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(Sunday People)   Lovers show up at firehouse for help getting sex handcuffs off   ( divider line
    More: Amusing  
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12435 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 May 2003 at 8:37 AM (14 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

27 Comments     (+0 »)
2003-05-11 08:42:58 AM  
As a thank you, the woman polished the fireman's shiny helmet and slid down his pole.
2003-05-11 08:45:15 AM  
This is why you should always keep spare keys handy.
2003-05-11 08:55:30 AM  
Total Hijack - can anyone help me find the fark link from several months ago in which the "artist" supposedly painted mosaic tiles that from a distance looked like porn pix but up close looked just like brush strokes?

I've searched every keyword combo I can think of and scrolled through most of December's archive but to know avail. I want to put one of the pictures on my desktop to fool my wife since she always sneaks up on me and says I only look for porn.

2003-05-11 08:57:51 AM  
I had the misfortune of placing a girfriend in the same situation. As a result of her anger and me never wanting to hear her complain again, I now keep 2 spare keys, one taped under the bed, the other always stays on my car keys. It's handy and it's sparked more that one interesting conversation.
2003-05-11 08:57:51 AM  
Just stick to the silk scarves, folks.
2003-05-11 09:02:36 AM  
Sub Officer Stuart Black said: "They were both red-faced. It often happens and it's either kinky sex games or stag nights."

Gotta love cops. That was probably the highlight of that guy's career. He probably had a mean hard-on for hours. But as soon as the press showed up, he's like, "Oh, yeah, we see hot half-naked women in hadcuffs all the time. All in a days work, though."
2003-05-11 09:07:23 AM  
[image from too old to be available]
2003-05-11 09:11:42 AM  
Sub Officer Stuart Black said: "They were both red-faced. It often happens and it's either kinky sex games or stag nights."

Either that, or escaped convicts.
2003-05-11 09:11:49 AM  
I witnessed this when I was a college security guard, only the girl was topless and cuffed to a bed in the dorm.

The couple called the cops instead of campus security, but we picked up the call on the scanner and I went to the room. They insisted they didn't want my help.

When the cop showed up, his Weeners was "What's going on here, some kinda kinky sh*t?" The girl started crying at this point. The cop explained they use a custom key for their handcuffs, so his key wouldn't work. But, he noted I carried cuffs, too, and asked if I had a generic key. I said, "Sure, but they said they didn't want my help."

She was hot, and 100% hittable. I saw her every morning at breakfast and couldn't help but smiling. She left school at the end of that term.
2003-05-11 09:11:54 AM  
aren't all handcuff keys the same?
2003-05-11 09:34:38 AM  
guess not. tks NightMgr
2003-05-11 09:34:39 AM  
They had to use the "Jaws of Sex".
2003-05-11 09:42:42 AM  
Back in 86 I had a set of cuffs. A black friend borrowed them because he "wanted to teach his kid a lesson". A couple months later I went to retrieve my cuffs and he was out of town. His brother was there with his friend and they were drinking and smoking weed. The brother went and got the cuffs and started goofing off and ended up cuffing himself to his friend. His friend was very, very pissed off. It was about then that they both realized there was no key. It was hilarious. Both of them yelling at each other, calling each other idiots and trying to pick the lock. I knew how to pick it, but I did not tell them. It was too funny watching them trying to get loose. After about a half an hour I convinced them to call the cops to get them loose. They were not too keen on the idea since there was pot seeds and stems everywhere. Roaches in the ashtray and bud droppings all over the coffee table. I knew someone was about to get busted. I talked them into calling the cops anyway and as soon as they were off the phone with them I left.

So I sat at the other end of the parking lot and waited. One cop went in, a while later they were out of my cuffs and into their own individual cuffs and sitting in the back seat of the cop car. Busted. That was one very entertaining night. Never got my cuffs back though.

I was a mean little skutter when I was young.
2003-05-11 09:47:51 AM  
Good stories so far boys and girls, I'm sure there are some other funny ones out there as well so lets hear them!

On a side note, am I the only person who thought that article looked like an 11 yr. old wrote it?
2003-05-11 09:54:10 AM  
Ookie - What a pal. With friends like you, who needs random strangers that will screw over your familily members at the drop of a hat for a few laughs?
2003-05-11 10:01:33 AM  

I'm sure an adult would have thrown in a few double-entendres in there to spice it up a bit..

...and in this case, hilarity really DID ensue!
2003-05-11 10:08:31 AM  

/no html skills at all =(
2003-05-11 10:36:43 AM  
I have to admit: I got a thrill from the stares of the other firemen when the little guy went for the bolt cutters.

*blushing (and tingling)*
2003-05-11 10:48:59 AM  
only funny because i wandered out last night and bought a pair.. thank god for safety latches.
2003-05-11 11:18:25 AM  
Man, they really helped that couple get their butts out of a sling, oh wait, that was the following night.
2003-05-11 12:09:18 PM  
Stuff like this happens all the time, all over the place. One of the many reasons why everyone should keep a bolt cutter handy.

/friends with firemen and police
2003-05-11 02:40:56 PM  
Google key: pixelated porn oil paintings
and then some mouse clicking. :)
2003-05-11 05:25:15 PM  
Firefighters are the most helpful people ever.
2003-05-11 06:34:25 PM  
I keep a key on a piece of leather to wear as a choker :) boy does that get comments sometimes. The other key stays by the bed.

really don't those poeple know you make sure you have a key handy BEFORE putting on cuffs. And if you don't just use scarves and tie 'em up....geeze what rookies.
2003-05-11 06:51:30 PM  
[Insert original cover of "Gerald's Game" here]
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2003-05-11 07:09:49 PM  

A story from a Massachusetts newspaper four years ago:

Police don't know if the handcuffed motorist they stopped on the Massachusetts Turnpike yesterday was singing to the tune "Unchained Melody," but he certainly needed to be unchained.

According to Trooper Scott C. Maguire of the Charlton barracks, a motorist called police on his cellular telephone just before 2 p.m. and reported a handcuffed man driving a maroon Mercury Sable westbound.

That was only the half of it.

The 56-year-old Wellesley motorist was stopped just before the Sturbridge tolls. As it were, it seemed an appropriate spot.

This Houdini-wannabe motorist was in no condition to reach into a pocket for money to pay a toll.

"I asked him where he escaped from," said Maguire, who thought the man had escaped from a sheriff's van used to transport prisoners to court.

Upon further inspection, the man dressed in jeans and a college T-shirt had not one, but two pairs of handcuffs clipped tightly around his wrists, Maguire said.

Then there was a belly chain around his waist. Leg shackles were around his ankles with a long chain between them. To top it off, another chain went from his wrists to his ankles, Maguire said.

"He wanted to see what it was like and was not able to free himself," Maguire said the man told him.

Even though the keys to his bonds were nearby in the car, he needed more than curiosity to get free.

It seems the thrill-seeker caused his own demise when he put the handcuffs on backward with keyholes facing each other.

"The cuffs did not allow him to manipulate the key to free himself," Maguire said.

The man explained to Maguire he had been experimenting with the restraints at his Wellesley home. When he could not free himself, he apparently hobbled into his car to drive to a friend's house. Maguire said he did not know how much farther away was the friend's home.

Asked if the man appeared to be embarrassed by the predicament, Maguire said, "He was embarrassed, somewhat. Not as embarrassed as you would think though."

Maguire ended up freeing the man who was not identified because he was not arrested. The man was issued a citation for impeded operation.

Maguire said the man had better handcuffs than those provided state troopers. And paying a toll would not have been a problem since the man had a Fast Lane pass.

(Sturbridge is about 50 miles from Wellesley.)
2003-05-11 07:36:05 PM  
yes, always keep a spare on your person. ever since i used to live with a dominatrix, ive kept a handcuff key on my keychain. however... if youre arrested for something, do *not* remove the police handcuffs with your own key while in the back of the cruiser, then put them in your back pocket (leaving your hands behind your back) and when the officer goes to remove them at the station, simply pill the cuffs out of your pocket and hand them to the officer! they tend to get a little mad at you for this...
ps: most handcuffs can be removed by using the metal pocket clip on disposable pens. once you have broken the clip off the pen, tighten the cuffs until you can see the "catch" mechanism, then insert the pen clip to push the catch back while opening the hancuffs. (this takes some practise, and either the ablility to tighten the cuffs *a lot* , or smaller arms)
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