At least he gets bragging rights to a 600 pound cock.

slackist: At least he gets bragging rights to a 600 pound cock.

Over in the boobies. +2. ROFLcopter and all the jazz.

/penis

FTFA: admitted a charge of assault... had been drinking heavily and could not remember committing the offence

Then why the hell would he "admit" it?

AlsoFTFA: Defence solicitor John Hardie said: "...He can't remember anything but accepts that if that's what the police say then that's what happened."

Is his lawyer that bad, or did he "admit" to an offense that he "could not remember" before the lawyer arrived?

"The accused got to his feet and was standing over the police officer exposing his penis and thrusting it in her face, forcing her to take evasive action to avoid getting struck."

I don't get it. Was she kneeling? Was he standing on the couch? Is she a midget? Her face and his penis should not line up if they are standing...

Assault with a friendly weapon.

The should have sent that horny cop from a few weeks back as backup. I'm sure should would have stepped in the line of fire to save her fellow cops.

kaosrain: I don't get it. Was she kneeling? Was he standing on the couch? Is she a midget? Her face and his penis should not line up if they are standing...

They were playing Halo.

did the guy get off? will it stick?

and the officer.. has she swallowed the result like a professional, or did she have to do a spit-take?

MetaCarpal: FTFA: admitted a charge of assault... had been drinking heavily and could not remember committing the offence

Then why the hell would he "admit" it?

AlsoFTFA: Defence solicitor John Hardie said: "...He can't remember anything but accepts that if that's what the police say then that's what happened."

Is his lawyer that bad, or did he "admit" to an offense that he "could not remember" before the lawyer arrived?

I doubt that six hundred pounds is the maximum penalty that could have been assessed for assault -- with one witness against him (the alleged victim), who would likely be judged trustworthy due to being an LEO testifying against somebody who was admittedly drunk out of his skull, and nobody testifying for him, accepting a fine rather than risking a heavier sentence might have seemed perfectly reasonable.

Bad girlfriend, bad. Calling the constables when she shoulda been making sammiches.

An example of penile dystfunction.

''....she had to take evasive action to avoid being struck.''

Mwahahaha, priceless.

Wait- he's been on a bender since November? I'd do some crazy shiat too.

Poor guy. He was drunk at home. Reminds me of Ron White.
I don't blame him for using the only thing he had on him, his naner! Take THAT, copper. Jk don't arrest me.

"Drunk in a bar, now drunk in PUB-lick!"

Penis. It's always penis

Marium Varinauskas, 28, tried to strike the officer on the head with his penis when she was called out to his flat, but she got out of the way.


That is nothing. Last weekend upon hearing the news of my mother passing away I preceded to drink a case of beer. Few hours later I(according to the wife) unloaded some of that beer on her side of the bed with her sleeping in it. True story.

Kind of funny when she tells her friends in Vent about the occurrence. They then want to chat to me. I have no recollection of that. Wifey tells me my eyes were closed as it happened, like duh. I always close my eyes when offloading beer, sim to loading up on it.

wasnt this a plot ina chappelle show episode >>

/black dude took out 2 cops

Penis attack?

That's a taserin'

I'm guessing he was passed out when she arrived and she knelt down to talk to him and rouse him. When he awoke, he just saw a lady in front of him and thought, "I can get her", stood up and whipped it out.

MetaCarpal: FTFA: admitted a charge of assault... had been drinking heavily and could not remember committing the offence

Then why the hell would he "admit" it?

AlsoFTFA: Defence solicitor John Hardie said: "...He can't remember anything but accepts that if that's what the police say then that's what happened."

Is his lawyer that bad, or did he "admit" to an offense that he "could not remember" before the lawyer arrived?

Bloody hell, the one fark link where someone in the UK takes personal responsibility for something and you think that's a bad thing?

Apparently he was charged with being in possession of swollen goods.

FTA: "Police were called to his home by his girlfriend, who had complained about him being drunk last November."

Talk about holding a grudge...


Oh, and in case you're wondering what a dangerous penis (^ NSFW) might look like.

Just taz him Bro!

/Penis

Penis mightier.

Pics or didn't happen.

So little information given about the officer. I mean, was she hot?

Should have called in back up to take one for the team



/hot

I'm wondering on what earth how a trained female police officer gets in head-to-penis range of a drunk man?

//heartily applaud a legal system where you only get a fine for trying to thrust your nightstick into an annoying officers face

but at the same time...



//dismayed at a police officer that doesn't just end that shiat on the spot with a quick whack with her own nightstick

Darkrover2: heartily applaud a legal system where you only get a fine for trying to thrust your nightstick into an annoying officers face

Here in the States, this would have involved 6 squad cars, tasing, beating, pepper spray, arrest, prosecution for aggravated assault, assault on a police officer, sexual assualt, disorderly conduct, and as a special bonus, irrevocable lifetime registration as a sexual predator.

Came for the guy ducking the flying dildo

leaving forlorn and unsatisfied.

Korovyov: who would likely be judged trustworthy due to being an LEO

Soyuz say, anyway.

BuckTurgidson: Darkrover2: heartily applaud a legal system where you only get a fine for trying to thrust your nightstick into an annoying officers face

Here in the States, this would have involved 6 squad cars, tasing, beating, pepper spray, arrest, prosecution for aggravated assault, assault on a police officer, sexual assualt, disorderly conduct, and as a special bonus, irrevocable lifetime registration as a sexual predator.

You forgot resisting arrest.

/but yeah

First time I've heard of an ACTUAL attempted mushroom stamp.

I can't believe he'd quit drinking over a little thing like this.

ACEllis: Over in the boobies. +2. ROFLcopter and all the jazz.

Thank you kindly. *doffs cap*

Ah. A Liithuanian with a shaved head. Why am I not surprised?

ethics-gradient: Ah. A Liithuanian with a shaved head. Why am I not surprised?

Could be worse, could be drunk English tourist

eggi541: Marium Varinauskas, 28, tried to strike the officer on the head with his penis when she was called out to his flat, but she got out of the way.


That is nothing. Last weekend upon hearing the news of my mother passing away I preceded to drink a case of beer. Few hours later I(according to the wife) unloaded some of that beer on her side of the bed with her sleeping in it. True story.



Sorry, dude, but swinging at a cop's head with your massive dong gets you more respect than puking up on your wife... just saying is all...

I think this one has to be filed under both the "crimes I'd like to have on my resume", and "yes, it was worth the year in jail" card files.