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(SacBee)   Lucy Gordon receives two jury duty summons. Lucy is a dog   ( divider line
    More: Amusing  
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6215 clicks; posted to Main » on 01 May 2003 at 2:08 PM (14 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

102 Comments     (+0 »)

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2003-05-01 11:06:03 AM  
Understanding that the names for potential jurors come from lists of public records, the only list the family could think of that Lucy appeared upon is as a purebred in the American Kennel Club 10 years ago, when she was puppy.

Yeah, right. Check the voter registration records. I'm betting that not only is the dog registered to vote, but it's a registered Democrat. Just a hunch.
2003-05-01 11:24:21 AM  
I suppose Lucy will now be hounded by the law. The County obviously has a bone to pick with her. Someone will definately be howling at this injustice.

/I got nothin'
2003-05-01 11:42:52 AM  
This Lucy is not a dog.
[image from too old to be available]
2003-05-01 12:14:19 PM  
my dog marcy got a credit card once. kind of like santos l. halper.
2003-05-01 12:25:46 PM  
Lucy looks smarter than a lot of people I've seen on juries.
2003-05-01 12:30:14 PM  
Hmmm.... GIS for "Dog Summons"

[image from too old to be available]
2003-05-01 01:12:08 PM  
Hey, given the brainpower of the morons who served as jurors at the OJ trial, I say it's time to give dogs shot at it. They couldn't do any worse. And we could save budget money spent on juror pay here in Sacramento County--I'm sure Lucy would be happy with a couple of Milk Bones.
2003-05-01 01:56:42 PM  
"How does the jury find the defendant?"

"Woof! Woof!"

"Two barks, guilty!"
2003-05-01 02:11:03 PM  
Now, now. No need to call her names.
2003-05-01 02:11:48 PM  
Sounds like they're barking up the wrong tree.
2003-05-01 02:12:25 PM  
Doesn't surpise me... my mother-in-laws dog has a credit card.

2003-05-01 02:12:54 PM  
"Holy CRAP I may next!"

[image from too old to be available]

Its the w0nky eyed pug everyone!
2003-05-01 02:12:58 PM  
Any chance Lucy is registered in Florida ?
2003-05-01 02:13:51 PM  

"Boys, you wouldn't believe it, but today in the mail I got a summons !"

[image from too old to be available]

2003-05-01 02:13:53 PM  
Lucy sounds like a real biatch.
2003-05-01 02:14:52 PM  
Screw'm. It's their mistake, let them come to her house to see that Lucy is in fact a dog.
2003-05-01 02:17:51 PM  
"Pardon me, 'Santos', if that is your real name, Bart Simpson, but your phony credit card s no good here, now make like my pants, and split."

/comic book guy
2003-05-01 02:18:36 PM  
"Good Grief"

[image from too old to be available]
2003-05-01 02:18:52 PM  
Lucy's mother should get her ass kicked for making the dog live in a doghouse. Why do people have dogs if they aren't going to keep them inside? Idiots.
2003-05-01 02:19:17 PM  
My dog has gotten a lot of stuff in the mail, maybe I shouldn't have named her "Resident".
2003-05-01 02:19:41 PM  
why even take the time to call and explain lucy's a dog? two scenarios: 1) cops come to get lucy find out its a dog and government does the paperwork itself. 2) cops come and take lucy people sue government for psychological damage and sign million dollar book contract.
i treat jury mail like any other spam. DELETED
2003-05-01 02:22:20 PM  
it's a plot by the Republicans. First they made it so the Supreme Court wouldn't speak out against their erosions on civil liberties. Now, they're getting to the local levels.

*throws a match onto puddle of gasoline*
2003-05-01 02:22:26 PM  
I just got a summons for grand jury duty. I have got to find a way get out of it. Grand jury duty is monday through friday, 9 to 5, for FOUR WEEKS - or longer! I can't miss work for four weeks! Let some layabout housefrau with nothing better to do serve on a grand jury. Or some loser that works at a 7-eleven.
2003-05-01 02:22:33 PM  
If the dog can "sit"
you must acquit!
2003-05-01 02:24:33 PM  
This woman cares way too much.
I would have tried ONCE to explain that it's a DOG.
After that I would have just ignored them.
If the cops come, they can see she's a dog.
Why waste the energy on idiots?
2003-05-01 02:25:48 PM  
Vote Ubu, vote. Good dog.
2003-05-01 02:26:37 PM  
Nice pic. Which one's Lucy the dog?
2003-05-01 02:26:43 PM  
Dont' you have to be registered to vote to get jury duty. Oh this took place in California, nevermind. (Could have only happened there or Florida)
2003-05-01 02:27:51 PM  
If Lucy ignores one more summons, they'll throw her in the pound.

2003-05-01 02:28:18 PM  
Now, jury duty is a civic duty, and everyone should go if they're summoned, blah blah patriotic blah blah fair trial blah.

Having said that, when they ask you if you think you can be objective, look reeeeeeaaal hard at the defendant, and say, "well, son, you look damn guilty to me". End of problem.
2003-05-01 02:28:19 PM  
Cliff_Yablonski: Why do you think that most jurors are morons (or college students)? My firm's policy on jury duty is for us to do everything in our power to get out of it and get back to the office ASAP. Pretty shiaty, but in most jobs you simply cannot be gone for four weeks. Although it's illegal for them to fire you, your career will still suffer. Stupid system really.
2003-05-01 02:29:15 PM  
"What's that Lucy? You say Timmy's been cooking up meth in the treehouse?"
2003-05-01 02:29:23 PM  
Lucy's mother should get her ass kicked for making the dog live in a doghouse.

Thank you for anthropomorphizing the dog. Lucy's mother is a dog, not a person. If it was up to Lucy's mother, Lucy would be running free and scrounging for food wherever she could find it. Sounds like a doghouse is a cushy life by comparison.
2003-05-01 02:31:17 PM  
"According to court officials, names of potential jurors come from county voter registration records and files from the Department of Motor Vehicles."

voter registration? someone find out if Lucy voted for Bush
2003-05-01 02:31:20 PM  
Oh, and advise on how to get out of it: racism is always key (helps if you know the race of the defendant first, but general racism will still turn them off). Say something to the tune of "I just bet it was one of them negroes, or perhaps one of them lazy mexicans." No fuss, no muss (I mean what is the chance you'll see any of those people again).
2003-05-01 02:31:22 PM  
Cliff-so you miss a few weeks of work. they still give you like $5 plus lunch every day, right?
2003-05-01 02:35:15 PM  
I was summoned a while back. As the panel was entering the room, the guy in front of me waved at the defendant. When the judge asked if anyone knew the defendant or any of the lawyers, this guy put his hand up. The judge asked him how he knew the defendant. The guy replied that they had the same parole officer. Exit, stage left.
2003-05-01 02:36:07 PM  
Have you ever tried to get out of jury duty? It's damn near impossible- and they forever hound you about it even after they accept your excuse.
2003-05-01 02:36:32 PM  
I believe some places pull potential jurors from drivers license lists.
2003-05-01 02:36:57 PM  
Can anyone recommend an alternative to Photoisland? I've been trying post a picture of a hot Lucy Lawless and I've just about had it with them
2003-05-01 02:37:41 PM  
A note, written in the text- message style popular with teenagers, brags of Lucy's criminal record.

It reads: "All u scallyz keep da wurk up. iv lost count ov court apps 4 GBH, ABH, robbery, theft, criminal damage and breach ov peace."
2003-05-01 02:37:47 PM  
Eh, just rip up the jurry summons and if they ask say you lost it in the mail. Works for me, i'm not missing school for that worthless shiat.
2003-05-01 02:38:54 PM  
"Would Juror Number 4 please quit humping the bailiff's leg!"
2003-05-01 02:43:08 PM  
I think PETA will be intersted in this...poor Lucy will surely suffer from lost wages.
2003-05-01 02:44:38 PM  
I got out of it twice. The first time, there was the valid excuse that I was attending college some 150 miles away. (Surprisngly, they didn't argue. Guess it wasn't that important.) The second time, the idiots didn't bother to check if I still lived at my parents. I didn't - I had lived 3 counties away for close to 2 years by that point. (And yes, had both my voter registration and driver license updated.)
2003-05-01 02:46:23 PM  
my time is worth a little more than 5 bucks a day plus lunch. plus I work for a very small company (<10 people), and losing the income I generate over the course of a month would be an economic hardship for them and therefore me. fark that, there are plenty of losers out there with free time on their hands. I do my civic duty by paying my goddamn taxes, and plenty of them I might add.
2003-05-01 02:46:28 PM  
A jury of randomly-selected peers is the best defense against abuse of the legal system by the government. They can arrest you, they can charge you, but Joe Average has to convict you, and the prosecutor can't force him to do it. Great system, one of the things about America that isn't broken, do our duty with pride.

That said, and having dealt with a few juries, if the dog showed up in the jury box on a trial I was working, I probably wouldn't waste a strike on her.
2003-05-01 02:49:31 PM  
I found that college students are NOT wanted on juries. At least 18 yr old longhaired males at small liberal arts colleges aren't wanted on a triple murder jury panel.

Or at least that was my experience.

/back to work......and by work I mean fark
2003-05-01 02:49:42 PM  
If you ever wondered "What asshat jury handed out that verdict?", the answer is: The one you made up a cheap excuse not to serve on.

I often wonder how much better off we'd be if jurors weren't the ones too dumb to figure out how to get out of jury duty.

/my 2 cents
2003-05-01 02:50:02 PM  
I hope all of you losers with delusions of grandeur who think you're way too farking important for jury duty don't ever biatch about the results of any jury trial--O.J., the McDonald's hot coffee case, whatever--because if you're really that concerned about the judicial system you wouldn't try to dodge jury duty with your little games (many of which would actually constitute perjury or contempt of court anyway). Oh, and if you or any of your relatives ever gets accused of a crime they didn't commit or has an imporant lawsuit that goes to trial, I hope you take comfort in the fact that your fate will be decided by 12 people who aren't so farking brilliant and important as you perceive yourself to be, and who therefore are the ones who should be forced to be on a jury.
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