Ah, who could forget the morbid little musical scamps of the von Addams family.

The sun... has gone...to bed and so must I.
So long...farewell...auf weidersehen goodbye.
Goodbye
Goodbye
Now dieeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Her eccentric, extrovert mother kept her distance, whilst her father, Emile William Fesq, was morbidly shy and introverted.

Well. That was an interesting match.

Top hole. Bally Jerry pranged his kite right in the how's your father. Hairy blighter, dicky-birdied, feathered back on his Sammy, took a waspy, flipped over on his Betty Harper's and caught his can in the Bertie.

Why isn't there a US obit section this awesome?

Goddamn. That's the greatest obituary ever. I hope mine is half as interesting.

a picture of his corpse above their beds

Nothing strange about that. You put the corpse over the kids' beds, you take a photo, you take the damned corpse down. You don't leave it there mouldering over them while they sleep.

/sheesh

You've got to be in awe over the centuries of tradition and empire building and peasant-exploiting that goes into producing these paragons of society.

I mean, inheriting strings of titles? French folk marrying natives and considering themselves part of the Empire? Living in pest infected shacks and not getting hauled into court for code violations?

The U.S. has so far to go to match this, and we keep messing it up. We gave away the Philippines, we made Hawaii a state, we got out of Southeast Asia, and we were doing everything in secret in Central and South America. That's no way to build a legendary empire!

We're trying again with Afghanistan and Iraq, but nobody's ever survived occupying Afghanistan!* And we're talking about getting out of Iraq!

Where else can we turn? Europe has gotten out of Africa, and China is going in. Russia is busy locking up oil pipelines, so the 'stans are out. We're freinds with Japan and Australia, plus they have big weapons, so that's out.

So we have Antarctica, the North Pole, and the moon. What are we going to do? Marry the penguins and generate inbred-hybrid titled talentless boobs who sedate their kids with datura or whatever?

America, ur doing it rong.

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* I know, I know, I'm only saying that because no one ever has.