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(Fox Sports)   A twelve-step program to rejuvenate the career of JaCarcass Russell. Step 1: buy a scale   (msn.foxsports.com) divider line 63
    More: Obvious, JaMarcus Russell, Arena Football League, away games, Daunte Culpepper, Doug Flutie, Gala, Jay Glazer, Akili Smith  
•       •       •

3190 clicks; posted to Sports » on 17 May 2010 at 4:42 PM (5 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2010-05-17 03:48:43 PM  
Step 2 a gym
 
2010-05-17 04:02:02 PM  
Step 3: Change your name to either James or Marcus, and get rid of that awful hyrbid name your mom gave you.
 
2010-05-17 04:11:41 PM  
ibitarnir.files.wordpress.com
 
2010-05-17 04:48:35 PM  
Step 1- Admit you were powerless as a Raider.
 
2010-05-17 04:49:17 PM  
5. Go North: The Hamilton Tiger-Cats currently own your CFL rights.

Hasn't Hamilton sufferred enough? Seriously if he can't keep track of 5 recievers at the most (who have to be at a dead stop before the ball is snapped) how can he handle 6 who are at full speed by the time the ball is snapped?
 
2010-05-17 04:55:28 PM  

SEC SEC SEC
SEC SEC SEC
SEC SEC SEC
SEC SEC SEC
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
 
2010-05-17 04:58:04 PM  
He's already completed step 1: Get the eff out of Oakland.

He's working on step 2: Get as far away from the Raiders' front office and coaching staff as you possibly can.

Now, if he can only cut a hole in that box...
 
2010-05-17 04:59:15 PM  
That's better than JaFatass but worse than JaWalrus, I think.
 
2010-05-17 05:04:35 PM  
you have pee hands: That's better than JaFatass but worse than JaWalrus, I think.

You can just use his real name now. Nobody will ever name their kid THAT again.
 
2010-05-17 05:14:33 PM  
mikaloyd: you have pee hands: That's better than JaFatass but worse than JaWalrus, I think.

You can just use his real name now. Nobody will ever name their kid THAT again.


I still liked JaGantic...
 
2010-05-17 05:16:24 PM  
But isn't the real first step "Admit you have a problem"? He received a big payday and obviously has no commitment to being a great player. Somehow I don't think he has a big problem with where he is now.
 
2010-05-17 05:20:35 PM  
Ponzholio: mikaloyd: you have pee hands: That's better than JaFatass but worse than JaWalrus, I think.

You can just use his real name now. Nobody will ever name their kid THAT again.

I still liked JaGantic...


My favorite too.

/wish he was still on the Raiders just to see them suffer
 
2010-05-17 05:23:32 PM  
Step Eleventy: Realize how lucky you are to have made any money at all so far post-college and stop farking this up.
 
2010-05-17 05:39:04 PM  
Step 10,000 - Take another step.
 
rka
2010-05-17 05:42:54 PM  
Uh..how about, take the money and run?

It's obvious he doesn't have the motivation to play NFL football now that he has the money. Why is the media hell bent on "rehabilitating" a player who doesn't want to work? Why should any team take him?

His physical skills aren't so great that he wows anyone but Al Davis. I mean, he's no Michael Vick in his prime. That's the type of athlete you'd take a chance on. He's not even a Daunte Culpepper. His mental skills are suspect at best.
 
2010-05-17 05:50:24 PM  
The guy didn't bust his ass when he was making $9 million a year, when doing so would have guaranteed him millions more in the future.

Why do some commentators think that he's going to bust his ass for $1 million a year non-guaranteed? He's going back home to spend his $39 million and hang with his friends. The End.
 
2010-05-17 05:57:59 PM  
I would just love to see JaMarcus go somewhere and become the Superbowl MVP. I think Al Davis' brain would jump out of his skull.
 
2010-05-17 05:59:21 PM  
Ponzholio: mikaloyd: you have pee hands: That's better than JaFatass but worse than JaWalrus, I think.

You can just use his real name now. Nobody will ever name their kid THAT again.

I still liked JaGantic...


That's a good one. My favorite on Fark was 'JaFattubofgoo.' I don't know where it came from, but I found it funny for some reason.
 
2010-05-17 06:02:46 PM  
hey, at least he got a college degree with that $39m
 
2010-05-17 06:12:25 PM  
JaMarcus Russell has more talent in his penis than all you farkers have in your fingers.
 
2010-05-17 06:16:24 PM  
mc_madness: JaMarcus Russell has more talent in his penis than all you farkers have in your fingers.

For eating?
 
2010-05-17 06:19:15 PM  
I personally like OffDaMarkus.
 
2010-05-17 06:28:22 PM  
Doing any of those 12 steps would require Russel to put down the cheeseburgers and actually put forth some effort....the fat sack of goo had 39 million reasons to before and didn't, why would he now?
 
2010-05-17 06:30:28 PM  
UNC_Samurai: For eating?

1 keyboard owed.

The bill is in the mail.
 
2010-05-17 06:38:26 PM  
WithinReason: hey, at least he got a college degree with that $39m

A good chunk of that is lllooonnnggg gone
jeffpearlman.com
 
2010-05-17 06:54:10 PM  
What is the Vegas line on JaMountain being flat broke within the next three years?
 
2010-05-17 07:07:47 PM  
About 6 months would be my guess.
 
2010-05-17 08:17:35 PM  
I'm not a big fan of JaMarcus Russell, what with him being a Raider and all although I do like what he's done as a Raider. However I don't wish him ill, and hope he halts this slide. I'd hate to see him end up like Jan Michael Vincent: Link (new window) I read this linked from another thread, and wouldn't wish this on the most Raidiest Raider. Not even George Atkinson or Jack Tatum.
 
2010-05-17 08:28:59 PM  
kpottruff: 5. Go North: The Hamilton Tiger-Cats currently own your CFL rights.

Hasn't Hamilton sufferred enough? Seriously if he can't keep track of 5 recievers at the most (who have to be at a dead stop before the ball is snapped) how can he handle 6 who are at full speed by the time the ball is snapped?


After years of searching and failure, we finally found a set of quarterbacks that had success last year. JaWalrus would not fit in with a CFL offense, especially a system that seemed to have found its groove last year.

/Long suffering Ti-Cats fan
//Oskee Wee Wee!
 
2010-05-17 08:33:52 PM  
The guy has talent but no work ethic...obvious.

he did well in college because he had talent, had talent on his team and his coach was a gambler who got lucky.
I don't know how many games Miles won on a 4th and whatever call.

He was not ready for the NFL. His coach at LSU, Miles, is not much of a disciplinarian...So he needed structure. and ya know, that's what the Raiders are known for!

If he'd been drafted to a stable team with a veteran qb and a decent coach, he might have become something...

Instead he became "The Jamarcus"
 
2010-05-17 08:41:14 PM  
Moodybastard: If he'd been drafted to a stable team with a veteran qb and a decent coach, he might have become something...

Because a guy who falls asleep in team meetings, listens to his family's advice to gain weight and blows his money like a sailor on shore-leave would have cleaned up in most any other city right? The "disciplinarians" have their occasional misses: Parcells (Terry Glenn), Cowher (Plexiglass), hell half of the Cowboys in the 70's. Russell tried to rely on his athletic ability alone like he did in LSU where he never studied film or really worked hard during the week. TERRIBLE study habits have doomed any hope he has of being a pro in most any way it could have come out.
 
2010-05-17 08:54:12 PM  
UNAUTHORIZED FINGER: I'm not a big fan of JaMarcus Russell, what with him being a Raider and all although I do like what he's done as a Raider. However I don't wish him ill, and hope he halts this slide. I'd hate to see him end up like Jan Michael Vincent: Link (new window) I read this linked from another thread, and wouldn't wish this on the most Raidiest Raider. Not even George Atkinson or Jack Tatum.

Jack Tatum would like you to come over the middle and chat for a bit
 
2010-05-17 09:08:27 PM  
the1hatman: UNAUTHORIZED FINGER: I'm not a big fan of JaMarcus Russell, what with him being a Raider and all although I do like what he's done as a Raider. However I don't wish him ill, and hope he halts this slide. I'd hate to see him end up like Jan Michael Vincent: Link (new window) I read this linked from another thread, and wouldn't wish this on the most Raidiest Raider. Not even George Atkinson or Jack Tatum.

Jack Tatum would like you to come over the middle and chat for a bit


LOL, he terrifies me. I'd shoot him down like a rabid pit bull. Its the only way to be sure. :)
 
2010-05-17 09:20:41 PM  
Any GM worth his salt would insist upon contract requirements pertaining to practice, readiness and weight. Don't make weight, don't get paid.

Second chances don't come cheap.
 
2010-05-17 09:24:30 PM  
rka: Uh..how about, take the money and run?

It's obvious he doesn't have the motivation to play NFL football now that he has the money. Why is the media hell bent on "rehabilitating" a player who doesn't want to work? Why should any team take him?

His physical skills aren't so great that he wows anyone but Al Davis. I mean, he's no Michael Vick in his prime. That's the type of athlete you'd take a chance on. He's not even a Daunte Culpepper. His mental skills are suspect at best.


While it is fun to mock Russel....I don't know...You don't get the professional level on raw talent alone; it requires a lot effort put on somewhere along the line.

(cool story time)..My sophomore year in highschool I played JV baseball and I was clearly the best hitter on the team. At the end of the year the Varsity coaches call up a couple JV guys. Everyone on the team assumed that myself and someone else would get the nod. Even if you don't get to play it's an honor to get called up.

The Varsity coach opted for two fastest kids on the JV team; who were not good hitters or spectacular fielders and everyone on the team (including the JV coach) was like "ummmm, yeah... not sure what he was thinking."(I could go on for hours about the other stupid things this guy did unrelated to me, but lets just say this guy really didn't have a clue, and was fired as coach after my senior year)

The following two years when I was on varsity while this guy coached...I just didn't care. The team went from a playoff contender (under the previous coach) to one of the worst in the league. I went from enjoying baseball to just wanting the season to be over.

Obviously there are a lot of differences from high school baseball to pro football, but I understand that sort of apathy that comes from being on a losing team with a terrible coach, in a terribly run organization.
 
2010-05-17 09:33:03 PM  
UNAUTHORIZED FINGER: the1hatman: UNAUTHORIZED FINGER: I'm not a big fan of JaMarcus Russell, what with him being a Raider and all although I do like what he's done as a Raider. However I don't wish him ill, and hope he halts this slide. I'd hate to see him end up like Jan Michael Vincent: Link (new window) I read this linked from another thread, and wouldn't wish this on the most Raidiest Raider. Not even George Atkinson or Jack Tatum.

Jack Tatum would like you to come over the middle and chat for a bit

LOL, he terrifies me. I'd shoot him down like a rabid pit bull. Its the only way to be sure. :)


Ha! You're alright for a Raider Hater
 
2010-05-17 09:38:38 PM  
mrtoadswildride: rka: Uh..how about, take the money and run?

It's obvious he doesn't have the motivation to play NFL football now that he has the money. Why is the media hell bent on "rehabilitating" a player who doesn't want to work? Why should any team take him?

His physical skills aren't so great that he wows anyone but Al Davis. I mean, he's no Michael Vick in his prime. That's the type of athlete you'd take a chance on. He's not even a Daunte Culpepper. His mental skills are suspect at best.

While it is fun to mock Russel....I don't know...You don't get the professional level on raw talent alone; it requires a lot effort put on somewhere along the line.

(cool story time)..My sophomore year in highschool I played JV baseball and I was clearly the best hitter on the team. At the end of the year the Varsity coaches call up a couple JV guys. Everyone on the team assumed that myself and someone else would get the nod. Even if you don't get to play it's an honor to get called up.

The Varsity coach opted for two fastest kids on the JV team; who were not good hitters or spectacular fielders and everyone on the team (including the JV coach) was like "ummmm, yeah... not sure what he was thinking."(I could go on for hours about the other stupid things this guy did unrelated to me, but lets just say this guy really didn't have a clue, and was fired as coach after my senior year)

The following two years when I was on varsity while this guy coached...I just didn't care. The team went from a playoff contender (under the previous coach) to one of the worst in the league. I went from enjoying baseball to just wanting the season to be over.

Obviously there are a lot of differences from high school baseball to pro football, but I understand that sort of apathy that comes from being on a losing team with a terrible coach, in a terribly run organization.


Actually, it sounds like Russel is just the "faster player" in your scenario.
 
2010-05-17 09:41:19 PM  
you have pee hands: That's better than JaFatass but worse than JaWalrus, I think.

I prefer Hamarcus, myself.
 
2010-05-17 09:44:07 PM  
I'm still trying to figure out what 'training regiment' JaMarcus should join. Would the military take him now?
 
2010-05-17 10:01:58 PM  
browser_snake: I'm still trying to figure out what 'training regiment' JaMarcus should join. Would the military take him now?

Yeah. Once the figure out which mountain Bin Laden is hiding beneath they can drop JaMarcus from the sky to flatten the mountain.
 
2010-05-17 10:35:30 PM  
mikaloyd: browser_snake: I'm still trying to figure out what 'training regiment' JaMarcus should join. Would the military take him now?

Yeah. Once the figure out which mountain Bin Laden is hiding beneath they can drop JaMarcus from the sky to flatten the mountain.


Chances are, he'd land on the wrong mountain.

In the wrong country.
 
2010-05-17 10:39:05 PM  
puffy999: mikaloyd: browser_snake: I'm still trying to figure out what 'training regiment' JaMarcus should join. Would the military take him now?

Yeah. Once the figure out which mountain Bin Laden is hiding beneath they can drop JaMarcus from the sky to flatten the mountain.

Chances are, he'd land on the wrong mountain.

In the wrong country.


Good point.
 
2010-05-17 10:44:28 PM  
mikaloyd: Yeah. Once the figure out which mountain Bin Laden is hiding beneath they can drop JaMarcus from the sky to flatten the mountain.

Chances are, he'd land on the wrong mountain.

In the wrong country.

Good point.


I forgot to mention, he's also likely to be a dud.
 
2010-05-17 10:52:58 PM  
the1hatman: Ha! You're alright for a Raider Hater

Hehe, I have a lot of practice. But I gotta admit I loves me some Fred Biletnikoff. He MADE me respect him. Ted Hendricks too. Nothing like watching the masters do their jobs.

/go broncos!
 
rka
2010-05-17 11:05:19 PM  
mrtoadswildride: You don't get the professional level on raw talent alone; it requires a lot effort put on somewhere along the line.

I don't agree with that, I think many players can come out of college based purely on raw talent. You're playing against 18-23 year old kids, most of whom have no shot at the next level in a sport that at the FBS level has what? 112 teams? Some freak of nature can easily coast through HS and college on talent.

But let's give JR the benefit of the doubt and look at it from your side. Let's say that somewhere along the way he actually put in the work, it wasn't just all raw talent. Ok. Now he's in the NFL and the minute he gets a sniff of security in his paycheck *BAM*..he tunes out and balloons up. How is that a better scenario for his image? To me that's even worse than just a physical freak who never had to work and was a bit overwhelmed by the NFL.

And lets' be honest, he's not that gifted, comparatively, to others in his line of work. Like I said, Vick was gifted. Vick you'd work with.

An overweight, falling asleep in meetings, I-Gots-Mine QB who would rather dive into a box of Oreos than a playbook? Why bother?
 
2010-05-17 11:19:21 PM  
Step whatever -- apply to become your own zip code.
 
2010-05-17 11:33:08 PM  
Ken VeryBigLiar: Moodybastard: If he'd been drafted to a stable team with a veteran qb and a decent coach, he might have become something...

Because a guy who falls asleep in team meetings, listens to his family's advice to gain weight and blows his money like a sailor on shore-leave would have cleaned up in most any other city right? The "disciplinarians" have their occasional misses: Parcells (Terry Glenn), Cowher (Plexiglass), hell half of the Cowboys in the 70's. Russell tried to rely on his athletic ability alone like he did in LSU where he never studied film or really worked hard during the week. TERRIBLE study habits have doomed any hope he has of being a pro in most any way it could have come out.


The writing was on the wall with this guy - I thought NFL teams had scouts to tell them about this stuff and avoid these guys like the plague.

Something tells me Al had A LOT to do with that pick.
 
2010-05-17 11:35:54 PM  
Step one: Get a farking clue.

Hell, get the entire clue truck. You're going to need it.
 
2010-05-17 11:37:18 PM  
diadelsuerte: The writing was on the wall with this guy - I thought NFL teams had scouts to tell them about this stuff and avoid these guys like the plague.

Something tells me Al had A LOT to do with that pick.


Their backs were against the wall. You couldn't trot Andrew Walter out there again and nobody else from that class of QB's has set the world on fire. Would Calvin Johnson or Joe Thomas been a better pick? Go ask a Packer if they'd of rather had Barry Sanders or Aikman.
 
2010-05-17 11:40:09 PM  
Why take 12 steps when it only takes 10 to get to the refrigerator?
 
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