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(ArabNews)   Islam rules on ghost farting, unibrows   (arabnews.com) divider line 180
    More: PSA  
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23765 clicks; posted to Main » on 09 May 2003 at 3:27 PM (12 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



180 Comments   (+0 »)
   

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2003-05-09 02:05:58 PM  
Bowel movement? I would know if I had a bowel movement...wtf..
 
2003-05-09 02:06:22 PM  
This person often wonders whether he actually discharged wind or it was merely a bowel movement.

It's not okay to fart during prayers, but no problem if there was shiat involved. Hmmmm.
 
2003-05-09 03:08:26 PM  
A wind discharge is ascertained by sound or smell. If neither is present, then no wind discharge has taken place.

Yes, but did it spell like vasoline?

/If the glove doesn't fit, You must Acquit!
 
2003-05-09 03:19:02 PM  
that would have been funny had I not mispelled smell as spell. Well maybe not.
 
2003-05-09 03:31:13 PM  
farting during prayer makes the baby Jeebus / Muhammad / Keanu cry. . . .and gag



/
 
2003-05-09 03:31:14 PM  
So, Casper just goes around to different Mosques and farts? Doesn't sound too friendly.
 
2003-05-09 03:31:26 PM  
WMD??

He who smelled it dealt it Muhammed
 
2003-05-09 03:31:37 PM  
"Ghost farters in the sky"
 
2003-05-09 03:31:43 PM  
I'm glad we have these things cleared up.
 
2003-05-09 03:31:44 PM  
I'm invalidating my wudhu right now.
 
2003-05-09 03:33:16 PM  
Most. Confusing. Link. Evar!

What in the hell are they talking about? What the fark is an ablution? And I am confused over the issue of farting vs shiat? WHAT? Like Krikkett said, sounds like its ok to shiat in your pants during a prayer but not fart. As a matter of fact it sounds like the prayer isn't valid UNLESS you shiat while doing it?

I am extremely confused.

::takes a shiat and wipes butt with right hand::
 
2003-05-09 03:33:36 PM  
Really? All of Islam ruled on it? Wow..
 
2003-05-09 03:33:40 PM  
Whenever I see the Arab News posts I think of the execution count -- Saudi Arabia vs. Texas -- where people just posted the numbers as headlines.

There haven't been any. I wonder if good taste prevailed...
 
2003-05-09 03:33:50 PM  
What if my uni-brow causes me to fart all the time?
 
2003-05-09 03:33:54 PM  
damn,
more rules then mormans.
 
2003-05-09 03:35:23 PM  
How do you do that wudhu that you do so well?
Heh. "Invalidating wudhu. I gotta remember that, it's a good euphemism.
 
2003-05-09 03:36:20 PM  
I think the one guy should ignite his farts so as to singe the other guy's monobrow.

That would be cool.
 
2003-05-09 03:36:33 PM  
"What in the hell are they talking about? What the fark is an ablution? "

Prayers.

"And I am confused over the issue of farting vs shiat?"

I don't think they are using "bowel movement" correctly when answering the question. Translation problem, probably.
 
Ant
2003-05-09 03:36:49 PM  
Too many farking rules! How can anyone follow this religion? Ablution
 
2003-05-09 03:37:02 PM  
Call me a threadjacker if you must, but this .gif was just way to funny not share with the rest of the Fark.

[image from telusplanet.net too old to be available]
 
2003-05-09 03:37:28 PM  
My wudhu gets a burning sensation when I pee.
 
2003-05-09 03:37:30 PM  
What if, hypothetically, one could fart from one's unibrow? What then, eh?
 
2003-05-09 03:37:42 PM  
This person often wonders whether he actually discharged wind or it was merely a bowel movement. Please advise.

Why, certainly. First, let me wipe up the coffee from my CRT.
 
2003-05-09 03:39:11 PM  
Ghost Farts and Unibrows
a poem by Tanqueray:

Phhhhhhhhhhhftttdribble!!
God, I'm ugly
 
Ant
2003-05-09 03:39:13 PM  
More interesting stuff about Islam: The Five Pillars of Islam
 
2003-05-09 03:40:24 PM  
hehehe
 
2003-05-09 03:40:46 PM  
Invade.
 
2003-05-09 03:41:25 PM  
This one is SO getting bookmarked! Sheesh, I thought the Roman catholics had some wacky rules...
 
2003-05-09 03:41:32 PM  
Ok, so you can't pluck your unibrow because it doesn't make you look weird enough?


[image from eboogyman.com too old to be available]

Second opinion?
 
2003-05-09 03:44:21 PM  
[image from lasvegasmercury.com too old to be available]
 
2003-05-09 03:44:49 PM  
An important rule in Islamic worship is that a certainty cannot be removed or contradicted by a doubt.

That explains a lot. Also applies to conservatives.
 
2003-05-09 03:45:34 PM  
You will note the difference between the two situations: when it is a question of a better appearance, it is condemned; but when it is a question of sparing oneself what hurts, it is permissible.

No, I don't want to sound uncharitable (well, maybe a little), but I don't see a difference between the two. I mean, why else would one choose to have a "better appearance" if not to "spare oneself what hurts"?

/irrelevant
 
2003-05-09 03:46:17 PM  
The marq: That was so funny I nearlt peed myself!
 
2003-05-09 03:46:46 PM  
[image from geekular.org too old to be available]
 
2003-05-09 03:46:47 PM  
Rubeoni

Where the h3ll have I seen that guy before?
 
2003-05-09 03:46:58 PM  
...and ya wonder why things're so farked up over there...
 
2003-05-09 03:47:26 PM  
[image from images.google.com too old to be available][image from images.google.com too old to be available][image from images.google.com too old to be available]

Salma Hayak has a unibrow:
[image from images.google.com too old to be available]

As does Bert:
[image from images.google.com too old to be available]
 
2003-05-09 03:48:21 PM  
Well, that went over like a fart in church....
 
2003-05-09 03:48:22 PM  
A wind discharge is ascertained by sound or smell. If neither is present, then no wind discharge has taken place. It is a mere sensation that might have no substance.

Right, you just keep thinking that Mr. Adil Salahi...
 
2003-05-09 03:48:40 PM  
[image from amtgard-eh.com too old to be available]
 
2003-05-09 03:48:42 PM  
i wonder if you can kill a filthy american imperialist crusader before you wash your feet for your ablution, or you have to wait until after?
 
2003-05-09 03:49:02 PM  
Ladies and gentlemen, Moleman Productions is proud to present to you the classic "Ghost Fart" piece:

[image from greywolf.critter.net too old to be available]
Woooooo... Oooooo... I have cooome to taaake your soooouuuul... I have coooome for-*PFFRRRBBRRBTT!!*

Ah, nothin' like a good fart joke, eh folks?
 
2003-05-09 03:50:31 PM  
I found this while doing a search for "wudhu wind".


Cleanliness and dirt are not compatible. Allah is clean and whosoever loves Him must be clean, externally as well as internally. Prayer, which is contact with Allah, is therefore unacceptable unless the person, who wants to contact his Lord, is clean. The Holy Prophet (peace be on him) said,
"The prayer of a person who does "HADATH" (passes urine, stool or wind) is not accepted till he performs or repeats Wudhu, the ablution."

The following things lapse or brake the Wudhu

Answering the call of nature
Passing the water
Passing the wind
Sleeping or dozing off while leaning against a support
Unconsciousness
Injury
Drawing blood
Vomiting

 
2003-05-09 03:50:32 PM  
"I fart in Allah's general direction!"

[image from angelfire.com too old to be available]
 
2003-05-09 03:50:53 PM  
Triumph, about that guy on the right.

Did his eyebrows eat his eyes?
 
2003-05-09 03:53:18 PM  
GIS for ..aww screw it, just make up your own joke.
 
2003-05-09 03:53:32 PM  
The following things lapse or brake the Wudhu

Answering the call of nature
Passing the water
Passing the wind
Sleeping or dozing off while leaning against a support
Unconsciousness
Injury
Drawing blood
Vomiting


Damn, Allah is tough. I can't go stabbing people while praying? Where's the fun in that?
 
2003-05-09 03:56:04 PM  
What would Bert do?
 
2003-05-09 03:57:01 PM  
You will note the difference between the two situations: when it is a question of a better appearance, it is condemned; but when it is a question of sparing oneself what hurts, it is permissible.

[image from homevideos.com too old to be available]

Interesting distinction.
 
2003-05-09 03:58:27 PM  
This is like a tree falling in the forest with no one around, does it make a sound.

How would that translate to farting? If there's not sound or smell, is it still a fart?

What's the sound of one hand farting?
 
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