At least he didn't convert to islam (new window)...

Forest Lake police used a Taser to subdue a delusional nude man in the median of Interstate 35 Thursday evening after he allegedly jumped on passing cars and claimed he was God and the devil.

Simultaneously, or back-and-forth?

/the devil's in the details

jesus schmeus.

LOL

+1 subby

Reminds me of the video of Jesus singing something like "Put on a Happy Face" and getting hit by the bus. It's on youtube somewhere.

If he's smart he won't come back.

HAH! Sounds about right. First time? That's a crucifying. Second time? We learned from last time so here's 50,000 less lethal volts.

I was going to say: "Meth,it's a hell of a drug." But the TFA said it was heroin.

What does any of this have to do with Jesus?

Two men outside claiming to be Jesus. One of them must be wrong.

Good think he didn't claim to be allah; there would be protests and the obligatory fatwah calling for his death.

If the baby Jesus got loose he could cause some real damage!

/Ned

/obligatory

Didn't he just leave Chicago, bound for New Orleans?

Manson finally got his parole?

EighthundredmillionthFarker: Forest Lake police used a Taser to subdue a delusional nude man in the median of Interstate 35 Thursday evening after he allegedly jumped on passing cars and claimed he was God and the devil.

Simultaneously, or back-and-forth?

/the devil's in the details

Either way, it is pretty farking metal.

CygnusDarius: I think this is how the second coming (no pun intended) will be: Jesus will return as all the contrary most sunday-only christians think he is. He will be denied entry in the Mega churches, etc.

If Jesus came back today, he'd talk about feeding the hungry and helping the poor, and ending war and suffering, and Glen Beck will go on the air and call him a "Liberal commie hippy traitor who doesn't Support Our Troops." Then some whacko teabagger will drag him for miles behind his pickup truck for being a "brown middle-easterner" and a "Obama bin Laden supporter".

If Jesus were real, and actually did come back today, the Teabaggers would call him a commie liberal Arab, Glenn Beck would declare him "a danger to our way of life", FOX News would slander and attempt to discredit him, Rush Limbaugh would make fun of him, and finally, some conservative politician/CEO would have him shot by an unstable Freeper (is that a redundant term, or what?). After his death, conservatives and Teabaggers would email off-color jokes about him to each other for years to come.

But of course, he's not real and never was, so carry on.

stiletto_the_wise: If Jesus came back today, he'd talk about feeding the hungry and helping the poor, and ending war and suffering, and Glen Beck will go on the air and call him a "Liberal commie hippy traitor who doesn't Support Our Troops." Then some whacko teabagger will drag him for miles behind his pickup truck for being a "brown middle-easterner" and a "Obama bin Laden supporter".

Great minds think alike, I guess.

And yours posts slightly faster than mine. I must be getting old.

ZeroCorpse: Great minds think alike, I guess.

And yours posts slightly faster than mine. I must be getting old.

Yours was better though. For bonus points, point this stuff out to a self-proclaimed "Real American Christian" and watch how many shades of blue and purple he turns.

He said he killed God and was working for the Devil (and then added that thing about being God). Could it be he believed himself to be Pontius Pilate and not Jesus? We need someone like Benny Hinn Glenn Beck to guide us on this question.

FTFA: He stated that he had the code to heaven.

It's the same as this guy's luggage code...

To be read in Rush Limbaugh's voice:

"Feed the poor. That's what this Jesus fellow says we have to do; Feed the poor. Why would I do that? Why would I give my hard-earned, God-given money and to enable these people who couldn't be bothered to get a better job? My friends, it's not my responsibility, and neither is it yours. Give to a church, and let them help people if you want to be charitable... But giving your taxes and possessions to other people? That is simply wrong, friends."

"This guy also wants us to heal the sick, even if they can't afford to pay for th services of doctors and medical professionals. This, my friends, is socialism. Asking for a hand-out-- when your choices are the reason you need one-- is simply mind-boggling. Why would you expect that from other Americans? This is the kind of guy whose parents were no doubt communist hippies who didn't get the message that America is built on the free market economy and that we, as a society, have decided that giving things away for free is bad business. It's un-American."

"And what gall he has, calling himself Jesus and trying to claim he's the son of God. Look at him! He's doesn't even look like the Biblical Jesus. This fellow's an Arab, my friends! He's got short, black hair and wears clothes he apparently bought in Goodwill. Or maybe he stole them? He certainly doesn't seem to think people deserve to get paid for their work!"

Announcer: "With talent on loan from God, this has been Rush Limbaugh!"

MAYORBOB: He said he killed God and was working for the Devil (and then added that thing about being God). Could it be he believed himself to be Pontius Pilate and not Jesus? We need someone like Benny Hinn Glenn Beck to guide us on this question.

Sounds sort of Gnostic, in a very psychotic way. Also, I think that there was more than heroin in that syringe. Guy wasn't nodding out much.

Was he still wearing sandals? Or had he learned the lesson from the first time?

tonesskin: FTFA: He stated that he had the code to heaven.

It's the same as this guy's luggage code...

Damn you.

/Hail Skroob

I guess that's the new rule.

If you meet Buddha on the street, kill him, execution style, with a .38 to the back of the head.
If you meet Jesus, Tase him, then curb the hippie.
Shiva gets an atomic wedgie and a Dutch rub.
For Zoroaster, do a 3 Stooges routine, pinching his nose and poking him in the eyes.
Flying Spaghetti Monster, grab his balls.
J.R. "Bob" Dobbs, don't spare the machete.
Give Mohammed a nice BLT and send him to the nearest JDL office.
Quetzacoatl, you turn over to Joe Arpaio.
Just laugh at Jedi Knights, because their religion is *fake*.

...the man began yelling about "how he had killed God, he was God, he was the devil...

He's not Jesus. He's Nietzsche.

the cop who tased God AND the devil at the same time has some brass balls, i tell you what.

Boy, are those guys in trouble.

stiletto_the_wise: If Jesus came back today, he'd talk about feeding the hungry and helping the poor, and ending war and suffering, and Glen Beck will go on the air and call him a "Liberal commie hippy traitor who doesn't Support Our Troops." Then some whacko teabagger will drag him for miles behind his pickup truck for being a "brown middle-easterner" and a "Obama bin Laden supporter".

hahaha..its funny cuz its true

/FTW

Forest Lake, that explains a lot...

stiletto_the_wise: CygnusDarius: I think this is how the second coming (no pun intended) will be: Jesus will return as all the contrary most sunday-only christians think he is. He will be denied entry in the Mega churches, etc.

If Jesus came back today, he'd talk about feeding the hungry and helping the poor, and ending war and suffering, and Glen Beck will go on the air and call him a "Liberal commie hippy traitor who doesn't Support Our Troops." Then some whacko teabagger will drag him for miles behind his pickup truck for being a "brown middle-easterner" and a "Obama bin Laden supporter".

A true statement.

Today's megachurches are not unlike the high priest council of 30AD.

As an officer on the scene stated, "he was obviously in an excited delirium (new window)."


So, he died from the tazer?

No charges have been filed.

i wonder if this is the reason the bridge collapsed??????? it said it was on i35

EighthundredmillionthFarker: Forest Lake police used a Taser to subdue a delusional nude man in the median of Interstate 35 Thursday evening after he allegedly jumped on passing cars and claimed he was God and the devil.

Simultaneously, or back-and-forth?

/the devil's in the details

With just heroin, it had to be back and forth. You'd need several hundred mikes of acid to be both simultaneously.

Does this mean Christians are going to wear little tasers around their necks now?

Earth City? Where?

Just more reason to believe in the Church of Jesus Christ the Kidnapped.

/not too obscure.

tonesskin: FTFA: He stated that he had the code to heaven.

It's the same as this guy's luggage code...

THAT.

I was about to ask if there was a keypad on The Pearly Gates.

When I hear about one of these deranged fruitcakes running about naked in traffic, I can't help but think of the final scene in the "Original" Invasion of the Bodysnatchers film...



"They're here already! You're next!"

He'll be fine. He's got the code.

I expect we'll hearing the follow-up soon - armageddon, resurrection of the dead, last judgment and all.

Did they at least get "the code to heaven" out of him before they took him to the pokey?

Otherwise, only his jailmates will find out.
In his case they already have the back door wide open but...we're talking Heaven!

This guy was Jesus?

Mad-n-FL: As an officer on the scene stated, "he was obviously in an excited delirium (new window)."


So, he died from the tazer?

No charges have been filed.

He probably was using it as a euphemism for the loony having a boner.

Another Government Employee: I was going to say: "Meth,it's a hell of a drug." But the TFA said it was heroin.

Knowing Forest Lake, it most likely was meth. That town is pretty much the last outpost of humanity before Chisago and then Pine counties.