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(Boing Boing)   TSA rules on service monkey inspection. Duff elephant still walks unchecked   (boingboing.net) divider line 61
    More: Weird, monkeys, elephants, TSA, Creative Commons licenses, inspections  
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5320 clicks; posted to Main » on 25 Mar 2010 at 4:30 AM (4 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



61 Comments   (+0 »)
   

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2010-03-25 03:33:04 AM
Security Officers have been trained to not touch the service monkey during the screening process.


Somewhere, Beavis and Butt-head are laughing.
 
2010-03-25 04:25:25 AM
I'd train Mojo to fling poo at the TSA agents, just for yucks.
 
2010-03-25 04:34:46 AM
did someone say monkey touching?

foreveranoob.files.wordpress.com
 
2010-03-25 04:49:06 AM
gopher321: I'd train Mojo to fling poo at the TSA agents, just for yucks.

I'd give Mojo gun and train him to reload
 
2010-03-25 04:59:38 AM
scrapetv.com
 
2010-03-25 05:02:30 AM
msp55.photobucket.com
 
2010-03-25 05:10:42 AM
Can service monkies be armed? And if so, why?
 
2010-03-25 05:17:17 AM
4.bp.blogspot.com
 
2010-03-25 05:18:56 AM
As much as I love the Simpsons, I think a South Park "Hooked on Monkey Phonics" submission would have been better,

/DNRTFA, nor do I care to. asshats.
 
2010-03-25 05:21:08 AM
Well I suppose there isn't any risk from monkeys. Otherwise the world would have seen a plague in 1996.
 
2010-03-25 05:22:43 AM
You said this monkey would be sweeping the floors and cleaning the gutters. Now he just lies there, struggling to breathe...
 
2010-03-25 05:25:53 AM
Of course they won't find anything on a service monkey and his owner. Everybody's got something to hide except for them.
 
2010-03-25 05:36:34 AM
The people at TSA can spank my monkey till it gets mad and spits in their faces!
 
2010-03-25 05:51:38 AM
theflyingmonkeys.files.wordpress.com
 
2010-03-25 05:52:41 AM
to TheMega: giggity
 
2010-03-25 06:02:29 AM
Liebe mein affe-meinke!
 
2010-03-25 06:08:07 AM
Does the TSA have tasers? If so, its only a matter of time before someone shocks the monkey.
 
2010-03-25 06:11:38 AM
Does the monkey have to take off it's shoes?

TSA must die!
 
2010-03-25 06:27:44 AM
dodecahedron: Of course they won't find anything on a service monkey and his owner. Everybody's got something to hide except for them.

i488.photobucket.com
 
2010-03-25 06:47:59 AM
I can't wait to eat that monkey!
 
2010-03-25 06:48:33 AM
I Thought that what the Full Body Scanners were for

"Your monkey, your muffin
You ain't hidin' nothin'"
 
2010-03-25 06:48:59 AM
TSA enployees are service monkeys.
 
2010-03-25 06:54:29 AM
I think between this and terrorists using breast implant bombs I am never flying again.
 
2010-03-25 07:03:38 AM
api.ning.com
 
2010-03-25 07:28:31 AM
I've seen the training video about 5 times at work. It includes the checking of the inside of the monkeys diaper, I swear to god.
 
2010-03-25 07:38:30 AM
Given the TSA's track record, I'm surprised they don't have some rule stating that each monkey must weigh less than a pound (ie, you can bring two one-pound monkeys, but not one two-pound monkey), and all monkeys must be placed inside a Ziplock bag. You add monkeys to the TSA screening, and you transform security theater into a security circus.

Also, I just wanted to add: WHAT THE FARK???? YOU CAN BRING MONKEYS ON AN AIRPLANE????? SWEET BISCUITS AND GRAVY, WHO THOUGHT THAT WAS A GOOD IDEA??!?!?!?!? Seriously, it's bad enough I have to put up with fatties oozing into my seat and screeching children, now you want to throw monkeys into the mix too?
 
2010-03-25 07:53:54 AM
Prank Call of Cthulhu: Seriously, it's bad enough I have to put up with fatties oozing into my seat and screeching children, now you want to throw monkeys into the mix too?

Yupp, to provide comic relief.
 
2010-03-25 07:56:24 AM
Prank Call of Cthulhu: Given the TSA's track record, I'm surprised they don't have some rule stating that each monkey must weigh less than a pound (ie, you can bring two one-pound monkeys, but not one two-pound monkey), and all monkeys must be placed inside a Ziplock bag. You add monkeys to the TSA screening, and you transform security theater into a security circus.

Also, I just wanted to add: WHAT THE FARK???? YOU CAN BRING MONKEYS ON AN AIRPLANE????? SWEET BISCUITS AND GRAVY, WHO THOUGHT THAT WAS A GOOD IDEA??!?!?!?!? Seriously, it's bad enough I have to put up with fatties oozing into my seat and screeching children, now you want to throw monkeys into the mix too?


They're Service animals, better than dogs 'cuz they can grasp items.
 
2010-03-25 08:05:34 AM
www.lisamertins.com
 
2010-03-25 08:09:04 AM
danny_kay: Yupp, to provide comic relief.

If I had a plane monkey, I'd teach it to grab trolley dolly ass. That would provide comic relief.
 
2010-03-25 08:14:45 AM
www.djp3.net

No word on Trunk Monkeys.

FTFA: How the TSA will inspect your monkey

Seriously, how would any writer not get that this is a good euphemism for checking your junk? And as a bonus, I will refer to my own genitals as my service monkey, from now on.
 
2010-03-25 08:20:51 AM
Security Officers have been trained to not touch the service monkey

That phrase is fantastic. It just appeals to me in a way I cannot explain.
 
2010-03-25 08:22:26 AM
Oh, and I think this belongs here.

Link (new window)
 
2010-03-25 08:37:30 AM
Shakespeare's Monkey: No word on Trunk Monkeys.

Trunk Monkey in a carryon would be pretty sweet. While the TSA goon's attention is diverted making sure your shoes, Freedom Baggie, and laptop are all in separate bins, Trunk Monkey hops out of the carryon, and brains the TSA personnel with a crowbar. This leads to the the line rapidly speeding up, while having no effect whatsoever on security.

I will refer to my own genitals as my service monkey, from now on.

Brilliant!
 
2010-03-25 09:04:26 AM
Came for trunk monkey references, leaving satisfied.
 
2010-03-25 09:07:58 AM
tonguedepressor: I've seen the training video about 5 times at work. It includes the checking of the inside of the monkeys diaper, I swear to god.

I bet TSA agents see all kinda of weird things given the total amount of people they have to interact with on a daily basis.

Service Dolphin? Sure thing mam, step right on through....
 
2010-03-25 09:13:10 AM
happyvalleynews.files.wordpress.com
always getting 'randomly selected' for additional screening
 
2010-03-25 09:26:36 AM
Monkey bombs!
 
2010-03-25 09:27:21 AM
Why do TSA screeners not touch your service monkey? Professional courtesy.
 
2010-03-25 09:32:32 AM
Can you get a service monkey to service your monkey?
 
2010-03-25 09:44:50 AM
I see they are gibbon the monkey a thorough search.
 
2010-03-25 09:52:16 AM
Fire all TSA screeners and replace them with monkeys. We'd be just as secure.
 
2010-03-25 10:01:55 AM
AntiNorm: Fire all TSA screeners and replace them with monkeys. We'd be just as secure.

img716.imageshack.us
 
2010-03-25 10:11:08 AM
tonguedepressor: I've seen the training video about 5 times at work. It includes the checking of the inside of the monkeys diaper, I swear to god.

For the love of everything American, get me that video.
 
2010-03-25 10:24:50 AM
trollkiller: tonguedepressor: I've seen the training video about 5 times at work. It includes the checking of the inside of the monkeys diaper, I swear to god.

For the love of everything American, get me that video.


The thought of some TSA troglodyte having to poke around in a monkey's diaper makes me want to see if I couldn't go down to the local animal shelter and pick up for cheap some ill-tempered, obnoxious monkey with bowel-control issues, then spend a week feeding him baked beans and bran muffins and not changing his diaper, then buy some cheap $69 Southwest ticket to wherever. I'd go through security, maybe even dress the monkey in a tiny TSA uniform, and enjoy the spectacle of humiliation of the TSA trog having to deal with this, and then when it was over, I'd just turn around and head through right through the exit and not bother with the flight. Leave the monkey behind too. "Sir! Sir! You forgot your monkey!" But I'd just stroll away, oblivious, a big smile on my face, knowing that $69 plus the cost for a second-hand monkey and some chow is damn cheap for that kind of entertainment. The monkey would probably eventually get promoted to supervisor, so don't feel too bad about me abandoning him.

I realize that absolutely nothing about this plan is even remotely plausible. But it brings me enormous satisfaction to contemplate it.
 
2010-03-25 11:04:51 AM
www.3click.tv

PRAY FOR MOJO
 
2010-03-25 11:09:07 AM
thebosh.com
 
2010-03-25 11:18:09 AM
what about my service midget?
 
2010-03-25 11:25:20 AM
FlyingPenguini: did someone say monkey touching?

img168.imageshack.us
 
2010-03-25 11:27:10 AM
www.gaup.co.uk

Zis eez not my Miiiinky.

/hot
 
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