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(SFGate)   Most little kids are curious about where babies come from. Not all of them get to learn first hand by delivering their own brother   (sfgate.com) divider line 113
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7802 clicks; posted to Main » on 19 Mar 2010 at 8:52 AM (4 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2010-03-19 08:54:21 AM
2132: "Teen heroically drives vehicle 6 blocks to hospital when auto-pilot fails"
 
2010-03-19 08:54:46 AM
...from evil?
 
2010-03-19 08:55:07 AM
Yeah, but that'll scar him for life worse than grade 7 health class videos...
 
2010-03-19 08:55:46 AM
Children having children. Is this what the world is coming to?
 
2010-03-19 08:56:36 AM
This is the sort of thing that's going to turn the big brother ghey later in life.
 
2010-03-19 08:56:41 AM
So do you think this gives the siblings the same rights as the parents to say, "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out!"? :-)

Great story to start the day with!
 
2010-03-19 08:58:12 AM
How is babby formed?

/oblig
 
2010-03-19 08:58:24 AM
She thought it was a bowel movement!
 
2010-03-19 08:59:10 AM
The kid in 30 years
oldschoolreviews.com
I'll just leave this here for you guys.
 
2010-03-19 09:00:15 AM
boourns75: She thought it was a bowel movement!

I heard that women take a big lump while pushing out the baby. So I guess it's the same thing.
 
2010-03-19 09:00:37 AM
boourns75: She thought it was a bowel movement!

Damnit, where is my "not sure if serious" pic?

/srsly?
 
2010-03-19 09:01:44 AM
"Jabari, 9, thought the birth was interesting for different reasons."

For instance, seeing the big purple head pop out of his Mommy's vagina??
 
2010-03-19 09:02:35 AM
I'm waiting for one of these stories where it all ends in utter disaster, because the mother didn't make it to a hospital. I have yet to see one.

Hospital birthing is a social extravagance, and unnecessary.
 
2010-03-19 09:03:52 AM
palad: I'm waiting for one of these stories where it all ends in utter disaster, because the mother didn't make it to a hospital. I have yet to see one.

Hospital birthing is a social extravagance, and unnecessary.


So they should just drop 'em by the side of the rice field and GTBW?
 
2010-03-19 09:05:34 AM
Thud!!

After only one push, 9 pounds and 4 ounces of baby Joseph came out and fell onto the floor.
 
2010-03-19 09:06:02 AM
Alana was still standing by the toilet. After only one push, 9 pounds and 4 ounces of baby Joseph came out and fell onto the floor.


What a nice welcome to the world. Falling headfirst into the hard pee covered bathroom floor next to the toilet.
 
2010-03-19 09:06:39 AM
Don't women have orgasms when they're giving childbirth? Lol this sounds like the origin some weird oedipal complex this kid will have later in life.
 
2010-03-19 09:08:00 AM
palad: I'm waiting for one of these stories where it all ends in utter disaster, because the mother didn't make it to a hospital. I have yet to see one.

Hospital birthing is a social extravagance, and unnecessary.


Yeah! Same thing with those worthless NICUs. What a waste.
 
2010-03-19 09:08:11 AM
palad: Hospital birthing is a social extravagance, and unnecessary.

Sir or madam, most of civilization is a social extravagance, and unnecessary. But as it happens, insurance agrees with you. That's why they kick mothers out so quickly now.
 
2010-03-19 09:08:37 AM
palad: I'm waiting for one of these stories where it all ends in utter disaster, because the mother didn't make it to a hospital. I have yet to see one.

Hospital birthing is a social extravagance, and unnecessary.


You're an idiot.
 
2010-03-19 09:08:40 AM
But things moved fast. Alana was still standing by the toilet. After only one push, 9 pounds and 4 ounces of baby Joseph came out and fell onto the floor.

Does anyone else picture the Catholic mother from The Meaning of Life?
 
2010-03-19 09:10:10 AM
farm1.static.flickr.com

Way to go kids, now do the dishes.
 
2010-03-19 09:10:15 AM
Syphilis_Smile: Don't women have orgasms when they're giving childbirth? Lol this sounds like the origin some weird oedipal complex this kid will have later in life.

Where in the world did you hear that son? I'm pretty sure most women don't ask for drugs to dull the best sensation EVAR.
 
2010-03-19 09:11:35 AM
"Listen, Tyler. I brought you into this world and I'll take you out!"
 
2010-03-19 09:18:22 AM
He'll never be curious about anything ever again, except maybe bi-curious.
 
2010-03-19 09:20:31 AM
Flakeloaf: palad: I'm waiting for one of these stories where it all ends in utter disaster, because the mother didn't make it to a hospital. I have yet to see one.

Hospital birthing is a social extravagance, and unnecessary.

You're an idiot.


Yes, there are absolutely, positively, unarguably no other factors whatsoever involved there.
 
2010-03-19 09:20:51 AM
The snapping cord part surprised me. That's a pretty rare event. Probably a good thing that baby was born as fast as it was. Can you imagine if she was in a hospital with a nurse holding the baby's head to keep it from coming out before the doctor could scrub up?

Deskmoogle: boourns75: She thought it was a bowel movement!

Damnit, where is my "not sure if serious" pic?

/srsly?


Yeah, that's pretty much what it feels like. The whole labor process is a lot like intermittant bouts of "bad gas and I have to poop". The actual baby coming out part is a bit more intense.

/birthed two babies, one on the living room floor
//three year old sister watched, but did not help
 
2010-03-19 09:24:49 AM
palad: I'm waiting for one of these stories where it all ends in utter disaster, because the mother didn't make it to a hospital. I have yet to see one.

Absolutely. I think it's because of the percentage of births that have complications that would require medical assistance, the vast majority of those are known ahead of time. It could happen of course but it would be uncommon.

Hospital birthing is often a social extravagance, and unnecessary for low-risk women who are comfortable with homebirth.

FTFY. Also shut up, you're making the rest of us look bad.
 
2010-03-19 09:25:22 AM
Oh yeah, that kid is gonna' have a pregnant fetish.
 
2010-03-19 09:29:19 AM
The two boys will have a LOT of issues in their lives.

Watching delivery is really gross, can be traumatic.
 
2010-03-19 09:30:00 AM
GAH! I cant even imagine what kind of emotional scarring it would have caused me to see my morbidley obese mother give birth! fark that!
 
2010-03-19 09:30:58 AM
palad: I'm waiting for one of these stories where it all ends in utter disaster, because the mother didn't make it to a hospital. I have yet to see one.

Hospital birthing is a social extravagance, and unnecessary.


Yeah, who needs things like ambu bags, meconium aspirators, and trained persons. Nothing bad ever happens during delivery that requires intervention, and ALL Babies are born at 39 weeks with no deformities or problems. Anything else is a lie of big obstetrics!

The stupid, it burns.

Come to Memphis and spend a day at the Birthplace at the Elvis Presley Memorial Trauma Center, which is the region's only level 4 High Risk Medical NICU and see how many happily born babies would have done just well at home.

This kid deserves the Hero Tag. I've been doing this for six years now and I still get terrified when I do a field delivery. Too many things that can go wrong that are not easily remedied in the back of an ambulance. (We don't carry stuff for Micropremies/premies and specialty neonatal devices in the 911 setting)
 
2010-03-19 09:33:00 AM
StaleCoffee: Flakeloaf: palad: I'm waiting for one of these stories where it all ends in utter disaster, because the mother didn't make it to a hospital. I have yet to see one.

Hospital birthing is a social extravagance, and unnecessary.

You're an idiot.

Yes, there are absolutely, positively, unarguably no other factors whatsoever involved there.


The chart tracks deaths in childbirth. The factor I'm thinking of involves a lack of access to proper medical care. What other factors are there?
 
2010-03-19 09:36:25 AM
Flakeloaf: StaleCoffee: Flakeloaf: palad: I'm waiting for one of these stories where it all ends in utter disaster, because the mother didn't make it to a hospital. I have yet to see one.

Hospital birthing is a social extravagance, and unnecessary.

You're an idiot.

Yes, there are absolutely, positively, unarguably no other factors whatsoever involved there.

The chart tracks deaths in childbirth. The factor I'm thinking of involves a lack of access to proper medical care. What other factors are there?


So proper medical care = hospital?

Setting aside the other non-factors of living in an industrialized society concerned with civil rights.
 
2010-03-19 09:36:49 AM
I hope he was told the placenta was a ghost brother.
 
2010-03-19 09:37:18 AM
hardinparamedic: Yeah, who needs things like ambu bags, meconium aspirators, and trained persons. Nothing bad ever happens during delivery that requires intervention, and ALL Babies are born at 39 weeks with no deformities or problems. Anything else is a lie of big obstetrics!

The stupid, it burns.

Come to Memphis and spend a day at the Birthplace at the Elvis Presley Memorial Trauma Center, which is the region's only level 4 High Risk Medical NICU and see how many happily born babies would have done just well at home.

This kid deserves the Hero Tag. I've been doing this for six years now and I still get terrified when I do a field delivery. Too many things that can go wrong that are not easily remedied in the back of an ambulance. (We don't carry stuff for Micropremies/premies and specialty neonatal devices in the 911 setting)


You said "meconium" and that made me think of the stories of my birth that I get from my mom. I apparently had the umbilical wrapped around my neck, had aspirated meconium, and was pointed the wrong way. I had an apgar score of 1 at birth, which is *really* bad and makes it surprising that I have no (obvious) brain damage. My mom works in a school nurse's office and she sees kids who had higher apgar scores than me but who are still screwed up due to a bad birth. If my mom hadn't been at a hospital I would have been dead.
 
2010-03-19 09:37:33 AM
At first I was like

www.canigetaverdict2.com

but then I

matty03.files.wordpress.com
 
2010-03-19 09:38:06 AM
hardinparamedic: Yeah, who needs things like ambu bags, meconium aspirators, and trained persons.

Well to be fair, my midwife carries all that. Plus IV stuff, catheters, pitocin, etc. About the only thing she doesn't have is a NICU or the ability to do a c-section, but then again neither does the nearest hospital offering births... anaethesiologist on call, you could wait an hour or more for surgery. I'd probably make it in before he did.

But yeah, it's just as stupid to say that we don't need obstetrics because emergencies are so rare as it is to say that we don't need neurosurgeons because hardly anyone ever needs their brain operated on.
 
2010-03-19 09:41:02 AM
Comsamvimes: You said "meconium" and that made me think of the stories of my birth that I get from my mom. I apparently had the umbilical wrapped around my neck, had aspirated meconium, and was pointed the wrong way. I had an apgar score of 1 at birth, which is *really* bad and makes it surprising that I have no (obvious) brain damage. My mom works in a school nurse's office and she sees kids who had higher apgar scores than me but who are still screwed up due to a bad birth. If my mom hadn't been at a hospital I would have been dead.

I hope your mom gets a card AND flowers on Mother's Day (as opposed to a card with flower illustrations).
 
2010-03-19 09:42:09 AM
"Well, see, I think, umm..a stork, he drops it down into your belly and theres blood everywhere, and then, umm, you have to press your belly button...and your butt falls off. Then you have to hold your butt and dig and dig...and you find a little baby!"
 
2010-03-19 09:46:39 AM
Oh. My. God.

Seeing that can scar a fully grown adult male. This kid isn't gonna ever want to touch another women.
 
2010-03-19 09:47:35 AM
Comsamvimes:
You said "meconium" and that made me think of the stories of my birth that I get from my mom. I apparently had the umbilical wrapped around my neck, had aspirated meconium, and was pointed the wrong way. I had an apgar score of 1 at birth, which is *really* bad and makes it surprising that I have no (obvious) brain damage. My mom works in a school nurse's office and she sees kids who had higher apgar scores than me but who are still screwed up due to a bad birth. If my mom hadn't been at a hospital I would have been dead.


You lucked out being in New Jersey, I understand they allow for lower Apgar scores there.
 
2010-03-19 09:51:24 AM
paquerette: hardinparamedic: Yeah, who needs things like ambu bags, meconium aspirators, and trained persons.

Well to be fair, my midwife carries all that. Plus IV stuff, catheters, pitocin, etc. About the only thing she doesn't have is a NICU or the ability to do a c-section, but then again neither does the nearest hospital offering births... anaethesiologist on call, you could wait an hour or more for surgery. I'd probably make it in before he did.

But yeah, it's just as stupid to say that we don't need obstetrics because emergencies are so rare as it is to say that we don't need neurosurgeons because hardly anyone ever needs their brain operated on.


Even though most pregnancies proceed normally, 5 - 8% of all babies delivered will require compressions and artifiical respiration, and 1-2% will require intensive therapies such as intubation, tracheal suctioning, UVC/UAC placement, and drug administration. (Source: STABLE Program)

Yeah, a low-risk home birth properly attended to by a Registered Nurse Midwife (Not the same as a Certified Midwife or just a Midwife - The later aren't even certified beyond basic CPR in most states) with proper emergency equipment is fine and acceptable. That's the way it was in my first true rural EMT job, we used to airlift complicated deliveries that required C-Sections out or at the very least apply liberal amounts of diesel to get them to a specialty center.

Comsamvimes: You said "meconium" and that made me think of the stories of my birth that I get from my mom. I apparently had the umbilical wrapped around my neck, had aspirated meconium, and was pointed the wrong way. I had an apgar score of 1 at birth, which is *really* bad and makes it surprising that I have no (obvious) brain damage. My mom works in a school nurse's office and she sees kids who had higher apgar scores than me but who are still screwed up due to a bad birth. If my mom hadn't been at a hospital I would have been dead.

For those that don't know, meconium is a fancy word for babies' first poop. It's mostly sterile, but the baby will release it into the amniotic fluid if it's in distress. The danger is if it gets into the mouth or nose and the baby takes a breath, he'll aspirate it into his lungs and bronchioles, where it forms a mixture similar to biological concrete and block the air from exchanging. These babies often have to go on specialty breathing mixtures, high frequency ventilators that breath 800 - 900 times a minute, or even a system similar to cardiac bypass called Extracorporial Membrane Oxygenation, where it does all the work of their heart and lungs.

Meconium is bad stuff.
 
2010-03-19 09:54:53 AM
Syphilis_Smile: Don't women have orgasms when they're giving childbirth? Lol this sounds like the origin some weird oedipal complex this kid will have later in life.

Orgasm? Seriously?! It's the worst kind of pain there is, feeling like your vagina is being ripped out of your body plus horrendous backpain and vomiting and then when it's time to push it feels like you're taking a shiat after being constipated for...uh 9 months. So, you tell me, would you orgasm?
 
2010-03-19 09:55:33 AM
I was born in a bathroom and raised in a lion's den....
 
2010-03-19 10:02:32 AM
hardinparamedic: Yeah, a low-risk home birth properly attended to by a Registered Nurse Midwife (Not the same as a Certified Midwife or just a Midwife - The later aren't even certified beyond basic CPR in most states) with proper emergency equipment is fine and acceptable.

This is not true. Are you not familiar with the Certified Professional Midwife program? They receive extensive training and testing, and in many states that have licensure at all, are licensed for homebirth.

Meconium is bad stuff.

It can be. Are you familiar that in the last year or two, there are newer protocols that call for no suctioning on vigorous babies? It can irritate the airway and push things farther down. Also a higher incidence of oral sensory issues and needing a feeding tube in babies who have been deep suctioned, so it should only be done when absolutely necessary. Check out the resources here: Link (new window)
 
2010-03-19 10:04:08 AM
Searching: "clown car" returned 0 results in thread

]quit

Exiting thread with disappoint
 
2010-03-19 10:04:35 AM
just_another_farker: Syphilis_Smile: Don't women have orgasms when they're giving childbirth? Lol this sounds like the origin some weird oedipal complex this kid will have later in life.

Orgasm? Seriously?! It's the worst kind of pain there is, feeling like your vagina is being ripped out of your body plus horrendous backpain and vomiting and then when it's time to push it feels like you're taking a shiat after being constipated for...uh 9 months. So, you tell me, would you orgasm?


You sound like you had back labor. Was your baby sunny-side up?

I did not have an orgasmic birth, probably because I just birth too fast. But I know someone who did. I can see how it's possible.

Did you know there's a whole movie about it?
 
2010-03-19 10:11:02 AM
Meconium also takes a pressure washer to get off of their butts too. Unless you are smart and pre-slime them with vaseline.

I'm sure that most of the mothers at that NICU in Memphis have clean tox screens and went to all of their pre-natal visits.

Of course the brother and sister are gonna be 'You were born in a bathroom' for the next 50 years...
 
2010-03-19 10:16:28 AM
What kind of farkhead started this shiat about husband staying in the delivery room???

Look, woman, you have the equipment. I don't. It's not healthy nor necessary nor humane nor beneficial to anybody nor sensible for me to stay there watching you scream "Oh AH I NEED TO TAKE A DUMP" and our son coming out of your grossly swollen, bloody, gross-by-any-standard pussy at the same time as shiat shooting out of your bloody ass, ok?

Jesus farking christ. This is some sick shiat.

And this is how I left the liberal camp. Sick bunch of idiotic assholes.
 
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