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(Time)   Apropos of nothing, here's a theory on why we can't catch Bigfoot   (techland.com) divider line 190
    More: Weird, Bigfoot, wilderness  
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18673 clicks; posted to Main » on 24 Mar 2010 at 3:33 PM (4 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2010-03-24 01:09:01 PM  
i2.photobucket.com
 
2010-03-24 01:10:43 PM  
let's assume Bigfoot exists and move on

let's assume the writer is a hermaphrodite communist and move on. everybody commence with wild-ass accusations about him:
 
2010-03-24 01:37:52 PM  
Apropos of nothing

Um, the motherfarker hasn't been caught yet, has he?
 
2010-03-24 01:42:58 PM  
Donald_McRonald: Um, the motherfarker hasn't been caught yet, has he?

he's hiding at Santa's crib
 
2010-03-24 01:45:56 PM  
An animal of that size would have to consume a sizable number of calories per day in order to survive. That means leaving waste from both its consumption and digestion (stuff going in and stuff going out). It seems likely we would have found this evidence in the wilderness at some point. Its not like there are many places in this country where nobody goes, they have to be considered more along the lines of off the beaten path. But with 300m people in this country, there really is no place where we havent been.
 
2010-03-24 02:03:42 PM  
DrySocket: An animal of that size would have to consume a sizable number of calories per day in order to survive. That means leaving waste from both its consumption and digestion (stuff going in and stuff going out). It seems likely we would have found this evidence in the wilderness at some point. Its not like there are many places in this country where nobody goes, they have to be considered more along the lines of off the beaten path. But with 300m people in this country, there really is no place where we havent been.

I don't know about you but I can't tell the difference between a bigfoot turd and a bear turd.
 
2010-03-24 02:05:31 PM  
Superevil: DrySocket: An animal of that size would have to consume a sizable number of calories per day in order to survive. That means leaving waste from both its consumption and digestion (stuff going in and stuff going out). It seems likely we would have found this evidence in the wilderness at some point. Its not like there are many places in this country where nobody goes, they have to be considered more along the lines of off the beaten path. But with 300m people in this country, there really is no place where we havent been.

I don't know about you but I can't tell the difference between a bigfoot turd and a bear turd.



Bigfoot turds have a nuttier flavor.
 
2010-03-24 02:15:36 PM  
Sybarite: Superevil: DrySocket: An animal of that size would have to consume a sizable number of calories per day in order to survive. That means leaving waste from both its consumption and digestion (stuff going in and stuff going out). It seems likely we would have found this evidence in the wilderness at some point. Its not like there are many places in this country where nobody goes, they have to be considered more along the lines of off the beaten path. But with 300m people in this country, there really is no place where we havent been.

I don't know about you but I can't tell the difference between a bigfoot turd and a bear turd.


Bigfoot turds have a nuttier flavor.


I thought they tasted more like Jack Link beef jerky.
 
2010-03-24 02:31:17 PM  
'Hey big fella, want a cold one?'
 
2010-03-24 02:50:23 PM  
Lt. Cheese Weasel: 'Hey big fella, want a cold one?'

i581.photobucket.com

Yes please.
 
2010-03-24 03:36:16 PM  
Probably for the same reason real scientists don't pull made up animals out of their asses
 
2010-03-24 03:36:23 PM  
Is that you, Ranger Park?
 
2010-03-24 03:36:40 PM  
Bigfoots built the pyramids.
 
2010-03-24 03:36:44 PM  
there's a large, out-of-focus monster roaming the countryside.
 
2010-03-24 03:37:00 PM  
Bigfoot killed himself when the popularity of Seattle grunge rock died off. its just a matter of time until we find his bones and a collection of Nirvana and Pearl Jam.
 
2010-03-24 03:37:32 PM  
Superevil: I don't know about you but I can't tell the difference between a bigfoot turd and a bear turd.

Bigfoot turds have little bits of leprechaun bone in them.
 
2010-03-24 03:37:36 PM  
Damn it, I wonder if the kind of psychic Bigfoot is can read through tinfoil? That means Bigfoot psychics work for the government. That's why all knowledge of them has been erased!!! Oh shiat! I need to find something else for my hat to keep them out of my brainwaves and from taking my guns.
 
2010-03-24 03:37:45 PM  
TIME?
 
2010-03-24 03:37:57 PM  
www.stuckiniowa.com

"I think Bigfoot is blurry, that's the problem. It's not the photographer's fault. Bigfoot is blurry, and that's extra scary to me. There's a large, out-of-focus monster roaming the countryside. Run, he's fuzzy, get out of here."
 
2010-03-24 03:39:15 PM  
In other news...TIME has changed their name to Techland.
 
2010-03-24 03:39:21 PM  
DrySocket: An animal of that size would have to consume a sizable number of calories per day in order to survive. That means leaving waste from both its consumption and digestion (stuff going in and stuff going out). It seems likely we would have found this evidence in the wilderness at some point. Its not like there are many places in this country where nobody goes, they have to be considered more along the lines of off the beaten path. But with 300m people in this country, there really is no place where we havent been.

Bigfoot only poops in streams. This is why you should always boil your water when camping, even it it's right out of the glacier.
 
2010-03-24 03:39:58 PM  
So when an animal senses a human (which most animals can do from pretty far away), it generally goes in the other direction. There's a reason even the best deer hunters sometimes come back from a day of hunting without shooting a single deer.

I was going to make fun of the author for apparently thinking that deer have psychic powers, maybe comment that the idea doesn't hold up with anyone that's actually encountered an animal, maybe throw in a "city boy" and some patronizing prose.

But then he seriously proposes that bigfoot has literal psychic powers, and now I feel bad for considering picking on someone who is actually congenitally retarded rather than simply internet stupid.
 
2010-03-24 03:43:14 PM  
The reason they cant find Bigfoot is because he is actually a shape shifter not unlike the alien in Predator. So anytime you think you see him he just blends into the scenery. I know because one time while growing up in Northern California we were camping and all night long I saw nothing. I woke up in the morning and saw nothing. It was scary and exciting all at the same time. By the time we left to go home I KNEW there was a bigfoot there because I didnt see anything. It all makes perfect sense.

Oh yeah and to quote Danny The Tourettes Guy "NOBODY GIVES A shiat ABOUT BIGFFOT!"
 
2010-03-24 03:45:00 PM  
In the dense forests of the Pacific Northwest dwells the strange and beautiful creature known as Bigfoot, perhaps. Sadly, logging and human settlement today threaten what might possibly be his habitat, although if it's not, they don't. Bigfoot populations require vast amounts of land to remain elusive in. They typically dwell just behind rocks but are also sometimes playful, bounding into thick fogs and out-of-focus areas. Remember, it's up to us. Bigfoot is a crucial part of the ecosystem, if he exists. So let's all help keep Bigfoot possibly alive for future generations to enjoy, unless he doesn't exist. The end.
 
2010-03-24 03:45:12 PM  
krofft.net
farm4.static.flickr.com

Shown here in the blurry Sid and Marty Kroft footage...
 
2010-03-24 03:47:30 PM  
i41.tinypic.com
 
2010-03-24 03:48:44 PM  
images.amazon.com

What?
 
2010-03-24 03:49:15 PM  
Supposedly, one was hit by a train and its body was trasnported back east.

But I might be wrong.
 
2010-03-24 03:49:36 PM  
albo: let's assume Bigfoot exists and move on

let's assume the writer is a hermaphrodite communist and move on. everybody commence with wild-ass accusations about him:


Sounds like a Darwinist explaining why the fossil record contains no evidence of Darwin's theory.
 
2010-03-24 03:50:33 PM  
It's because I can't put "Exercycle" in bold
 
2010-03-24 03:50:58 PM  
The really nagging question is did the author collect a paycheck for this "article"?
 
2010-03-24 03:51:12 PM  
Barakku: Probably for the same reason real scientists don't pull made up animals out of their asses

see my post on Darwinism.

See also:

Piltdown man
spotted moths
Global Warming
 
2010-03-24 03:52:45 PM  
Oznog 2010-03-24 03:45:12 PM Shown here in the blurry Sid and Marty Kroft footage...

I used to love that show when I was a kid! I even (stupidly) slit my shorts up both sides just like Wildboy....


/luckily I grew out of my retardation
 
2010-03-24 03:53:09 PM  
i276.photobucket.com
 
2010-03-24 03:53:25 PM  
SteelPeart: Barakku: Probably for the same reason real scientists don't pull made up animals out of their asses

see my post on Darwinism.

See also:

Piltdown man
spotted moths
Global Warming


The first troll was pretty good. Didnt see it coming. But now you are just trying too hard.
 
2010-03-24 03:54:22 PM  
Oznog: Shown here in the blurry Sid and Marty Kroft footage...

I remember that show. Should they really call him "Wildboy" when he looks about 30?
 
2010-03-24 03:56:00 PM  
adweek.blogs.com
 
2010-03-24 03:56:27 PM  
DrySocket: An animal of that size would have to consume a sizable number of calories per day in order to survive. That means leaving waste from both its consumption and digestion (stuff going in and stuff going out). It seems likely we would have found this evidence in the wilderness at some point. Its not like there are many places in this country where nobody goes, they have to be considered more along the lines of off the beaten path. But with 300m people in this country, there really is no place where we havent been.

The reason we don't see them is they catch the daily 3am bus out of Saskatechewan. Sam Goldwyn paid for it in a trust he created for the Canuck bigfoot when his studio insurance policy on Marilyn Monroe paid out big time.
 
2010-03-24 03:56:29 PM  
Bigfoot has been sighted in every state and province in the US and Canada and several states in Mexico, with the only exception being Hawaii. There are only two other animals that ubiquitous in North America: the rat and the coyote. We have no problem whatsoever finding specimens of those.

On the other hand, the Florida Panther, of which there are about 100 left spread over hundreds of square miles in Florida, is regularly sighted and photographed.

www.wildflorida.com

Dec 7 2007, identified as female #142.

The Florida Panther is in serious danger of extinction because 100 is not a viable breeding population.

So bigfoot, which has been "sighted" in the US since the early 1800's, has enough representatives of its species to be active in basically everywhere in North America, but few enough members to avoid detection, but enough to maintain a successful breeding population for 200+ years?

No, sorry. No bigfoot.
 
2010-03-24 03:57:07 PM  
I think it's pretty obvious that Bigfoots are in fact Wookies. They fly here on UFOs. They are the ones who told Lucas about their galaxy.
 
2010-03-24 03:57:49 PM  
Gus, your wife is a Bigfoot.

Goonie goo goo!
 
2010-03-24 03:59:50 PM  
Fools! Bigfoot isn't out of focus; he's out of phase!

String theory predicts the existence of alternative universes which intersect our own in unpredictable ways. Obviously, Bigfoot is a resident of one of these alternative universes, which intersects ours closely in a number of axes, but not as closely in several others.

Consequently, on the rare occasions in which he is visible at all, he appears as a grainy, out-of-focus, jumpy creature. Coincidentally, we appear the same to him, which you have to admit is a little scary, which explains why he doesn't stick around to try to make contact.

This also obviously explains why we never find any Bigfoot corpses, fewmets, or any other evidence of passage: because he never actually fully enters this universe.

Fortunately, a project underway at the University of Chicago is addressing the question of predicting when these view-portals spawn, and how we might prolong and stabilize them, to the end that we might ultimately be able to fully open the portal to not only view the other universe, as it were, through a glass darkly, but ultimately face to face.
 
2010-03-24 04:00:27 PM  
Sybarite: Superevil: DrySocket: An animal of that size would have to consume a sizable number of calories per day in order to survive. That means leaving waste from both its consumption and digestion (stuff going in and stuff going out). It seems likely we would have found this evidence in the wilderness at some point. Its not like there are many places in this country where nobody goes, they have to be considered more along the lines of off the beaten path. But with 300m people in this country, there really is no place where we havent been.

I don't know about you but I can't tell the difference between a bigfoot turd and a bear turd.


Bigfoot turds have a nuttier flavor.


Bear turds smell like pepper spray and have little silver bells in them.
 
2010-03-24 04:01:45 PM  
SteelPeart: albo: let's assume Bigfoot exists and move on

let's assume the writer is a hermaphrodite communist and move on. everybody commence with wild-ass accusations about him:

Sounds like a Darwinist explaining why the fossil record contains no evidence of Darwin's theory.


So fossils cause autism? I knew it!
 
2010-03-24 04:07:18 PM  
Uzzah: In the dense forests of the Pacific Northwest dwells the strange and beautiful creature known as Bigfoot, perhaps. Sadly, logging and human settlement today threaten what might possibly be his habitat, although if it's not, they don't. Bigfoot populations require vast amounts of land to remain elusive in. They typically dwell just behind rocks but are also sometimes playful, bounding into thick fogs and out-of-focus areas. Remember, it's up to us. Bigfoot is a crucial part of the ecosystem, if he exists. So let's all help keep Bigfoot possibly alive for future generations to enjoy, unless he doesn't exist. The end.

britishteeth.co.uk
Answer: their breeding population is hiding out amongst us.
 
2010-03-24 04:08:32 PM  
Thanks to Clay "Douchebag" Bennett, we'll never see Squatch again.

/Second best NBA mascot of all time.
//Go the Gorilla (Suns) is the best.
 
2010-03-24 04:08:36 PM  
flowtv.org
he exists in my childhood
 
2010-03-24 04:11:03 PM  
WindBreaker: Fools! Bigfoot isn't out of focus; he's out of phase!

String theory predicts the existence of alternative universes which intersect our own in unpredictable ways. Obviously, Bigfoot is a resident of one of these alternative universes, which intersects ours closely in a number of axes, but not as closely in several others.

Consequently, on the rare occasions in which he is visible at all, he appears as a grainy, out-of-focus, jumpy creature. Coincidentally, we appear the same to him, which you have to admit is a little scary, which explains why he doesn't stick around to try to make contact.

This also obviously explains why we never find any Bigfoot corpses, fewmets, or any other evidence of passage: because he never actually fully enters this universe.

Fortunately, a project underway at the University of Chicago is addressing the question of predicting when these view-portals spawn, and how we might prolong and stabilize them, to the end that we might ultimately be able to fully open the portal to not only view the other universe, as it were, through a glass darkly, but ultimately face to face.


I better call those guys and tell them that's a bad idea. I would know I play a lot of Rifts.
 
2010-03-24 04:11:46 PM  
We can, however, catch athlete's foot.
 
2010-03-24 04:12:15 PM  
www.moviemantz.com
Another indication of where the breeding population hides.
 
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