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(SFGate)   The five worst army men of all time. "All my other army men were locked in mortal combat, and this a**hole is looking for his car keys"   (sfgate.com) divider line 279
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31297 clicks; posted to Main » on 30 Apr 2010 at 12:06 PM (4 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2010-04-30 08:59:00 AM
My favourite army man was commander gloop, the bravest puddle of his platoon.
 
2010-04-30 09:01:59 AM
My radioman was always calling in dirt clod air strikes.
 
2010-04-30 09:30:38 AM
www.thortrains.net
 
2010-04-30 09:31:34 AM
mine sweepers= dead guys, you had to shoot someone with the BB guns...
 
2010-04-30 10:09:46 AM
We can drive out?
 
2010-04-30 10:16:28 AM
Good lord. Don't GIS "army guys" with safesearch off.
 
2010-04-30 10:50:29 AM
I'll give you a clue on the WTF:

www.guninformer.com
 
2010-04-30 11:11:09 AM
I don't remember the dead guys. All the other guys I remember but not the dead guys. I wonder if my mom stole all the dead guys.
 
2010-04-30 11:14:18 AM
That was hysterical, but a family moratorium on guns? WTF?
 
2010-04-30 11:16:08 AM
Best Army man ever.

www.geekologie.com
 
2010-04-30 11:18:13 AM
DaCricket: I don't remember the dead guys. All the other guys I remember but not the dead guys. I wonder if my mom stole all the dead guys.

My friend had the mountainside set, and I recall guys on stretchers but no dead guys just laying there.
 
2010-04-30 11:36:35 AM
Sgt Otter: I'll give you a clue on the WTF:

I thought it was a WWII German "Potato Masher" grenade.
 
2010-04-30 11:47:30 AM
I had a huge dirt hill in my back yard, and on it, my friends and I would set up our army men. Dig trenches, build little barriers for protection.
Then the object was to go to the other guys base, and blow it up using:
bottle rockets
styrofoam cups fill with gasoline then set on fire (napalm)
rocks
roman candles
bb guns

Man those were good times!
 
2010-04-30 12:07:04 PM
HulkHands: DaCricket: I don't remember the dead guys. All the other guys I remember but not the dead guys. I wonder if my mom stole all the dead guys.

My friend had the mountainside set, and I recall guys on stretchers but no dead guys just laying there.


Ah, the Guns of Navarone Playset^. Of all my childhoods toys the one I want the most. The dead guys could be put on the guys with stretchers, which you always lost.

I've flirted with buying the pieces on eBay, but even I wince at spending a few hundred bucks on a toy.
 
2010-04-30 12:07:14 PM
If an army man plant ever moved to San Francisco, I'm guessing that all you would get is a bag of dead army men.

LOL!
 
2010-04-30 12:09:24 PM
My Army men were no match for the Magnifying Glass Laser of Death.
 
2010-04-30 12:09:59 PM
Army men were always more fun after a trip to the fireworks stand.
 
2010-04-30 12:11:41 PM
The best were the ones that came with cheap plastic parachutes and wed throw them off the roof.
 
2010-04-30 12:12:10 PM
Worst were the "crawling guys" and the guys who look like they're surrendering.

www.jesseshunting.com
 
2010-04-30 12:12:20 PM
Sgt Otter: I'll give you a clue on the WTF:

Four Deuce?
 
2010-04-30 12:12:58 PM
Ennuipoet: HulkHands: DaCricket: I don't remember the dead guys. All the other guys I remember but not the dead guys. I wonder if my mom stole all the dead guys.

My friend had the mountainside set, and I recall guys on stretchers but no dead guys just laying there.

Ah, the Guns of Navarone Playset^. Of all my childhoods toys the one I want the most. The dead guys could be put on the guys with stretchers, which you always lost.

I've flirted with buying the pieces on eBay, but even I wince at spending a few hundred bucks on a toy.


We never had the guns or the interior pieces.
 
2010-04-30 12:13:41 PM
Alacritous: Best Army man ever.


i used to form phalanxes with 4-5 Belly Crawlers, 4-5 of Kneeling Rifleman Guy behind them, and then flanked on either side with a battery of Bazooka Guy and Mortar Guy, and a Radioman to call in air strikes.

Bayonet Guy sucked, though. useless.

EVERYBODY GOES HOME!!!!
 
2010-04-30 12:14:01 PM
My radio guy was calling in arty strikes in the form of black cats.
 
2010-04-30 12:14:22 PM
sboyle1020: Worst were the "crawling guys" and the guys who look like they're surrendering.

This. I was actually about to post the exact same picture, too. Those crawling ones were useless, especially since we primarily used army men in rubber band wars.
 
2010-04-30 12:14:27 PM
I_C_Weener: Sgt Otter: I'll give you a clue on the WTF:

I thought it was a WWII German "Potato Masher" grenade.


I always thought that it was a grenade too. I'm more surprised that as an adult the article guy still can't figure it out.
 
2010-04-30 12:15:48 PM
Dr.Knockboots:
styrofoam cups fill with gasoline then set on fire (napalm)


Gasoline melts styrofoam.
\use paper cups
\\Knowledge is half the battle?
\\\The other half is napalm?
 
2010-04-30 12:15:50 PM
muck4doo: If an army man plant ever moved to San Francisco, I'm guessing that all you would get is a bag of dead don't ask don't tell army men.

LOL!


whut?
 
2010-04-30 12:16:50 PM
HulkHands: DaCricket: I don't remember the dead guys. All the other guys I remember but not the dead guys. I wonder if my mom stole all the dead guys.

My friend had the mountainside set, and I recall guys on stretchers but no dead guys just laying there.


Yeah, I don't remember those either. Also, I never had German kraut nazi army men.
 
2010-04-30 12:17:05 PM
Ennuipoet: HulkHands: DaCricket: I don't remember the dead guys. All the other guys I remember but not the dead guys. I wonder if my mom stole all the dead guys.

My friend had the mountainside set, and I recall guys on stretchers but no dead guys just laying there.

Ah, the Guns of Navarone Playset^. Of all my childhoods toys the one I want the most. The dead guys could be put on the guys with stretchers, which you always lost.

I've flirted with buying the pieces on eBay, but even I wince at spending a few hundred bucks on a toy.


I think that's still in my parents basement. How much is it worth to you?
 
2010-04-30 12:17:48 PM
I_C_Weener: Sgt Otter: I'll give you a clue on the WTF:

I thought it was a WWII German "Potato Masher" grenade.


Ditto.
 
2010-04-30 12:18:40 PM
my son and I both gave him a dishonorable discharge. Worst army man ever.

Gross.
 
2010-04-30 12:19:19 PM
filth: That was hysterical, but a family moratorium on guns? WTF?

I bet it failed long before mom said "OK, you can have toy guns now."
 
2010-04-30 12:19:31 PM
vinnydoz007: The best were the ones that came with cheap plastic parachutes and wed throw them off the roof.

And try and shoot them with a BB gun or slingshot.
 
2010-04-30 12:19:50 PM
FTFA: While I plan to teach both my sons how to drive a stick shift and shoot a free throw with proper mechanics, they'll have to figure out on their own how to roll a tight joint.

When I was fifteen my step-dad got tired of me filching his cigarettes, so he made me buy a can of TOP tobacco, and lots of extra rolling papers, and he taught me how to roll a credible cigarette. This useful skill has saved me more money than GEICO. Now I can roll a cigarette that you can't tell from a Camel non-filter, if they didn't have the camel printed on it. Plus I can roll a bomber that'd kill anyone not from Humboldt County.

/thanks dad
 
2010-04-30 12:20:28 PM
Ennuipoet: HulkHands: DaCricket: I don't remember the dead guys. All the other guys I remember but not the dead guys. I wonder if my mom stole all the dead guys.

My friend had the mountainside set, and I recall guys on stretchers but no dead guys just laying there.

Ah, the Guns of Navarone Playset^. Of all my childhoods toys the one I want the most. The dead guys could be put on the guys with stretchers, which you always lost.

I've flirted with buying the pieces on eBay, but even I wince at spending a few hundred bucks on a toy.


That brought a tear to my eye. That playset was one of the two best XMas presents I've ever gotten (the other being the Mattel X-Wing fighter). I can't describe the legions of little green men that met their fate on that cursed mountain.
 
2010-04-30 12:20:55 PM
Did anyone have the set with the jeeps, barbed wire, tank, blown-up buildings, etc? What was that set called?
 
2010-04-30 12:21:19 PM
Train Defecator: sboyle1020: Worst were the "crawling guys" and the guys who look like they're surrendering.

This. I was actually about to post the exact same picture, too. Those crawling ones were useless, especially since we primarily used army men in rubber band wars.


The crawling guys were the best. The side with the last "army man" standing in his position won. take a crawler and place him behind a "hill".

Made it nearly impossible to hit him with conventional backyard weapons (dirt, rubber bands, bb guns).

/ultimately, we had to enact a "now crawlers" rule.
//good times in deed.
 
2010-04-30 12:21:24 PM
BuckTurgidson: Yeah, I don't remember those either. Also, I never had German kraut nazi army men.


i had an Anzio battlefield that had as i recall, grey army guys and like, lima bean/mashed potato colored guys. and they were slightly larger than US army men. and with different combat poses.

it was hard to play since there were three different army colors and inevitably one "color" would turn on the other and so you'd be fighting a two front war.

hell, man.

i don't wanna talk about it. But i lost a lot of good plastic army guys there, man. I don't wanna talk about it. But I was in The shiat, man. But I don't wanna talk about it now. I saw some stuff when I was there, man. Lotta good plastic Army men didn't come back, man. My friend Radioman, man.....right there, man. In my hands. He was a good plastic Army man. But I don't wanna talk about it now. I SAID I DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT IT MAN!!!!
 
2010-04-30 12:21:41 PM
Little green army men are no longer "PC"? The pussification of America.

/through the looking glass
 
2010-04-30 12:21:54 PM

How about the worst players in Team Fortress 2?


-The sniper who's so scoped in he won't defent the point he's standing right next to


-The spy who will not take out anything the enemy engineer builds


-The medic who not only refuses to heal, but plays himself like a soldier


-The scout who will not cap points

 
2010-04-30 12:22:31 PM
Dr.Knockboots: I had a huge dirt hill in my back yard, and on it, my friends and I would set up our army men. Dig trenches, build little barriers for protection.
Then the object was to go to the other guys base, and blow it up using:
bottle rockets
styrofoam cups fill with gasoline then set on fire (napalm)
rocks
roman candles
bb guns

Man those were good times!


I used to do the same thing....

You know, if we did that today we'd probably end up being the subject of a DHS investigation and be all over CNN for a week or so.
 
2010-04-30 12:22:38 PM
sTiffed: my son and I both gave him a dishonorable discharge. Worst army man ever.

Gross.


Sounds like one of those STD educational films.

imgs.sfgate.com

www.maximumawesome.com
 
2010-04-30 12:22:42 PM
sonofslacker: Did anyone have the set with the jeeps, barbed wire, tank, blown-up buildings, etc? What was that set called?


"Welcome to Detroit"?
 
2010-04-30 12:22:45 PM
toetag: Train Defecator: sboyle1020: Worst were the "crawling guys" and the guys who look like they're surrendering.

This. I was actually about to post the exact same picture, too. Those crawling ones were useless, especially since we primarily used army men in rubber band wars.

The crawling guys were the best. The side with the last "army man" standing in his position won. take a crawler and place him behind a "hill".

Made it nearly impossible to hit him with conventional backyard weapons (dirt, rubber bands, bb guns).

/ultimately, we had to enact a "now crawlers" rule.
//good times in deed.


We just poured lighter fluid on them and set them ablaze.
 
2010-04-30 12:23:20 PM
toetag:
/ultimately, we had to enact a "no crawlers" rule.


should have read as ^.
 
2010-04-30 12:24:53 PM
BuckTurgidson: HulkHands: DaCricket: I don't remember the dead guys. All the other guys I remember but not the dead guys. I wonder if my mom stole all the dead guys.

My friend had the mountainside set, and I recall guys on stretchers but no dead guys just laying there.

Yeah, I don't remember those either. Also, I never had German kraut nazi army men.


I had green ones with US wwII/Korea era equipment and weapons and grey ones that seemed to be Wermacht, though minus any actual nazi insignias or anything. Though this now prompts me to wonder: when I bought my son army men a few years back, they were the exact same green ones with the WWII-era uniforms. I wonder why nobody's ever updated them to say the Vietnam era or even Gulf war I?
 
2010-04-30 12:25:30 PM
sboyle1020: We just poured lighter fluid on them and set them ablaze.

In later years, many a soldier took a direct hit to "non-convetional" means. lady fingers were much fun with these guys.
 
2010-04-30 12:25:56 PM
filth: That was hysterical, but a family moratorium on guns? WTF?


If he wants to be Hippy Dad hey whatever - they're his kids. But if that's the case then there is no farking excuse for this:

FTA: "While I plan to teach both my sons how to drive a stick shift and shoot a free throw with proper mechanics, they'll have to figure out on their own how to roll a tight joint."

Way to fail to pass on basic skills, DAD.
 
2010-04-30 12:26:02 PM
www.rightpundits.com
 
2010-04-30 12:27:00 PM
TheHopeDiamond: At least he is brave enough to admit that his kids will grow up to be sissies.

Locking up toys so the kids can't see the horrible plastic army men? For God's sake, I had army men, and I'm a girl! My big brother and I would shoot BB guns at them; whoever cleared Navarone Mountain in the fewest shots won.

I was an expert at drilling that sneaky Nazi hiding behind the artillery piece.


Holy crap, the Navarone playset! My best friend had that!

/memories
 
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