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(Whatever Dude)   The entertaining stupidity of "Road House." (Not safe for work)   ( divider line
    More: Cool  
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28721 clicks; posted to Main » on 07 May 2003 at 10:04 PM (14 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

104 Comments     (+0 »)

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2003-05-07 08:46:39 PM  
If I recall it had some nice boobie shots, and a guys throat got ripped out with some sort of ninja move. That makes it a winner in my book.
2003-05-07 10:09:27 PM  
Hey I also like movies with boobie shots and ninjas. We should party.
2003-05-07 10:10:16 PM  
Road House inspired the best Christmas song of all time: "Let's have a Patrick Swayze Christmas"
2003-05-07 10:12:20 PM  
Boobies and ninjas, that's all a movie needs.
2003-05-07 10:13:08 PM  
boobies, ninjas, and ALF
2003-05-07 10:13:16 PM  
I'm guessing Joe Bob Briggs probably loved this movie. Swayze-Fu.
2003-05-07 10:14:46 PM  
I ain't gonna lie. Anytime this flick is on USA or TNT, I end up watching it despite the censored boobies.........
2003-05-07 10:15:13 PM  
ummm if this person thought the movie wasn't so great, why did they devote webpages to the synopsis (sp?)of it?
2003-05-07 10:17:29 PM  
From this article, cometh the truth.
2003-05-07 10:20:52 PM  
"Road House is the single finest American film. Surely, it stinks, but I believe the filmmakers meant it to, and succeeded grandly."

--Mike Nelson
2003-05-07 10:21:22 PM  
yeah.. well its got a legend in it so. Its still ok for me to watch.

[image from too old to be available]
2003-05-07 10:26:47 PM  
And the wheels of misfortune roll inexorably onward.

Which is to say, ---------- I fell asleep half way through that tripe.
2003-05-07 10:26:53 PM  
I saw Swayze once walking down the street when he was filming some bow-hunting movie in Chicago. The only movie I saw him in was Ghost. And I don't remember it very well.
2003-05-07 10:27:02 PM  
The movie makes a great Cheezathon evening when shown back to back with Swayze's other masterpiece, Point Break.

"Pain don't hurt."
2003-05-07 10:28:57 PM  
As I wrote in Maxim a few months back,
"I used to fark guys like you in prison"
is an amazing line that can help you in countless day to day situation as well as add a cache of mystery to your personae.

Example #1: You are in line at the grocery store. Suddenly someone with more than 8 items cuts in front of you at express line.
What do you do?
Just lean over and say in a firm and steady voice "I used to fark guys like you in prison". Be sure to maintain eye contact. Not only will he get out of your way but he may pay for your groceries.

Example #2: You're trying to return an item to a store and you have no receipt, no box, and frankly didn't even buy it there. The gimp and customer service is refusing to give you a cash refund? What do you do? Just lean over and say in a firm and steady voice "I used to fark guys like you in prison". Be sure to maintain eye contact. 9 times out of 10 you will not only get a refund but you may also get to keep the product you came in with.

Example #3: Just before the end of work on Friday your boss e-mails you and asks you to do a meaningless project that he knew about for months but let sit on his until the day before it was due. How do you reply? Simply type "I used to fark guys like you in prison" and go home and enjoy the weekend.

These are just a few example of the myriad ways this useful phrase can be used in everyday life. It can also work wonders during job interviews and at the DMV, and if used as a greeting on your office voice mail hilarity will surely ensue.
2003-05-07 10:34:29 PM  
However, I should add that rape, prison and otherwise, is a bad thing and I don't endorse it.
I even think that PUNK'D on MTV should change its name.
2003-05-07 10:35:03 PM  
Ovenall: You would be thinking of Next of Kin, another Swazye crapfest that ranks right up there with Roadhouse. I saw that when it was released but I couldn't tell you any details now if my life depended on it. I do remember it sucked donkey balls.
2003-05-07 10:35:30 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
2003-05-07 10:36:45 PM  
Its not rape, its surprise sex.
2003-05-07 10:39:02 PM  
This guy is a farking idiot. Aside from the story of the movie ie outside the bar. The portryal of Dalton being brought in to clean house is pretty accurate although exgaratted. RoadHouse is American film noir. I also agree w/ Jeho. Jeff Healy is a master at the craft of RoadHouse blues
2003-05-07 10:41:34 PM  
you know Goatboy, I think my lawyers are going to use that argument in court next week.
2003-05-07 10:47:27 PM  
Lucky_Day Good luck mate! If you want my sworn testimony she was a ho and askin for it, I am happy to oblige...

On topic:
Road House rawks. That review is damn funny.
2003-05-07 10:52:41 PM  
Gayboynj:"I used to fark guys like you in prison".

Good line, but dangerous in the following situations:

1. When speaking to a judge.
2. At gay S&M bars.
3. During traffic stops.
4. Job interviews
5. Political debates.
6. Meeting your future father in law.
7. Speaking to a member of the clergy (unless catholic).
8. Prison.
2003-05-07 10:54:07 PM  
(Let's Have) A Patrick Swayze Christmas
- By Crow T. Robot

12/8 time, key of A-flat major

"Open up your heart
And let the Patrick Swayze in.
We'll gather at the Road-House
With our next of kin!

And Santa can be a reg-u-lar Saturday night thing
We'll decorate a bar stool
And gather 'round and sing!


Let's have a Patrick Swayze Christ-mas this year!
Or we'll tear your throat out, and kick you in the ear!


It's my way or the highway,
This Christmas in my ba-ha-har.
I'll have to smash your knee-caps if
You bastards touch my car!

I got the word that Santa has been stealing from the till.
I think it's time that jolly old elf bet-ter make out his will!


Let's have a Patrick Swayze Christmas, one and all!

And it will be the haz-i-est!

It will be the laz-i-est!

It will be the Sway-zi-est,
Of them,
2003-05-07 10:54:09 PM  
Left Boot.
2003-05-07 10:54:17 PM  
How do I get the avocado out of my sushi (teriaki chicken) without making a mess of it?
2003-05-07 10:56:44 PM  
Watching the demure Patrick Swazey and the ancient Kris Kristofferson kick so much ass was a little unbelievable.
2003-05-07 10:57:16 PM  
Road House had all the gritty realism that you would expect from a movie that's about a bouncer at some redneck Shiathole in the middle of East Hell, yet still drives a $60,000 car. Because those guys are making BIG money.

2003-05-07 10:57:37 PM  
or Swayze
2003-05-07 11:01:31 PM  
it was sam elliott actually.

it was still unbelievable. but what do you expect out of hollywood?
2003-05-07 11:01:32 PM  
The Man From Mars Dear god why? Leave the avocado in the sushi! That is like taking beetroot of off a hamburger. Just plain wrong.

On topic:
Anyone seen Blackdog? That was also good. Also what the name of the Swayze film were they kidnap his wife as they are driving accross country. Or is that every Swayze film?
2003-05-07 11:03:30 PM  
Wow, this person really has a bug up there ass about 90210.
2003-05-07 11:06:02 PM  
He got the money for the car working the big time clubs in NYC. They should make a sequel where "Dalton" goes back and has to take on some rap entourages.
2003-05-07 11:06:08 PM  
Far fetched, stupid, and cliched at times? sure. Worth watching..ya bet. I manage to watch it about once every couple of years. Mindless entertainment can sometimes be the best.
2003-05-07 11:06:11 PM  
2003-05-07 11:06:32 PM  
This movie is so bad you have to watch it. I read that in a review somewhere and I think it nailed it.

The chick in the bar dance scene is trailer-park-no-air-conditioning-hot. Fake hair, real boobs?, who cares anyway she is hot.

Karate, bars, chicks, good(?)vs. evil, oh yeah.

Great review.
2003-05-07 11:06:53 PM  
I cant believe no one mentioned the most important rule when getting drunk in a roadhouse..."Dont eat the pink mint"
2003-05-07 11:12:07 PM  
I thought you'd be taller.
2003-05-07 11:13:41 PM  
Greatest line from Roadhouse,

"I'm going to make you my new Saturday night thing."

It was upsetting when Tom Servo said it...
2003-05-07 11:16:32 PM  
was a bouncer in college.. Road House sure made it look glamorous


2003-05-07 11:16:36 PM  
I'm really getting tired of every website toad with a functioning keyboard making fun of movies. Its so 2000. Roadhouse is great. For the love of god. If you can't just have fun watchin' it, then I feel sorry for you, really.

Go watch some pretentious "classy" piece of trash.
2003-05-07 11:17:52 PM  


What was wrong with Road House ? Forget Swayze, Iiked it for Kelly Lynch, even though you did not see her boobies. I would walk 500 miles, and I would walk 500 more, just to be the man who walked 1,000 miles to fall down at her door.

[image from too old to be available]

2003-05-07 11:19:12 PM  
TommyymmoT- Actually it works really well in #2
2003-05-07 11:20:51 PM  
No, I am sorry GoatBoy but sticking the vegetable equivalent of a knob of butter in sushi... is wrong.

Now I have a hankering for burgers... might pick up some lamb mince on the way home an make spicy lamb and mint burgers for tea...
2003-05-07 11:28:38 PM  
The Man From Mars Big difference between avocado and butter. Avocado is good fat, butter bad. You have any sushiatrain places near you? You sit down and they have a conveyer belt going past you and you pick off the fresh sushi you want. Great place. Be sure to have beetroot on the burger and a beer with it.

On topic:
Kurt Russell is the thinking mans Patrick Swayze e.g. Roadhouse vs. Soldier
2003-05-07 11:30:06 PM  
YAY Ben Gazzara!
2003-05-07 11:30:15 PM  
sushiatrain = sushiatrain

Stupid fat fingers!
2003-05-07 11:31:17 PM  
I'm sorry, but Patrick Swayze's career only produced one moment of glory, one sheer shining moment of transcendent cinematic splendor. And that called Red Dawn.

and fortunately, this web site reviews it too! Rad!
2003-05-07 11:31:44 PM  
Kurt Russell makes me think... a lot!
2003-05-07 11:34:42 PM  
Nurse, to Swayze: "I see from your medical chart that you have a philsophy degree from NYU..."

W. T. F.

Since when do they publish your academic credits in your medical chart. Swayze at NYU? In the Philosophy Dept?? So many things wrong with that sentence...
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