Do you have adblock enabled?
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Netscape)   Michael Jackson may not be able to beat it when it comes to the tax man   ( divider line
    More: Obvious  
•       •       •

7333 clicks; posted to Main » on 28 Apr 2003 at 4:45 PM (14 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

49 Comments     (+0 »)
2003-04-28 03:59:23 PM  
"County officials have decided Jackson doesn't qualify for an agricultural preservation tax break on his Neverland Ranch."

The IRS has determined, however, that the cover of "Smooth Crimial" by Alien Ant Farm entitles that group to a Farm subsidy.

(crickets chirping).

I got nothing.
2003-04-28 04:05:02 PM  
2003-04-28 04:48:02 PM  
Please insert masterbation joke here_____
2003-04-28 04:48:13 PM  
I agree that Lars has nothing.

(me neither)
2003-04-28 04:48:14 PM  
Wacko Jacko does it again!
2003-04-28 04:49:05 PM  
Please insert masterbation joke here_____

In the meantime, Jackson's staff...

Casper, that's the best I could do...
2003-04-28 04:50:49 PM  
Just another example of The Man trying to hold Jacko down.
2003-04-28 04:51:26 PM  
Maybe Michael Jackson can settle his tax problem by selling the Government his rights to the Beatles' song, "Taxman"

If you drive a car, I'll tax the street,
If you try to sit, I'll tax your seat.
If you get too cold I'll tax the heat,
If you take a walk, I'll tax your feet.

Don't ask me what I want it for
If you don't want to pay some more
'Cause I'm the taxman, yeah, I'm the taxman

2003-04-28 04:52:53 PM  
Pick your own Jacko excuse:

1) Racism
2) Sexism
3) Plastic-surgery-ism

/ain't got shiat
2003-04-28 04:55:13 PM  
Am I the only one that is completely creeped out by him?
2003-04-28 04:56:18 PM  
Get back to me when MJ gets me a tax break.
2003-04-28 04:58:40 PM  
Andonbray, Sure, if we can read "I" as "the whole world" change "Am" to "is" and drop "only one" completely from the sentence, then yes absolutely.
2003-04-28 04:58:41 PM  
aw, come on! it's the United States...aren't all the rich folks supposed to get huge tax breaks?
2003-04-28 05:00:54 PM  
I'd like to know why the admins thought anybody gave a flying crap about Jacko(ff)...
2003-04-28 05:01:00 PM  
Let the IRS feel free to take his children away from him while they're at it.
2003-04-28 05:01:21 PM  
Michael heard the news while fondling Bubbles the chimp who in turn was humping the Elephant man's bones...wait.. no,

I got nothing...His whole damn life is cliche.
2003-04-28 05:01:47 PM  
Andonbray - yes. All the rest of us see him as he sees himself: the epitome of human evolution, the progenitor of a new & improved human race, and oh yeah, the king of rock, pop, rap and hip-hop.

He is - the gloved one.
2003-04-28 05:03:19 PM  
The 2002-03 assessed value of Neverland Ranch is $12,292,618, resulting in taxes this year of approximately $13,000, according to the Santa Barbara County Assessor's Office.

ummm... i owed that much in taxes too - and i RENT dammit! what the hell?!
2003-04-28 05:04:18 PM  
"Michael Jackson" =

M.J., alias "no check"
2003-04-28 05:04:29 PM  
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Neil Armstrong?

Neil Armstrong walked on the moon.....
Michael Jackson sleeps with little boys.
2003-04-28 05:06:46 PM  
God I hate that freak of nature. Isn't it about time they throw his cub scout farking ass in jail where hopefully he gets cornholed to death by a group of white supremacists?
2003-04-28 05:06:50 PM  
The article says he gets a break because he leases land to a cattle rancher but he's developed too much of his property for non-agricultural use. Does he get a break or not? I'm confused.
Another point, the guy spends more than this on some crappy souvenirs in Vegas but has a staff to help him avoid paying taxes. WTF!
2003-04-28 05:08:24 PM  
Dear Mr Jackson,

We have adjusted your 1040 tax form to reflect the following changes in the law:

Kiddie porn is no longer a write off

Please adjust your records accordingly.
2003-04-28 05:10:30 PM  
"In the meantime, Jackson's staff has started a process that could keep his taxes from increasing significantly."
2003-04-28 05:14:38 PM  
What he should do is send a small vial of semen along with his taxes.

See, the government can use it to grow a child that will be the Prince of Pop's successor. It will reap them billions of dollars. They'll put an ad in the classified section of an LA Music magazine. The ad will read: Wanted: Unfertilized human egg fortunate for an experiment. Donors must have musical background.

With a plethora of young, eager wanna-be musical starlets willing to sell their eggs, the government will simply have to pick and purchase. Then they'll put the two ingredients together into the womb of a llama until the child comes to term, upon which he will be called Kevin.

Kevin will be a beautiful child. The government will see to it that Kevin is trained by the best in all aspects of performing. His voice will be golden, and have a sweetness to it that most males lack. He'll move with grace, and be able to moonwalk by the time he is three. As Kevin grows in his talent, the government will start noticing odd developments in his physical state. When Kevin loses his baby teeth, his secondaries will come in with a vengance! They'll be at least twice the size of a normal adult's, and the two in front will stick nearly straight out. Also as Kevin reaches his eighth year, he'll be the same height as when he was four. To top it off, he'll grow hair all over and his penis will be enormous, even by adult standards. It also dawned on the government that even trough all the years of hearing Kevin sing, he'll rarely speak, often choosing to communicate with various grunt and gurgles.

Others will notice the changes in Kevin. Children will begin to tease him - to call him "Gopher Boy". One day a bully by the name of "Big Roy" will start throwing bananas at him. Soon a crowd of kids will all be throwing bananas. Suddenly, in a fury, Kevin will rush at Big Roy and bite three finger fingers off on his left hand.

Kevin will then be whisked away to Area 51, never to be heard from again.
2003-04-28 05:16:57 PM  
Bravo Piyoko, Bravo.

/Tear runs down cheek
2003-04-28 05:20:27 PM  
As much as I would love to see the IRS ream Jacko...
I would LOVE to see them look int Jesse Jackson.

/Will Never Happen
2003-04-28 05:22:45 PM  
$13,000 property taxes on a $13,000,000 property? Damn, that's cheap. Where I live it's about $1000 per $200,000 home value, and I think that's pretty low compared to lots of the US.
2003-04-28 05:23:34 PM  
Old one: What's long and brown and often found in little boys' underwear? Michael Jackson's finger
2003-04-28 05:27:04 PM  
If Jackson's staff needs to add 3 inches have I got an internet site for him.
2003-04-28 05:33:59 PM  
NickBurns, yeah, i wasnt watching the show, but mearly fliped to that specific scene. Jacko is walking around with Kids(of course) in Las Vegas, pointing at stuff saying, "ill take that, and that, ohh isnt that pretty, ill take it.." not even looking at the price tags. Frankly i hope they reem him a new one, and take his lala land ranch and his kids.

you know who else is a freak of nature who lives in his own world?

Prince ... errr ecuse me, "the artist formerly known as Prince"

2003-04-28 05:37:38 PM  
Ah, Piyoko. I have finally found someone that likes Primus and South Park as much as myself. Kudos to you.

I am Gopher Boy, pondering reality
I am Gopher Boy, would you buy my raspberries?
2003-04-28 05:38:34 PM  
I know it's just a matter of time before this goes up so here:

[image from too old to be available]
2003-04-28 05:43:44 PM  
OK ... so someone's pulling out the old jokes:

Q: What does Michael Jackson & K-Mart have in common?

A: Boy pants, half off!
2003-04-28 05:47:00 PM  
I know rich people get rich by being penny pinchers, but seriously... the idea of rich people spending ass loads of money so they dont have to pay taxes is mind boggeling.

Just pay the damn taxes and drop your team of tax evaders and youll be helping the country that put you where you are!!

Some rich people really piss me off. There are good rich people though... IE: Bill Cosby, that man is a hero. when he was making lots of money, he religiously donated 50% or more.

Sharon Stone, started Planet Hope, instead of putting in on Planet Hollywood, like these other farks. You have enought money, why start a resturant that over charges to put more money in your already fat pocket.

/end rant
2003-04-28 05:49:20 PM  
He could beat it if the taxman was a 13 year old boy
2003-04-28 05:54:32 PM  
My folks were paying about $9-10k/year for a farking half-acre in Westchester..

farking schools...
2003-04-28 06:49:01 PM  
That hefty "Shi-mon" surtax has really taken its toll.

"The fed-erl gubmint, it do take a bite."
2003-04-28 06:53:59 PM  
Taxes were I live are 1.5% of market value...farking horseshiat!
2003-04-28 06:59:05 PM  
His house is only $12M? That's chump change around Santa Barbara, Hope Ranch and Montecito.
2003-04-28 07:07:36 PM  
His taxes are only 12k/yr? Thats what my retired parents pay on their 1/2 acre single family here in taxachusetts. And here is Jacko, multi-millionaire worried about a lousy 5K added onto that? He must be in deep financial shiat. I heard he actually took out huge loans expecting his latest album to hit. What a loser.
2003-04-28 07:09:17 PM  
Michael Jackson's pnis was bitten off by a dog. It's true. It was my cousin's friend's cousin's neighbor's dog that did it.
2003-04-28 07:16:56 PM  
I thought this was going to be about how Jacko raped the Beatles' songs so he could sell them to commercials to bring his unbelievable wealth even further.

That alone is reason enough to hate Jacko with a burning passion, never mind his shiatty music and his freak-itude. But that doesn't help.
2003-04-28 08:06:29 PM  
Wooah! The Beatles 0wNzor Jackson1!!1!!!!1

"T4xM4n" 4 evar !
Boo "B34t 1t" !1!!!11!
2003-04-28 08:28:36 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
If you can't beat it, JUST EAT IT! JUST EAT IT!
(sorry, the weird al reference was highly obligatory)
2003-04-28 09:26:16 PM  
There was once a day that I enjoyed the antics of MJ, but today is not that day.
2003-04-28 09:45:47 PM  
Scum-Bucket is as Scum-Bucket does. (or something like that.)
2003-04-28 11:38:08 PM  
Knock Knock..
Who's there?
Little boy blue.
Little boy blue who?

Michael Jackson!

Have you heard of the new McJackson burger? It's a 35 year old piece of meat between two 14 year old buns.

And more!
2003-04-28 11:39:22 PM  
Heh, it's no longer 35 is it? 40-something now. When I heard it, it was 35. Damn!
Displayed 49 of 49 comments

This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking

On Twitter

Top Commented
Javascript is required to view headlines in widget.
  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.