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(Denver Channel)   Man convicted after shooting himself in the groin. In a related story, it's now a criminal offense to be an idiot   (thedenverchannel.com) divider line 63
    More: Dumbass, reckless endangerment, self-defenses  
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5843 clicks; posted to Main » on 10 May 2010 at 11:47 AM (4 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2010-05-10 10:53:09 AM
You cannot legislate stupidity.
 
2010-05-10 10:56:10 AM
LittleBlondeJug: You cannot legislate stupidity.

if only!

on the plus side, hopefully he hit the beans and frank and can no longer pee in the genepool
 
2010-05-10 11:01:38 AM
FTFA:
"Blurton maintained that someone hit him in the back of the head and he was trying to defend himself."


You know you're wasted when you try to brush something off your shoulder and it's the floor...


/Robin Williams
 
2010-05-10 11:37:39 AM
As well it should be. People who are this stupid should be shot in the back of the head before they ruin everything for the rest of us.

Problem solved.
 
2010-05-10 11:48:13 AM
Plaxico?
 
2010-05-10 11:48:49 AM
Man convicted after shooting himself in the groin. In a related story, it's now a criminal offense to be an idiot

Should have been all along
 
2010-05-10 11:49:42 AM
Rectum, it damn near killed him!
 
2010-05-10 11:49:42 AM
Ayup...

If you can't control when it goes off, you shouldn't be playing with it. Applies to so many things in life.
 
2010-05-10 11:50:49 AM
Darwin needs to work on his marksmanship a bit
 
2010-05-10 11:51:48 AM
Feels his pain.

blogs.bet.com
 
2010-05-10 11:51:49 AM
www.neima.com

/oblig
 
2010-05-10 11:52:00 AM
Leerroooy Blurton!
 
2010-05-10 11:52:11 AM
So the guy who tried to rob him ran off while he had his little accident because he knew he was next, and they decide to go after the victim? Of course they can't prove he was defending himself in that situation. How is this something tax dollars should be used to prosecute? Isn't a gunshot wound enough punishment for this situation?
 
2010-05-10 11:52:14 AM
If someone hit me in the back of the head, the first thing i'd do is shoot my crotch, just to let em know i was serious......ok I can't give him the benefit of the doubt.

/he's 50, my guess is he peed in the genepool at least 3 times.
 
2010-05-10 11:52:25 AM
You'll shoot your eye balls off kid...
 
2010-05-10 11:53:00 AM
LittleBlondeJug: You cannot legislate stupidity.

But you can mandate it.
 
2010-05-10 11:54:03 AM
Johnny shot himself in the cock.
Shoved a gun down his pants
and the trigger got caught
it's tough, so tough.

He's got to hold on
to what he's still got
it doesn't make a difference if he's circ'ed or not
The doc'll add inches,
and that's a lot for love...
 
2010-05-10 11:55:57 AM
dittybopper: Johnny shot himself in the cock.
Shoved a gun down his pants
and the trigger got caught
it's tough, so tough.

He's got to hold on
to what he's still got
it doesn't make a difference if he's circ'ed or not
The doc'll add inches,
and that's a lot for love...


-5 for using Bon Jovi
 
Biv
2010-05-10 11:56:06 AM
Cyborg77: Plaxico?

Sounds like a toilet bowl cleaner.
 
2010-05-10 11:56:43 AM
dittybopper: Johnny shot himself in the cock.
Shoved a gun down his pants
and the trigger got caught
it's tough, so tough.

He's got to hold on
to what he's still got
it doesn't make a difference if he's circ'ed or not
The doc'll add inches,
and that's a lot for love...


He gave it a shot!
 
2010-05-10 11:57:01 AM
Bad news for Keith Olbermann and Rush Limbaugh.
 
2010-05-10 11:57:53 AM
he was trying to defend himself from a mugger when he shot himself in the groin

"You see your honor. My dick is so big, it tried to mug and rape me. I had to defend myself against my gay dick, so I shot myself in the balls"
 
2010-05-10 11:59:05 AM
In a related story, it's now a criminal offense to be an idiot

God DAMN it, don't get my hopes up like that.
 
2010-05-10 11:59:47 AM
I know two idiots that make my life miserable. Can I make a citizens arrest?
 
2010-05-10 12:00:15 PM
LittleBlondeJug: You cannot legislate stupidity.

How many laws are on the books, in an attempt, to keep the stupid alive? Let us start with Jaywalking...
 
2010-05-10 12:00:44 PM
i265.photobucket.com
 
2010-05-10 12:00:54 PM
Billy Ligue: /oblig

I was waiting for that
\I am the ONLY ONE professional enough to handle *BOOM*
 
2010-05-10 12:02:12 PM
tnpir: As well it should be. People who are this stupid should be shot in the back of the head before they ruin everything for the rest of us.

Problem solved.


But then there'd be no one left on Fark!
 
2010-05-10 12:03:18 PM
Man convicted after shooting himself in the groin. In a related story, it's now a criminal offense to be an idiot discharge a firearm in a grocery store parking lot.

FTFY, dumbass.
 
2010-05-10 12:04:04 PM
Laws are just proxies for common sense and morality. It kills me that people biatch so much about being restricted by government but continue to act in a self-possessed manner.

Don't want stupid laws? Be responsible. Its a moot point though.. there will always be that one jackass that mucks it up for everyone.
 
2010-05-10 12:04:30 PM
EZ Writer: dittybopper: Johnny shot himself in the cock.
Shoved a gun down his pants
and the trigger got caught
it's tough, so tough.

He's got to hold on
to what he's still got
it doesn't make a difference if he's circ'ed or not
The doc'll add inches,
and that's a lot for love...

-5 for using Bon Jovi


The guy was 50 years old. It's not like I could use something more contemporary, and cheezrock does go with shotcock.
 
2010-05-10 12:07:12 PM
I've heard of negligent discharge, but that's just insane.
 
2010-05-10 12:07:18 PM
Cynical Idealist: Billy Ligue: /oblig

I was waiting for that
\I am the ONLY ONE professional enough to handle *BOOM*


Just saw that for the first time recently; simultaneously funny/scary/sad.

The audience reaction when he brought out this big-ass rifle (I don't remember what it was) was funny, though.
 
2010-05-10 12:08:33 PM
dittybopper: -5 for using Bon Jovi

The guy was 50 years old. It's not like I could use something more contemporary, and cheezrock does go with shotcock.


True, but you could have gone "Creep" by STP: Half the man I used to be...
 
2010-05-10 12:08:34 PM
Superjew: In a related story, it's now a criminal offense to be an idiot

God DAMN it, don't get my hopes up like that.


THIS, so very god damn much.
 
2010-05-10 12:11:07 PM
Many Farkers are breaking the law.

hehehe

/just kidding. seriously.
 
2010-05-10 12:11:30 PM
EZ Writer: dittybopper: -5 for using Bon Jovi

The guy was 50 years old. It's not like I could use something more contemporary, and cheezrock does go with shotcock.

True, but you could have gone "Creep" by STP: Half the man I used to be...


Hah, that was our behind the back schoolyard theme song for a kid we found out only had one testicle. 5th graders can be so cruel.
 
2010-05-10 12:12:33 PM
Don't forget about Plaxico Burress
 
2010-05-10 12:13:41 PM
Shot through the sack
He's too late
He gave mugging
A bad name
 
2010-05-10 12:14:08 PM
I'd been looking at a pretty, brass-framed BP revolver in the case at Shattuck's Hardware for a couple of months, and boy! Was I ever proud the day I went in and plunked down the money for it! Eleven dollars in one dollar bills... and eighteen dollars in quarter and dimes. Old Man Shattuck was a great old guy, whose eyesight, thankfully, had gotten really bad over the years... he didn't recognize me as he sold me the .36 caliber pistol... he even threw in a box of pure lead balls with the pistol and percussion caps when I bought the pound of black powder.

I told Mr. Shattuck that I was anxious to shoot it and was heading straight for the dump, and asked him to show me how to load the gun. "It's pretty simple," I recall his telling me. "You measure your powder into the cylinder chamber, put a bullet over it, ram it down in with the hinged thing under the barrel, put your cap over a nipple, and you're set to shoot." I thanked him for his help and headed for the door.

"One last thing!" he called to me as I was running out the door, "Don't forget to put grease over your balls! Crisco works fine!" I didn't understand the need for the last part, but I stopped at Tony's Grocery and bought a little blue can of Crisco grease. And now... to the dump! Where bottles and cans, rats and crows were just waiting for this ol' cowboy to do 'em in!

I replayed Mr. Shattuck's instructions in my head as I laid out all my gear on the smothed-out, brown paper bag at my feet. The first thing I realized was that I didn't have anything to measure the powder with... UNTIL I remembered my knife! I carried one of those folding stag handled camper's knives- you know, the ones with a fork on one side and a spoon on the other? The spoon was perfect for what I needed! Very carefully (thank heaven there wasn't any wind blowing) I poured a spoonful of powder from the can into the spoon, then tipped the spoon up and tapped the powder into the cylinder. Sure, I spilled a bunch over because the spoon held so much more, but what the heck! Powder was cheap, back then... and I had plenty to spare...

Being a methodical kind of kid, I filled all six chambers with the powder, managing to spill as much around my feet, I suppose, as I was getting into the cylinder. I can laugh now, but when I bent over to get the bullets all the powder fell out of the cylinders onto my boots... so I had to fill them all over again! I managed to get all the chambers filled with powder and then stuck a bullet into the first cylinder... I had to really tap it in with my knife to get it started... then shoved it in as far as it would go with the rammer thing. I lost a little powder in the process, but eventually I had all six chambers loaded and ready to go. Then I put percussion caps over the things sticking out the ends of the cylinders... Oops! I forgot a couple of things!

Now, I'll admit my ignorance about a lot of things... but why I was supposed to smear Crisco on my balls is still a mystery to me. But I figured Old Man Shattuck knew what he was about, so I looked around to make sure I was alone, then dropped my pants to my knees, opened the can of Crisco and began to smear it over Lefty and Righty. Standing there in the hot summer sun, slowly massaging soft, silky grease into my scrotum... gee WHIZ! I guess the old man knew what he was talking about after all ! Welcome to the joys of shooting!

I had to force myself out of my reverie...

One last thing and then I'd be ready to shoot... I took my baseball cap off and stuffed it inside my shirt over my left nipple. Okay... I guessed I was ready (except, of course, that in my haste I'd forgotten to pull up my pants...)

Well sir, I crooked my left am out in front of my face, rested the trigger guard of the pistol in my right hand on it, drew a tight bead on an old Four Roses bottle, and squeezed the trigger. I remember a bright flash, a burning sensation on my arm and face, then something hit me square in the forehead and the lights went out.

It must have been quite sometime later when I awoke. I was laid out across the back seat of Sheriff Miller's car (I knew this from the plexi-glass partition and a previous ride when I'd been sixteen), the rider's side door was open and my feet and lower legs were hanging out. As I raised my head to look for the source of the voices I heard I felt like someone had hit me in the head with a sledgehammer. I could see two men in the dim, evening light, just outside the door and within my range of vision. At least, I thought they were two men... I could hear two speaking but they were sorta spinning around and they looked like six. From the voices I knew they were Sheriff Miller and my Dad... "... busy on another call so the volunteer fire department was the first out here," I heard the Sheriff explaining to my dad. "Mabel Krutchner called it in... said she saw smoke comin' from the dump and had heard an awful explosion over this way."

"Near as I can tell from what the firemen say, when they got here they found your boy lying over there. At first they thought he was dead. The dump was on fire all around him, his left arm and face were all black, his boots were scorched pretty badly, he had a HUGE knot on his forehead where somebody'd cold-cocked him... And... well, we think the boy's been... well, taken advantage of."

"What do you mean 'Taken advantage of?'" I heard my dad ask.

"Well, Al, it's like this," the Sheriff said. "The first men to get to your boy said he was unconscious; they found part of a gun by his body; his pants were down around his ankles, his crotch was smeared with KY Jelly and he was sportin' a big boner..."

Then I heard Mr. Shattuck's voice. "I always knew there was something wrong with that boy...This will probably keep him out of the army..."

And THAT'S why I don't shoot black powder...
 
2010-05-10 12:15:24 PM
dittybopper: EZ Writer: dittybopper: Johnny shot himself in the cock.
Shoved a gun down his pants
and the trigger got caught
it's tough, so tough.

He's got to hold on
to what he's still got
it doesn't make a difference if he's circ'ed or not
The doc'll add inches,
and that's a lot for love...

-5 for using Bon Jovi

The guy was 50 years old. It's not like I could use something more contemporary, and cheezrock does go with shotcock.


I shot the scrotum, but I did not shoot the prostate gland
 
2010-05-10 12:15:31 PM
The charge in question in reckless endangerment, which seems reasonable. Improper gun handling often puts more people at risk than just yourself.
 
2010-05-10 12:17:37 PM
Kaffee: It was oregano, Dave. It was 10 dollars worth of oregano.

Lieutenant Dave Spradling: Yeah, but your client thought it was marijuana.

Kaffee: My client's a moron - that's not against the law.

/what i thought of
 
2010-05-10 12:19:18 PM
If he is that quick on the trigger he doesn't really need his cock and balls...
 
zez
2010-05-10 12:19:51 PM
Jurors also convicted Blurton of "prohibited use of a weapon -- drunk with a gun" and reckless endangerment.

Drunk with a gun, is that the sequel to Hobo with a shotgun?
 
2010-05-10 12:24:44 PM
Half the democrats and half the Republicans to be taken to jail.
 
2010-05-10 12:45:32 PM
Jurors also convicted Blurton of "prohibited use of a weapon -- drunk with a gun" and reckless endangerment.

Shouldn't most of the south be guilty of this?

/southerner
 
2010-05-10 01:02:25 PM
Everybody run - drunk with a gun!


And no one posted this yet?
i6.photobucket.com

youse guyse ar slyppyn.
 
2010-05-10 01:13:49 PM
i.r.id10t: I'd been looking at a pretty, brass-framed BP revolver in the case at Shattuck's Hardware for a couple of months, and boy! Was I ever proud the day I went in and plunked down the money for it!...

Damn that's hilarious.

For those who don't know: You have to smear grease over the cylinder openings in a cap and ball revolver to prevent the flame from firing the intended cylinder from igniting all the other cylinders at once. Either that, or you have to use a grease impregnated wad behind the ball, or a slug with grease/wax.
 
2010-05-10 01:16:45 PM
namatad: LittleBlondeJug: You cannot legislate stupidity.

if only!

on the plus side, hopefully he hit the beans and frank and can no longer pee in the genepool



i38.photobucket.com
 
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