Finally! Some fark.com news you can use!

Now THAT is a Public Service Announcement. w00t!

Splendid!

here's another tip farkers...when you get your drink CHEW YOUR ICE...it takes longer to finish a drink. Every strip club screws you over on drinks a different way but this will save you money regardless of where you are at.
Also, strippers are crafty...one strippers tried the infamous cig switcheroo on me, wherein she noticed we smoke the same brand of cigs. Being low on her pack she tried to switch packs with me while I was looking at her boobies. Lucky for me I was pretty low myself and the trade left me 5 cigs up on her...

ahem...one stripper, sorry.

Another reason not to wear the underwear is if the stripper
decides to spank you in the buff - you don't want the skid
marks on show to your friends! (No Joke, my best mate had
had a Ruby for lunch, and had been touching cloth all
evening - not a pleasant site)

Man so lucky in the US to have $1 bills. I was in the UK and the smallest bill is 5 pounds ($8)

The Lap Dance Prayer: "please be 'Sairway to Heaven'......please be 'Sairway to Heaven'...........please be 'Sairway to Heaven'..........

good tips... very useful.

"touching cloth" I like that.... ;)

Ratslapper:
"Sairway to heaven"? Would this be a "crub" in Bangkok?

SatchmoR, You know your'e going to have to explain what a ruby is.

"Add one item of clothing to the minimum that the stripper had on. If they were nude, say they had on a thong, if they had a thong say it was underwear. If they wore underwear, shoot yourself, you are an idiot."

My favorite part

My advice. Look around your work and find some geek farm boy from Nebraska. Invite him along. He will pay for the lap dances all night long. Last time I tried this the sap was pissed because the ATM would only let him take out $300.00!

Cockney rhyming slang:

Ruby Murry = Curry

Syrup of Figs = Wigs

Septic Tank = Yank

(No offence meant at all)

just remember there is no sex in the champagne room!
The way to get Stripper

If stairway to heaven doesnt play please let it be November Rain by GnR. That song lasts forever.

"a lap dance is so much better, when the stripper is crying. I find it's such a thrill, when she grinds me agains her will" -Blood Hound Gang

just remember there is no sex in the champagne room!
The way to get Stripper

NCBrit: This site has many other interesting english words and phrases.

http://www.viz.co.uk/profanisaurus/profanis.htm

SpurtReynolds: you're in there.....

Spurt Reynolds n. Pet name for the tearful bald man sitting on the hairy beanbags (qv). See also make a bald man cry.

SatchmoR while you're being pedantic...

not a pleasant site

should be not a pleasant sight...

:)

hey SpurtReynolds, that works 'till it's all gone, then your left "holding the bag".. HAHAHAHAHA

Meepmeep Zip Tang!

Always sit next to the drunk guy who puts his dollar bills in a little pile on the edge of the stage. The girls pay more attention to the general area around him and you can grab a dollar or two for your own fun.
And remember to never put your dollar bills in a little pile next to the stage because guys like me will steal your money.

Go to the bank and load up on 2.00 bills. They're (there SatchmoR) not that common and in the dark, the girl usually mistakes it for a twenty.

Batchelor parties?!

Y'all really oughta get out more!

Money? Hell no.

The way to a stipper's heart is through her nose.

How do you think they stay so thin and energetic?

That's sad WoodyTX.


Completely true tho. (also include any kind of speed, caffeine pills, diet pills, etc.)

Two tips that weren't included:
1. If you're a guy, go to the boobie bar with an openminded woman. A former stripper is really the way to go on this. My first time at a club, I went with a former stripper and all the girls would come over to chat with her and would give me for free what the other saps were paying for. Since then, I've gone with my wife more than once and buying lap dances for her is even more enjoyable than getting them for myself. Especially after the club...
2. If there's one of those stuffed animal crane games in the club, sit at the table closest to the front of it, even if you're farther from the stage. The strippers spend all of their non-stage, non-lapdance time clustered around it and leaning in to get a better view of what's inside the machine. And they will jump up and down and squeal when they win (all that's missing from the common male fantasy is the pillow fight). Yummy! If your favorite club doesn't have one of these, it shouldn't be hard to convince the club owners that they could only get a bigger share of the tips if they could have a crack vial vending machine in the dressing room.

Gotta call bullshiat on the "they can't tell a difference between a dollar and a twenty" line. My GF is a stripper and she can spot the difference between a $1, $5, or $20 from the other side of the room.

Best way to get a peeler is to be a roadie/musician in a bar band, which is playing the same bar as the strippers perform at during the day, and staying in rooms upstairs from the bar on the same floor as the peelers.

Play the 'starving artist'. They'll supply you with food, drugs and sex. And you can laugh along with them about all the perverts downstairs that stuff money in their crotches.

Used to work for me.

DaveX:
Read it again but this time S L O W L Y. It's a 2 and a 20. It ain't bullshait if it worked. (Just don't try it more than once)

Weezbo,

definitely the way to go, since the great majority of female strippers are lesbian, I always get pulled along to strip clubs when my husband goes. He has a thing about buying me lap dances .... he usually gets a freebie because of that...

Speed, caffeine pills? More like X and Special K.

My cousin's bachelor party is next Saturday. I'll report on the $2 trick. (I like it.)

Mayoboy,
I wasn't referring to your post. In the article it says to get a big stack of ones because the stripper can't tell the difference between a lot of ones and a lot of fives or twenties. I'm here to tell you they can and do.

Sorry DaveX, I'm cranky today. I'll go home, put on a sleeveless T, drink some beer, beat the wife and kid and see if I can make it onto "Cops".

I've found if you really want to make it on to Cops, it's best to wear no shirt at all. (it doesn't hurt if you've got a large Lynyrd Skynyrd tattoo, either)

Cover your eyes, Kat.