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(Telegraph) Weird Obituarial lolwuttery: "For love and stability they turned to their father's old nanny, Marie, an uncompromisingly down-to-earth, one-eyed Swiss peasant who, having lost her own baby, kept a picture of his corpse above their beds."   (telegraph.co.uk) divider line 59
More: Weird, Kuala Lumpur, North Africa, Dowager Duchess, Foreign Office, Switzerland, Second World War, French-speaking, Austria  
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7429 clicks; posted to Main » on 16 Mar 2010 at 11:12 AM   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»   |    Get this fabulous T-Shirt and impress the methane out of your friends! shirt it!



59 Comments   (+0 »)
   

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brap [TotalFark]
2010-03-16 10:37:38 AM
Ah, who could forget the morbid little musical scamps of the von Addams family.

The sun... has gone...to bed and so must I.
So long...farewell...auf weidersehen goodbye.
Goodbye
Goodbye
Now dieeeeeeeeeeeeee!
 
Sardonic_Padre
2010-03-16 11:15:21 AM
all that's missing there is a comment stating "she ritualistically shaved our testicles".

/nothing like a freshly shorn scrote
//Dr. Evil approves
 
ToxicMunkee
2010-03-16 11:16:18 AM
Her eccentric, extrovert mother kept her distance, whilst her father, Emile William Fesq, was morbidly shy and introverted.

Well. That was an interesting match.
 
Katie98_KT
2010-03-16 11:16:44 AM
that obituary sucks. its not chronological, and it makes NO sense, introduces characters never mentioned again, etc etc.
 
Abox [TotalFark]
2010-03-16 11:17:26 AM
Emerging alone after night-duty, she would pull a hatpin from her handbag.


Sounds like she was hot stuff with a hatpin.
 
SofaKingHuge
2010-03-16 11:19:02 AM
I'd hit it like the London blitz.

/Ducks
 
Seth'n'Spectrum
2010-03-16 11:21:01 AM
Holy crap Subby, this obit is full of win.
 
misanthropologist
2010-03-16 11:21:07 AM
Wow. That's the most ridiculous obituary I've read. Not that I've read a lot of them, but seriously, gems like this are one-in-a-million:

"The amah assigned to care for her had calmed her with chloroform, alarming even her neglectful parents. Her eccentric, extrovert mother kept her distance, whilst her father, Emile William Fesq, was morbidly shy and introverted.

Both parents were from dauntless stock. Great-grandfather Fesq was a wine exporter from Bordeaux who, having married a mulatto on the New Orleans run, had settled in Australia in 1848. ..."
 
nytmare
2010-03-16 11:23:24 AM
Suddenly, a shot rang out.
 
doubled99
2010-03-16 11:23:36 AM
"she was incapable of deceit"
A woman. Riiiiiight.
 
h2oincfs
2010-03-16 11:23:55 AM
Katie98_KT: that obituary sucks. its not chronological, and it makes NO sense, introduces characters never mentioned again, etc etc.

It's an obituary, not an episode of LOST.

/OR IS IT?
 
Cowin Myundies
2010-03-16 11:24:51 AM
Great read. Top hole. Bally Jerry pranged his kite right in the how's your father. Hairy blighter, dicky-birdied, feathered back on his Sammy, took a waspy, flipped over on his Betty Harper's and caught his can in the Bertie. Those were the days, eh?
 
jtips
2010-03-16 11:26:02 AM
Loving Wife, Beloved Aunt
 
Shakespeare's Monkey [TotalFark]
2010-03-16 11:28:57 AM
farm4.static.flickr.com

Top hole. Bally Jerry pranged his kite right in the how's your father. Hairy blighter, dicky-birdied, feathered back on his Sammy, took a waspy, flipped over on his Betty Harper's and caught his can in the Bertie.
 
Small Bite
2010-03-16 11:32:44 AM
This sounds like an obit out of the Royal Tenenbaums.
 
flatblack
2010-03-16 11:34:54 AM
I thought it was an interesting read, and a great obituary.
Hell of a story really. And she was good looking, too.

Hopefully when you die you'll at least leave an interesting story.
 
IdBeCrazyIf
2010-03-16 11:35:38 AM
Did she ritualistically shave their scrotum as well?
 
StewMcG
2010-03-16 11:35:46 AM
I love how they kept going on and on about how beloved the nanny was but, when the Germans invaded their vacation site on the Atlantic coast in France, they abandoned her. Yeah... beloved... right.

Otherwise, thanks Subby for a most entertaining read!
 
Salmon
2010-03-16 11:35:54 AM
goremaster.com

I AM A NANNY!
 
wraithmare
2010-03-16 11:36:03 AM
It was a dark and stormy night as the lightning reflected off of the pictures of the corpse of Marie's baby, looking shriveled and wretched.
 
MysticSavage
2010-03-16 11:37:26 AM
Was the father a relentless self-improving boulangerie owner with a penchant for buggery?
 
LewDux
2010-03-16 11:38:39 AM
Shouts of dead and injured filled the air
 
Gulper Eel [TotalFark]
2010-03-16 11:38:41 AM
Why isn't there a US obit section this awesome?
 
susansto-helit [TotalFark]
2010-03-16 11:42:07 AM
Goddamn. That's the greatest obituary ever. I hope mine is half as interesting.
 
RandomAxe [TotalFark]
2010-03-16 11:44:20 AM
a picture of his corpse above their beds

Nothing strange about that. You put the corpse over the kids' beds, you take a photo, you take the damned corpse down. You don't leave it there mouldering over them while they sleep.

/sheesh
 
Barricaded Gunman
2010-03-16 11:47:36 AM
jtips: Loving Wife, Beloved Aunt


*snerk*
 
someonelse
2010-03-16 11:49:25 AM
The British do insist on their eccentricities, don't they.
 
EmployeeOfTheMinute
2010-03-16 11:50:14 AM
Best. Obituary. Ever.
 
Danarchy84
2010-03-16 11:50:46 AM
Sounds like a character from Jeeves and Wooster. The British aristocracy truly are strange people.
 
ladyfortuna
2010-03-16 11:55:22 AM
Regarding the quote, I had a friend lose her baby something like 2 weeks before the expected delivery date.

The hospital actually took a picture of him after; he looked like he was sleeping. I guess it was so they'd have something to remember him by. Considering what they went through though, I don't begrudge their choice to have the picture out.
 
Tellurianix
2010-03-16 12:03:57 PM
Here's another obit that's worth reading. Nothing eccentric, but the dude deserves to have his passing marked more than once:

Link (new window)
 
kvinesknows
2010-03-16 12:05:23 PM
doubled99: "she was incapable of deceit"
A woman. Riiiiiight.


and completely untrue... note where she was obviously screwing around with her future husband BEFORE he got a divorce because they got married as soon as he divorved his first wife.
 
uberdose
2010-03-16 12:06:23 PM
Great find, subby.
Love the Dr. Evil references.
I would hit it.
i.telegraph.co.uk
(She's almost doing the Dr. Evil pinky thing.)
 
kvinesknows
2010-03-16 12:07:02 PM
"the family settled when she was 12 months old."

did they measure years differently back then???
 
akashik
2010-03-16 12:09:40 PM
Wow, I wish my life was half as interesting as that. Great read!
 
Lawn Maintenance Professional
2010-03-16 12:09:58 PM
Shakespeare's Monkey: Top hole. Bally Jerry pranged his kite right in the how's your father. Hairy blighter, dicky-birdied, feathered back on his Sammy, took a waspy, flipped over on his Betty Harper's and caught his can in the Bertie.

upload.wikimedia.org

Blackadder: Meaning?
George: I don't know, sir, but I read in the Times that they'd both been killed.

//Bob-level hot
 
Aidan
2010-03-16 12:10:38 PM
Sardonic_Padre: all that's missing there is a comment stating "she ritualistically shaved our testicles".

/nothing like a freshly shorn scrote
//Dr. Evil approves

Oh good. I wasn't the only one who read it in his voice.
 
Molavian
2010-03-16 12:10:45 PM
Sardonic_Padre: all that's missing there is a comment stating "she ritualistically shaved our testicles".

/nothing like a freshly shorn scrote
//Dr. Evil approves

This is exactly what I came here for.
 
Dances-With-Lobster
2010-03-16 12:19:04 PM
I guess that's why Switzerland is neutral. They all grow up with horrific reminders of death.
 
MelLuvsDMB
2010-03-16 12:19:24 PM
Um, what?
 
someonelse
2010-03-16 12:27:42 PM
ladyfortuna: Regarding the quote, I had a friend lose her baby something like 2 weeks before the expected delivery date.

The hospital actually took a picture of him after; he looked like he was sleeping. I guess it was so they'd have something to remember him by. Considering what they went through though, I don't begrudge their choice to have the picture out.

Not long ago I heard a really moving story on NPR about this. Parents who lose children usually have lots of photos to remember them by, but if you lose a child in childbirth, this is the only visual memory you can preserve.

Still, I think old memento mori photos are pretty damn creepy.
 
infinitedigits
2010-03-16 12:38:30 PM
Royal O'Reilly Tenenbaum 1932-2001 Died Tragically Rescuing His Family From The Wreckage Of A Destroyed Sinking Battleship.

/most satisfactory.
 
Sid Vicious' Corpse
2010-03-16 01:18:00 PM
someonelse: ladyfortuna: Regarding the quote, I had a friend lose her baby something like 2 weeks before the expected delivery date.

The hospital actually took a picture of him after; he looked like he was sleeping. I guess it was so they'd have something to remember him by. Considering what they went through though, I don't begrudge their choice to have the picture out.

Not long ago I heard a really moving story on NPR about this. Parents who lose children usually have lots of photos to remember them by, but if you lose a child in childbirth, this is the only visual memory you can preserve.

Still, I think old memento mori photos are pretty damn creepy.

I know a lady who is employed by a hospital to take pictures of the stillborn babies. It is fairly morbid - sometimes the babies are horribly deformed. She does all she can with the lighting and focus to make the babies look alive and normal, but sometimes it doesn't help. It is supposed to be a great comfort to the mothers, but it hasn't helped her sanity any.
 
rufus-t-firefly
2010-03-16 01:21:03 PM
I was happy to see a reference to "Kind Hearts and Coronets," my all-time favorite movie.
 
Klim Rous
2010-03-16 01:31:42 PM
Sid Vicious' Corpse: someonelse: ladyfortuna: Regarding the quote, I had a friend lose her baby something like 2 weeks before the expected delivery date.

The hospital actually took a picture of him after; he looked like he was sleeping. I guess it was so they'd have something to remember him by. Considering what they went through though, I don't begrudge their choice to have the picture out.

Not long ago I heard a really moving story on NPR about this. Parents who lose children usually have lots of photos to remember them by, but if you lose a child in childbirth, this is the only visual memory you can preserve.

Still, I think old memento mori photos are pretty damn creepy.

I know a lady who is employed by a hospital to take pictures of the stillborn babies. It is fairly morbid - sometimes the babies are horribly deformed. She does all she can with the lighting and focus to make the babies look alive and normal, but sometimes it doesn't help. It is supposed to be a great comfort to the mothers, but it hasn't helped her sanity any.


NPR did a thing on this a month or two ago. There are photoraphers who actually volunteer to do photo shoots with moms and their still born babies at hospitals. It's sweet but a little creepy at the same time. I'm all for having a memento of my still born child but I'm not so sure I want to be holding the child or posing with it for some photo shoot.
 
Aidan
2010-03-16 01:46:37 PM
Klim Rous: Sid Vicious' Corpse: It is supposed to be a great comfort to the mothers, but it hasn't helped her sanity any.

NPR did a thing on this a month or two ago. There are photographers who actually volunteer to do photo shoots with moms and their still born babies at hospitals. It's sweet but a little creepy at the same time. I'm all for having a memento of my still born child but I'm not so sure I want to be holding the child or posing with it for some photo shoot.

I understand that. Friends of ours did the same with their child and their relatives, but I also feel for the poor guy doing the makeup/posing/etc, like Sid Vicious' Corpse's acquaintance.
 
lysdexic [TotalFark]
2010-03-16 02:18:16 PM
You've got to be in awe over the centuries of tradition and empire building and peasant-exploiting that goes into producing these paragons of society.

I mean, inheriting strings of titles? French folk marrying natives and considering themselves part of the Empire? Living in pest infected shacks and not getting hauled into court for code violations?

The U.S. has so far to go to match this, and we keep messing it up. We gave away the Philippines, we made Hawaii a state, we got out of Southeast Asia, and we were doing everything in secret in Central and South America. That's no way to build a legendary empire!

We're trying again with Afghanistan and Iraq, but nobody's ever survived occupying Afghanistan!* And we're talking about getting out of Iraq!

Where else can we turn? Europe has gotten out of Africa, and China is going in. Russia is busy locking up oil pipelines, so the 'stans are out. We're freinds with Japan and Australia, plus they have big weapons, so that's out.

So we have Antarctica, the North Pole, and the moon. What are we going to do? Marry the penguins and generate inbred-hybrid titled talentless boobs who sedate their kids with datura or whatever?

America, ur doing it rong.

===========
* I know, I know, I'm only saying that because no one ever has.
 
Lanny Budd
2010-03-16 02:55:16 PM
uberdose: Great find, subby.
Love the Dr. Evil references.
I would hit it.

(She's almost doing the Dr. Evil pinky thing.)

Plus, what is with the exaggerated V she's making with the other hand? There is a story behind that, I just feel it.
 
Grand Poohbah
2010-03-16 03:11:56 PM
Sid Vicious' Corpse:

I know a lady who is employed by a hospital to take pictures of the stillborn babies. It is fairly morbid - sometimes the babies are horribly deformed. She does all she can with the lighting and focus to make the babies look alive and normal, but sometimes it doesn't help. It is supposed to be a great comfort to the mothers, but it hasn't helped her sanity any.

Are these online? Before my next flight I want to print a few out, put them in my wallet, and show them to the annoying grandmothers I always seem to get seated next to when they try to show me pictures of their grandkids.

"Here was our first son... No-Head, we called him, on account of him not having a head and all"
 
Sardonic_Padre
2010-03-16 03:20:22 PM
Aidan: Sardonic_Padre: all that's missing there is a comment stating "she ritualistically shaved our testicles".

/nothing like a freshly shorn scrote
//Dr. Evil approves

Oh good. I wasn't the only one who read it in his voice.

Molavian: Sardonic_Padre: all that's missing there is a comment stating "she ritualistically shaved our testicles".

/nothing like a freshly shorn scrote
//Dr. Evil approves

This is exactly what I came here for.

You are both welcome :)
 
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