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(Plain Dealer)   300-pound 5-foot gumball machine stolen   ( divider line
    More: Strange  
•       •       •

2443 clicks; posted to Main » on 28 Sep 2001 at 12:00 AM (16 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

34 Comments     (+0 »)
2001-09-28 12:02:44 AM  
Do you really want to find a guy big enough to steal that?
2001-09-28 12:13:18 AM  
Who would want a 300 pound 5 foot gumball? Jeez.
2001-09-28 12:14:36 AM  
Betcha it was clowns, they have lotta room in the back seat.
2001-09-28 12:14:52 AM  
Someone who wants to blow a farking big bubble?
2001-09-28 12:15:29 AM  
In a related story, I now have enough gumballs to share with everyone.
2001-09-28 12:19:23 AM  
Not as easy as stealing candy from a baby.
2001-09-28 12:28:03 AM  
That mother farking Gulliver!! Always robbing from the Lilliputians....
2001-09-28 12:34:04 AM  
Oh for Christ's sake.. The thing was on castors. A child could have wheeled it out.
2001-09-28 12:40:01 AM  
So didi they use castor oil to keep it quiet?
2001-09-28 12:48:43 AM  
Well here's your little thief, right here. Shoulda known.

[image from too old to be available]
2001-09-28 12:59:08 AM  
hey man, someone hook me up.
I like need a photoshop post.
Really, just front me one, I'm good for it.
I ain't hooked or nuthin, I just could use one right now.
ok, I'll give ya my number, ring if you come across one.

HEY, don't look at me like that, your the ones who got me doing it in the first place.

just a little one?
2001-09-28 12:59:12 AM  
This kind of crime takes a lot of balls.
2001-09-28 01:19:42 AM  
I've heard of people walking into malls and supermarkets with "uniforms" on and walking out with those portable ATMs. As long as you don't look suspicious, no one seems to think anything of it.
2001-09-28 01:25:26 AM  
I peruse a ton of garage sales. At one sale, I found a Folz-brand quarter vending machine (the kind that dispenses little plastic bulbs with a rubber spider or something in it. Never the cool digital watch on the front of the machine, but I digress). I called the Folz company to see if I could buy toys and a front display board for it, and they informed me that they neither sell the toys or their machines. Whoops. I guess that would explain the Ponderosa suggestion box I bought at the same sale...
2001-09-28 01:26:56 AM  
Fooshnik: My friends and I have a theory. Anyone dressed in a blue jumpsuit with a tool belt can walk away with almost anything. Success is guaranteed if you have a patch on the left breast with a foreign-sounding name, and you pretend that the only English you know consists of: "Is broken. Take to shop."
2001-09-28 01:54:32 AM  
You might want to avoid the Middle Eastern names and accents right now.
2001-09-28 02:13:59 AM  
"I had just taken the money out of the machine the night before. They probably didn't get more than $5."

- yeah, but they got an awful farking lot of gumballs.

We used to relocate newspaper vending machines at my University, when I lived in residence. At some point, they started attaching them with chains to stuff, and bolting them down. It just made them harder to steal, that's all.

Perhaps steal isn't the right word. We actually would borrow them for a couple weeks.
2001-09-28 02:16:02 AM  
Cmon who wouldn't want a payphone in their apartment?
2001-09-28 03:03:10 AM  
In an unrelated story, a 6'6", 330 lb 10-year old boy was admitted to a local Amherst hospital unable to breath, due to a large wad of gum covering the entire inside of his mouth and 4 inches into his esophagous. Doctors have opened the boy's trachea allowing him to breath. The hospital is flying in a German pediatrician, Dr. Peter, to perform the 40-hour long surgery involved in removing the wad of gum from the boy's primary orifice.

Due to his inability to speak, the boy's name and reason for putting so much gum in his mouth is unknown.

Experts estimate it would have taken "over two-thousand pieces of gum being ingested in less than ten minutes" to appropriate that much gum. Experts also estimate the boy either spent $500 or more in quarters on the gum, or stole a gumball machine, which they guess would "weigh 300 lbs and stand 5 feet tall".
2001-09-28 03:06:21 AM  
In a followup to MisterSym's story, officials are asking citizens to volunteer the bottoms of their tables in order to dispose of said wad of gum.
2001-09-28 03:10:24 AM  
<completly off topic>
Hey I was wondering does anyone know of any jobs going anywhere? That are worth doing that is..... in the computer arena.
</completly off topic>
2001-09-28 03:32:08 AM  
Mr Happy: There are no jobs in the computer arena that are going anywhere. Computers are just a fad. Going out like the hula-hoop.
2001-09-28 03:33:10 AM  
Henchman: Thanks, missed that tag when I was writing the story.
2001-09-28 04:01:15 AM  

*revs car engine*
2001-09-28 04:21:43 AM  
The computer arena ? Is that some like super-cool, fab sport in the the new Tron movie ?
2001-09-28 04:28:06 AM  
Redbull_(UK): I guess you could say that the television show "BattleBots" is the "computer arena."
2001-09-28 05:59:29 AM  
it's the server room at london arena on the isle of dogs where i saw steps, westlife, 5ive, hear'say , s club 7 and motorhead. it was a one off gig.
2001-09-28 06:19:24 AM  
Should be easy to find out who stole the gumball machines.

Just sit and wait watch Fark classifieds till someone decides to pay a $10 ad to sell .05 cent gumballs...
2001-09-28 06:33:31 AM  
Or we could watch FARK for the link to the eBay auction selling a 300 lb, 5 foot gumball machine.
HPZ [TotalFark]
2001-09-28 07:45:08 AM  
Oh, God, Jeff, I'm so sorry for you. Did they damage any of your other property in the process?
2001-09-28 08:26:24 AM  
I worked at a bowling alley a few years ago. They had one of these giant gumball machines sitting directly beside the counter where you get your shoes, etc. It disappeared one Friday night with the alley full of people. No one saw anything.

The next night I answered the phone, and some guy disguising his voice was on the other end. He informed me that the machine had been used for a treasure hunt, and it was now at one of the side doors. He thanked me and hoped the theft hadn't caused any problems.

When we went outside to lug the thing back in, it was surrounded by about 25 naked frat boys. They sang/did "the hokey-pokey" and took off over the hill in back.

You never really forget something like that...
2001-09-28 08:35:56 AM  
Debaser: Great story, even if it isn't true. (Not that I'm doubting you, it's just a great story, true or false.)
2001-09-28 09:21:48 AM  
Is this darwin criminal day?
HPZ [TotalFark]
2001-09-28 09:49:41 AM  
Dateline New York (AP) - The gigantic gumball machine designed for 300lb, 5' gumballs has been found in New York City in the former location of the Twin towers.

[image from too old to be available]
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