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(io9)   Be still your Twiheart, the new trailer for Twilight: Eclipse is out and it's chock full of Sparkly Vampires, Werewolves, lip-biting and crappy acting   (io9.com) divider line 53
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1704 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 23 Apr 2010 at 5:58 PM (4 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2010-04-23 03:30:41 PM  
farm5.static.flickr.com

/lulz
 
2010-04-23 05:37:28 PM  
MUST every action/fantasy/scifi movie now contain a "running towards each other on the field of battle like idiotic cannon fodder" scene? Jesus. Sit in the back, up a tree, with a BIIIIGGGG gun and tap, tap, tap.
 
2010-04-23 05:45:43 PM  
dahmers love zombie: MUST every action/fantasy/scifi movie now contain a "running towards each other on the field of battle like idiotic cannon fodder" scene? Jesus. Sit in the back, up a tree, with a BIIIIGGGG gun and tap, tap, tap.

Camper.
 
2010-04-23 05:52:55 PM  
I can stand a lot crap in my movies.

I can't stand these.
 
2010-04-23 05:55:59 PM  
i970.photobucket.com
 
2010-04-23 06:03:04 PM  
Wow, they're really shiatting these things out fast.
 
2010-04-23 06:03:16 PM  
I saw the second one on dvd - my wife read the books. Way too much angsty love crap. Not a good movie by any means. Now... I don't wish to be too controversial, but all the aforementioned aside... I've seen way worse vampire movies than that. I'll grant you it's bad, just saying I've seen worse.

I also watched Near Dark the other day. Damn that's a sweet movie.
 
2010-04-23 06:05:07 PM  
Line?
 
2010-04-23 06:09:13 PM  
So, it's pretty much some high school chick trying to make a decision between bestiality and necrophilia?
 
2010-04-23 06:13:08 PM  
Mobkey: dahmers love zombie: MUST every action/fantasy/scifi movie now contain a "running towards each other on the field of battle like idiotic cannon fodder" scene? Jesus. Sit in the back, up a tree, with a BIIIIGGGG gun and tap, tap, tap.

Camper.


lol!
 
2010-04-23 06:23:33 PM  
"Twilight" blows. If you want to actually watch a good vampire movie, rent "Fright Night".

/Ugh...and they're doing a re-make.
 
2010-04-23 06:28:41 PM  
delathi: So, it's pretty much some high school chick trying to make a decision between bestiality and necrophilia?

No.

That would be a GOOD movie.
 
2010-04-23 06:30:46 PM  
delathi: So, it's pretty much some high school chick trying to make a decision between bestiality and necrophilia?

I never masturbated to it from that angle before.

/jk. I'd much rather be caught with hardcore porn than a Twilight DVD.
 
2010-04-23 06:43:49 PM  
delathi: So, it's pretty much some high school chick trying to make a decision between bestiality and necrophilia?

PEDO-necrophelia. The guy is, like, 107 or something.
 
2010-04-23 06:46:48 PM  
Anyone who's seen these movies, coerced by women or morbid interest or whatever, notice that the locations are always the same? Not the general area, but the particular places... like the same field, the same random sliver of trees... and it's always the same season too...
 
2010-04-23 06:56:57 PM  
Ah...Stephenie Meyer's not gonna like this; it looks too much like a movie.

I still won't pay to watch this jank.


And now, to lighten things up:

i44.tinypic.com
 
2010-04-23 06:58:34 PM  
Mobkey: dahmers love zombie: MUST every action/fantasy/scifi movie now contain a "running towards each other on the field of battle like idiotic cannon fodder" scene? Jesus. Sit in the back, up a tree, with a BIIIIGGGG gun and tap, tap, tap.

Camper.


i184.photobucket.com

Mugato: Wow, they're really shiatting these things out fast.

I assume the studio heads must realize Twilight is too sh*t to be anything but a passing fad.
 
2010-04-23 07:26:03 PM  
subby: "Be still your Twiheart, the new trailer for Twilight: Eclipse is out and it's chock full of Sparkly Vampires, Werewolves, lip-biting and crappy acting"

Does the trailer come with the Rifftrax already included? Otherwise there's no chance in hell I'm clicking.
 
2010-04-23 07:29:00 PM  
Enduring the hype around these movies is worth it for the Rifftrax.

/line
 
2010-04-23 07:29:09 PM  
delathi: So, it's pretty much some high school chick trying to make a decision between bestiality and necrophilia?

In a sense of the matter, yes I suppose. However, one of those dudes is always going to be a corpse, while the other one switches from animal to human. I find it odd that this is even a hard decision to make, or that she makes the wrong one.

/biatch probably racist
//Movie is worse then Blacula, who she would also reject, because she is racist. Racist like white Dracula.
 
2010-04-23 07:30:47 PM  
The_Sponge: "Twilight" blows. If you want to actually watch a good vampire movie, rent "Fright Night".

/Ugh...and they're doing a re-make.


Are you serious? NOOOOOO! Sorry, but since Roddy McDowall is gone, I won't be seeing the remake.

Coolest shirt ever!
 
2010-04-23 07:38:27 PM  
Maybe a threat jack, but I've been wondering...how do vampires not freeze to death? I mean their body is usually the temperature of the room or area. They can't make their own heat, so I figure it has to be constantly eating, But then they can only consume so much. Anyone want to take a stab at it?

/disco vampires suck.
 
2010-04-23 07:40:39 PM  
hollowmoon: The_Sponge: "Twilight" blows. If you want to actually watch a good vampire movie, rent "Fright Night".

/Ugh...and they're doing a re-make.

Are you serious? NOOOOOO! Sorry, but since Roddy McDowall is gone, I won't be seeing the remake.

Coolest shirt ever!


Because I was so pissed at how crappy Twilight was, I decided to watch a bunch of vampire movies afterward to prove that the movie was bad, and the genre has legs.

Let the Right One In and Thirst both take some of the basic concepts of Twilight, and blow that movie out of the water. LTROI moreso with adolescent romance, Thirst more with the implied violence, brutality, sex, etc that the Twilight movies try to imply or get to but fail horribly at.

Near Dark is even closer to Twilight in the sense that it's Teenage vampire romance, but it kicks the shiat out of Twilight once again by virtue of casting half the cast of Aliens, one of the greatest films ever made. And also having the vampires use guns, which isn't something you see too often.

Vampires and From Dusk Till Dawn are pretty sweet films that focus on the aspect of killing vampires in the American south west. In fact Near Dark, Vampires, and From Dusk Till Dawn are all set in the American South west. Which is why I'm starting to associate vampires with that region. Regardless, both are fairly fun films on vampire hunting.

Shadow of the Vampire is one of those films, like Sexy Beast or Death at a Funeral, where it seems like nothing happened by the end of the film. That's due to most of the focus in these films is on the characters. SOTV isn't a very plot driven film, but it is still a pretty interesting film, depicting vampires as more sad, pathetic, creatures who are still pretty powerful and still capable of sinister machinations. Also, the concept and dialogue that results from the concept of the film is pretty hilarious.

/I'm also starting to associate Werewolves with England.
 
2010-04-23 07:43:04 PM  
hollowmoon: Are you serious? NOOOOOO! Sorry, but since Roddy McDowall is gone, I won't be seeing the remake.

Coolest shirt ever!



That is a cool shirt.

BTW, the guy who played Chekov in the latest Star Trek movie has been cast as Charlie.
 
2010-04-23 07:47:37 PM  
Shadow of the Vampire is an awesome movie. Seen a bunch of those you listed, but not all.

After watching Twilight with my nieces my sister and I went home and watched 30 Days of Night. I felt better.
 
2010-04-23 07:50:42 PM  
i44.tinypic.com

*singsong voice* I will sing you lullaby, then eat you, sparkly thinblood..

/come play in the madness forever and ever
//yes, one of those VTM players who prefers the Malks
///but in a pinch, I'll take Toreador Antitribu, Gangrel, or Ravnos
 
2010-04-23 08:08:19 PM  
img80.imageshack.us
 
2010-04-23 08:08:27 PM  
Ringshadow: *singsong voice* I will sing you lullaby, then eat you, sparkly thinblood..

/come play in the madness forever and ever
//yes, one of those VTM players who prefers the Malks
///but in a pinch, I'll take Toreador Antitribu, Gangrel, or Ravnos


I would love to see something like that...but alas, it will never happen.


/Toreador gal through and through
 
2010-04-23 08:16:20 PM  
Ringshadow: sing you lullaby, then eat you, sparkly thinblood..

/come play in the madness forever and ever
//yes, one of those VTM players who prefers the Malks
///but in a pinch, I'll take Toreador Antitribu, Gangrel, or Ravnos


Yay! Did you ever play the computer game Bloodlines?
 
2010-04-23 08:29:45 PM  
tsuchikage:
I would love to see something like that...but alas, it will never happen.


/Toreador gal through and through


Of course not. Always makes me want to find another gaming group though. I haven't played VTM in ages.

Wololo:

Yay! Did you ever play the computer game Bloodlines?


Never got to but a friend told me about it in detail.
 
2010-04-23 08:55:47 PM  
Checking thread...

...whiny Farkers still biatching about Twilight and its fans as if that hadn't already gotten old two days after the first movie came out...

...leaving satisfied.
 
2010-04-23 09:13:59 PM  
That looked even worse then I had anticipated.
 
2010-04-23 09:20:48 PM  
AgtSmithReloaded: Checking thread...

...whiny Farkers still biatching about Twilight and its fans as if that hadn't already gotten old two days after the first movie came out...

...leaving satisfied.


I'm insulted! Most of us were biatching about the books long before the concept of the movies came along! Get it right.
 
2010-04-23 10:12:24 PM  
The Insane Guy Over There: subby: "Be still your Twiheart, the new trailer for Twilight: Eclipse is out and it's chock full of Sparkly Vampires, Werewolves, lip-biting and crappy acting"

Does the trailer come with the Rifftrax already included? Otherwise there's no chance in hell I'm clicking.


This
The only Rifftrax funnier than the twilight ones is the one for The Room
/Your Tearing me apart!
 
2010-04-23 10:24:05 PM  
Wow. That looks awesome. I cannot wait.
 
2010-04-23 10:34:04 PM  
b-maz: Maybe a threat jack, but I've been wondering...how do vampires not freeze to death? I mean their body is usually the temperature of the room or area. They can't make their own heat, so I figure it has to be constantly eating, But then they can only consume so much. Anyone want to take a stab at it?

/disco vampires suck.


Really? Everyone over the age of seven knows the answer to that. They're vampires. They're already dead. There are ways to 'kill' them, but freezing to death isn't one of them.

Educate yourself (new window)
 
2010-04-23 10:42:14 PM  
I've said it once and stand by my word.

Twilight is no gayer than Interview. Puffy shirts, creepy pedophilia and all.
 
2010-04-23 10:45:22 PM  
Heroic Poser: I've said it once and stand by my word.

Twilight is no gayer than Interview. Puffy shirts, creepy pedophilia and all.


But "Interview" was not the worldwide phenomenon that "Twilight" has been, with the teenage girl squee all over the place, housewives all agog over how sexy it all is, and the disturbing necro-pedophilia everyone seems to find so erotically attractive about a 100-year old vampire who trolls for mates at the local high school.

Louis & Lestat at least hunted back in the Olden Days, and weren't attractive to middle-aged housewives who were willing to overlook how they were stalking girls young enough to be their great-granddaughters.
 
2010-04-23 11:33:53 PM  
I feel a great disturbance in the Force... as if a million panties suddenly became wet...
 
2010-04-23 11:40:52 PM  
The_Sponge: "Twilight" blows. If you want to actually watch a good vampire movie, rent "Fright Night".

/Ugh...and they're doing a re-make.


It already has been done (only with a change in antagonist from a vampire to a werewolf)(and with Keven Sorbo atrociously attempting to fill Roddy's not-at-all-fillable filmic shoes. (new window)

I crap you negative. This (not-at-all recommended [or even ironically enjoyable]) piece of cinematic detritus replicates so many scenes from "Fright Night" that I have no idea how its makers didn't get sued for unauthorized reproduction of intellectual property. Even down to some of the dialogue and camera angles.

Oh. And it sucks.
I watched it so that you don't have to.
Just don't.
 
2010-04-23 11:42:53 PM  
"Kevin".
 
2010-04-23 11:49:47 PM  
Gyrfalcon: Heroic Poser: I've said it once and stand by my word.

Twilight is no gayer than Interview. Puffy shirts, creepy pedophilia and all.

But "Interview" was not the worldwide phenomenon that "Twilight" has been,


But that still doesn't change the fact I'd rather watch Twilight than Interview (except for the Christian Slater parts) mainly because, ya, glittery stuff is gay, but cruise in a puffy shirt was gayer.
/not gay
//yet
///haven't seen New Moon
////Daughter is making me watch it this Sunday with her.
//prefers Lost Boys, shirtless saxophone player and all.
 
2010-04-24 12:08:03 AM  
delathi: So, it's pretty much some high school chick trying to make a decision between bestiality and necrophilia?

farm5.static.flickr.com
 
2010-04-24 12:12:08 AM  
SharkTrager

Beat me to it.
 
2010-04-24 12:38:45 AM  
Heroic Poser: Gyrfalcon: Heroic Poser: I've said it once and stand by my word.

Twilight is no gayer than Interview. Puffy shirts, creepy pedophilia and all.

But "Interview" was not the worldwide phenomenon that "Twilight" has been,

But that still doesn't change the fact I'd rather watch Twilight than Interview (except for the Christian Slater parts) mainly because, ya, glittery stuff is gay, but cruise in a puffy shirt was gayer.
/not gay
//yet
///haven't seen New Moon
////Daughter is making me watch it this Sunday with her.
//prefers Lost Boys, shirtless saxophone player and all.


That pretty much goes without saying.
 
2010-04-24 12:44:24 AM  
b-maz: Maybe a threat jack, but I've been wondering...how do vampires not freeze to death? I mean their body is usually the temperature of the room or area. They can't make their own heat, so I figure it has to be constantly eating, But then they can only consume so much. Anyone want to take a stab at it?

/disco vampires suck.


Well, Anne Rice's vampires had ice freeze on them, but it did not freeze their bodies. So they didn't generate enough warmth to melt the ice. I don't know about the sparkle vampires.
 
2010-04-24 01:29:48 AM  
SpiralColors: The Insane Guy Over There: subby: "Be still your Twiheart, the new trailer for Twilight: Eclipse is out and it's chock full of Sparkly Vampires, Werewolves, lip-biting and crappy acting"

Does the trailer come with the Rifftrax already included? Otherwise there's no chance in hell I'm clicking.

This
The only Rifftrax funnier than the twilight ones is the one for The Room
/Your Tearing me apart!


Agreed. I'm so looking forward to the Rifftrax of this shiatfest of a movie.
 
2010-04-24 02:32:36 AM  
Meh. Just watching the new movie for the Peter Murphy cameo.
 
2010-04-24 09:49:04 AM  
I'm waiting for the Twilight: Breaking Dawn trailer where they show Edward chewing the baby out of Bella's uterus, only to then have Jacob soul mate with the baby.
 
2010-04-24 10:06:47 AM  
Battlestar Girlactica: I'm waiting for the Twilight: Breaking Dawn trailer where they show Edward chewing the baby out of Bella's uterus, only to then have Jacob soul mate with the baby.

Damn, girl. I know the "saga" is silly what kind of drugs are you on to make you make something up as messed up as that?

/knows you didn't make it up
 
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