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(The Frisky) Unlikely 30 Things Every Man Should Have By 30, written by the nagging, needy wife you'll have by 31   (thefrisky.com) divider line 593
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47068 clicks; posted to Main » on 31 Mar 2010 at 7:48 PM   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»   |    Get this fabulous T-Shirt and impress the methane out of your friends! shirt it!



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FVendetta
2010-03-31 03:40:58 PM
Jesus.

FYI: The views of The Frisky do not reflect those of this Farkette, or anyone else I know who has / has had a uterus, or who shoulda been born with one but wasn't.
 
IrateShadow
2010-03-31 03:48:56 PM
There's an awful lot of kitchen stuff on that list.
 
SushiJoe [TotalFark]
2010-03-31 03:49:05 PM
I'm 30 and this list sounds like it was written by a 22 year old.
 
EvilEgg [TotalFark]
2010-03-31 03:50:06 PM
The Frisky is written by women who can't figure out why they are single.
 
SusanIvanova
2010-03-31 03:53:42 PM
Most of these are pretty gender non-specific -- I've got 24 of them despite being unbetesticled, and most of the missing ones are due to not having a car.
 
Relatively Obscure [TotalFark]
2010-03-31 03:55:38 PM
At least four good pairs of shoes: dressy, business casual, casual, exercise.

A pair of jeans that makes his butt look good.



I'm stunned that this was written by a woman. Stunned.
 
R.A.Danny [TotalFark]
2010-03-31 03:55:56 PM
A skin care regimen. C'mon guys, healthy complexions aren't just for metrosexuals!

Clint Eastwood, Sean Connery, and Paul Newman used goddamn alcohol on their faces AND in their bellys, and got better looking with age.
 
Rincewind53 [TotalFark]
2010-03-31 04:00:58 PM
I own two pairs of shoes. One is a pair of dress shoes. The other is a pair of Merrells that I have been wearing for over a year, that I've super-glued holes shut on, and that's slowly but surely falling apart. They are the most comfortable pair of shoes I've ever owned. Screw anyone who wants me to get rid of them for separate casual and exercise shoes.
 
chemical_angel
2010-03-31 04:02:12 PM
That looks more like "a list of every b+tch I have about my ex boyfriend".
I will never ... NEVER have "a skincare regimen". Thank you very much.
 
ubercub
2010-03-31 04:02:59 PM
#32 Manipulating coont for a wife
 
EvilEgg [TotalFark]
2010-03-31 04:04:02 PM
chemical_angel: That looks more like "a list of every b+tch I have about my ex boyfriend".
I will never ... NEVER have "a skincare regimen". Thank you very much.

I think washing your face counts as a skincare regimen.
 
MonkeyVegetables
2010-03-31 04:06:02 PM
i read up to #1 before i stopped

/-1
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2010-03-31 04:07:54 PM
At least one sex move he's received lots of positive feedback on.

Provide lots of women to sleep with me and I'll get to work on that.
 
Weaps [TotalFark]
2010-03-31 04:11:56 PM
A great road map when there's no one to ask.

What is this, 1988? I have both an iPhone AND a standalone GPS navigator. Road maps, how quaint.

A favorite cookbook.

I have about 8 favorite cookbooks, and I can easily cook the panties off any given woman.

/also has a road map.
 
Relatively Obscure [TotalFark]
2010-03-31 04:12:54 PM
EvilEgg: I think washing your face counts as a skincare regimen.

I slam a shot of whiskey and grunt dirt off of my face, sissy.
 
Relatively Obscure [TotalFark]
2010-03-31 04:13:49 PM
Weaps: I have about 8 favorite cookbooks, and I can easily cook the panties off any given woman.

I can too, but it turns out they're not all that interested in sex after I set them on fire and douse them with an ABC extinguisher.
 
WTFDYW [TotalFark]
2010-03-31 04:18:45 PM
ZAZ 2010-03-31 04:07:54 PM
At least one sex move he's received lots of positive feedback on.

Provide lots of women to sleep with me and I'll get to work on that.

This ^
 
Quasar [TotalFark]
2010-03-31 04:20:47 PM
I'm honestly surprised that list isn't longer.

...
63) A white stallion
...
78) Award-winning massage techniques
...
103) One of his seven vacation homes is in the Alps
...
126) A cultivated rose garden from which he can harvest petals at a steady rate
 
RagingLeonard [TotalFark]
2010-03-31 04:35:20 PM
Quasar: I'm honestly surprised that list isn't longer.

...
63) A white stallion
...
78) Award-winning massage techniques
...
103) One of his seven vacation homes is in the Alps
...
126) A cultivated rose garden from which he can harvest petals at a steady rate

[golf clap]
 
Naman
2010-03-31 04:43:41 PM
HAH! My nightstand does NOT say "handle with care" on it, it just has some warning about how it's illegal to steal vegetable crates on it.

Also, seriously, what the fark is up with the shoes thing? All you need is a pair of sandals/loafers and some dress shoes, unless you work construction and need boots too. What's this "business casual" bullshiat? It sounds like something that would make you look like a tool.
 
Naman
2010-03-31 04:45:51 PM
Also, if you have a nest egg at 30, you either inherited money, or have no life.
 
Relatively Obscure [TotalFark]
2010-03-31 04:49:05 PM
Naman: HAH! My nightstand does NOT say "handle with care" on it, it just has some warning about how it's illegal to steal vegetable crates on it.

Also, seriously, what the fark is up with the shoes thing? All you need is a pair of sandals/loafers and some dress shoes, unless you work construction and need boots too. What's this "business casual" bullshiat? It sounds like something that would make you look like a tool.

I have a pair of boots, and a pair of dress shoes.
 
jehovahs witness protection [TotalFark]
2010-03-31 04:53:33 PM
www.dorkclub.com
What the chick that wrote the article might look like.
 
Roadogs [TotalFark]
2010-03-31 05:01:40 PM
We need a list from farkettes.
 
eyehate
2010-03-31 05:04:02 PM
A great road map when there's no one to ask.

What is this, the stone age?

This twat needs a phone with a navigation system.
 
Vorticity the Monkey [TotalFark]
2010-03-31 05:07:48 PM
20.) Always enough toilet paper.

I do have enough toilet paper...for me. Don't like it - poop at your house, not mine.

27.) A great razor.

...which won't be so great after you use it on your leg stubble. Might as well be using a cheese grater after that happens.

29.) A place where everyone knows his name.

Aw, a 'Cheers' fan! Does the county drunk tank count for this one?

30.) At least one sex move he's received lots of positive feedback on.

I get the feeling that if I list your friends as references for this one, it won't go over so well, though, amirite?

/purely theoretical snark, was married by 30 anyways...
 
exick [TotalFark]
2010-03-31 05:15:56 PM
Do any of the articles that appear on The Frisky not read like they were written by bitter, future cat ladies?
 
The Fourth Karamazov
2010-03-31 05:23:12 PM
"The Frisky" is pretty close to the most annoying name for a website.
 
vernonFL [TotalFark]
2010-03-31 05:25:40 PM
What the chick that wrote the article might look like.


www.resilienceguild.net

/hot
 
R.A.Danny [TotalFark]
2010-03-31 05:28:50 PM
vernonFL: What the chick that wrote the article might look like.

/hot

GAH!!!!!


Post a warning or something, will ya?
 
The_Sponge [TotalFark]
2010-03-31 05:31:42 PM
FTFA:

10) The ability to ask for directions.


ORLY? Because there's this new thing called "GPS", maybe you've heard of it.
 
Soumac
2010-03-31 05:31:59 PM
pluck.thefrisky.com

She's 33.

Like Jesus was when he died for your sins.
 
The_Sponge [TotalFark]
2010-03-31 05:34:05 PM
Naman: Also, if you have a nest egg at 30, you either inherited money, or have no life.


Ahem....what about a 401K or Roth IRA?
 
The_Sponge [TotalFark]
2010-03-31 05:34:40 PM
jehovahs witness protection: What the chick that wrote the article might look like.


OWEN!!!!!
 
vernonFL [TotalFark]
2010-03-31 05:37:44 PM
What the chick that wrote the article might look like


images4.wikia.nocookie.net

/hot
 
wee [TotalFark]
2010-03-31 05:56:08 PM
exick: Do any of the articles that appear on The Frisky not read like they were written by bitter, future cat ladies?

I've only read the one, but I'd guess "No".
 
oi_piss_me_off [TotalFark]
2010-03-31 06:07:49 PM
no tickets to that think i love?
 
Shrew2u [TotalFark]
2010-03-31 06:13:14 PM
I daresay most of that list of 30 items applies to women, with some substitutions:

*Receive compliments and acts of courtesy with grace.
*No more shoes than will fit neatly into one's storage areas.
*Enough clean underwear (no menstrual spots!) through a week between laundry sessions.
*The ability to follow directions.
*A hobby that is not an excuse to meet men.
*Sheets that are none of the following: pastel, show flora or fauna, is Twilight-themed.
*A nightstand that doesn't bear the photo of her last ex-boyfriend because she "forgets" to put it away.
*A smile she uses on more than men.
*Enough compassion not to destroy a guy because he may be a little shy and uses a cheesy pick-up line to get a laugh and break the ice.
*The beginning of a nest egg and a realization that she should not make it her life-long ambition to have a Daddy support her.
*A place where the majority of patrons have moved on from a high-school mentality.
*The ability to honestly and tactfully communicate her desires and dislikes in bed.

Add 31: The ability to internalize that a "bad boy"/"damaged boy"/etc. is not someone with whom she should live, marry or produce children.
 
timujin [TotalFark]
2010-03-31 06:13:37 PM
What the chick that wrote the article might look like:
static.thefrisky.com

/yeah, I know. But hot and annoying are actually a very common combination
 
vartian [TotalFark]
2010-03-31 06:14:50 PM
At least one friend who gives honest fashion advice.

There are not enough of us to go around, folks. Some of you straight guys are going to have to figure this out on your own.
 
Shrew2u [TotalFark]
2010-03-31 06:16:04 PM
Naman: Also, if you have a nest egg at 30, you either inherited money, or have no life have both a job and the smarts to put a little away for a rainy day.

Applies to both genders.
 
Shrew2u [TotalFark]
2010-03-31 06:17:58 PM
Shrew2u: ...Enough clean underwear (no menstrual spots!) to last a week between laundry sessions.

FTFM
 
R.A.Danny [TotalFark]
2010-03-31 06:23:30 PM
Shrew2u: *Enough compassion not to destroy a guy because he may be a little shy and uses a cheesy pick-up line to get a laugh and break the ice.

No lady would mock someone respectfully approaching her in any way shape or form. Doing so usually means the woman in question has neither the cognitive ability nor the grace to turn a man in a kindly manner. This reflects on her way more than on a guy.

Knowing that helps guys boost their own confidence, thus increasing his chances.

I learned this from a nun of all people.
 
wee [TotalFark]
2010-03-31 06:45:05 PM
timujin: But hot and annoying are actually a very common combination

So what's this chick's excuse?
 
LordZorch [TotalFark]
2010-03-31 07:00:56 PM
1) enough sense to blow off such a list written by a woman who can't do anything other than buy shoes or order take-out for dinner

2) job

3) car

4) gun collection

5) hobbies

6) buddies

7) vasectomy
 
Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener [TotalFark]
2010-03-31 07:01:30 PM
jehovahs witness protection: www.dorkclub.com
What the chick that wrote the article might look like.

The editor had to delete no less than 55 instances of "YOU LAZY POOP!" from her original copy.
 
eyehate
2010-03-31 07:17:19 PM
My list:

1.A necklace made from human ears.

2.A tasty signature dish he ate while in captivity.

3.Respect for the jungle. It breathed at night.

4.At least four good pistols. At least one revolver with a fast loader.

5.At least one friend who knows where a safe house is.

6.A tailored suit with a concealed holster.

7.A toolbox that includes: a hammer, pliers, sulfuric acid, nails, work gloves.

8.Enough clean rooms to interrogate victims.

9.Allegiance to the overseer.

10. The ability to disarm and attack and armed suspect.

11. A GPS unit and NV goggles.

12. A favorite disposal place, remote from society.

13. A decent set of knives and cuffs.

14. Flex cuffs and a silenced pistol in the trunk of his car.

15. A hobby that allows you to blend into a crowd.

16. A trusted informant.

17. A pair of jeans that has no blood stains.

18. Jumper cables and a ball gag.

19. A driver's license and an elaborate fake dossier.

20. Always enough ammunition

21. Sheets that don't allow liquid seepage.

22. A nightstand that is anchored to the floor.

23. A smile he uses generously and eyes that scan every entrance/exit.

24. At least one lamp that can be used in conjunction with luminol.

25. Enough confidence to exfiltrate with a high value package.

26. Enough sense not to fall victim to a trip wire.

27. A great razor and knowledge of the arterial anatomy.

28. The beginning of an amassed network of contacts and money.

29. A place where he can move unnoticed.

30. At least one pressure point he can use to silence a victim.
 
ecmoRandomNumbers [TotalFark]
2010-03-31 07:18:06 PM
Sounds more like:
i224.photobucket.com
 
wee [TotalFark]
2010-03-31 07:27:05 PM
eyehate: My list

I don't know if I should be amused or scared by the fact that I can check off more items on your list than her's.

/currently amused
 
madmann
2010-03-31 07:34:50 PM
Anyone who actually has everything on this list isn't going to be satisfied with a cat lady/stalker.

Oh, and...

A skin care regimen. C'mon guys, healthy complexions aren't just for metrosexuals!

Yeah, they are. That's pretty much the dividing line.
 
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