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(Daily Bull)   Geeks live vicariously through D&D   ( divider line
    More: Followup  
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11595 clicks; posted to Main » on 10 May 2003 at 7:52 AM (14 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

109 Comments     (+0 »)

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2003-05-10 07:55:44 AM  
That was gay.
2003-05-10 07:56:04 AM  
...and Everquest
2003-05-10 07:58:05 AM  

/all to easy
2003-05-10 07:59:49 AM  
OK, sad to say it took me a second to realize that was satire. It was the "glitter encrusted lich dagger" that did it, obviously. I need to go make coffee now.
2003-05-10 08:07:18 AM  
Gee that was a waste.
2003-05-10 08:09:41 AM  
Whoa! Where can I get one of those "Tavern Wench" miniatures?
2003-05-10 08:10:41 AM  
"I've even had sex," Picketts added in a hushed voice, "twice in Amn and once in Tethyr. Jerry and I acted out some stuff we saw on the Internet with the minis when my parents weren't home."

"It was messier than we anticipated," he added.

kleenex, anyone?

Chris Bronowski told The Daily Bull that Wizards of the Coast does not condone the actions of players who spy on their sisters for the purposes of gathering information for fantasy orgies. "If you want to be a decent person," he said, "you should really let your friends do the spying."

bwhahhahah, or however lol is said now.

such as the much-anticipated "cumshot" ranged touch attack

ok, you are right, this is just gay
2003-05-10 08:10:58 AM  
As a former D&D, Vampire, Magic, Illuminati, and mud player, all I can say is
2003-05-10 08:11:21 AM  
Needs an "obvious" tag.
Course I don't know what I'd do without my "Titaniass the Axe Bringer" persona.

Vicarious wenches and burnination.

Does it for me.
2003-05-10 08:12:36 AM  
img.fark.netView Full Size

2003-05-10 08:13:13 AM  
The book promises to add dozens of new feats and abilities, such as the much-anticipated "cumshot" ranged touch attack, (1d4 damage, base distance 6" + arousal bonus), which blinds the victim on a successful hit, but leaves the attacker in a state of bliss.

alright, i've heard enough. attention geeks, please come out of your basement. please look at hte outside world.
2003-05-10 08:13:32 AM  
the part about living in the basement was a clue but of the limited satire i've read i liked this one.
2003-05-10 08:16:32 AM  
that book is real though, ins't it? the new D&D sex one. or is that some other satire thing and im distorting reality at this late hour.
2003-05-10 08:29:56 AM  
Yeah,playing "pocket pool" is out of vogue...
Now,you say you're playing "pocket D&D".
2003-05-10 08:33:40 AM  
not all D&D players are geeks. I play and i'm not a geek
2003-05-10 08:37:47 AM  
In addition, Wizards of the Coast are also making a companion guide letting people play fantasy characters who think articles like this are actually funny.

*thumbs up*
2003-05-10 08:43:34 AM  
[image from too old to be available]

I'd hit it.
2003-05-10 08:52:56 AM  
Its a miniature Vamperella figure. Anyways, yes hes a dork, but at least hes not out on the streets shooting or what not. Or in this case, wandering the streets with his battle axe or encrusted dagger.
2003-05-10 08:59:52 AM  
You know how we have a Strange and Weird tag?

We need one other one for Obvious, with some subtle differences. I'd go with the No shiat tag. It could have a big turd crossed out or something as the background.

I personally like playing the Star Wars tabletop. So much more fun being evil in a world of space stations and corellian ships than in a world of dimension doors
2003-05-10 09:01:30 AM  
Dammit, or ppl could just use the Satire tag properly
2003-05-10 09:03:32 AM  

2003-05-10 09:34:28 AM  
2003-05-10 09:44:32 AM  
05-10-03 09:34:28 AM CapnKRUNCH

Lightning Bolt!!!

Too FARKing funny. Does anyone know a safe way to get coffee stains out of khakis?
2003-05-10 09:48:11 AM  
Vin Diesel said he played DnD for 20 years. I'm just saying.

This article was satire, but it was bad satire. Dumb. Gay indeed.

2003-05-10 09:58:09 AM  
[image from too old to be available]
2003-05-10 09:58:25 AM  
Vin Diesel?

His acting is a testiment of his role playing skills
2003-05-10 09:59:29 AM  
Hey, his mom says he's the best kisser in his grade!

(just kidding man, I'm a farking dork and I am proud of it)
2003-05-10 10:16:45 AM  

The very sad part of this satirical piece is that there really *are* people out there like this.

Have to agree with Straws though. I play D&D (and others) and I'm not a dork.
2003-05-10 10:29:39 AM  
I hate to be the one to break this to all the "non-geek" D&D players, but I'm afraid that

Plays D&D => Geek.

Playing D&D is a sufficient condition for being a geek. You could be a world class mountain climber and hit a different person (that you didn't pay for) every week, but you'd still be a geek.

Lose the denial.

(And on a side note, I'll grant Snickerdoodle that it doesn't mean you're a dork. Dorks and geeks are two very different things.)
2003-05-10 10:31:35 AM  
Lightning bolts? Look more like ping pong balls to me! Thats a great little short, I believe there was a feature on LARPing on extended play a few months ago.
2003-05-10 10:34:19 AM  
That had to be totally fabricated.
2003-05-10 10:41:57 AM  
generally, IN MY OPINION, games like D&D or Magic:TG or other pen and paper role playing games (or even some of the video game type RPGs), require a certain level of intelligence. If you got it, you can play, and you might even have fun... I never really played the pen and paper versions, but i play a considerable amount of video RPGs, and i feel like i meet the intelligence requirements. My cousin, now an environmental engineer, played the pen and paper versions all the time, has quite a few friends, used to get drunk often at parties (if that's any clue to geekness/popularity factor) and even has had some of the hottest girlfriends this side of the mississippi... he can bench press a bunch of poundage and played football all through high school and some in college...
i dunno what all this means, exactly, but i guess i'm just trying to point out that a person CAN be fairly socially adept, and still manage to squeeze in a few rounds as a level 46 mage....

2003-05-10 10:46:56 AM  
I think this article, and a quick perusal of the entire website, indicates one thing: you actually have to be funny to make satirical humor. These guys... meh, they're not awful, but they aren't the Onion either.

(You want to see the real bottom of the barrel, check out there's a reason it hasn't been updated since 1998...)
2003-05-10 10:48:13 AM  
Yes, they do require a certain level of intellegence and imagination. But I know people who live vicariously though their games and caracters and that's scary. Actually, knowing some of the people I do made me think this article was real until I read it a second time.
2003-05-10 10:53:06 AM  
"I've even had sex," Picketts added in a hushed voice, "twice in Amn and once in Tethyr. Jerry and I acted out some stuff we saw on the Internet with the minis when my parents weren't home."

"It was messier than we anticipated," he added."

Bwahahahaha! Nerds are so funny!
2003-05-10 10:58:14 AM  
It reads like an Onion article.
2003-05-10 11:12:15 AM  
showering sisters???

2003-05-10 11:15:42 AM  
So? I play D&D and I am a geek. Self admitted. I think geek means anyone who finds fun in intellectual things. If you find math fun, your a geek. If you find using your imagination fun, you're a geek.

I enjoy it, but that doesn't stop me from being a doing athletics or intellectual drinking.
2003-05-10 11:27:35 AM  
Hey! Vin Diesel's not bad... his acting is better than most roleplaying I've seen...

I just kinda skimmed this one... it's a decent parody, but then, parodying D&D is like making fun of Eminem.. please, try something new..

On a more serious note.. ah hell, this is Fark... there is not serious note...
2003-05-10 11:43:20 AM  
Only on fark could there even be a debate on whether D&D players are geeks. Not that I don't appreciate D&D. It keeps those "role playing" and "reenactor" morons from running around college campuses with their reynolds wrap swords thinking that they're saving some geek princess. Whatever happened to people that wanted to be someone they're not doing something reasonable with their lives like going into politics ?
2003-05-10 11:50:08 AM  
No, I'm sorry. D&D is played by geeks. The only acceptable Live action role playing is when it happens with a curvy REAL female and yourself. It must also happen in the same world, room and instance. Usually it must involve some form of restraints and hopefully something to get extra messy. mmmmm messy
2003-05-10 12:07:09 PM  
Ripping on D&D players is par for the herd. You have to wonder what is wrong in the minds of people who feel the need to ridicule people just because they have some niche hobby.

I thought it was fun when I was younger. That's all that matters to me.
2003-05-10 12:12:56 PM  
If for some reason you think playing D&D doesn't make you a geek, posting on this forum to talk about how you aren't a geek deffinately does.
2003-05-10 12:25:08 PM  
You have to wonder what is wrong in the minds of people who feel the need to ridicule people just because they have some niche hobby.

no need to wonder, we just do it to make you feel bad :-)
2003-05-10 12:26:42 PM  
I play D&D and I wrote the article. So there. :P
2003-05-10 12:30:46 PM  
Jeebus, didn't we already thrash this horse to death yesterday? Oh wait, it's coughing up blood, let's give it a few more whacks...
2003-05-10 12:33:24 PM  
I'd like to point out the following:

I'm a geek
I've never played Dungeons & Dragons
However, I have been serviced by a few dragons in Madame Swish's Dungeon & Spanking Parlour

That is all.
2003-05-10 12:39:42 PM  
i'm sure the writers of that website are every bit as nerdy as these D&D nerds.
2003-05-10 12:45:17 PM  
Dude he was 26! that is soooo weakkk.

I played D&D a couple of time when i was 19 sure thats still old but booze help that along it was fun but thinking you climbed mountains traveled the world or gottne laid! damn that just sucks . can you say personality disorder!! i bet he doesnt even know whats real anymore. Its like the Matrix vs. Geeks. there so into it because they think there able to pull this stuff off from D&D games. even though if they just went ouside and talked to some real women they problably would get laid. Firing weapons is easy shiat unless your too weak to pick it up and if you are you deserved to be ridiculed and booed till my throat is sore.

Lightning bolt ! made my day lol thats pure hilarity id pay money to see to grown men do that.

Oh and 26 year old allergy guy . heres a tip i had allergies too and what i did was take an allergy pill play sports and join the army EXERCISE will build your immune system . So get out of you Jizz infested moms basemant your 26 for gods sake get job hell get an anything!
2003-05-10 12:45:27 PM  
this and the previously article is perhaps the most pathetic thing I have ever read. I am sure glad I never got this deep into it.

I can't believe that some one wrote a manual for erotic encounters.

although think of the captive audience for this market, which I would have wrote it
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