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DON'T: Stick your hand into a running lawnmower. DO: check out Drew's writeup and some of Fark's favorite headlines for 3/28 - 4/3
Posted by Drew at 2010-04-06 12:09:14 PM (48 comments) | Permalink
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7548 clicks; posted to Main » on 06 Apr 2010 at 2:00 PM (3 years ago) | | share: more»
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We're moving into the Spring news cycle now, which means it's time for the following Not News features to rear their heads:
- OH MY GOD IT'S A THUNDERSTORM: we've already had a few here in Kentucky, but we haven't had Spring's first local media tornado freakout yet. Always happens the first time, but by June -- after the 20th time or so -- local media is considerably less enthusiastic about them.
- GAS WILL BE $100 A GALLON BY MEMORIAL DAY: saw this one go by this morning, we stuck it in the Business tab, though, because it's pretty much what we all assumed anyhow.
- Kids wearing duct tape prom dresses. Same as every year, just skip this
- Lawn Mower Safety: yes, one full month after southerners started mowing their lawns an annual report on lawn mower safety makes the rounds. It includes such gems as not sticking your hand in the mower while it's on and... actually that's the main thing. The article/press release also implies that drinking beer while mowing makes you more likely to stick your hand in a running mower. I drink a lot and I've never been that drunk.
Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2010-03-28 to Sat 2010-04-03:
Woman says she was raped at an ATM. We're all tired of all those fees
Workers injured after a three-story building being converted to a four-story building suddenly became a one-story building
Cigarettes may contain pig blood. Just what we need: the entire Middle East to go cold turkey all at once
Three legged sled dog seeks respect... and the man who killed his paw
Iranian nuclear scientist defects to the United States, has already provided valuable information on which version of Photoshop Iran is using
Acupuncture may make dentist appointments less stressful, enable patients to transcend dental medication
Pope sees sex scandal as a test, which explains all the cramming going on in the priesthood
Six-year-old twins caught smuggling cocaine in underwear. That's some first grade blow
Elton John, who has apparently never seen a single episode of Scooby Doo, announces he's going ahead with his concert in the Mayan ruins despite mysterious disasters befalling the set and outraged locals
Cops chase ambulance stolen from hospital. Personal injury lawyers confused
Kids in Easter egg hunt find dead body. Strangely, it disappeared two days later
Golden State Warriors outscore the L.A. Clippers in the paint, which comes as no surprise to Patrick Tribett
With leading scorer Wayne Rooney (34) out 2-4 weeks with an ankle sprain, Man Utd's title hopes now rest with the club's second- and third-leading scorers, the somnambulistic Dimitar Berbatov (12) and surprising newcomer Own Goal (11)
Orioles acquire Julio Lugo. Will overpay him the league minimum
Expert warns undersea volcano could destroy Italy 'as soon as tomorrow'. Volcano: "No, no, I lava this country"
New law would create an internet 'kill switch', so that the President could turn off the internet in case of
Japanese rape video game sparks controversy, outrage, curiosity, rape
Supermodel Kate Moss is set to make her stage debut in a Shakespeare play. Inexplicably, she will not be playing the part of Hamlet's fencing sword
Michael Jackson bodyguard fired. And not a moment too soon
Christian Bale seeks US citizenship. OHHHHHH, GOOD FOR *YOU*
Lawmakers vote to deny former Gov. Rod Blagojevich an official portrait, finally laying to rest any claims that he was being framed
Israeli lobby having a hard time getting their new dog to sit, roll over, or stop his infernal yapping
Republicans block flood insurance program extension, cutting off assistance to Northeast US flooding victims. JIM BOEHNER DOESN'T CARE ABOUT WET PEOPLE
Members of Rush are inducted into the Canadian Songwriters Hall Of Fame. Which is kind of like being named Hottest Girl at a Star Trek Convention
Jack Johnson announces details of his new albzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Three workers hurt in Elton John stage collapse. In related news, I'm still standing
How the iPad will change mobile business computing. Well, it'll be easier to spot the douchebags
So we finally get to see what The Fed bought from Bear Stearns in 2008. What'd we get? Crap. Crap. Crap. A tote bag. Crap. Crap. Polo shirt. Crap. And more crap
Employers added most jobs in three years in March. I guess somebody's gotta staff all those death panels
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