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(Chicago Sun-Times)   'I know I was intended to be terrified by the release of the Kraken, but all I could think of was [Conan] O'Brien shouting "Release the bear" and then some guy in a bear suit runs out and sits on the lap of a guest.'   (rogerebert.suntimes.com) divider line 93
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7043 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 05 Apr 2010 at 2:50 AM (4 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2010-04-05 12:12:09 AM
Ebert's a smart and educated guy, but his grasp of Greek mythology is woefully lacking.
 
2010-04-05 12:40:27 AM
Explain to kids that the movie was not filmed in 3-D and is only being shown in 3-D in order to charge you an extra $5 a ticket.

I'm glad Ebert is blunt enough to point it out.
 
2010-04-05 12:58:19 AM
fta Zeus, it should be explained, disguised himself as the husband of Perseus' mother and stole into her bedchamber to father the boy. So he is a rapist. Just sayin'.

Roger Ebert could write the weather report and make me laugh.
 
2010-04-05 01:17:16 AM
Zeus came upon her in a shower of golden rain which fell in her lap, and she bore a son named Perseus.

fricking golden showers
 
2010-04-05 01:20:20 AM
Why do people always blame the movie for an issue that's in their own head? It's not the movies fault when you make that association.
 
2010-04-05 02:56:15 AM
Alacritous: Why do people always blame the movie for an issue that's in their own head? It's not the movies fault when you make that association.

He gave the movie three stars, so it's more of a humorous anecdote than a serious criticism.
 
2010-04-05 02:57:11 AM
The movie was good, the scene with Liam Neeson was somewhat out of context in the commercial. I don't want to say more and reveal things to whoever hasn't seen it yet, but it's quite a bit different and less cheesy than the 1981 release.
 
2010-04-05 03:13:58 AM
Roger Ebert takes so much flak for his frequent positive reviews for movies like this one, but I think its undeserved. While is fellow critics are all panning it for having no message, no acting, and a light story, Ebert is chuckling (in his head anyway) at the silliness and creativity of it all. I saw this movie's ratings on rottentomatoes (somewhere in the teens) and I'm still going to watch it, because move critics don't know what they're talking about with a movie like this one.

Then again, "An Education" has a 94% rating on RT, and it was one of the most boring movies I've ever watched. The whole thing could have been chopped to 30 minutes and delivered the same emotional impact (the acting is great) and story. The other hour+ of the movie is artistic wankery. So maybe most critics are just into artistic wankery. Most of my favorite recent movies have a 50-70% on RT.
 
2010-04-05 03:15:54 AM
'I know I was intended to be terrified by the release of the Kraken, but all I could think of was [Conan] O'Brien shouting "Release the bear from the cage" and then some guy in a bear suit runs out and sits on the lap of slaps a guest.
 
2010-04-05 03:22:48 AM
I'm just tired of movie reviewers having to explain every plot point in the movie before they can tell you whether it was good or not. Imagine having the conversation:

It was bad.
Why?
*ENTIRE MOVIE EXPLAINED IN DETAIL*

//got lazy
 
2010-04-05 03:29:24 AM
Is it just me or does ebert use more...."internet speak" since his jaw was whacked off?
 
2010-04-05 04:02:08 AM
log_jammin: Is it just me or does ebert use more...."internet speak" since his jaw was whacked off?

Such as?
 
2010-04-05 04:02:57 AM
I like Ebert as much as the next guy -- I really do -- but is there some new rule that states that there has to be a link to every thing he writes, including tweets?
 
2010-04-05 04:11:54 AM
Ebert remembers you have to take movies on their own terms. He knows Clash of the Titans is meant as nothing but a device to get from one battle to another. And he's fine with that, unlike most critics.

/the Chicago Tribune has a film critic who is the anti-Ebert, he's the whiniest biatch ever
 
2010-04-05 04:14:43 AM
100 Watt Walrus: Such as?

Hard to explain. "just sayin" popped out at me in this particular review. Maybe it just his over all level of snarkyness and tone more than memes and catchphrases. that and him mentioning reading an article at somethingawful on his blog.

I don't know, but If he posted here, I think he would fit right in and no one would be the wiser.
 
2010-04-05 04:45:12 AM
log_jammin: I don't know, but If he posted here, I think he would fit right in and no one would be the wiser.

Though I suspect the politics tab would involve a lot more "oh snap!" posts ;)
 
2010-04-05 04:48:52 AM
log_jammin: 100 Watt Walrus: Such as?

Hard to explain. "just sayin" popped out at me in this particular review. Maybe it just his over all level of snarkyness and tone more than memes and catchphrases. that and him mentioning reading an article at somethingawful on his blog.

I don't know, but If he posted here, I think he would fit right in and no one would be the wiser.


Well, he did become intensely involved with his blog as a result of his speech impediment, so it stands to reason it rubbed off on him.

/Tony Rocky Horror would be proud
 
2010-04-05 04:57:29 AM
MexicanNerd: Well, he did become intensely involved with his blog as a result of his speech impediment, so it stands to reason it rubbed off on him.

That's kind of what I was thinking.

WhyteRaven74: Though I suspect the politics tab would involve a lot more "oh snap!" posts ;)

no doubt.
 
2010-04-05 05:05:07 AM
log_jammin: Hard to explain. "just sayin" popped out at me in this particular review. Maybe it just his over all level of snarkyness and tone more than memes and catchphrases. that and him mentioning reading an article at somethingawful on his blog.

I don't know, but If he posted here, I think he would fit right in and no one would be the wiser.


Is it really a bad thing then if he speaks the same language as millions of Americans?
 
2010-04-05 05:17:34 AM
davidphogan: Is it really a bad thing then if he speaks the same language as millions of Americans?

didn't say it was. I was just asking if anyone else noticed the same thing or if it was just me.
 
2010-04-05 05:36:59 AM
Just popping in to remind everybody that I hate Roger Ebert.
 
2010-04-05 05:45:10 AM
hmmm... he forgot the "©" on "Standard Regulation Macho-Length Stubble"

/I love Ebert
 
2010-04-05 06:38:26 AM
Ebert is one of the few reviewers who understands that not every movie is out to be an Oscar contender or summer blockbuster. While I don't agree with all of his reviews, he does hit the nail on the head with quite a large number of them.
 
j68
2010-04-05 06:39:48 AM
The Stygian Witches used Ebert's lower jawbone for a tasty soup.
 
2010-04-05 06:53:23 AM
You know, I know that the original 81 version wasn't totally 100% true to the original myth. However, couldn't the writers of the new one at least used it a little bit? It's not like it was a bad enough story that needed a total reboot. Hold one while I itemize my problems w/ the story and art direction which I found so totally distracting that I couldn't even enjoy it:

- an American Bald Eagle
- Zues turning into said Eagle throughout the movie
- full length European style armor that looked to have been borrowed from the wardrobe of Excalibur and spiffed up to be shinier
- Perseus throughout the movie "AUGH! I WILL KILL THE GODS!" really?
- the non-Andromeda love interest
- said love interest's mini dress
- scorpion hide that's apparently so strong and so tough yet a bola can still rip right through
- Medusa was way too hot
- WTF was w/ Perseus' birth/origin story? Basically another something that was ripped off from Excalibur
- To top it all off the battle sequences were woefully anticlimactic

Really if Michael Bay were to make a period piece it would probably look like this. Only w/ more Bald Eagles. And more glorious explosions somehow.

/Oh the nerd rage I felt when walking out of that theater
 
2010-04-05 07:05:10 AM
Movie critics these days are only responding to the type of audience. They aren't lofty intellectuals.... they're people who couldn't do anything else in their field ("art"), so they become critics of other people's work.

Every now and again you get established ones like Ebert, who have generally more to say that is significant.... but for the most part, any critical article you read is bunk anyway. Written by someone who did passably well in their criticism course in college, or never even took a criticism course in college.
 
2010-04-05 07:27:36 AM
Ladnil -- "An Education" has a 94% rating on RT, and it was one of the most boring movies I've ever watched.

Come now, any film featuring the acting chops of Peter Jarlsberg, Doc Oc, Ken Branagh's Cast Off, and Young Actress You Never Heard of Before which won several runner up awards at the Beirut Film Festival (and took home the Hamas Del Oro) is most definitely a truly gripping film experience.

/hated An Education
//wants my money back
 
2010-04-05 07:45:02 AM
That movie was a complete turd.
 
2010-04-05 07:49:01 AM
Are there still "Professional" movie critics?

It's 2010, can we stop pretending that experts exist now? Please? :)
 
2010-04-05 07:49:41 AM
Roger Ebert has gotten a lot better in recent years -- more amusing, snarkier, average guy-like -- and it's reflected in his reviews and Twitter posts. Maybe it's because he's faced death straight-on and come away with some characteristic "battle scars," but I like the new Ebert that just doesn't give a fark.
 
2010-04-05 07:59:19 AM
Saw it yesterday (in 2-D [didn't think seeing it in 3-D would make it better]). The action was pretty intense but the plot was terrible. If you had not seen the original or knew anything of Greek mythology, you would be lost.

That being said, the 1981 version won out as it actually had a plot.

This movie will tank next week. Hopefully, the trend to convert movies from 2-D to 3-D will pass.


3 Stars? Too generous for me.

/appreciated the nod to Harryhausen with the cameo appearance by the gold Bubo.
 
2010-04-05 08:47:21 AM
EchoMike: Roger Ebert has gotten a lot better in recent years -- more amusing, snarkier, average guy-like -- and it's reflected in his reviews and Twitter posts. Maybe it's because he's faced death straight-on and come away with some characteristic "battle scars," but I like the new Ebert that just doesn't give a fark.

His twitter feed is hysterical. I especially like the irony of him posting food and everybody commenting on it, especially when vegetarians start commenting that his diet is atrocious and the fools are completely so self-centered they realize that HE CAN'T EAT ANYMORE.
 
2010-04-05 09:12:40 AM
Kurmudgeon: The movie was good, the scene with Liam Neeson was somewhat out of context in the commercial. I don't want to say more and reveal things to whoever hasn't seen it yet, but it's quite a bit different and less cheesy than the 1981 release.

And not nearly as good in many way too. (Saw them both this weekend, the new one at a Thursday midnight showing with my 12 yr old and them we watched the original on netflix the next day)

The 81 film may have had the straightforward "hero falls in love with princess, hero goes on quest to save princess" plot, but at least that was comprehensible.

This new one's plot was "muddled" to put it kindly. We never really understand why the people of Argos decide to make war on the gods, so they come across looking like dicks bascially. And while Perus' motivation for helping them is pretty clear, his own internal stuggle to rejct his divine nature and the advantages it gives him, is suddenly thrown away in the last 15 minutes of the movie for no apparent reason. And Donm't get me started on the Djinn who seeming existed just so the CGI budget would be bigger, and Io the immortal mother figure who rather creepily becomes his main love interest at the end of the film.
 
2010-04-05 09:14:23 AM
Mustakrakish,
Mustakrakish,

The time has come, to awaken him.

I call upon the ancient lords of the underworld,
To bring forth this beast and,

Awaken, awaken, awaken, awaken,
Take the land, that must be taken.
Awaken, awaken, awaken, awaken,
Devour worlds, smite forsaken

Rise up from your thousandth year of sleep,
Break forth from your grave eternally.

I command you to rise, rise, rise, rise,
rise, rise, rise, rise.

I'm the conjurer of demons,
I'm the father of your death.

I bring forth the ancient evil,
I control his every breath.

I instigate your misfortune,
With the birth of killing trolls.

I awaken armageddon,
Feeding on a thousand souls.

Awaken,
Awaken,
Awaken,
Awaken,

[Solo]

Mustakrakish, (musta)
Mustakrakish, (musta)
Mustakrakish, (musta)
Mustakrakish, (musta),

Mustakrakish, (musta)
Mustakrakish, (musta)
Mustakrakish, (musta)
Mustakrakish, (musta)

Awaken, awaken, awaken, awaken,
Take the land, that must be taken.
Awaken, awaken, awaken, awaken,
Devour worlds, smite forsaken

Rise up from your thousandth year of sleep,
Break forth from your grave eternally.

We will die and then we'll all be burned
Mustakrakish king and death to worlds.

I command you to
Rise, rise, rise, rise, rise, rise, rise, rise,
Rise, rise, rise, rise, rise, rise, rise, rise,
And awaken.
 
2010-04-05 09:15:57 AM
www.newkadia.com

RELEASE THE CRACKY!

www.thesunblog.com

RELEASE THE CRACKWHORE!


/hot
 
2010-04-05 09:26:29 AM
EchoMike: Roger Ebert has gotten a lot better in recent years -- more amusing, snarkier, average guy-like -- and it's reflected in his reviews and Twitter posts. Maybe it's because he's faced death straight-on and come away with some characteristic "battle scars," but I like the new Ebert that just doesn't give a fark.

I think it's also that he's become a fully naturalized citizen of the blogosphere.

He's frequently said that he likes how online he's not disabled. On the internet, he has the same voice as you or me. You have no idea whether I have a jaw or not, but we're having this conversation. He's probably crammed a lifetime of blogging into these last few years because of that - he gets to be just another guy online, instead of Roger Ebert, the Dying Freak who Speaks Through a Box.

And the conversation is a fair bit snarkier and more acidic in the blogosphere than in the rest of the world. Here, you're expected to have some thick skin, and you can say something horrible about just about anybody if you make it funny enough. Sometimes I read his stuff and really wonder what his Fark handle is - or if he's a Digger or what. Because that voice does not come from somebody who surfs yahoo.com all day.
 
2010-04-05 09:36:07 AM
Kurmudgeon 2010-04-05 02:57:11 AM
The movie was good, the scene with Liam Neeson was somewhat out of context in the commercial. I don't want to say more and reveal things to whoever hasn't seen it yet, but it's quite a bit different and less cheesy than the 1981 release.

No. You couldn't be more wrong. The original had characters you actually cared about. Yes it was cheesy, but in a really fun way. This movie was utter crap. It had only three redeeming things. Liam Neeson saying "Release the Kraken", Ralph Fiennes being awesome, and Pegasus looked amazing.
*spoilers for anyone who cares*


Perseus is a douchebag the entire movie. I mean he's a real dick. Oh boohoo your parents and sister were killed. Shut the fark up and take your damn gifts from the gods.
They rode the scorpions? What the utter fark crap was that? Those weird Gi or whatever they were called "people"? What the fark? The taking of Medusa's head in the original was suspensful and actually scary. In the remake it was laughable.
The Kraken showing up was boring and he looked like the monster from Cloverfield.
Don't even get me started on the fact that Perseus and Andromeda don't even end up together at the end.

Terrible movie. BUT.. my 12yr old nephew loved it because as he said "I came for the fight scenes and a big monster destroying things." So there is that. If you don't care about plot, character development or anything that actually makes sense, then it's the movie for you.

It was worse than both Transformers movies.
 
2010-04-05 09:40:03 AM
SouthernManDunWrong: This movie will tank next week. Hopefully, the trend to convert movies from 2-D to 3-D will pass.

Not likely. It's a sure fire way to battle pirated home viewing.
 
2010-04-05 09:40:15 AM
i've become more fond of ebert lately. is he still ill? i hope not, as i wish to read more of his reviews in the future.
 
2010-04-05 09:45:59 AM
1.bp.blogspot.com

Release the Cracken!

/Norge mythology FTW
 
2010-04-05 09:52:12 AM
SouthernManDunWrong: the cameo appearance by the gold Bubo.

my problem with this is that the cameo amounted to basically a symbolic way of saying "We're not going the route of the original film. This Clash of The Titans is Serious Business!", as if anyone really hated the original or even Bubo.


the movie wasn't bad, but not particularly memorable. It was obvious it went through some rewrites.
 
2010-04-05 09:55:05 AM
RockIsDead: SouthernManDunWrong: This movie will tank next week. Hopefully, the trend to convert movies from 2-D to 3-D will pass.

Not likely. It's a sure fire way to battle pirated home viewing.


...hardly. They still show them in 2-D in more theaters than 3-D.

it's a stupid, horrible fad.
 
2010-04-05 10:03:16 AM
Everything looked better in the original. Not the FX of course but the designs, especially the Kraken. And why did Pegasus have to be black? To they have to urbanize everything these days?
 
2010-04-05 10:10:03 AM
Okay just in case a few of you didn't get it yet, this movie is TERRIBAD. And this comes from someone who loves to watch bad movies. This movie just bad in the lazy writing, zero plot, infinite continuity problems bad. On top of that the action scenes are few and far between and the scene with the Kracken is over in under 5 minutes with almost no battle whatsoever.

My favorite parts of the movie and I'm paraphrasing.

*Magic sword appears with animal sounds to sifnify it, Perseus finds clearly magical sword*
"Where did this come from?"
"Don't worry about it." - Epic because it answers the audience in the most lazy way possible.

Zeus to Perseus at the end of the movie "I can't have you being alone."
*poof* magically dead girl we're supposed to believe Perseus loves comes back to life to live happily ever after. (this actually ruins the one part where you might start to feel actual emotion, when this girl dies)

Perseus' speech to the "Redshirts" as I call them right before they go fight the medusa. It was almost a Deep Blue Sea moment in that you knew no matter how good the speech was (it was horrible), that all those guys were definitely going to die to the medusa as fodder for Perseus.
 
2010-04-05 10:13:27 AM
Pucca: It was worse than both Transformers movies.

Hey hey hey now. It wasn't THAT bad.
 
2010-04-05 10:13:43 AM
Mugato: Everything looked better in the original. Not the FX of course but the designs, especially the Kraken. And why did Pegasus have to be black? To they have to urbanize everything these days?

Pegasus...based on the novel Push by Sapphire....
 
2010-04-05 10:14:49 AM
This movie was terrible.

1. It is one thing to rebel against 'The Gods' when they are some abstract concept that seems far and away. It's another thing to rebel against the gods when you know for damned sure they exist, and they kicked the ass of everyone who has ever tried in the past in the most horrific ways possible.

Then when they literally walk among you, show absolutely ZERO weakness and basically can wipe out your armies without a thought, YOU CONTINUE with your cunning plan?

Again, the Argos people just seemed like dicks as a previous poster mentioned.

2. Zeus actively helps a person whom Zeus stated he didn't care for and this person is literally trying to stop what Zeus is doing.

You can't claim that Zeus was doing it to avoid losing face before the other Gods, since they were against this plan in the first place, and when Zeus actually goes forward with the plan he had already dismissed the other Gods.

3. Perseus is an idiot, a dick, and generally not that great of a character. Ok, so you reject the gods... and you won't take their gifts, until you do.

4. Yeah I'm sure that the city of Argos has no problem whatsoever with you riding a giant scorpion the size of a building right into the square for no purpose.

5. The Kraken is a scary beast, but what if he was ON FIRE! (Basically, let the damned Kraken be a good enemy without having to add in the demonbat car chase scene with Hades)

6. Why was Medusa in the Underworld?

7. Hint: The audience doesn't care about characters that you never introduce or build up. Perseus had 4 companions: Io, Generic Soldier NPCs, grizzled Sgt NPC, and Comic relief NPCs.

8. Zeus as Abrahamic God and Hades as Satan is a bad idea. So when Perseus gets to the end and we have that whole father-son thing going on, it's all a little creepier when you think that Perseus' father raped his mother and knew that she would likely be killed because of it.

"I'm so proud of you son... You have earned your place among the Gods, I only wish your mother were here to see it, it's a shame she died after I raped her to punish her husband"
 
2010-04-05 10:17:55 AM
EchoMike: Roger Ebert has gotten a lot better in recent years -- more amusing, snarkier, average guy-like -- and it's reflected in his reviews and Twitter posts. Maybe it's because he's faced death straight-on and come away with some characteristic "battle scars," but I like the new Ebert that just doesn't give a fark.

I'd bet that this is the case. I had cancer 3 years ago, and have a much different outlook on life now.
 
2010-04-05 10:20:43 AM
TheWizard: 6. Why was Medusa in the Underworld?

She was in the underworld in 81 version. They directed it in that Hades is an otherworld, much like how the Greeks believed it was and Medusa lived in this world as one of its monsters. You're absolutely right in pointing out everything else, though. I must say the Medusa backstory w/ Athena pissed me off. A lot.

/Still can't get over Bald Eagle Zeus.
 
2010-04-05 10:23:31 AM
blogs.bet.com

Kraken is whacken!

/Hot
 
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