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(SafeOutdoorSex.com)   Everything you wanted to know about safe outdoor sex   (safeoutdoorsex.com) divider line 42
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17763 clicks; posted to Main » on 10 May 2003 at 2:26 AM (11 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



42 Comments   (+0 »)
   

Archived thread
 
2003-05-10 02:30:01 AM
It doesn't even cover the topic of wolverines.
 
udo
2003-05-10 02:33:05 AM
DID YOU KNOW...
....that only 1% of people think that outdoor sex should be banned?


But 4 out of 5 webmasters think safeoutdoorsex.com should banned.
 
2003-05-10 02:35:04 AM
Everything except where I can get some.

Damn false advertisements.
 
2003-05-10 02:36:16 AM
Lesson #764: Pine cones do not make a good substitute dildo.
 
2003-05-10 02:39:15 AM
Not what it's cracked up to be.
 
2003-05-10 02:39:20 AM
Did you know
members of the SAS used condoms to carry a personal supply of water in countries where clean drinkable water is difficult to find. And Mates condoms are often used by film directors and technicians working on action films as they make excellent containers for holding fake blood. Condoms were used in exactly this way for the filming of Braveheart.

* Mates condoms comply with European & International standards and carry the British Standard Kitemark. Each and every condom we sell is electronically tested before being sold
* A Mates condom will stretch approximately seven times its length and before breaking and hold 40 litres of air before bursting
* A staggering ten kilos of potatoes can be supported by one Mates condom a demonstration of the elasticity and strength of Mates condoms
* And yet, the wall of a Mates condom is thinner than a human hair
* All individual condoms will show an expiry date. If its out of date, dont use it!
 
2003-05-10 02:39:21 AM
Why no, I didn't know that Skin So Soft repels mosquitos and makes a great intimate lubricant... thanks, SafeOutdoorSex.com!
 
2003-05-10 02:39:54 AM
http://images.google.com/images?q=tbn:TsFJSDtPY2UC:www.weidemyr.com/nat/tree_s prucecone-f.png

Looks like unopened spruce cones wouldn't be too bad of a substitute.
 
2003-05-10 02:40:37 AM
Doh, dropped the ball on that one.

 
2003-05-10 02:41:04 AM
"condom use can be traced back several thousand years. It's known that around 1000 BC the ancient Egyptians used a linen sheath for protection against disease"

Ohh I bet that was comfortable
 
2003-05-10 02:43:08 AM
FYI
May 5ths the origional Beltane if you adjust the Celtic calendar to the present day. So that's a pretty fitting date although "boinking" kinda makes if sound rather crude LOL
 
2003-05-10 02:44:54 AM
A certain plant with red veins and leaves in groups of three makes for a powerful aphrodesiac. Look for it in the undergrowth where you and your mate lie down and apply liberally to your genitals.
 
2003-05-10 02:45:47 AM
A helpful hint from me to you: sex and sand do not mix well.
If you are going to fark on a beach make sure you have a huge beach towel. Even then you'll be in for some grit action.
 
2003-05-10 02:47:24 AM
"tell me again how sheeps bladder may be employed to prevent birthings..."

/King Arthur
 
CB
2003-05-10 02:57:21 AM
Seems like an advertisement for "Mates" condoms.
 
2003-05-10 02:58:10 AM
Sidi, I think the problem you would find with using a pinecone is that you could go with the scales but not against them. You could get it in fine, but it'd shred you on the way out.

/Uggh, how did I come to this?
 
CB
2003-05-10 02:58:45 AM
Lanky_bits
You are just plain evil.

/lol
 
2003-05-10 02:59:58 AM
Park n Ride this is one of your favourite places for a bit of outdoor sex, but open land means more chances of being seen so make sure you well hidden in the bushes and watch out for the local kids stealing your clothes to use as goal posts!


Does this happen alot in England.

There you are farking your man. No kids around obvious wouldn't fark when kids are playing out front not exactly a turn on. When all of a sudden out of no-where comes these clothes stealing soccer playing kids and steal your clothes.

/sarcasm
 
2003-05-10 03:01:32 AM
# 40% of people have got busy in the back yard
# Over two thirds of people have had sex in a car
# 45% have done it in a field
# The beach is also a popular choice at 41%


ummm.... suuuure
 
2003-05-10 03:02:19 AM
A certain plant with red veins and leaves in groups of three makes for a powerful aphrodesiac. Look for it in the undergrowth where you and your mate lie down and apply liberally to your genitals.

Leaves of three, rub on thee
The fire below, will make you glow
Swell up right, and make it tight
 
2003-05-10 03:02:58 AM
Lanky_bits unopened spruce cones (at least white spruce) would work fairly well. They aren't really directional until they've matured and started to open, they would slide both ways pretty well. The unopened cones are even waxy.

I can't believe I'm discussing the use of spruce cones as sexual aids...
 
2003-05-10 03:05:59 AM
05-10-03 03:02:58 AM Sidi

I can't believe I'm discussing the use of spruce cones as sexual aids...



Spruce cones? Lucky bastard. All we've got in Arizona is cacti.


/ouch
 
2003-05-10 03:07:36 AM
Sidi, Well, avoiding writing a paper will drive you to do desperate things. I saw that's what you're doing in another thread, I'm in the same boat
 
2003-05-10 03:08:46 AM
...spruce cones as sexual aids

Don't forget the pine fresh scent.
 
2003-05-10 03:12:14 AM
How about green cattails? Or pawpaws?

I hear walnuts make great benwah balls, too.
 
2003-05-10 03:14:49 AM
I would be afraid of cattails cutting you...like a papercut. That would not be a pleasant experience.
 
2003-05-10 03:15:19 AM
Thanks for composing that catchy poem Young_Fart, you've made finding Passion Ivy much easier for outdoorspersons everywhere!
 
2003-05-10 03:18:28 AM
A helpful hint from me to you: sex and sand do not mix well. If you are going to fark on a beach make sure you have a huge beach towel. Even then you'll be in for some grit action.

The key to playing a game of tag on the beach is to choose one safe position and stick with it. Girl on top is good, or doing her from behind. Of course, a beach hummer is also a good way to avoid sand. But in all cases, get some clothing back on the critical parts before they come into contact with anything that might be sandy.

I think this thread would be more entertaining if it were posted as a survey of "Most interesting place you've had outdoor sex."
 
2003-05-10 03:21:52 AM
I think this thread would be more entertaining if it were posted as a survey of "Most interesting place you've had outdoor sex."

Outside Kady's window.

/fap fap fap...
 
2003-05-10 03:25:00 AM




Pricks. Literally.
 
2003-05-10 03:28:14 AM
Fnord I wish I had a picture of my mother's "mickey mouse" cactus. Anyway, it started out as a single shaft. Then it grew two ears and looked just like mickey mouse. Then it got a little growth just above the soil line that looked exactly like it had boner.
 
2003-05-10 03:38:51 AM
Young_Fart: Your post was both pathetic and disturbing.

I'm sending my dog outside to look for you.

Fnord: Your post was both erotic and disturbing. Great work.
 
2003-05-10 04:05:20 AM
pffft.. safe my ass. bring the dirty crackwhores in the gutter.
 
2003-05-10 04:48:25 AM
Young Fart goes for teh funny.
 
2003-05-10 04:55:00 AM
Oh the memories....
 
2003-05-10 08:01:01 AM
", or find a deep cave to explore for coastal coital treats."

I liked this line for some reason.
 
2003-05-10 09:12:23 AM
or alternatively, you could always visit http://www.ishaggedhere.com (nsfw)

I havent made any submissions there....



yet!


/runs off to contemplate the 'pine cone theory'...
 
2003-05-10 09:20:16 AM
CB, I think you're right; one giant advertisement for Mates Condoms.

Now this is a cool link on their website had: http://www.ishaggedhere.com/

Make a Plaque and document where you shagged!! Like your calling card, leave notes to your roommates where not to sit in your living room.
 
2003-05-10 11:00:29 AM
Horse chestnuts do not make good ben-wa balls. At least the unhusked ones, that is.
 
2003-05-10 11:47:13 AM
Heres an amusing story...my friend bought some flavored motion lotion and used it on his girlfriend. I asked him how he liked it and he said it was ok but bugs liked it too. Then he was going on about ants and stuff so thats when I relized he was having outdoor sex. Oh yeah, a naked, sticky woman with bugs crawling all over her. Oh yeah!
 
2003-05-10 08:47:40 PM
My girlfriend and I love having outdoor sex--you all should try it sometime.
 
2003-05-10 08:56:59 PM
Subversive, what's her phone number?
 
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