Angel of Death: LittleBlondeJug: So, you can't turn right? Even on green?

Oh, all right. YOU can turn right on green.

If I get stopped, do I just show the nice officer a printout of your post allowing me to do so? Will that work?

ZachF81: I get buzzed by those morons about once a week, and see people get buzzed/actually hit almost daily. I side with the cop that leveled that guy in Times Square more and more every day

Regular cyclists are OK. They actually obey the lights for the most part. It's the bike messengers and food delivery guys you have to watch out for.

Angel of Death: LittleBlondeJug: So, you can't turn right? Even on green?

Oh, all right. YOU can turn right on green.

"Because it's you!"

FTFA: would target people who turn right while the light is green.

Ummm... wha? I think we're using green in strange ways now.

LittleBlondeJug: If I get stopped, do I just show the nice officer a printout of your post allowing me to do so? Will that work?

It will. All of my Fark posts are legally binding in California. It's pretty sweet.

trappedspirit: Do wut? What is wrong with turning when it's green? What color is it supposed to be?

If the Google Street View is accurate, right turn isn't allowed at all. It's a 135 degree turn. If you're driving and planning to make a right it's probably extremely difficult to see bikers legally crossing straight through the intersection. Looks like an issue unique to this intersection, not a generalized problem.

Gulper Eel: Pocket Ninja: Turn Lane Cameras: These cameras would be positioned over turn lanes on both the right and left side of the road. They would be designed to automatically ticket drivers who begin to unnecessarily decelerate far in advance of the turn lane, thereby slowing traffic on the road, instead of using the deceleration space allowed in the turn lane itself. They would issue double fines to drivers who waited too long to actually get into the turn lane to use the deceleration space, and triple fines on drivers who miss the turn lane, then attempt to stop on the road and turn into it but can't because there are other cars already in the turn lane.

Right Lane Cameras: These cameras would be positioned over the right lane of 3-lane highways. They would ticket any driver who, approaching a slower-moving driver in the center lane and having both options open, chooses to pass on the right instead of the left.

Asshat Cameras: These cameras would target the left two lanes of a highway. They would ticket any driver who, upon approaching a slower-moving car that then yields to him or her by moving right, passes that car and then immediately slows to a speed at or below the speed that the passed driver was originally traveling. Fines would also be issued in the event that the passed driver, after moving over, began to accelerate to the speed of the passing driver.

Parking cameras: These cameras, covering parking lots, would issue tickets to any driver who required more than two separate shifts into "reverse" in order to navigate his or her car into a normal parking spot. They would also ticket drivers who failed to center their cars in parking spots, and offer a separate function to track people who leave shopping carts in the middle of the lot.

The Light Only Comes In One Shade Of Green - So Move It, Martha camera: self-explanatory

Finish-The-Turn camera: targeted at drivers making right turns who suddently slow to a crawl through the turn, leaving the ass ends of their cars out in the intersection for no apparent reason.

Your Music Sucks, Ricer Boy camera: self-explanatory, mounted on the front porch of old people's houses.

Make sure your entire farking car is in the turn lane camera: For those asshats that can't quite grasp the concept that I cannot pass them if only half their car is in the turn lane.

LittleBlondeJug 2010-04-21 12:34:00 PM

Angel of Death: LittleBlondeJug: So, you can't turn right? Even on green?

Oh, all right. YOU can turn right on green.

If I get stopped, do I just show the nice officer a printout of your post allowing me to do so? Will that work?



I'm guessing you already know what to show him to get out of a ticket.



/of course I mean a dazzling smile

pdieten: It's a 135 degree turn

How can you be so obtuse?

lennavan: It's cute and all they want equal rights for bikers, I wonder how many of them hop in their car the next day and get pissed off at the bikers slowing them up.

I both bike and drive to work, depending on the weather. I should note that we have lots of bike lanes and it helps a ton. But not all roads do. Some of the major ones don't.

When I drive, there is an occasional bike in my way, and usually I'm past him in a few seconds. I run into more cars obstructing me than bikes - people who double park or are going slow looking for parking, or just plain lost or confused. It's annoying but doesn't last long. The majority of slowness is caused by congestion, not bad drivers or bikers.

When I bike, I get to use a bike path for half the way and use a bike lane on a major road for the rest. I cross plenty of intersections but always stop. I spend less than 5% of my trip in an actual non-bike traffic lane. However, I end up with harsh words, near-collisions, and cars obstructing me ALL THE TIME. I'm talking, people who park in the bike lane, people who pass on the right in the bike lane, people who go right on red - which is allowed but they fail to yield, people who pass you slowly then turn right into a parking lot right in front of you, people who don't watch when they open their doors. Even pedestrians who have don't walk signs and don't care.

I get 10x more problems on my bike, only tempered by the fact that I'm going much slower and I don't have to worry about hurting pedestrians as much (unlike driving).

And yeah, the idiot bikers have to go - the ones who don't even pause at red lights. When they get hit by a car they deserve it. But they're a minority.

That and around here, bikers like to pretend they are equal members of the road, until they hit a stop sign or a red light and blow right through it. They cannot be bothered with following the rules of the road they don't like.

My general rule on the road is - if you yield to people doing the right thing - I don't care what you do. For example, people who turn on red when there's a no turn on red sign. Doesn't bother me at all, as long as they're yielding to people who have the green light. Same with bikes. If they stop and make sure there's no cars, and cross the light, I have no problem with it. I don't even care when motorcycles do it late at night in turning lanes with their own light (they often aren't heavy enough to trip the censor).

You're never gonna get 100% same rules both bike and car. Not even trucks and cars have the same rules. And there are lots of highways bikes aren't allowed on at all.

How about we don't put machines in charge of dispensing "justice"?

Angel of Death: LittleBlondeJug: If I get stopped, do I just show the nice officer a printout of your post allowing me to do so? Will that work?

It will. All of my Fark posts are legally binding in California. It's pretty sweet.

Dangit! I'm in Chicago.

: (

This is getting seriously out of hand. But if we're heading down that path I suggest a "driving with you brights on because one of your headlights went out and you're too farking lazy or are a neanderthal asshole who would rather blind me than make the farking $10.00 repair you farking douchemop, camera". You know, as long as we're installing cameras and ticketing for everything.

sboyle1020: pdieten: It's a 135 degree turn

How can you be so obtuse?

sboyle1020 made me smile.

ApatheticMonkey: Gulper Eel: The Light Only Comes In One Shade Of Green - So Move It, Martha camera: self-explanatory

Otherwise known as the "Incubus Camera"

Screw that, I'm just going to sit around till 2012 AD.

LittleBlondeJug: Dangit! I'm in Chicago.

Ah, you're in luck! The opposite of each of my Fark posts is legally binding in Illinois. Also, I forbid you to make a right turn on green.

trappedspirit: Oh. So. There really is nothing here, then? I mean, outside of people showing their authoritarianistic tendencies to want cameras everywhere and people to act like they want them to act.

Did you just make up a word?

I give you the Rib Breaker Device for the assbags who have to pull out in front of you only to turn 1/4 mile down the road. The device would disable their car so they can wait patiently for me to drag them out of the car and kick their slats in.

Angel of Death: LittleBlondeJug: Dangit! I'm in Chicago.

Ah, you're in luck! The opposite of each of my Fark posts is legally binding in Illinois. Also, I forbid you to make a right turn on green.

And what if I do?

el wharrrgarblo: Not follow the lane that's ending until the very last second and try to cut everyone off because you think your so important you shouldn't have to wait behind people.

Didn't we JUST learn that this assumption has been backwards, and that zipper merging at the head of the line is the most efficient way to do this after all? It wouldn't be the first counterintuitive thing to be true.

zamboni: LittleBlondeJug: sboyle1020: pdieten: It's a 135 degree turn

How can you be so obtuse?

sboyle1020 made me smile.

Was it acute smile?

Isn't it always?

raygundan: el wharrrgarblo: Not follow the lane that's ending until the very last second and try to cut everyone off because you think your so important you shouldn't have to wait behind people.

Didn't we JUST learn that this assumption has been backwards, and that zipper merging at the head of the line is the most efficient way to do this after all? It wouldn't be the first counterintuitive thing to be true.

I think that I do remember reading that here on Fark, but I still don't see how it works...

I have avoided red light cameras for years simply by obeying traffic laws. What do I win?

If you don't like regulations, stop voting for more government control.

Fourth Horseman: I give you the Rib Breaker Device for the assbags who have to pull out in front of you only to turn 1/4 mile down the road. The device would disable their car so they can wait patiently for me to drag them out of the car and kick their slats in.

Out of all of my driving pet peeves, I think this one takes the cake. And it's not only when they cut you off and turn, it's also when they cut you off quickly and then proceed to drive 15mph below the speed limit for the next few miles. And all the while, there was NOBODY BEHIND YOU! They could have waited 3 seconds.

iollow: When I bike, I get to use a bike path for half the way and use a bike lane on a major road for the rest.

This kills me too. I see bikes, mopeds and motorcycles using the bike lane. They ride in the bike lane and expect to be considered full members of the road. Until they hit a red light and just blow right through it. If the bike lane is filled with people, they merge into a normal car lane. But when that red light comes up, they swap back to the bike lane and blow right through. When all of the lanes are full and the bike lane is filled with people following the law stuck at a stop sign or red light, they pop on the sidewalk for a short bit until they get past it.

Obviously I'm generalizing, many people follow the laws. But the original post I replied to was about the critical mass bikers who as far as I can tell have the purpose of taking over the streets to remind people they are equal members of the streets too. That's fine, so follow the same farking laws cars do. Instead, everytime I'm near a biker, I always have to assume they're gonna blow through the stop sign / red light / change lanes on a whim / etc.

Also bikers, you're farking slower than a car. Move to the farking side. I don't like to pass close to you because I worry that you'll hit something and swerve slightly to the left. So you move the fark over so I can stay farther away from you.

How about a School District Pedophile Camera Camera? These will be installed in the homes and offices of your local school district employees to make sure they're not using spyware on your kids' computers to take pictures of them in their bedrooms.

Fark bicyclists.

How about a little personal responsibility instead of this revenue enhancement opportunity?

You're on a bike, I'm in a car. If we collide, you will get hurt, I won't. It would be in your best interest to pause for half a second and see if someone is turning. (Of course, the whiny bicyclists already sniveled through a law making THAT illegal.)

Fark 'em. Pedestrians too.

\Serious.

noYOUare: I have avoided red light cameras for years simply by obeying traffic laws. What do I win?

Congratulations on not living in a town that intentionally sets its yellow light cycle short to drum up revenue. Once you've dealt with that idiocy for a year or two and all the brake-smoking, tire-tearing, fender-bending fun that comes along with trying to stop short of intersection lines, let me know how you feel about them.

Having to slam on your brakes at the last second as you approach an intersection because you know the damn light is going to flip to red early just so that the town can bilk you for $150 gets reaaaaalllll old reaaallllll quick. I'll bet it gets old even faster if you're one of the saps that gets rear-ended because of it.

LittleBlondeJug: And what if I do?

You won't be severely punished.

el wharrrgarblo: The-Brain: Hang the Fark up and Drive camera- obvious.

Me First camera- tickets issued to people who intentionally speed up rather than letting you merge in, in order to reduce their total travel time by about 0.63 seconds.

Um, "let you merge"?

People don't "let" you merge, moron. It's your job to speed up or slow down to "merge" into traffic.

Not follow the lane that's ending until the very last second and try to cut everyone off because you think your so important you shouldn't have to wait behind people.

\you sound like a jerk.

You sound like a moran. He's talking about when you, as the merging vehicle, are maneuvering into an open spot, only to have that spot closed off by an asshole like yourself, forcing you into the ditch because the merge lane has now ended. In a merge lane, there's usually only enough length to allow you to get sped up to traffic speed, and that's it. There's no ability to get in "earlier."

Evil Conservative: \Serious



Your backwards slashie says otherwise.

Protip: Ride a motorcycle, and always wear a full face helmet, preferably with a mirrored visor. Some of my more "spirited" riding buddies have gotten numerous tickets on the 101 out here in the Phoenix area, and all of them were dismissed on the grounds that it's impossible to identify the rider while wearing a full face.

Angel of Death: LittleBlondeJug: And what if I do?

You won't be severely punished.

Dangit.

Splinshints: Having to slam on your brakes at the last second as you approach an intersection because you know the damn light is going to flip to red early just so that the town can bilk you for $150 gets reaaaaalllll old reaaallllll quick.

So does excessive usage of the letter L.

Well, it beats taking pictures of myself with a camera phone in my bathroom.

I'm ready for my closeup, Mr. DeMille!

GAT_00: Also, a related camera: one that watches for that asshole who doesn't get over a lane when you're merging onto the highway even though he has a clear lane.

The person reading the YIELD sign is the one who is supposed to obey it. I think you have it backwards.

LittleBlondeJug: I think that I do remember reading that here on Fark, but I still don't see how it works...

I think the upshot was essentially that early merging takes the same amount of time as late merging-- but late merging guarantees more efficient use of the road space. Ceasing use of an entire lane of traffic a mile ahead of a pinch point (ie, merging early) removes a mile of carrying capacity from the road.

sboyle1020: Splinshints: Having to slam on your brakes at the last second as you approach an intersection because you know the damn light is going to flip to red early just so that the town can bilk you for $150 gets reaaaaalllll old reaaallllll quick.

So does excessive usage of the letter L.

Okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay

sboyle1020: Splinshints: Having to slam on your brakes at the last second as you approach an intersection because you know the damn light is going to flip to red early just so that the town can bilk you for $150 gets reaaaaalllll old reaaallllll quick.

So does excessive usage of the letter L.

But excessive usage of the letter A is okay, then?

Splinshints: sboyle1020: Splinshints: Having to slam on your brakes at the last second as you approach an intersection because you know the damn light is going to flip to red early just so that the town can bilk you for $150 gets reaaaaalllll old reaaallllll quick.

So does excessive usage of the letter L.

Okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay

Aaaaaaaaaaaapaaaaaaaaarently it is!

Splinshints: noYOUare: I have avoided red light cameras for years simply by obeying traffic laws. What do I win?

Congratulations on not living in a town that intentionally sets its yellow light cycle short to drum up revenue. Once you've dealt with that idiocy for a year or two and all the brake-smoking, tire-tearing, fender-bending fun that comes along with trying to stop short of intersection lines, let me know how you feel about them.

Having to slam on your brakes at the last second as you approach an intersection because you know the damn light is going to flip to red early just so that the town can bilk you for $150 gets reaaaaalllll old reaaallllll quick. I'll bet it gets old even faster if you're one of the saps that gets rear-ended because of it.

I DO live in a town that has all of this stuff mentioned, and operate a motorcycle in all of it to boot. No tickets, never had anyone come close to hitting me. I just don't let it happen. It's because I look farther ahead than the first couple cars in front of me. Backing off, and maintaining a MINIMUM two second following distance helps as well. Besides the obvious benefits of having the extra space, it also permits you to see the road surface better. Limiting your view makes you very, very nervous, (whether people realize it or not, it happens) and generally turns you into an overly aggressive motorist.

Splinshints: sboyle1020: Splinshints: Having to slam on your brakes at the last second as you approach an intersection because you know the damn light is going to flip to red early just so that the town can bilk you for $150 gets reaaaaalllll old reaaallllll quick.

So does excessive usage of the letter L.

Okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay

I read that as though you had an uber-gay singsong voice.

LittleBlondeJug: Aaaaaaaaaaaapaaaaaaaaarently it is!

Meanwhile, insufficient usage of the letter "P" is also permitted. :)