*tries to think of ways he could use this at school*

"On an average day, I probably do about 15 minutes of actual, real work."

Perfect, Quick1.

/TPS Report...

/Fark

Bye

That was boring.

/french accent.

Tricks make the boss think you're working

Like, for instance, writing a no-brainer 150-word article containing one quote (probably from your friend) for AP and posting it at 1:33 PM while you were actually at home getting a nooner.

I made an Excel Spreadsheet with lots of colors and numbers and a graph. Makes everyone think I'm busy, and I just keep it in the background until someone's going to walk by, then I bring it to the front and type/look thoughtful.

Um... okay.

/Incoherant boring story

Here is another trick: Create a stylesheet for your browser. Make images invisible, All text black on white, plain font. Makes people think you are reading some important online documentation or reports. Spend all day on FARK. (Shame about the photoshop threads, though)
J.

hehe, I think my most glorious work day was when I first learned what the ALT+TAB keys do. It was like an epiphany or something.
And yes, there's nothing like staring intently at a small-font numbers-only spreadsheet at the exact moment your boss walks by...

set your taskbar to autohide so if anyone looks at your screen they can't even tell if you have a browser open behind your spreadsheet.

"Well, I gotta tell ya...I'd be very, very careful who you talk to about that. Because the person who wrote that is dangerous. And this buttoned-down Oxford-cloth psycho might just snap and then stalk from office to office with an Armalite AR-10 carbine gas-powered semi-automatic weapon, pumping round after round into colleagues and coworkers. This might be someone you've known for years...someone very...very...close to you...

Or maybe you just shouldn't bring me every little piece of trash you happen to pick up."

I always pile folders about my desk and have a few sheets of written pages by the keyboard so it looks like I'm working hard at something. Also if you use MSN Messenger I suggest Msgplus, pressing ctrl and space will hide everything in a icon in your tray and change the MSN icon. Plus the joys of alt/tab.....

/slacker

Oh, lighten up OregonVet. Everybody slacks off every now and then. Have you never cought yourself staring out of the window, daydreaming? I hope so.

Although the story itself held little information (eight sentences in seven paragraphs), it concerned me and had a frightening appeal to my slackitude.

Actually, excel or powerpoint would make a dandy (woo hoo haven't used that word yet) screensaver. Every 15 minutes ahve something thrown in at random to make it look like you're actually working on it... :)

What OregenVet fails to get is the ridiculous practices of many modern corporate environments.

Myself, and many of my friends have worked and consulted at jobs that require very little actual work from us. We're hired by some corporate busybody who desires more employees for the sake of having more employees. Or because they have one critical task for you to do, but can usually be accomplished with an hour or two of work a day.

We can constantly ask for more work, but if you're a consultant or at a low-level, there often isn't anything else for you to do. And continually telling the boss you have absolutely nothing to do is the easiest way to get yourself made redundant.

What to do? The only thing you can do is look busy or get sacked. So yes, I've chosen to use little tricks in order to look busy. I and many others I know have gotten away with it for years and years. Do the bosses know? Largely I doubt it, but the real question is, do the bosses care? As long as you're not a problem and get your tiny bit of work done, all is well.

It's not about laziness, it's not about stealing time from corporations, neither is it "causing" the downfall of the modern corporation. It's the corporations practices that largely cause of all this wastefullness.

In fact, what employees are doing is simply the only reasonable response to the position these large wasteful corporate structures put the employees in

Unless you've been there, you just don't get it.

Man i did something like that, I used to run a Rex store with old ass computers.I figered out how to call in and run the end-of-day process witch was the only thing anyone looked at to see if I was doing my job.I could close whenever and it looked like I was there all night.Just had to call in around closing time.

/No longer employed, for "other" reasons

RandomRandom - Thats it in a nutshell!

I once worked with a guy who had a low-tech approach to slacking and acting busy. He'd pick up the phone and have a "conversation" when the boss came around, but his free hand, in plain sight, was depressing the plunger on the phone. Crazy. He was fired.

I'm with you, OregonVet. And since my compensation is tied to the overall performance of my business unit, slackers are stealing from me. Now, before Jonr goes off on me about "don't you ever stare out the window", I do take a "sanity walk" now and again. If you're going to work for the man, then work for him. What RandomRandom wrote is a massive rationalization for being lazy. If you worked for me, I'd know you were slacking, and I'd fire you, over the objections of HR. Yes, OregonVet, those slackers sitting on the thwarts are annoying to those of us using the paddles.

sometimes I copy and paste fark threads into an excel spread sheet to read them. Then you can close your browser altogether and you're able to quickly change spread sheets if the boss walks by.

Off topic but I highly recommend ModemSpy if you're on dialup and want to record all you're wife's incoming or outgoing calls. Don't use the demo version because after 3 min of recording it pops up on the screen with a big "REGISTER ModemSpy TODAY". Of course I'd never actually record anyone's conversation, I'm just saying...

When software organizations get to a certain size and the codebase gets partitioned into fiefdoms, it is natural for even the most ambitious of developers to be stuck waiting for other people to do their part in their fiefdoms.

The job description becomes:
- have your parts ready
- sound sober and alert when the phone rings
- surf the net without being obvious about it and becoming a problem for your boss
- don't surf any porn because the IS department will bust you sooner or later
- don't hit on the women in the office cuz HR or your wife will bust you sooner or later

Great credo Control.

Score a win for Udo.

On the other topic of this thread, it is an observation that jerk-offs who waste resources really are responsible for the deaths of their companies whether these thieves are CEOs (Kozlowski or Wachsel) or low level staff.

Umm..... yeah.

I got absolutely nothing out of that article. Talk about poor writing.

Delay
It's not just an obsevation, it's a fact.

I'm tired of executives pretending like they know what the workers below them have to go through on a day-to-day basis. I'm all for the corporate policy of having all executives and managers spending one day a year coming down from their towers and actually work along-side the grunts. It would make company policies alot different.

Spyderqueen's PS entry yesterday. Seems appropriate somehow.

Thanks, Delay.

"Im not daydreaming I'm pondering the department mission statement."

I've got one: get a real job and do it well instead of being an overpaid failure waiting for the axe to fall.

Lordjupiter,GrymReeper,Delay,OregonVet

don't you guys have some ass kissing to do?

OregenVet And you admit yourself bosses don't generally be made aware of the slacking. When I worked for a corporation, I was the guy that found people like you and sacked them.

And I also said that some bosses that are aware, and they just don't care.

So you found people like us and sacked them? I don't believe you.

People that us, that always come to work on time. People like us, that always have their work done on or before it was due. People that us, that are respectful of their co-workers and get along with everyone. People like us that consistently receive the very highest review marks from their bosses.

Yeah, even if you could find us, you really would have been able to fire us...

Sure, some of the idiot-slackers and those with personality disorders get the sack, but "people like us" are glad to see those idiots gone.

But people like us, those that share my practice,s will last in corporate environments forever. You can't fire us, we're everywhere and everyone at the corporation likes us. In trying to find us, you'll be chasing windmills and fighting battles you can't win for the rest of your days. We keep our heads down and make it too damn difficult for you to ever pin anything on us. Quite simply, you lose.

Years ago, while working as a Naval Officer, I got tired of seeing people who did no work, but put on a good act get the most favorable evaluations, while I worked my ass off and got nothing. I tried a 6 month experiment, where I put on a very good impression, but did no actual work. I came early every day and made sure all the department heads saw me looking busy when they arrived. After that, I would go to breakfast. Then I would walk around carrying a folder and a cup of coffee, while BSing with people in the different offices. I'd break early for a super long workout/lunch. When I came back in the afternoon, I'd do the folder thing again, getting the most face time possible. I wouldn't leave until all the department heads saw that I was staying later than them (with my folder). On the next evaluation, I was elevated to "Goldenboy" status and ranked in the top of the rankings. Then I quit.

Wireless LAN - turn so your screen is facing away from where people can see, have a sheet of notes open nearby - glance dwn at it when someone walks by....and have the Excel sheet open in the background so you can switch if they walk into your cubicle...

On a real boring day I use the "I'm just popping over to X department" and go for a 5 minute walk around the University where I work. I take a few sheets of paper with me and my diary so it looks like i'm actually going to department X. Then I'll buy a cup of coffee from the shop and sit at my desk reading some thick memo for 20 minutes pretending to read it. Then I open the Univeristy's e-mail program and write to friends I haven't seen in a while making sure to flick through the stacks of paper and a few files on my desk to look like i'm preparing something important. Repeat these and other little nuances in variation besides finishing the 15 minutes of work you have and that's the day put in.

05-17-03 09:44:29 AM Pr2

Lordjupiter,GrymReeper,Delay,OregonVet

don't you guys have some ass kissing to do?

No. But I've got people to fire. Maybe you're one of them. Don't assume competence and taking pleasure in work is the same as humiliating servitude. If you think so, you need a new career.

05-17-03 09:47:54 AM Rhiannon

Wow, a lot of holier than thou attitudes here from people who haven't a clue what other peoples jobs entail.


It doesn't matter what you do where I'm coming from. How is it holier than thou to want people to just do their farking jobs so others don't have to pick up the slack?

The "corporate environment" excuse for perpetrating fraud is bullcrap if you're talking about management accepting slack in exchange for the bare minimum of expected labor. Such positions, without rare technical expertise, are the first to be cut when profits dip.

Covering your ass when you're taking a few minutes off is one thing (even if you work like a dog, it always seems like the boss is walking by when you goof off). People aren't machines, and a good manager knows that.

It's the backslapping, excuse-making goldbricker who creates more work for others that needs to be eliminated. Those people cost money and time, taking both from the diligent employees who work hard and deserve to be rewarded. The slacker thinks everyone else is doing it, so he may as well, too. He's almost totally oblivious to the existence of the pack mule in the room, because that mule rarely complains. If a manager allows this situation to continue, it's because he's afraid of losing his own job by rocking the boat. Bad situation.

Do not assume that management doesn't understand the work of those below them. Do not assume you understand the duties, abilities, and attributes of those above you. If you had any ambition and a desire to move up the chain of responsibility, I'm sure you'd be upset if those you oversee resented you as overpriviledged when in fact you've worked hard for years to get where you are. Especially when the rigors are no less demanding, just different.

If managers tolerate slack, or reward those who project value rather than provide it, then they've likely ascended to their position as a result of poor corporate structure. The legacy of promoted phonies will ultimately harm your company, and your livelihood. You don't have to love the company, because the company doesn't love you, but don't screw the company, either. Do yourself a favor if you dislike the "corporate environment" and become management, and lead by example.

If you ever in your life find yourself whining "why does this always happen to ME?", look back on this subject and review your habits.

/soapbox

In my school, we have this lame-ass firewall that requires maybe 30 minutes of dicking around with proxies before you can view fark/any of the other sites I regularly visit - except for one computer. This one has its own, DEDICATED cable connection donated by cabelvision - it's free optimumonline. It's a shame the computer its on sucks - or not, all of the sheep stay the fark away from it because they "need" to use a pentium 4 to type up their papers and surf the censored web. Naturally, there's these big signs posted on all the computers "computers are ONLY for work, no games" - does that happen? Hell farking yes - Pr0n and fark in school ownz gamez. Beats the hell out of class.

AH just going the navy ! Secure Job. 3 meals a day and all the gay sex you want.

Lordjupiter

How ironic it will be when you are fired/laid off yourself, regardless of the fact that you do your job well because it just fit the need. I used to work at Dell (I quit, couldn't stand it), where I met a lot of people like you. I call them the 'ones with no balls' but I'm sure they think they're doing a good thing and that's enough for them. Sadly, that's one of the corporations that is famous for it's faceless layoffs. You see, if you live vicariously through your company, you have to kill yourself when the job ends. You've got to be an individual. Well, you don't, but I hear it's highly recommended.

If you can take up space in a chair and bullshiat your way through the day, then you know you are worthless. Make a spreadsheet showing the pride you have in what you do.

Can't do it can you. No wonder fark has the classified ads consisting of help me find a job, give me money bullshiat.

Bunch of punks that will be pissed at the man when they get fired or layed off.