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(ESPN)   Five radical ideas that could change baseball. Idea #1: Free beer at games   ( ) divider line
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11968 clicks; posted to Main » on 09 May 2003 at 2:37 PM (13 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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2003-05-09 02:57:21 PM  
#9 Lap Dances during the 7th inning stretch
2003-05-09 02:57:39 PM  
Thank you, Thank you...

I'll be here all week folks, try the veal...
2003-05-09 02:58:31 PM  
Baseball is definately not for most people whom have attention spans shorter than a dog.

Nascar isn't for people who have brain deformities that cause them to "hate" something when they don't understand it, or hate it because its cool to.

Hockey isn't for people who aren't smart enough to learn the game or smart enough to follow the puck around.
2003-05-09 02:58:37 PM  
but it will be impossible to distinguish "intentional" walks and "unintentional" walks. They'll just happen to throw a foot above the guys head, then in the dirt. Or take the easy way out and just hit him. Your rule would do nothing.

Which is why we have the flaming pool of gasoline / man eating crocs in center. If the walk is in dispute, then the pitcher must swim through the Pit of Truth. If he dies, then it really wasn't an intentional walk. If he lives, then it was intentional.

I mean DUUUUUUHHHHH!!!! C'mon Sidi, you're better than that.
2003-05-09 02:58:46 PM  
They could put centerfolds in the programs.
2003-05-09 02:58:48 PM  
Baseball needs more gladitors and lions and stuff. And less gay uniforms.
2003-05-09 02:59:03 PM  
#10 Hang George Steinbrenner
2003-05-09 03:00:05 PM  
I find it funny that a lot of people shiat on NASCAR, but let's face it, how many pro sporting events have you been to that encourage you to bring your OWN beer in...

You might not like NASCAR, but I don't like paying $6 for a cup of draft beer either...
2003-05-09 03:02:36 PM  

nah. smaller.

got any hunchback midgets?
2003-05-09 03:03:32 PM  
I would suggest that the pit be full of crocodiles AND flaming gasoline. That way there would be a ready supply of tasty barbecued crocodile meat.
2003-05-09 03:04:13 PM  
idea number 2: Baseball to be renamed 'rounders'
2003-05-09 03:04:24 PM  
Baseball is a grand game. Those that can't appreciate it are over-stimulated monkeys with no ability to pay attention for more than five seconds. Fark those who tear into baseball and then champion a retarded sport like hockey. Kidding...I like Hockey. I like all sports, including tennis and soccer. It's best to play them all to learn the finer points and to appreciate the level of skill, devotion, and determination to play them well. Baseballs kicks ass. Props to whoever posted the Field of Dreams speech.

And I can't stand when farkers use their posts to say "I don't care about this article." Well, if you don't have any interest, then don't post anything for the article, you self-absorbed, attention-seeking, flame whores.

/Friday rant complete.
2003-05-09 03:05:52 PM  
2003-05-09 03:06:32 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

Homer, watching his first baseball game sober:

"I forgot how boring this sport really is."
2003-05-09 03:06:55 PM  
you can't save baseball.
2003-05-09 03:07:02 PM  
I would be much happier if they started selling martinis at games. Who drinks this "beer", blech!

2003-05-09 03:07:04 PM  
Baseball is 5 minutes of excitement packed into 3 hours
2003-05-09 03:07:31 PM  
One better on Homer....

Homer as the mascot dancing to the Baby Elephant Walk.
2003-05-09 03:07:34 PM  
Idea number 6: Quit with all the farking tradition and modernize the damn game.
2003-05-09 03:08:10 PM  
Changing it to 5 innings would be a great start.
2003-05-09 03:08:20 PM  
Sorry, no html skills. There should be a "not equal to" sign between NASCAR and sport.
2003-05-09 03:08:21 PM  
1. Hot oil rubdowns by your favorite Penthouse Pet
2. Barbed wire fences surrounding home plate
3. Losing team dies by firing squad immediately after game
4. Pitchers who can hit the batter get one run for their team
5. Lesbian sex orgy between 2nd and 3rd plate
6. One pitch - you miss? phark you, you're out
7. Hooters Girl Hummer Promo Night
8. Glory holes in all male restrooms
9. Buy 1 beer, get the other 5 free
10. Country-n-Western Sux night
2003-05-09 03:09:34 PM  
bla bla bla baseball sucks bla bla bla i'm a tard bla bla bla
2003-05-09 03:09:40 PM  
Never once in the article did they mention the DH. The DH should be the FIRST thing to go from baseball. It's like saying, "We've got one wuss in the line-up that can't swing the lumber." C'mon guys, you were taught to bat in Little League and if you wern't, you have no business putting on cletes!
2003-05-09 03:10:57 PM  
That's OK LexiLuthor. Hockey is a good sport, in person it can be a great sport. Some of the NHL playoffs this year that I've caught on TV have been incredibly exciting.

We don't have a college hockey team in CT to root for like BU, and we lost our beloved Whalers to NASCAR Country...
2003-05-09 03:16:41 PM  
Baseball is boring. Make it go away please.

No more Madonna please.
2003-05-09 03:17:32 PM  
The Expos are a "pretend" team? Maybe you should actually follow baseball before you comment, putz.
2003-05-09 03:18:37 PM  
baseball is totally boring.
2003-05-09 03:20:45 PM  
They must eliminate four teams and redistribute some of the talent to the rest. Get the AAA pitchers out of the rotation and fill their slots with real pros from the dead teams.

And what the hell ever happened to the hit-and-run and a leadoff man with 100 stolen bases in a year? What happened to the triple? They fashioned the game with short parks and lower mounds and shiatty pitchers to make it all about dingers (DINGERS!!!!), but they forgot that some of the most exciting plays are when you stretch a double into a triple, fall face down into the dirt, and wrap your arms around the bag.
2003-05-09 03:21:53 PM  
I like to watch a baseball game every now and then. It's not for everyone. I think they should really speed up the game. Five minute time outs so the pitcher or batter can adjust his crotch is annoying.

Having the all-star game decide home field advantage in the world series is stupid beyond belief. HFA should be decided by regular season win totals.

More wildcard teams in the playoffs wouldn't bother me. I like the playoffs in almost any sport.
2003-05-09 03:23:50 PM  
Generation_D -- LOL! No kidding.
2003-05-09 03:29:02 PM  
Funny how all those lame-ass suggestions seemed to be geared towards ADDING playoff games to the schedule. If baseball were a real business, and didn't have government protection, it would be back down to 16 teams, there would be one, or maybe two rounds of playoffs, and tickets would not cost $50 a game.

Only way to fix it is for TV stations and advertisers to stop giving money to baseball. Let them see what bankruptcy REALLY looks like.
2003-05-09 03:30:44 PM  
There's 6 Divisions in MLB. The Division winners get a bye to the playoffs. The next 8 teams go into a one-game playdown to determine the 2 other playoff teams.

So, the non-division-winning teams would have to win 2 straight games to get into the playoffs and they wouldn't have their best starter available for the first game of the playoffs because he would have already pitched in the playdowns. The strategery (if it's good enough for Bush II, it's good enough for you!) is endless.
2003-05-09 03:32:15 PM  
Baseball? What's that sport called again? People actually watch it? Yes, I'm a hockey fan.

My list for things that might make it better as a sport:
1) Get rid of that jackass Selig, appoint a real commissioner
2) No more of that "rain delay" BS. The game must continue through any rain storm, just like in football. Damn pussies - if it works for football, then it's good enough for them, too.
3) Make all players play for the same salary, like $50,000, regardless of their so-called "superstar" status. This includes whiny cry babies like Barry bonds and A-Rod. It should also eliminate that salary-cap problem, too.
4) Perform random drug tests and permanently ban those who are caught. Period.
5) Lower the prices for attending baseball games. Spending $100+ for a family of four is BS, especially when I'm just supporting their lavish lifestyles (see #2).
6) Set a time limit on the game to 2 hours, the team with the highest score wins. This is like the "time limit" rules at the local softball league.
2003-05-09 03:33:32 PM  

Oh and they should add either a pit of flaming gasoline or man-eating crocodiles in shallow center.

I vote for crocodiles. At least you would have a chance with them. The flaming gasoline is going to put you out of the game. You may be able to escape the crocodiles while just losing you glove or a shoe. NO getting another one from the dugout. You play with what you came out of the pit with.
2003-05-09 03:34:11 PM  
Juice the ball, again. They started winding the ball tighter in '93; that's why there are so many homers. Just do it again.

The last man to hit > 50 homers in a season was Cecil Fielder, '90, Detroit Tigers -- 51.
2003-05-09 03:39:26 PM  
All of the four major sports could cut teams to improve the overall product. It's all about TV and advertising money and how much they can squeeze out of a seaon. And it's politics too...all politics, just like with Kid Moe.
2003-05-09 03:40:18 PM  
-Thudwhomper it's simple. eliminate all canadian teams. canadians don't care about the game, and it's completely ridiculous that a team in toronto is in the American league. let them play hockey and curling and whine about figure skating. boo canada! i mean, only-existing-because-we-let-you land.

Sure thing buddy. You just get rid of all the American Hockey teams, and we've got a deal.
2003-05-09 03:50:06 PM  
Two words: trampo lines

[image from too old to be available]
2003-05-09 03:50:51 PM  
I say between innings they should play really fun games on the scoreboard like: guess how many fans are in attendance, show several sponsored products on a racetrack and the winner is determined by the energy of the crowd response, or show three hats and drop a ball under one of them and move the hats around slowly at first then at an increasing rate and watch the fans go nuts trying to figure out which hat the ball is under.

2003-05-09 03:52:25 PM  
To fix pitching, all you have to do is lower the mound. My high school coach was a minor leaguer until they raised the mound, and he couldn't pitch anymore. It gives hitters too much of an advantage.
2003-05-09 03:56:41 PM  
but it will be impossible to distinguish "intentional" walks and "unintentional" walks. They'll just happen to throw a foot above the guys head, then in the dirt.

Four straight balls = intentional walk. Period. Doesn't matter if he's aiming for the zone and just can't seem to catch the corner ("Juuuuust a bit outside...") or not, if you're in the major leagues, you should be able to throw a strike.

Or take the easy way out and just hit him. Your rule would do nothing.

IIRC, there's a provision where a pitcher (and his manager) can be removed from a game for intentionally throwing at batters, even if he just lobs a fat pitch at the batter. So it might work, but not for too long.

Plus he stands a chance of having the guy with the big stick come out and start up a friendly conversation between Mr. Pitcher, Mr. Batter, and Mr. Louisville Slugger Baseball Bat.
2003-05-09 04:04:04 PM  
Free Daryl Strawberry Night

whip stuff at Bary Bond's night.


just watch hockey. baseball players are pussies.
2003-05-09 04:10:38 PM  
Am I the only one who noticed that Brad Ausmus, Astros Catcher, said,

"Baseball needs to maintain a modicum of tradition,"

Whoa, check out the big brain on Brad! I've met more than a few MLB players and they have all been pretty much dumbasses. What gives with this guy?
2003-05-09 04:13:32 PM  
NoYOUSuck, you've clearly spent too much time at baseball games.

I absolutely LOVE baseball, but that crap is the worst idea ever invented. I've yet to find someone at a stadium who admits to enjoying those game. The people who participate just want to be on camera on the JumboDiamondTronVisionBoard.
2003-05-09 04:13:49 PM  
Ausmus says, "We don't want to be the NBA."

you mean like interesting, competitive, fast-paced, fan-centric and not a bunch of fat-assed p*s*ies?
2003-05-09 04:14:42 PM  
I think Ausmus is a Dartmouth alum. That may explain his use of a three-syllable latin word, as compared to the usualy supply of cro-mags in beisbol.
2003-05-09 04:22:16 PM  
HeOfTheGoiter Your right but those are the wrong type.
Try these...
[image from too old to be available]
2003-05-09 04:26:14 PM  
Anybody remember beer night in Cleveland?
2003-05-09 04:29:57 PM  
Broccoli has the best ideas going.

Here is my short list:

Don't shrink the league. Rather the worst 4 teams will not play the next year. They will each get a bit extra cash from profit sharing. Now, at the end of the year, are fans going to rush out to see their team? Hell yeah! You want them to come back the next year. The game immediately has meaning.

Don't allow teams to build matchbox ballparks. The new parks are nice, and have good sight lines...blah, blah, blah. (This feeds into getting rid of Selig. The commissioner sets ballpark sizes on a case by case basis)

Set a minimum pitch count for changing pitchers. Let's call it 20 pitches before you can change.

If you really want to change the game, make everyone a generalist. Before each game, there would be a blind draw as to what player would play what position. Now, a team could gamble and still throw Pedro Martinez out there, but he might end up playing center field. Hilarious! Players who would have to play! No more specialty salaries.

There. Dumb.
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