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(Examiner)   "Every time I read 'Pride and Prejudice,' I want to dig her up and hit her over the skull with her own shin-bone." 50 author vs. author putdowns   (examiner.com) divider line 225
    More: Amusing, John Steinbeck, Don Quixote, Robert Frost, Shaw, Ernest Hemingway, Shakespearean, pride, Mark Twain  
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20528 clicks; posted to Main » on 20 Apr 2010 at 11:20 PM (4 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2010-04-20 06:35:08 PM  
Apparently, Twain liked none of his peers.
 
2010-04-20 07:11:44 PM  
This head line made me feel all warm and fuzzy.
 
2010-04-20 07:28:01 PM  
jehovahs witness protection: This head line made me feel all warm and fuzzy.

Me too. Jane Austen can go to hell.
 
2010-04-20 07:32:37 PM  
I read Pride and Prejudice with Zombies and realized about five chapters in that without the zombies, the book would be absurd and revolting.
 
2010-04-20 07:33:39 PM  
One of my favorite Twain lines. And everyone should read his complete evisceration of James Fenimore Cooper.
 
2010-04-20 07:49:12 PM  
James Jones, according to Ernest Hemingway (1951)

To me he is an enormously skillful f#*&-up and his book will do great damage to our country. Probably I should re-read it again to give you a truer answer. But I do not have to eat an entire bowl of scabs to know they are scabs...I hope he kills himself....
 
2010-04-20 07:49:26 PM  
Samuel Clemons, Letters From The Earth

"He took a pride in man; man was his finest invention; man was his pet, after the housefly . . . ."

/oh snap
 
2010-04-20 07:56:07 PM  
CheekyMunky: I read Pride and Prejudice with Zombies

Congratulations, you've helped destroy the human race and you're a bad person.
 
2010-04-20 08:00:41 PM  
GAT_00: CheekyMunky: I read Pride and Prejudice with Zombies

Congratulations, you've helped destroy the human race and you're a bad person.


C'mon, how can he help destroy the human race and be a bad person?
 
2010-04-20 08:03:02 PM  
That's why I only read it once for a lit. course. Never touching that sack of crap again.
 
2010-04-20 08:06:51 PM  
30. Charles Dickens, according to George Meredith

Not much of Dickens will live, because it has so little correspondence to life...If his novels are read at all in the future, people will wonder what we saw in them, save some possible element of fun meaningless to them.



And how's that working out for ya, George?
 
2010-04-20 08:07:08 PM  
One of my favorites:

To the Editor:

In a recent letter to the editor, Romain Gary asserts that I took the name "Genghis Cohen" from a novel of his to use in a novel of mine, The Crying of Lot 49. Mr. Gary is totally in error. I took the name Genghis Cohen from the name of Genghis Khan (1162-1227), the well-known Mongol warrior and statesman. If Mr. Gary really believes himself to be the only writer at present able to arrive at a play on words this trivial, that is another problem entirely, perhaps more psychiatric than literary, and I certainly hope he works it out.

Thomas Pynchon,

New York City
 
2010-04-20 08:10:16 PM  
Artists are a catty group arent they?
 
2010-04-20 08:14:08 PM  
GAT_00: CheekyMunky: I read Pride and Prejudice with Zombies

Congratulations, you've helped destroy the human race and you're a bad person.


And nothing of value was lost.
 
2010-04-20 08:14:48 PM  
If I were in favor of book banning you can bet everything by Jane Austin and the Bronte sister would be on the top of that list.
 
2010-04-20 08:40:14 PM  
34. Ernest Hemingway, according to Tom Wolfe

Take Hemingway. People always think that the reason he's easy to read is that he is concise. He isn't. I hate conciseness -- it's too difficult. The reason Hemingway is easy to read is that he repeats himself all the time, using 'and' for padding.



No wonder I hate Tom Wolfe and could never finish one of his books... he even admits he can't write properly. Conciseness is, as far as Im concerned, the most important rule of all


list lacks a bit of Bukowski ripping into other authors, something he did quite often
 
2010-04-20 08:42:33 PM  
20. Herman Melville, according to D.H. Lawrence (1923)

Nobody can be more clownish, more clumsy and sententiously in bad taste, than Herman Melville, even in a great book like 'Moby Dick'....One wearies of the grand serieux. There's something false about it. And that's Melville. Oh dear, when the solemn ass brays! brays! brays!


Look, I hate Melville as much as the next poor South Coaster who went through the hell of having been exposed to it because of our living in the setting and all. But when it comes from a guy whose best novel was fodder for late-night Showtime softcore porn - Showtime, not Skinemax even! - you can't really give it credibility.
 
2010-04-20 08:51:36 PM  
"Every time I read 'Pride and Prejudice,'..."

Why did he read it repeatedly if he hated it so much?
 
2010-04-20 08:52:20 PM  
HappyHarryHardOn: No wonder I hate Tom Wolfe and could never finish one of his books... he even admits he can't write properly.

Take this! And that! This sentence I don't understand, but take this one!
 
Ni!
2010-04-20 10:01:31 PM  
I freaking love Twain.
 
2010-04-20 10:03:57 PM  
I kind of wonder why he kept reading it.
 
2010-04-20 10:09:03 PM  
CheekyMunky: I read Pride and Prejudice with Zombies and realized about five chapters in that without the zombies, the book would be absurd and revolting.

Your opinion is 100% accurate. And Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters is likewise enjoyable.
 
2010-04-20 10:09:16 PM  
How'd #9 sneak in there?
 
2010-04-20 10:13:47 PM  
Ni!: I freaking love Twain.

Agreed.

As much as I would feel awful about subjecting the man to such a fate, I would love to bring Mark Twain back just so he can read all the Twilight novels and tear Stephenie Meyer a vast array of new ones.

When Twain puts down folks, he does so with STYLE.
 
2010-04-20 10:23:42 PM  
Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: Ni!: I freaking love Twain.

Agreed.

As much as I would feel awful about subjecting the man to such a fate, I would love to bring Mark Twain back just so he can read all the Twilight novels and tear Stephenie Meyer a vast array of new ones.

When Twain puts down folks, he does so with STYLE.


Aren't Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer essentially teen angst novels?
 
2010-04-20 10:45:52 PM  
Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: 30. Charles Dickens, according to George Meredith

Not much of Dickens will live, because it has so little correspondence to life...If his novels are read at all in the future, people will wonder what we saw in them, save some possible element of fun meaningless to them.


And how's that working out for ya, George?


Actually, sounds about right. Who reads Dickens outside of 9th grade?
 
2010-04-20 10:47:48 PM  
djkutch: Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: Ni!: I freaking love Twain.

Agreed.

As much as I would feel awful about subjecting the man to such a fate, I would love to bring Mark Twain back just so he can read all the Twilight novels and tear Stephenie Meyer a vast array of new ones.

When Twain puts down folks, he does so with STYLE.

Aren't Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer essentially teen angst novels?


Yes. They were. That doesn't diminish them, though; at least Tom and Huck don't sparkle.
However, read "Letters from the Earth." Twain's best work. Hands down. He's at his best when he's a cynical crotchety old man.
 
2010-04-20 10:57:41 PM  
cameroncrazy1984: Actually, sounds about right. Who reads Dickens outside of 9th grade?

*raises a hand*

I revisit A Tale of Two Cities and A Christmas Carol from time to time.

Sometimes on vacation, I've taken a copy of A Tale of Two Cities to read while taking in the sun's rays on the beach.

To each his own.


The English Major: at least Tom and Huck don't sparkle.

I'll give Twain credit for that.
 
2010-04-20 11:08:32 PM  
Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: cameroncrazy1984: Actually, sounds about right. Who reads Dickens outside of 9th grade?

*raises a hand*

I revisit A Tale of Two Cities and A Christmas Carol from time to time.

Sometimes on vacation, I've taken a copy of A Tale of Two Cities to read while taking in the sun's rays on the beach.

To each his own.


The English Major: at least Tom and Huck don't sparkle.

I'll give Twain credit for that.


The Mystery of Edwin Drood is one of my favorite Dickens books. It's criminally overlooked, mostly because it was never finished.

And Twain is easily one of the best satirists ever. And look, you can read the entirety of Letters from the Earth online. For free. (new window)
 
2010-04-20 11:22:38 PM  
The English Major: The Mystery of Edwin Drood is one of my favorite Dickens books. It's criminally overlooked, mostly because it was never finished.

It would only be right to complete the novel in a Choose Your Own Adventure format.


And Twain is easily one of the best satirists ever.

Preach it.
 
2010-04-20 11:24:15 PM  
Damn, I wish I'd learned how to read.
 
2010-04-20 11:25:16 PM  
Energetic literature threads restore my faith in humanity.
 
2010-04-20 11:26:00 PM  
Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: It would only be right to complete the novel in a Choose Your Own Adventure format.

Hmm. I'd read that.
 
2010-04-20 11:27:13 PM  
I can imagine some marketing exec turning these into great dust jacket quotes with the judicious use of ellipses.

Original quote: The book has gas and runs out of gas, fills up again, goes dry. It is a 742-page work that reads as if it is fifteen hundred pages long. At certain points, reading the work can even be said to resemble the act of making love to a three-hundred pound woman. Once she gets on top, it's over. Fall in love, or be asphyxiated. So you read and you grab and you even find delight in some of these mounds of material. Yet all the while you resist -- how you resist! -- letting three hundred pounds take you over.

Dust jacket quote: "The book has gas...reading the work can even be said to resemble the act of making love...you read and you grab and you even find delight."

Think about that next time you read author quotes on the back of books.
 
2010-04-20 11:28:51 PM  
The book has gas and runs out of gas, fills up again, goes dry. It is a 742-page work that reads as if it is fifteen hundred pages long....

At certain points, reading the work can even be said to resemble the act of making love to a three-hundred pound woman. Once she gets on top, it's over. Fall in love, or be asphyxiated. So you read and you grab and you even find delight in some of these mounds of material. Yet all the while you resist -- how you resist! -- letting three hundred pounds take you over.


Norman Mailer on Tom Wolfe. Tell us how you really feel, Norman.
 
2010-04-20 11:29:11 PM  
The Farker's post above mine is so insipid, that I suggest Drew wipe all of the server harddrives clean and destroy the backups so that no one has to read that drivel ever again.
 
2010-04-20 11:29:29 PM  
They should've expanded on Twain's distaste for Sir Walter Scott. Twain blamed Scott's writing (especially "Ivanhoe") for romanticizing battle and influencing the South's decision to fight in the Civil War.

In fact, Twain says Sir Walter Scott did more lasting harm than any other individual who ever wrote. (new window)
 
2010-04-20 11:29:45 PM  
Currently reading:

The Unnamed, Joshua Ferris (new window)

Admission, Jean Hanff Korelitz (new window)

Just finished:

Changes, Jim Butcher (new window)
 
2010-04-20 11:30:35 PM  
cameroncrazy1984: Actually, sounds about right. Who reads Dickens outside of 9th grade?

Does watching Scrooged count?
 
2010-04-20 11:32:47 PM  
Ah, I see there is a page two that includes Twain's hatred for Scott. Nevermind.
 
2010-04-20 11:33:01 PM  
RTFA hoping for someone, anyone that hated Thoreau as much as I do. Left disappointed.
 
2010-04-20 11:39:21 PM  
El_Freeker: RTFA hoping for someone, anyone that hated Thoreau as much as I do. Left disappointed.

In my college Major American Writers class, we had to do "journals" for everything we read; my professor, thank God, was a little unique and wanted us to be creative.
My Thoreau entry was a series of puns replacing "throw" and "thorough" with Thoreau.
I hate Thoreau with a passion.
 
2010-04-20 11:40:19 PM  
The English Major: Changes, Jim Butcher (new window)

I thought this was one of the best in the series.

You?
 
2010-04-20 11:43:02 PM  
I strongly believe that Margaret Atwood is everything that is wrong with Canada. If she was male and American, not a soul would ever read any of her works.
 
2010-04-20 11:44:41 PM  
bighasbeen: The English Major: Changes, Jim Butcher (new window)

I thought this was one of the best in the series.

You?


Yes. 100% yes. I'm glad we're getting "Aftermath" in the "Side Jobs" anthology this November; we only have to wait seven months for the next entry in the series instead of a year. Of course, it'll be from Murphy's POV.

Can I just say that I'm going to reread it in another week or so but take my time with it? There was so much going on I know I missed more than a few subtle things.
 
2010-04-20 11:45:16 PM  
You shut your dirty whore mouth, Samuel Clemens. Austen is better with each read, until she's your god in print. Persuasion? Nearly perfect.

Okay, but on Dickens, who mostly makes me ill, a good one is Our Mutual Friend. Seriously, that's a well-structured and interesting book.

And Charlotte Bronte was okay, her disdain of Austen and fangirl love of Gaskell aside, but Emily should have just given up before she got started. Her brother should have been embarrassed pretending to have written that blithering piece of crap, Wuthering Heights.
 
2010-04-20 11:45:48 PM  
I just can't believe that nobody went on record condemning the atrocity against literature that is "Wuthering Heights."
 
2010-04-20 11:46:14 PM  
I remember being in 11th grade and in that one year we covered Bret Harte's 'Outcasts of Poker Flat', Orwell's 'Animal Farm' and '1984', and Huxley's 'Brave New World'.

It was really like our English teacher hated life or something. But for the record, I thought Harte's was the best story (and shortest) of the bunch. We were at least spared 'Lord of the Flies' for a year.
 
2010-04-20 11:46:26 PM  
I've read both Pride and Prejudice versions-with and without zombies.
The one without...
I want to quote that old Bob Dylan tune On The Road Again to the two elder sisters Jane and Elizabeth:
"Honey, how come you don't MOVE?!"

The one with zombies had amusing illustrations...and I did enjoy the bit where Elizabeth kicks Darcy's ass all over the room after that extremely insulting marriage proposal.

Gotta confess I read P&P mostly so I could enjoy the Thursday Next books better...the more background you have with 'the classics', the funnier they are.

Specially enjoyed the joke equating Shakespeare's Richard III on a cult-classic level with the Rocky Horror Picture Show...(ie., is performed every weekend, audience participation (they know all the lines), appropriate garb...etc.)
 
2010-04-20 11:47:37 PM  
This list is bullsh*it. Where is Joan Collins classic "My Friends Secrets: Conversations With My Friends About Beauty, Health and Happiness?"

/Hemmingway, hack
//Twain, ran that Sawyer/Finn thing in the ground
///Frost, "Good Fences Make Good Neighbors." Goddamn right they do. Those fences have prevented my Pitt Bulls from mauling the neighbors grandkids.
 
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