:54:13 PM
so, despite study after study for the past sixty or seventy years, showing that marijuana is not addictive, these scientists think theyhave something. what do they have? monkeys can be forced to use marijuana by getting them addicted to cocain, and keeping them in the diametric opposite of their natural habitat. or, to put it in a more anti-drug-propaganda-ish way: don't abuse your monkeys, or they may end up using drugs if you force them to.
 
2001-10-03 07:07:53 PM
The scientits have proved beyond a doubt that they are addicted to testing pot on monkeys.

"Where's that sample?"
 
2001-10-03 07:27:47 PM
Don't tell PETA!
 
2001-10-03 07:37:32 PM
Gee, you guys don't think they focused testing proceedures, altered data, or phrased conclusions towards the end of recieving additional grant monies from the Federal Government? That would be unscientific.
 
2001-10-03 07:41:06 PM
Meat: To take that thought further you could also argue that humans are not in their natural habitat either. Humans have been around for several hundred thousand years adapting to live in a huntere/gather environment but the industrial revolution was only a century or two ago.
Maybe that's why people use drugs?

I sure could use a hit right now. Long day at work and I don't even have one of those fancy new cubicles that seem to be all the rave these days.
 
2001-10-03 08:34:19 PM
Pray for Mojo.
 
2001-10-03 08:53:01 PM
You're a hyperactive child
You're distructive, you're too wild
We're going to calm you down
Now this won't hurt a bit
 
2001-10-03 09:57:36 PM
where do I sign up?
 
2001-10-03 10:14:21 PM
idiots.. all of you
 
2001-10-03 10:46:30 PM
the sun is a mass of incandescent gas... oops wrong song
 
2001-10-03 10:50:01 PM
Bmartin:

Woohoo! Another skydiver/TMBG fan!

 
2001-10-03 11:50:37 PM
Spacegoat: You can't have enough skydiving and TMBG. They're coming to my campus in a few weeks, I can't wait. And that same weekend, I'm making jumps 9-11, maybe 12!
 
2001-10-04 02:13:49 AM
YOU BASTARD!!!

I'm starting to think TMBG have something personal against Alaska. They've never been here and I don't think they ever will. Is it me? It's me, isn't it.
 
2001-10-04 12:12:42 PM
You all know why marijuana is still illeagle, because pot heads always forget where they put the petitions.

Ever 45 seconds a pot smoker is arrested, and they wonder why were so paranoid!

Another reason weed is outlawed is because the government makes to much money on arresting potheads and forcing them to pay fines and court costs. They know that they could never tax marijuana like they do tobacco, because you can grow that shiat pretty much anywhere.

::he who smokes pot::
 
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