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(Cinematical)   Zombie Orson Welles to provide narration in upcoming film: "Christmas Tails," as well as star in commercials for green peaness. Wait, that's terrible   ( cinematical.com) divider line
    More: Cool, Orson Welles, Benjamin Button, greatest movies, Citizen Kane, caribou, green, advertisers, narratives  
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1691 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 28 Mar 2010 at 6:04 PM (7 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



46 Comments     (+0 »)
 
 
2010-03-28 01:07:46 PM  
Orson was both a genius and a jerk. It was a great loss to film that he wasn't given more funding to make more movies his way. The stuff the article mentions about doing lame commercials and appearing on talk shows was ALL in an attempt to raise friends and funds to bankroll another movie, because the big studios wouldn't risk him any more. If I could go back in time and tell him anything, it would be to side-step all of that and make his later films as anime'. Sounds a little crazy at first, but see, audio was really one of his greatest strengths, and he could work in one spot without going on any locations, he could do multiple characters himself, he could design all the camera moves and editing, it would have been very much his personal vision and relatively cheap to produce, though it would take a lot of time to make. On the gripping hand, he could have worked on several movies this way simultaneously.
 
2010-03-28 03:54:15 PM  
For the younger set, here's a link (^) that explains it all.
 
2010-03-28 04:37:08 PM  
Can't they just have Maurice LaMarche do it? He does a better Orson Welles than Orson Welles.
 
2010-03-28 04:54:37 PM  
 
2010-03-28 05:06:45 PM  
Was it just me or did it seem like part of Orson Wells was actually hoping the guy could find a jury that would rule you can start a sentence with "in July".
 
2010-03-28 05:24:45 PM  

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: Will Orson Welles be drunk off his ass for this project, too? (pops, not the Countdown)


Man, that's a metric assload of ass to get drunk -er- off of. It must have taken quite a few crates of cheap wine.
 
2010-03-28 05:38:21 PM  
oldfarthenry: Man, that's a metric assload of ass to get drunk -er- off of. It must have taken quite a few crates of cheap wine.

If you're trying to get Unicron drunk, you're gonna need a *lot* more than Paul Masson wine.

If anything, Paul Masson would have had to subcontract other booze companies to get the guy mildly buzzed.
 
2010-03-28 05:45:54 PM  
I went a strange place when I saw that headline. It went something like this:

Peaness...heh, penis...green peas...visualize whirled peas...whirled penis...wonder if there's an animated .gif of some dude whirling his crank around that I can link to with a pithy (hah) comment...hmm...Google...GIS...what's this...meatspin.com...AIEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeee

Which just goes to show, children -- trying to post funny things to Fark is dangerous for your soul.

/if you were wondering, that url is so NSFW that they'll probably fire you for thinking about typing it into your browser on the job. Way, way NSFeyes as well.
 
2010-03-28 05:50:23 PM  

RocketRod: For the younger set, here's a link (^) that explains it all.


For the Iron Chef set, here's another link that explains it all: There's much...there's much...
 
2010-03-28 06:11:48 PM  
lol, subby said peaness.
 
2010-03-28 06:15:44 PM  

oldfarthenry: Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: Will Orson Welles be drunk off his ass for this project, too? (pops, not the Countdown)

Man, that's a metric assload of ass to get drunk -er- off of off of which to get drunk. It must have taken quite a few crates of cheap wine.

 
2010-03-28 06:16:55 PM  
AAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAA...................the frenchhhh
 
2010-03-28 06:18:44 PM  

DrMcNinja: AAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAA...................the frenchhhh


......champagne....
 
2010-03-28 06:20:40 PM  
You watched it... you can't UNWATCH it!
 
2010-03-28 06:21:08 PM  
Obligatory. (new window)
 
2010-03-28 06:22:22 PM  
Those peas would go great with some Mrs. Pell's Fish Sticks.
 
2010-03-28 06:38:55 PM  
They're even better FROZEN!!!
 
2010-03-28 06:39:22 PM  
"Viva La Vegas!!!"
 
2010-03-28 06:42:04 PM  
Oh what luck, there's a french fry stuck in my beard!

+1 Subby.
 
2010-03-28 06:45:45 PM  

Any Pie Left: Orson was both a genius and a jerk. It was a great loss to film that he wasn't given more funding to make more movies his way. The stuff the article mentions about doing lame commercials and appearing on talk shows was ALL in an attempt to raise friends and funds to bankroll another movie, because the big studios wouldn't risk him any more. If I could go back in time and tell him anything, it would be to side-step all of that and make his later films as anime'. Sounds a little crazy at first, but see, audio was really one of his greatest strengths, and he could work in one spot without going on any locations, he could do multiple characters himself, he could design all the camera moves and editing, it would have been very much his personal vision and relatively cheap to produce, though it would take a lot of time to make. On the gripping hand, he could have worked on several movies this way simultaneously.


Point taken but what exactly would have been wrong with american animation/cartoons?
 
2010-03-28 06:48:37 PM  
What' so unique about this? Zombie Gary Busey has been making movies for years.
 
2010-03-28 06:51:05 PM  
i.ytimg.com

hot
 
2010-03-28 06:51:22 PM  

Spartapuss: Any Pie Left: Orson was both a genius and a jerk. It was a great loss to film that he wasn't given more funding to make more movies his way. The stuff the article mentions about doing lame commercials and appearing on talk shows was ALL in an attempt to raise friends and funds to bankroll another movie, because the big studios wouldn't risk him any more. If I could go back in time and tell him anything, it would be to side-step all of that and make his later films as anime'. Sounds a little crazy at first, but see, audio was really one of his greatest strengths, and he could work in one spot without going on any locations, he could do multiple characters himself, he could design all the camera moves and editing, it would have been very much his personal vision and relatively cheap to produce, though it would take a lot of time to make. On the gripping hand, he could have worked on several movies this way simultaneously.

Point taken but what exactly would have been wrong with american animation/cartoons?


I sense that he wanted a bunch of floating Unicron heads.
 
2010-03-28 06:55:04 PM  
What about Marilyn Monroe's ashes? Will they also be making an appearance?

\Probably obscure, even given the source.
 
2010-03-28 06:55:47 PM  

Fano: Spartapuss: Any Pie Left: Orson was both a genius and a jerk. It was a great loss to film that he wasn't given more funding to make more movies his way. The stuff the article mentions about doing lame commercials and appearing on talk shows was ALL in an attempt to raise friends and funds to bankroll another movie, because the big studios wouldn't risk him any more. If I could go back in time and tell him anything, it would be to side-step all of that and make his later films as anime'. Sounds a little crazy at first, but see, audio was really one of his greatest strengths, and he could work in one spot without going on any locations, he could do multiple characters himself, he could design all the camera moves and editing, it would have been very much his personal vision and relatively cheap to produce, though it would take a lot of time to make. On the gripping hand, he could have worked on several movies this way simultaneously.

Point taken but what exactly would have been wrong with american animation/cartoons?

I sense that he wanted a bunch of floating Unicron heads.


"I want TITS! TITS! Everywhere I look, I want to be able to see tits! Fill the farking frame with TITS!" - Orson Welles (to Gregg Toland)
 
2010-03-28 07:02:12 PM  
As a zombie, Orson Welles doesn't need to eat and drink epic amounts of food and alcohol. But he will.
 
2010-03-28 07:20:11 PM  
They're even better when you're dead!
 
2010-03-28 09:15:09 PM  
The anime style could have been whatever he wanted, I'm thinking more realistic and maybe like the Fleisher style of the old Superman cartoons.
 
2010-03-28 09:30:52 PM  
Say what you will about Orson Welles, but, remember Farkers, he was doing this:

drx.typepad.com
 
2010-03-28 09:31:22 PM  
Rosebud was his sled.
 
2010-03-28 09:36:55 PM  
And, in case you are interested, she was a redhead.

[image from static.desktopnexus.com too old to be available]

(And the inspiration for Jessica Rabbit.)
 
2010-03-28 09:38:57 PM  

Mr. Potatoass: Rosebud was his sled.


Rosebud was a va-jay-jay.
 
2010-03-28 09:43:00 PM  
Of course you don't mess with Orson Welles. It is a gigantic planet eating robot. Not even Leonard Nimoy messes with Welles.

gunaxin.com
 
2010-03-28 09:47:02 PM  

DeaH: Mr. Potatoass: Rosebud was his sled.

Rosebud was a va-jay-jay.


He liked to call it his little VaJew-Jew.
 
2010-03-28 10:39:13 PM  

Crudbucket: DeaH: Mr. Potatoass: Rosebud was his sled.

Rosebud was a va-jay-jay.

He liked to call it his little VaJew-Jew.


Hearst?
 
2010-03-28 11:30:57 PM  

Ghastly: Was it just me or did it seem like part of Orson Wells was actually hoping the guy could find a jury that would rule you can start a sentence with "in July".


It wasn't starting the sentence with "In July" that irritated him, it was being told he had to emphasize the first syllable.
 
2010-03-28 11:53:14 PM  
I'm the DJ and Master-at-Arms for the Diamond State Rollergirls, and my derby name is 'Orson Wheels.'

Back during the war (my grandfather referred to it as 'THE BIG ONE'), my grandfather was in California on his way home from the Pacific Rim. He and his Navy buddies were sitting down to dinner.

When they asked for the check, they were informed that the check had been taken care of by Mr. Welles and Ms. Hayworth, who were sitting on the other side of the restaurant and insisted on picking up the tab for the guys in uniform.
 
2010-03-29 12:16:10 AM  

TetrisBlock: I'm the DJ and Master-at-Arms for the Diamond State Rollergirls, and my derby name is 'Orson Wheels.'

Back during the war (my grandfather referred to it as 'THE BIG ONE'), my grandfather was in California on his way home from the Pacific Rim. He and his Navy buddies were sitting down to dinner.

When they asked for the check, they were informed that the check had been taken care of by Mr. Welles and Ms. Hayworth, who were sitting on the other side of the restaurant and insisted on picking up the tab for the guys in uniform.


Very cool story. (No "Bro" because I mean it sincerely.)
 
2010-03-29 12:47:47 AM  
How many movies weren't made because they wouldn't give Welles the money? What a loss to film. They should have given him his own unit, much like Sam Fuller. It's not like he didn't know how to make an entertaining film.

Welles pretty much invented the 1st person narrator in radio drama, which solved serious expository problems in an audio-only medium. My masters thesis is on 1st person narration in post-World War II radio crime drama and is dedicated to Welles.

Welles took over the Jack Benny show on radio for some weeks when Benny was sick. Welles knew how to make radio work and he was funny as hell. I'm fortunate enough to own almost everything Welles did on radio, including guest spots. Welles on radio is sort of a hobby of mine. The suggestion above that he would have done well in anime is intriguing.
 
2010-03-29 01:03:29 AM  

TheQuest35: hot


Indeed. Who needs Orson Welles when you have Maurice LaMarche?
 
2010-03-29 01:07:39 AM  
and here is the obese lush shilling Japanese Whiskey.

Link

and another for paul mason
awww the french champagne!

Link
 
2010-03-29 02:00:18 AM  
Cool story time!

I knew an old man who was formerly an usher at Grauman's Chinese theater years ago. Welles had a private viewing booth in the balcony, and the ushers would have to push Orson's fat, sweaty ass up the stairs when he dropped by. Was a tight squeeze, said my friend.

/bro
 
2010-03-29 02:13:56 AM  
What about Marilyn Monroe's ashes? Will they also be making an appearance?

Of course, Flapjack727. In the ashtrays, in the fire grate, the vacuum cleaner...


/Nothing's obscure on Fark
 
2010-03-29 09:38:14 AM  
Here's my pitch for an animated primetime TV show:

Orson Welles and William Shatner are police partners who use their widely different acting skills to go undercover. Both characters are voiced by Maurice LaMarche.
 
2010-03-29 11:42:13 AM  

thornhill: Here's my pitch for an animated primetime TV show:

Orson Welles and William Shatner are police partners who use their widely different acting skills to go undercover. Both characters are voiced by Maurice LaMarche.


I'd watch it.
 
2010-03-29 11:50:30 AM  

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: If you're trying to get Unicron drunk, you're gonna need a *lot* more than Paul Masson wine.

If anything, Paul Masson would have had to subcontract other booze companies to get the guy mildly buzzed.


Time to bust out the Blotto Bros.

/A rich, full bodied wine sensibly priced at a dollar a jug.
 
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